The Great Kiwi Road Trip!

Actually it's 19 Base IC with Paraguay, damn. But this problem shall be short lived!

So which country will Savage attack next? Where will be next stop for poor Freyberg?

Prepare for The Great Kiwi Roadtrip Chapter 4: Playing with the fire!

@Sethanon: Good idea, let's get Freyberg a sidekick! I wonder if he'll like it though...

Ok this part will be quite tricky to pull off! Be amazed by Freyberg's military genius, and by Savage's diplomatic prowess (which consists of declaring war on everyone)

If you enjoy this AAR please leave a comment - it takes a lot of time, and I don't really feel like writing if there's no feedback.

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Chapter 4: Playing with the Fire

26. May 1939
"FREYYYYYYYYYYBERRRRRRRRRG!!!!!!"

Freyberg: Yes sir! I'm here sir! And who the hell is this?

Savage: Meet your new partner in crime, Lt. General Carr! He is the newly appointed commander of the airforce!

Carr: Yo my names-a Carr, and I be raisin' da bar! New playa in da game, I be flyin' aeroplane! Peace!!



Freyberg: Why is he waving his hands around like an idiot? And why in god's name does he wear a frying pan around his neck!?

Savage: You can see he's a little... "special". But don't be fooled by appearance, because he is our most able air commander!



Carr: Hi 5 bro!!

Freyberg: Is there not a single normal person in this whole bloody country!?

Savage: Why yes me of course!!

Freyberg: :wacko:

Savage: Listen up Freyberg. Carr will be helping you out on the field from now on. I got a plan, and he's is just the right man for the job. It's go-time.

Freyberg: So which country will we attack next? Chile or Cuba should be good.

Savage: No no Freyberg. They have maybe 10 IC or so, that's not enough. Everytime we declare war we get the bloody dissent. I'm not spending millions of dollar for only 10 IC...

Freyberg: ... of which we only get 2.

Savage: Right. We have bigger fish to catch. Freyberg, I want you to draft an invasion plan for Brazil!

Freyberg: Brazil!? Don't you think that is too much? Their army is much bigger than ours, and their industry is twice our size!



Carr: Look at dis stupid face lol!!

Savage: Shush Carr! Freyberg, while you were on holiday, folks back home have been busy. I've purchased some new infantry from our allies, the French, and Carr is nor commanding 4 wings of dive bombers!




Savage: It will be a close call. But if we can pull it off it's gonna be genius! You got 24 hours to come up with a plan.

Freyberg: Yes sir...

The next morning...

Freyberg: Sir, here's the plan.



Freyberg: First, groups Red and Blue will make the first strike against the Brazilians. We won't pursue them through endless miles of jungle, instead we will just push them back and then dig in. They will be retreating in difficult terrain, allowing enough time to be annihilated by our airforce. The enemy will likely redeploy the rest of their army away from the coast, towards the border. Blue group will hold position to keep them from advancing into NZ territory, while Red group will immediately board the transports, sail around the country, and surprise them from behind!

Carr: From behind, lol! Dats what I like *****es!!

Freyberg: Oh, for the love of god... Anyway, group Green will make sure Brazil doesn't take Paraguay from us and, if possible, break through and link up with Red. Once their army is decisively beaten, we take the remaining provinces by amphibious assault.

Savage: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz

Freyberg: *ahem*

Savage: Oh what? Ah right, the plan. Very good plan Freyberg, get it done. Now Carr, what have you prepared?



Savage: WHAT THE - oooooh, wow... that's some "bombshells" alright

Carr: Don't be hatin' dis plan I creatin'!
Homies fightin' on the ground while ma planes be gettin' down!
Interdiction, that is what I do, but when dey in retreat, I'mma bomb em too!
Then I do Ground Attack - dem run away, dem don't come back

Savage: Sounds good to me. All right everyone, get it done! Oh and Carr, can you leave the plan here? I have to study it in detail thank you...

Freyberg: o

Carr:

Hey guys I haven't abandoned you or this game, rest assured! In fact, I've already played the game until 1946 and I can tell you the future is looking GOOOD for New Zealand!

So Savage&Freyberg might actually pull it off, but the question is for you readers: HOW!? The main problem is Manpower: since the capital is on an island NZ doesn't get any MP from overseas. So I'll be stuck with 0.08MP/day for the rest of the game! Oh shit! What incredible combination of daring diplomacy, cunning combat and ludicrous luck could make it happen? I'm not going to give you any spoilers

The problem right now is that it takes me pretty long to write down the whole thing; basically I'm loading old savegames and reconstructing screenshots for you. So probably the narrative part about Freyberg's life is going to be cut down a little, because I'm sure you're all wondering what cheap tricks I'll be using to actually take over the world

P.S.: The whole thing looks like I've planned it in meticulous detail from the beginning, but it's not true at all! This is actually my second game ever and I was still learning alot of things when I started out. I actually didn't have any idea what to do after conquering South America. And as you'll see much of what I had originally planned ended up not happening, so the whole game is pretty much improvised. Only now I write it so it sounds like it was Savage's decision all along

The next morning, the plan is put into action!



Freyberg: They're running away already? I didn't even attack them yet!

5 Brazilian divisions are marching to the border while Carr is happily bombing away.



Carr: Dey tryin' to flee, but can't run from me!

Freyberg: Very good, this speeds up our plans. Carr can you take care of this, the boys and me are taking the transports to Rio!

Carr: I'll take CARR of this alright

Freyberg: :wacko:

And thus the great NZ armada sets sail again! However there is one small problem...



Freyberg: Fail...

The great NZ armada has to take a pit stop in Dakar, with the French of all people!



However they don't take lightly to the insult and, as usual, send their own invasion force to foil New Zealand's plans!



Luckily though, everything turns out just fine. The British cover the invasion, as usual, and the French come too late, also as usual.



Freyberg: Wow we won a naval battle with only transports! New Zealand navy is pretty awesome

NZ has secured a foothold on the coast, and 4 divisions are entrenched in the hills of Rio. With Brazilian forces now spread out thinly, they are unable to mount a counterattack.

Freyberg: Send in the cavalry!



Freyberg: Oh, we also secured an airport on the coast! This is great!

Carr: YOOOHOOOOOOO!!!

Freyberg: On second thought...

Having annihilated all 5 divisions in the jungle, Carr and the Royal NZ airforce are rebased to Rio.

Carr: Hey Freyberg look at mah new pilots! Dey natives from round here!



Freyberg: Seriously I don't want to know... now go and play with some ships or something...

Carr: Over land and over sea, all your base belong to me



With their army outmanoeuvred and their fleet distracted, it is all over for mighty Brazil.



Freyberg: Time to press the button...

Actually I didn't expect Brazil to roll over that easily either! But South America has huge provinces in difficult terrain, so Freyberg was able to pull off his surprise attack before they could react. As you will see later in the AAR, terrain and weather will be the key to NZ's success, and narrowly save the army from distruction more than once! There's some incredible stunts coming up in later chapters

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About a week later, Freyberg receives a call from Wellington.

Savage: Congratulations Freyberg! You've certainly done far better than I expected! I must say Carr's plan worked out perfect!

Freyberg: But Sir honestly I think it was my plan -

Savage: Nah I must have lost it somewhere. But Carr's work is nothing short of brilliant! It's only because of him we conquered Brazil! The man's a genius I say!

Freyberg: Oh man whatever

Savage: Now Freyberg we have a little problem. All of a sudden, the USA is threatening to attack us! The president told me to immediately withdraw our forces from the continent or they will declare war on us!
[note: they usually do around this point, tried it in another game]

Freyberg froze as a chill ran down his spine. So the moment he dreaded had finally come. Was that it? Did it mean Game Over for NZ? Had reality finally caught up with Savage's megalomaniac ambitions? His hands started shaking.

Freyberg: I think, Prime Minister, we have little choice but to yield... give up and apologize so they don't destroy us...

Savage: WHAT!? Freyberg my loyal General how can you say this? We've done so well and you want to throw it all away?

Freyberg: Sorry Prime Minister, but I can't see how! You've pulled off some impressive diplomatic stunts, I give you that, but this time we're in over our heads...

Savage: Faith Freyberg! Where is your faith? Incidentially, I have just the perfect solution to this dilemma!

Freyberg was bewildered. Was the old man bluffing? What last trick could he possibly have up this sleeve?

CLIFFHANGER!!!

So how would Savage banish the threat of USA? How would he save NZ from destruction?


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Savage: Easy, we just sign a Non-Aggression Pact, then they can't declare war anymore!





Freyberg: I can't believe this... :wacko:

Savage: Told you, super easy


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HOWEVER, the very next day:



Savage: HEY! My beautiful pact! I spent so many weeks trying to get it signed and now they cancel it after one day

Freyberg: Well at least they got a big dissent hit... so they paid the price.

Savage: Paid the price? HA! They're gonna pay the price alright, but when the time comes they won't be able to afford it!

The PM was crouched in his chair. The only source of light in the office was the lamp on his desk, its reflection shining from the old man's spectacles. It almost looked like his eyes were glowing in the dark, Freyberg mused.

Savage: Let them laugh while they can. Right now, New Zealand is still vulnerable. But not much longer. The might of the empire is growing, and they will taste it first hand!! Soon, all will pay tribute... the world will bow to SAVAGE!! Do you hear me Freyberg? THE WORLD!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

You guys are spot on the money. Savage is absolutely furious, but even he that he can't do squat with 500 battleships cruising up&down the coast. Rest assured though, he will have his revenge, and USA is going to die a surprising and rather pathetic death

So keep on supporting evil Savage, poor Freyberg and crazy Carr! If you cheer hard enough, I promise it's going to be rather sooner than later

Chapter 5: Calm before the Storm

28. December 1939



The morale in Wellington was low. The looming threat of the USA hung over the city like a Sword of Damocles. No happy chatting could be heard, no laughter of children playing. People went about their daily business silently, as if waiting for their impending doom. However there was one man in the city who wasn't depressed. In fact, he seemed quite cheerful!

"FREYYYYYYYYYYBERRRRRRRRRG!!!!!!"

Freyberg: Yes sir!

Savage: Freyberg, we've been quite lucky these past few months!

Freyberg: Because the USA still didn't attack us?

Savage: Exactly! I fully expected them to, actually. But it seems the dissent from our canceled NAP has taught them not to muck with us

Freyberg: I don't think they're exactly afraid of us...

Savage: Come on, who wouldn't be afraid of the incredible EMPIRE OF NEW ZEALAND?

Freyberg: Uhm... anyway, war has broken out in Europe. With our allies fighting for freedom and democracy the USA will now be reluctant to

actually attack us, because they'd be helping the Nazis.

Savage: Ha, freedom and democracy? Who needs those? We don't have it here in NZ and look at us, we're pretty awesome

Freyberg: o

Savage: In any case, time is of the essence! While the USA is unwilling to pick us up right now, that can change at any minute. We have to exploit this opportunity to grab as much land as we can before it finally happens. Freyberg, show me the plans.




Savage: That looks pretty straightforward. Get it - wait, what? Is it me or are some of your soldiers already standing in Uruguay?

Freyberg: Yeah, sorry about that. While I was moving the army to Argentinia, I got lost and accidentially marched through Uruguay



Savage: Oho... very nice indeed Freyberg! You sure know how to please me Now off you go, and conquer some more!


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Wasting no time, Freyberg sends the defenders into retreat...



... and ruthless Carr kills them before they can escape.



Carr: Kill and maim, that's my name

Freyberg: I don't think that's a name Carr...

Carr: Tightass

The advance is in full swing, and soon Carr has slaughtered the bulk of the Argentinian "army".



With no enemy to attack on the ground, Carr gangs up with the British on the Argentinian Navy.



Carr: Gang-Bang bitches

Freyberg: Watch your language Carr! This AAR is supposed to have a teen rating!!

And so, only one month after the beginning of hostilities, Argentinia is already beaten.



The annexation would have to wait another month though:

Freyberg: What's the deal with bloody South America!? Every country has some province that is completely in the middle of nowhere! My horse is fricking tired!



Freyberg: Finally...