Reason IV
This game is too ahistorical.
Issue Thirteen
"A protracted war could get you in over your head. Other rivals could see this as an opportunity to strike." Well, they shouldn't strike, because then they won't get payed. "Ships in port deter pirates and blah blah blah." I couldn't write that one down. The second tip always goes away too quickly...
Anyway, we start this issue at war with England. I actually had to look back at the previous issue because I had no idea how I got into a war as a Regency Council. I was attacked! Can you imagine?! The nerves of those pesky English... Well, it wasn't
me that was attacked, it was actually Tyrone (the nickname of Ulster), but they were in my Sphere of Influence, so that means I'm also at war. So, let's assess the situation, shall we?
My enemies are England, Scotland and Anhalt. Where's Anhalt anyway? Ah, there you are, in the middle of Germany. Man, there are sooo many minor states there! I almost wish Germany would unify so it would be easier to look through. Not quite, but almost. The total amount of enemy forces is around 43,000, with 30,000 of that being Infantry. The English also built up their Navy quite a bit since the last time I saw them, they have 26 Big Ships and 20 Transports. I'll have to bring my whole fleet of 31 Big Ships to take care of them! My buddies quickly came to my aid, bringing up our combined strength from Spectacularly Great to Immensely Awesome. They will be able to take care of Anhalt.
England looks like a bottleopener...
On to goals. I have several aims in this war.
- I want to survive. I have a Regencay Council after all, that is supposed to be bad, isn't it?
- I want Tyrone to survive as well. Revenge is sweet, but avoiding the need for revenge is somewhat better.
- I want to gain Meath for Tyrone. Having a newly formed Ireland as my lacky would be nice.
- I want to crush the English Navy. They have almost as many Big Ships as I do. That can't be good.
- I want to... Now bare with me... Annex Scotland. The reason for this, is that they only have three provinces now, England took the other three in their last war. I want to take those three from England as well, then release Scotland as a whole, and as my vassal.
This last goal seems a bit too ambitious even to me, because I already have 28 Infamy and my limit is around 33. If I do any of those two, I will definitely go over the top. Six provinces in total would be 24 Infamy. That's a lot. So, it will only be worth it if releasing back those six provinces reduces my Infamy with at least as much. Of which I'm not sure at all. On the other hand, simply vassaling Scotland would already be 10 Infamy, so I'm not sure I have any better options to give me something but not go over the limit. So, whatever. If it reduces less, then we'll be in for a ride I guess
As expected, the 5,000 Cannons help immensely with sieges. With 10,000 Infantry and 5,000 Cannons, I assaulted and captured Kent in like 5 days! Now, on to London! They were much more resilient and reduced my Morale in the first try, while only suffering some 1,500 losses from their 2,000 men Garrison. But it was the 27th of April already, so in early May, they fell, too. 21 days of Siege overall. Meanwhile the English thought it would be a good idea to land in Malta. I still had 5,000 lads there though with a somewhat competent General. They sent 15,000 men along with their King...
The siege of Malta was long, bloody, and completely inconsequential.
They've won. 5,000 fine French soldiers dead, bringing only a mere 2,000 with them. Still, that means that half of the English Army is in Malta, and I'll make sure they can't get back into their Home Islands to do any actual damage! By the way, the other half is in Meath...
The two Navies fought their first battle in this war at Land's End. Despite the odds, the English prevailed. Probably because of their Superior Seamenship. Insert immature joke here.
Then disaster struck:
This is what you get for leaving your Army entirely without Morale...
So... That sucks. Now I'll have to rebuild those units from scratch. Not impossible, I can even afford it, but it will take time. They were also easy to beat with my other Armies, but... Just argh... I almost felt like reloading. Must! Resist! Cheating!
On November 1st, 1491, I reached Land Tech level 15. That means Small Cast Iron Cannons and Large Cast Iron Cannons! Also +0.05 Land Morale and Weapons Manufactory. I chose the Large Cast Iron Cannon because when it comes to Cannons the bigger the better!
It's funny that the flavour text says that an example of this is a cannon made in 1453, while the tech enabling it has a historical year of 1502. I mean what the hell? And I'm still three techs away from getting guns to my Infantry... By the way, did you know that level 17 enables Regimental Camps, and level 19 also enables Regimental Camps? How convinient
Now back to that Weapons Manufactory thing. It would cost me 1235 gold to build a new Manufactory, since I already have like a ton of Universities. But it would give me +5 Land Investment, so it looks like a good idea. So, where should I put it? Well, apparently it should go into a province with either Iron or Bronze, because that would double it's efficiency in terms of gold production. Which is good. That leaves three suitable places: Périgorod, Bourbon and Auvergne. I decided Bourbon, because that's pretty much in the middle of my country, so it's well defended. Of course I don't have the necessary funds right now, but when I will, I'll certainly build one there.
My goal of keeping Tyrone alive didn't work. Not that it matters, I can make them be released when I beat the English! Unfortunatelly their Navy is already too strong for me, it seems. And they keep stealing my ships, too, the bastards... Building new ships is sooo expensive
And then I realized that Scotland is the lesser party in a Personal Union. That changes things a tiny little bit... I could still demand those three Scotish provinces from England, but then I could only sell them back to Scotland, which would hardly be worth the effort and Infamy, since that wouldn't reduce it. At the moment I have no hope of destroying the Royal Navy either. So, I'll be generous this time and make peace with them on the following terms:
This war already cost me 10,000 Infantry, 5,000 Cannons and also a handful of ships! It won't get any better anyway.
Just after the war was over, my new King came of age and was crowned as Louis XII de Ávalos. That's still a pretty non-French dinasty, but whatever. The important thing is that he has a 9 in Military! That's pretty awesome, isn't it? And also 8 in Administration. His Diplomacy is crap (3), but who cares about Diplomacy when you have level 15 Land Tech?! Ah, yeah, Infamy. The Infamy Limit is still around 33 and I still have 27. Aaww...
In January 1493, I have about 1000 gold, so I'm not that far from starting that Weapons Manufactury. But now I can't really spend any money on anything for two years. I cut back on military spending, too. Then to make things potentially a bit more complicated, the new Pope Excommunicated my new buddy, Catalunya. That's not very nice! By the way, I still have that Casus Belli against Castille! Maybe I should do something about it! Again, the main problem is their Navy. It consists of 42 Big Ships plus 20 Transports. On the other hand, we have a common Land border, so that's not necessarely a problem. They also have a Regency Council and somewhat less forces than I do. Their allies, the Teutonic Order and Byzantium are one province minors, while Smolensk has a whopping two provinces. Alright, men! let's prepare for another war! The declaration of war was sent on November 24th, 1493.
Mmmmhh. I love the smell of Spain in the morning.
Did I mention how much I hate the large dice size in this game? The Castillians always roll like 8-9 and I get 2-3. I win the battles, but they cost me dearly. Of course terrain and cutting off their retreating forces can help.
After a few months of fighting, the Castilian forces melted down to about 9,000 Infantry and 9,000 Cavalry scattered all around their colonial empire. Norway, Iceland, Tunisia, Lithuania. You know, the usual. Oh, yeah, and that already includes the Teutonic, Byzantian and Smolenskian forces as well! Anyway, Morocco thought it would be a good time to start a Jihad against Castille. And I don't blame them either. After all, Castille holds three of their cores.
In January, 1495, I finally started building that Weapons Manufactury in Bourbon. It will take five years, but it will be awesome when it's done! Also, with my new King, it costed me a lot less than I first thought! 8 Administration for the win!
The war with Castille went pretty well. Their Navy prevented me from taking over their "colonies", but I couldn't really do anything with them anyway, since they are not actual colonies, only annexed lands from other civilized people. The best I could do is liberate some of them. Five new lackeys, yeah! The 100 gold and the renounced cores are much less interesting. I didn't ask for Navarra on purpose. That core will be useful later on *evil smile*
And this is a wonderful opportunity to annex Alencon. To be honest, they were starting to get on my nerves. Every time I wage a war with some minor, they always demand that I give them all my money and end the vassalization of Alencon, or else they will make me beat them into a pulp.
Now, with Castille considerabely weakened, some of the others started to get their confidence back. Croatia and Lithuania declared war on them to reclaim their lost territories. Good luck, guys!
Anyway, where were we? Oh, yes. My current mission. Conquering Milan. I believe their current King is not really legitimate, we should restore our Personal Union. Problem is, they are allied with the Pope. I don't want to anger the Pope... I think I'll just bribe them for now.
Can't you just leave my stuff alone?!
Now, this is an interesting situation. I have a truce with England for another six months or so, but they attacked my Sphere of Influence again. If I join the war, will I recieve the -5 Stability loss? That would be just cruel! I clicked on Accept, and fortunatelly, that was not the case. And this time, the English didn't concentrate all their Navy into a single, huge fleet. I managed to sink 4 of their Big Ships within a week! Unfortunately the rest of their Navy was operating in two formations but together at all times. Thanks to their Superior Seamenship (must... resist...), a battle with comparable numbers would result in a decisive defeat for me. I need to outnumber them!
In September, 1497, I reached Land Tech level 16. That gave +0.25 Morale (with that, my Armies can have up to 5.22!) and I can build level 2 Forts. Not that I really want to... Anyway, having such high Land Tech didn't help against the Royal Navy: