• We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
The war in France is going well. The armies are sweeping across their lands, and only Orleans and Auvergne are allied with France. Puff said to King Henry, You know, we're doing a great job here. But in a war in this year especially, we need help. Therefore, I appoint you sub-minister. Henry exclaimed that he was the king. Oh well, said Puff, you can handle both jobs, can't you? And you can fire yourself in a year.

By the way, My Lord, we need to take some land froom the French now. I suggest Vendee, Picardie, and that one bit down south.

The peace ended up with more than a bit of the south.



Hello. I am George the Dog. I am an exceptional court painter and an artisan. If you give me money I will not cause a strike of the Poor Artisans Who Have No Money Union (PAWHNMU) and paint a picture. I also happen to be Dog of all Dogs. Very good credentials, said Puff. I want a picture of me.

A while later, when George the Dog had gotten to Puffs forelegs, King henry walked in. I need some advice. Some nobles are acting up. They are demanding something or other specific, which I suspect is connected with turning Lollards into kings. What should I do? What do you say, George, said Puff. I say give in. Very well. Your Majesty, kill the traitors. We don't want any of those people around. By the way, we got some money out of Aragon. Pity we couldn't continue that war but the stupid generals are afraid of water. That means we can't ERADICATE THE KNIGHTS FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

The next day, Brittany called her allies to war. Why should I do anything for you, said Puff. You cancelled you vassalisation with us when we tried to annex you. Uuummmm, we're at war with France. Oh, yippee. Come George, lets go fight.

Your majesty, we have captured two of their provinces. They had annexed their allies, so they don't have help. George the Dog is handling quite well.

Okay Puff. Here, hold this Monkey Wrench for me.
 
A few years drifted by slowly. Several Provinces were captured and annexed from France, but in that period there was little else of note. George the Dog sent back a few reports of a strange secret society, La Societe Des Faili, of which he believed several high ranking military men were a part of. Finally, on October first of 1454, the blow came. Ouch, said Puff. I didn't see that blow coming. This was a reaction to the Civil War Preluding. Darn that Talbot and that York. They were good generals and now their armies and our only army in England Proper are rebels, said Puff to Yound Edward, who was planning on being a general. I need to send word to George the Dog to attack the enemies in French England. All of the revolting armies were destroyed by December, but then Puff realised something.

Civil Wars are more interesting to children sitting in boring history classes if the civil wars are prolonged and have some good enemies. The war must also have a good name. Therefore, I proclaim the War of the Roses begun.

Now, George, Halfard, we need some antagonists. A day later, which happened to be the first of 1455, a few people applied. Puff, I am King Henry, and I want to be on the good side, said King Henry. Okay, said Puff. I see there are some other candidates also, so everyone just say what they'll do if I support them. Shouts of increasing aristocratic powers and such were heard. Finally, after a few men died, Puff said he word support the Yorks, who were for decreasing aristocratic powers and some other stuff involving increasing the amount of sheep Puff was allowed to kill and eat. Okay, then, said Puff, you Plantagets are allowed to start some rebellions. La Societe Des Faili can work with you.

Young Edward again wished for a commision, and we gave it to him a few years after the war had begun. He was very happy.

In 1459, some traders from the Union of Merchants, Traders, Swindlers, and Loan Sharks (UMTSLS) said that France was harrassing them. They won't let us send men from the National Coin Company sell our coins. By Puff, said Puff, this means war!!!!! Mercenaries were hired by George the Dog, and The Almost Big One was declared.

King Edward, newly of that position, said Puff, I'm annoyed at those rebels, so I'll rove around the country randomly attacking people and occassionally sending advice. You can rehire George the Dog as Second Minister for a year. Tell Parliament we need more money to raise armies.

After we won The Almost Big One, getting a handful of southern provinces, Lord Eochaid decided he wanted a feud. However, he didn't want to be in it. He contacted some friends, the Lord Hatfields and the Lord McCoys, and asked if they would feud. They said sure, and went to the Feud Office to announce it. George the Dog contacted Parliament to see if we could bribe the men into not feuding, but Parliament said We're using that money for armies. Besides, we can't get any less stable than we are. Darn you, said George the Dog, I was going to take their land with the bribe.
 
Last edited:
(Giggling hysterically)

This is great! I almost fell out of my chair when I hit this bit
His subtle reasoning was thus: 'oops'.

Too funny!

Not sure i want to see a dragon on a surfboard, tho. :D
 
France is now only a handful of provinces, all but one in the north. This means, of course... actually, we're not sure about that.

The War of the Roses has ended, and Richard III is king. Edward got kind of annoyed when Puff said I wish I had a few crocodiles and left. Puff then said that you can't have a kingless England and told Richy he could be king as long as he stopped all the dissidents.

The the Big One came. The whole Iberian peninsula, consisting of Spain and Aragon, and some germans, swedes and the Roman Empire declared war. However, after a severe beating personally given by Puff, they accepted white peaces.

In the late 1480's, Puff said to Richy I would like some reforms. What reforms would you like? What would you like.

After a few wounds were made Puff and Richy agreed that Puff should be made head of the Star Chamber, which would be more powerful than before. Then Puff Instituted various reforms making middle class men into tax collectors, and judges of peace.

Now, said Puff, let's give Sovoy that Dauphine province and do some exploring! Muahahahahahaha. M. Cabot, go west. Okay, Puff.

Hey Puff, I found some land over there. I started some colonies, and found some guys called Lenape. They said they were Native Americans. Puff said I guess that's Native America there, then. Where are the colonies? Close enough to be captured by the Lenape. Oh. Wait, does that mean what I think? Yes.
 
The stupid Lenape refused to press for the two colonies they controlled. Sayeth Puff, I would pay fifty Pounds Sterling to get rid of you guys. The Lenape said sure. We love English money. All those funny marks.

La Societe Des Faili took control of Auvegne and Pitou and sent their representative to London. We want to defect to Austria, which country took a province from France next to the bits we control. Okay, said Puff. Hey diplomat guy, uh, Fenwick, go tell Austria we want our provinces back.

That was all right with Austria, and they didn't send any soliers at all while we captured their provinces. They even saved us the trouble of executing a diplomat who would have known too much. The representative from La Societe Des Faili said What was the point of defecting if you took the provinces back? You should have thought of that earlier, ducks.

A joke making the rounds at the time went thus: There was a man who seemed as though he would be quite rich. He had several lands, but everyone hated him and refused to work. A man named Bearn and a man named Messna quit and told their friends to beat up the man His name? Aragorn.
Not that funny, but it reflected the fact that Aragon was constantly bankrupt and lost Bearn, Portugul and Sicily to independence groups while we were expanding our colonies in Native America and Bermuda.

And finally, in the 1510's, just before Martin Luther got a swollen thumb, Our Scottish allies declared war on Eire. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH said Puff. We grew three provinces bigger.

Second to last, the Free-Loving People of Wales defected to us. The Celebrations lasted 5 weeks. In a speech to the dragons of Wales, Puff said:

Arnod hedi quhoq jalporor Qesaq ha mordors entuq. FIDOPE WELESE FIDOPE WELESENEREDONIG FIDOPE WELESEOQ!!!!!!!

There was a fire caused by the excitement.

Finalmente, La Societe Des Faili is eradicated in all but Berri and Burgougne.
 
Puff stepped out on the balcony. You know what, guys, he shouted loudly, DARN YOU ALL. I"VE GONE THROUGH ALL THIS TROUBLE CONVERTING YOU TO PROTESTANTISM AND BUILDING COLONIES AND SHIPYARDS AND CONQUERING STUFF AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS START A CIVIL WAR. AND I HAVE TO WORK WITH A SENILE OLD MAN WHO SHOULD HAVE DIED A HUNDRED YEARS AGO. He walked back inside. Come on, guys, we're joining the Mafia...
 
I know the feeling :) No one comments my AAR either :)

Excellent AAR BTW. Suitably confusing, I have absolutely no idea what's going on.

What scenario are you playing anyway?
 
Quedsa blo'gedd hesf joqulh, qa opul hoqjull ferad <---Deleted saves don't make good stories so don't reinstall games- Dragon proverb.

Arnod hedi quhoq jalporor Qesaq ha mordors entuq. FIDOPE WELESE FIDOPE WELESENEREDONIG FIDOPE WELESEOQ!!!!!!!
We all must thank the Greatness that the despicably evil Danes have not retaken your province. Long Live Wales Long Live Welsh Dragons Long Live the Welsh People

Oime qarisa putei Poev Haalivord Surfboard, transport us, Puff Halfard.

You have seen in this story:
A magic dragon
an elf
a Frenchman
several Englishmen
my pet dog
a story that wasn't as long as planned due to save loss.

Everyone, look for another AAR within minutes of this post.