Worst WritAAR: A Semi-Interactive AAR about how much I like other peoples money

Chapter 1- The Quest for more money, guy.


It was a pleasent night at the Doges residence in the city of Genoa, but the Doge Antonio Adorno wasn't happy. Looking at his Big Map 'o Money, he was trying to figure out how he can rip-...........I mean "liberate" peoples money. As all the previous Doges of Genoa will agree, Money is better than Booze, Women, and God put together.

But the Dode wanted more than money. The young Doge always liked women, but he could never settle down with one, despite his mother reminding him every ******** second of every ********** day ********** of his ************* LIFE! He was never really interested in any of the merchants daughters, or even that fine daughter of the Novgorodian delegate named Me_ (his parents where drunk when they anmed him). Me_ was apointed to the Genoese council by the previous Doge Lord Reaven448 (the 448 is to represent how many weeks he was in power before term limits where implemented) as to represent the Novgorodian Merchants Guild and push for free trade. The Doge had other plans though.....

The council consists of atleast 300 members, who vote on crucial reforms and on who is to be the next Doge. The 6 (minus Me_) most influencial Members are the Following:

Boris ze Spider, who represents the Tarantula Banking Clan. They regulate the nations tax system and moniter Inflation.

Ygor, the young Transylvanian who represnts the Commerce guild of Shipping, who are incharge of Genoa's Shipping, and Naval Fleet.

Bootonface (thats what he's famous for) is a famous mercenary who owns his own Mercenary guild called "Boots on Your face". They provide the Manpower and training for the Genoese Army.

Eber represens the TAU (Traders Alliance United) who look out for the traders and force "Unperminted traders" out of Genoa.

Enewald is the representitive of "Coins r Us" Minting manufactory who make the local currancy, and counterfieght currancy to hurt other trade leagues.

Then theres Cheese Master (Ironicly, he hates cheese) who runs the KGB (Killing Genoa's Betrayer's) Spy guild.

These man have enough influance to sway the votes of Genoa's Political Affairs. But there are many who vote that have not been mentioned *Hint Hint* who also sway votes.

Anyway, back to our Doge Antonio Adorno. He made a buisiness trip to Tunisia to negotiate a trade deal. WHile there he found a beautiful young woman, who he wished to marry. But the local Shiek refused as he was not a follwer of their relgion. Now as history has told us, Genoa and religon don't mix, as the Dodges could never understood something being more valuable than money (really,a Church owned by the guilds is a tax reduction that can be built. THEY LOVE THEM!) and they never understood the man in the funny white hat (the Pope was engraged when the Doge though he was the court jestor).

Anyway, Doge Antonio though of a clever trick, if the local Sheik won't allow him to have her (and sisters, and mother, and cousin, and aunt) he'll just "replace" the Sheiks authority with his own.

But first thigs first. The big map o Money has to be consulted to see who they aren't robbin-..........I mean trading with. TO THE MAP!

Look at this, Switzerland MUST be incorperated into our trade league, along with Wurttemburg. After the Doge spent some alone time in the Vaults with money he also ordered an invasion of Tunisia (side benifet, they have lots of grain!)

And we recieve a nice alliance offer from Sicily while Wurrtemburg refuses to join our trade league!


The sige of Tunis is over, and Tunisia is now under Genoese control. And Wurrtenmburg was finally "convinced" to join the trade league (after a few broken bones) and Baden agreed to join after hearing about what happend to Wurrtemburg traders.


So now the Doge is asking the great council, after our new conquests, should we maintain our trade centers in the Black Sea? Or should we sell them off so we don't have to worry about the Mongols.

Cast your votes now:

1. Leave that money forsaken hell whole and focus on North Africa- winner

2. Stay and force trade on the Mongol Hordes- loser

Gained-Vodka as "gifts" from voters.

Question: Do you guys like this style of writing? Or do you want my traditional updates (this took 2 hours to write)?

EDIT: my pics don't want to show up, let me fix them.

EDIT2: fixed, enjoy, O great Council.

Boris ze Spider said:

I like this style, but if it interferes with RL too much, go back to old style, cuz it was good too,

I vote option one: move from one hell-hole to another.

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I dosn't interfer much, just takes longer to write. And the "bribing" is still allowed btw. I think it brings more colour into the voting.

Chapter 2: We want some of that North African money, guy


The Great Council of Genoa voted 225 votes in favour of focusing on North Africa with 75 votes in favour of staying in the Black Sea region. Enewald, though Influencial couldn't find a decent arguement on the cost of shipping soldiers to the Crimea compared to the cost of shipping them to Africa. That and rumour has it Venice is planning to take the Bosphorus and put a heavy fee on trading. And Genoa does not have the power to take Constantinople itself either. And as a side note, only 3 people had their arms broken to vote a certain way, so this vote was quite a success.

So fisrt things first, an over veiw of Genoas holdings


Doge Antonio Adorno was just then informed that Zaporozhien nationalist rebels rose up in Azow, his response was as quoted: "If they want to break free, let them take that cursed land". His reaction my have been subjective to the "Free" vote about their holdings in the Black Sea, but he had previously expresed his distaste of the region when he was qouted as saying "********* the Crimea". So the first thing he planned to do was sell those regions to who wanted them. But firts things first, get peace with the Horde. (and take out Tripoli)

Success.......I mean rats. Azow falls


And we also recieved an alliance offer from Milan, which we will accept.


And now the Horde offers us a decent peace deal


And Trebizond accepted our offer of taking Faffa off our hands for free (despite the Grand Council hating the idea). And Azow should become free soon, taking away our non to proftiable regions


Also we had to reject a Papal call to arms because we felt we a war would hurt our econemy more (and it was against Savoy, Wurzberg, and Austria).

Now Its time for a tough Vote, who should we force into our trade league, Tripoli or Algeria (Tripoli has 2 allies, Algeria has 1, Both far away and weak).

What does the Great Council say?

1. Tripoli-3 Loser

2. Algeria-322 Winer

A box of Ukrainian honey cakes, 301 Swiss honey cakes , a batch of "special" brownies, a bag cookies gained as "gifts". And 1 black mail recieved. :rofl:


Don't forget to "Contribute" to the vote.

Note: Would you like longer Intervals of Time to pass between updates? Or is this just fine, as only 3 years have passed ingame (Its rigth now Jan 1st, 1402)

EDIT: I'm a still following the rules for the contest properly? I couldn't think of much to write for this update.

Boris ze Spider said:

Why didn't you just release the black sea provinces as vassals?

Also: I believe Option 2 will bring the most wealth.

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Becasue when the peace deal is up with the horde, I still get dragged into the war.

And I do believe Tripoli has Ivory, but Algeria has Iron. Both are valuable.

Tallfellow said:

Good AAR so far, and i vote for Tripoli.

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I was tempted to invade them before posting, but i figured it would be more fun to have it voted on.