The Rise of Deseret AAR

The war room of the Grand Presidential Dictatorship of Deseret was a tiny room with a crappy wooden table in the middle and only three chairs. Because all of Deseret's army was mobilized in the invasion of Brunei, there were also no bodyguards.



Still, it was the war room. El Presidente, as commander-in-chief, sat at the end. Gustav sat to El Presidente's side, mainly because Mark and El Presidente felt that the third chair needed to be filled more than Gustav's importance to military operations. Mark sat last, as field general of Deseret's armies. However Deseret was so advanced that it was actually just a hologram of Mark, not Mark himself. ...Clearly El Presidente has been watching too much Star Wars.

"WAT'S DA SITUATION!?" El Presidente yelled in an exaggerated deep voice. "I've always wanted to say that."
Mark sighed. "Nothing much, sir, we've just made Deseret's first ever occupation, I guess..."


"This is cause for celebration!"
"Not really, sir. In fact I think celebrating Deseret's first occupation would be not only pre-mature to the "winning of the war" celebrations but also the Great Powers would look at us and be like, 'man they must not think very highly of themselves' and our prestige would lower."
"True! Once again your forethought saves us from our idiocy, Mark!"
Mark looked around awkwardly, and it was Gustav's turn to sigh. "Actually, sir, that was me."
"Oh! Right! Gustav. I knew that. Just testin' ya."


Mark's hologram was starting to fizzle a bit, as the Mormon badasses went and kicked some Bruneian ass. Gordon Freeman took a musket shot to the chest, but naturally his suit saved him even though it was a radioactive lead ball made of radiation. Arnold Schwarznegger got stabbed by the Sultan three times with a scimitar, but was un-phased because he's such a badass. Sylvester Stalone mowed down an entire contingent of Bruneian musketeers with his M60 machine gun. But the 2997 other Deseret warriors there were also making names for themselves, for they had been trained and disciplined by the most hardass men on the planet, while Brunei fielded a bunch of wimps in uniform and called it an army.

After approximately five seconds of kickassery, the Bruneian army is routed.

However, Gordon Freeman managed to catch a cold and will probably have to sit the rest of this war out. Gordon Freeman is worth approximately 632 people...

Gustav felt the need to bring up somethin' about some new Plurality tech, you hear?

Yea. In completely unrelated news, Army Professionalism is invented, so El Presidente orders his ragtag team of misfitted retards for scientists to start working on some high and low pressure steam engines.


Hehe, they're coming back for more!

Mark orders his troops to use their chainsaw bayonets to cut down the jungle so that the Bruneians might actually have a chance.

It didn't help. They got p0wn3d even more this time. Though, Mark has no explanation for the 40 or so Mormons that actually managed to somehow die, though...

Shortly after, the Bruneians realize that "El Presidente, you're my only hope!" and accepts their own annexation.

The war lasted approximately one hour and resulted in a sniffling badass scientist and several thousand dead Bruneians.


It is clear that reforms can be passed now due to the tenacious acts of Mark, so... yea... voting is a possibility but El Presidente will have to think about this some more. Also worth noting are changed since Mormon Brunei's entry into the Empire is that the population has doubled from roughly 34k or so to 70k.

And the grand Bank of Deseret is thriving more than ever:


And hey, El Presidente looks at his infamy, which is a measure devised by Mormon strategists to calculate just how pissed off the United Kingdom might get for no apparent reason. Its fine.

Therefore we can decide to make a move that El Presidente likely would've made anyway.


Hopefully Gordon Freeman will feel better in time to participate in this war.

Huh, I didn't realize that there were penalties to infamy besides the inevitable containment war. Oh well!

Anyone with a navy could get to me.

This AAR ain't over yet mudda fuckas. If you even thought for a second this AAR was over and dead, you were so wrong that if you were any wronger, you'd mess up the space time continuum and revive Michael Jackson just so he could show you just how wrong you are.

It's just... uh, stalemated - yea, that's the word right?

Expect an update either today or tomorrow. Most likely today.

Looks like tomorrow Too much stuff going on...

El Presidente returned from his well-deserved vacation to Antarctica. As he returned to the Grand Imperial Palace ( a glorified two story house with an unnecessarily long avenue leading to it. It was also a house divided into three parts, the military district which was a shack with a few muskets in it, the financial district which was the living room, and the diplomatic district which was El Presidente's radar tower ) he found himself much refreshed and ready to return to work running the estate he worked so hard to earn.

But first he had to catch up and refresh on the latest events and the State of the Empire. The first thing he noticed was that Deseret existed in a state of war with Johore. This had to be rectified immediately. Rectified as in, the Johorians annexed as prisoners of the glorious Imperial Deseret.



The Imperial Mormon Army of DOOM marched to Bintulu for transportation via clipper transport to Johore, where they will stage a landing. The time of the Johorian fucking is now.

El Presidente had big plans for Deseret. He had been dreaming during his stay in Antarctica, and the penguins there also served as a source of inspiration. The first thing he realized during his escorted walk down that overly long avenue, was that his citizens lived just barely above the poverty line - especially the rich, oddly. The Aristocrats of Deseret seemed poorer than Gustav's craftsmen. Or perhaps just not as content? Regardless, El Presidente did the first smart thing that he came up with all by himself ; reduce the tax rate for Deseret. The poor tax would be reduced only slightly... but the rich and middle classes would receive the greatest tax cut sustainable.




El Presidente felt that the nation was earning enough money as it is to be able to sustain itself, it was time to give back to the people.

Interestingly, the Bruneians seemed to quickly accept Mormon rule. Although their masters were far away, the Malayans of Kuching suddenly felt as if they loved the flag of Deseret and would give their lives for the glorious cause of Mormon dominance in the world.



And finally, as one of El Presidente's New Acts, he would do something no dictator would normally do. Both to please the impoverished nobility and to give Deseret a new light in the world, he gave the Landed voting rights. All those who owned any land at all could vote for the ruling party.



Needless to say, this didn't include many people... only 734 Aristocrats would be able to vote. 700 people out of 70,000 Mormons. But it was a start. And with this new political system, El Presidente invited the Aristocrats to the first democratic election of Deseret ever.



Taking a break, El Presidente looked through the censuses to see if there was anything interesting. He found something - Loa is a place comparable to Sparta.



The entire adult male population of Loa is a proud Mormon soldier!

But Admiral whathisface has some bad news for El Presidente. As the mighty! MNoD El Presidente steel battleship skimmed the coastline of Johore, it laid witness to a massive military force, one that would be enough to make Deseret's army of badasses cry to their mommies. It was a force of millions of hardcore Johorians, all equipped with fully automatic grenade launchers as sidearms and Terminator armor.



See what I mean!? This made El Presidente shit himself promptly and he ordered Admiral Whatshisface to turn back to Brunei, disembark the troops and wait until Deseret has the means to fight that nigh-invincible force.



The idea of Athiesm is unearthed. Although the people of Deseret are Mormon (actually majority Muslim thanks to Brunei) the idea of Athiesm makes everyone more plural.

And finally, the moment El Presidente had been waiting for! Ever since that Emperor Penguin advised El Presidente to give voting rights to a certain few, El Presidente was excited. Because everyone and their dog knew that democracies get flooded with desperate, skilled people from Europe who want to escape war, strife, bad government, Spanish flu, and come to Deseret. No war plagues Deseret for its wars are fought in other's lands, strife is only existent if you are rich, the government is brilliant and manages everything with 100% efficiency and 0% corruption, and the Spanish flu wrecks hell through Mexico rather than Deseret.



And already flood in the Europeans! May they find happiness, love, work, and employment in Deseret's mighty Mormon Army! And of course, may they enjoy their stay...



In the meantime, the Malayan patriots of Deseret are suited up and ready to fight for Mormon Liberty.



Deseret's army size is now doubled, but those trillions of Johorians will still probably be too much for Deseret to handle, at least for the moment.

Mormon advances in science however, yield benefits for Deseret.



The next project El Presidente whips his clergy into working on is Positivism. Maybe if less of us are negative, we can teach better or something. Who cares about the technicalities, lets get to it!



El Presidente realizes something. Something bad.



The little button on El Presidente's country-managing supercomputer is greyed out, meaning that Deseret's troops have been eating a little too much and they can't fit on the ships. After admonishing his officers for allowing the troops to eat such a lavish diet of sand and adobe bricks from Deseret, he quickly contracts for the construction of two new Heavy Steel Assault Vindicator-class Battleships, the MNoD Nevada, and the MNoD Antarctica for construction in Brunei.



Two ships will be necessary to transport the 2 million troops that Deseret plans to use to overwhelm the Johorians.



El Presidente also decides to make Gustav's factory the highest priority for hiring - even though its the only factory in Deseret, and that the game doesn't work like that - just so he can feel like he's paying attention to the industry of Deseret...

Also by December 30 of 1860, the Deseret's population has swelled by 8,000 Europeans looking for a new home. They have been employed as soldiers, craftsmen, farmers, laborers, and most importantly soldiers. Austria is a big customer.