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Thread: Things I've Learned from Victoria 2

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    Field Marshal naggy's Avatar
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    Things I've Learned from Victoria 2

    Here's something we had running on the EU3 forums...remember - keep it in good fun.

    * Capitalists will build railroads anywhere, regardless of whether anyone would use it. If there's 1 colonist in the Falkland Islands, then by God, they need a railroad!

    * Oregon is Russian for "place that rains a lot".

    * Most places in the world never figured out how to fight on horseback until the mid 1800's.

    * When politicians take lovers, they always pick European women.

    * Most people in India today consider themselves British.

    * Most American schoolchildren, sadly, cannot name the great Anarcho-Liberal rebel leaders that influenced history.

  2. #2
    First Lieutenant NoClass's Avatar
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    *an island nation can become a great power with a navy consisting entirely of 12 clipper ships.
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  3. #3
    * Contrary to popular belief, overseas Britons do breed like bacteria.
    "The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts." ㅡMarcus Aurelius, Meditations

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    Field Marshal KonradRichtmark's Avatar
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    That there was once a time when there actually were minorities.
    So.. digital distribution equals communism?
    I disagree SO MUCH that I have to close this thread now.
    -Kallocain

    Victoria 2 Realism & Rebalance Project 2010-2014, Requiescat in Pace

  5. #5
    First Lieutenant RorySheen's Avatar
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    *That World War 1 actually started on 2nd of January 1836
    Irishman in Yorkshire.

  6. #6
    Corporal Auricom Systems's Avatar
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    I learned that the American Civil War lasted from 1847-1848, resulting in an independent Confederacy. Florida, however, deigned to remain in the Union.

    Neither the USA nor CSA has ever held territory on the Pacific Coast of North America; it is divided between Mexico and the British Empire.

    Prussia and Austria fought no fewer than fourteen Brother's Wars during the mid-19th century.

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    Ask how many Divisions I have! InnocentIII's Avatar
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    Three-thousand cavalry can pacify five million citizens faster than 100,000 infantry can pacify 10,000 citizens.

    An ally is the guy who laughs hardest when someone declares war on you.

    The primary cause of Atheism is political campaigning.

    Everyone living in a country's capitol is a bloodthirsty goon who insists on officers mistreating small boys elsewhere in the world. Punish three officers for doing that and the capitol will revolt.

    There are two alternate universes, one with weekly trade fairs, one with fairs every ten years.

    Money is valuable from 1/1/1836 to around 6/1/1836 when it becomes completely worthless.

    World War 1 was not caused by the assassination of Franz Ferdinand, but by a planet-wide panic which was created when people realized that time had slowed so much that it was possible that the sun would stop rising altogether.
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  8. #8
    Every economic catastrophe of the 19th century was caused by a shortage of fruit.

    Great Britain proved that it IS a good idea to get into a land war in Asia by conquering all of China in 1840 with 24,000 Indian soldiers.

    Oil is a completely useless resource.
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  9. #9
    Relaxed Cynic Forgiven's Avatar
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    *To live in Africa you must own a Machine Gun (this might actually be true)

    *People rather eat potatoes than cake (this is true; edit, yes, I know where that 'Let them eat cake' comes from)

    *United Kingdom produced clothes for whole world in the 19th century

    *Hosting olympic games only cost 100 in 1900 (I feel someone is overpricing the thing nowdays.)
    Last edited by Forgiven; 24-10-2010 at 05:35.
    Why are you dodging like this, they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist(ance*) -John Sedgwick, moments before being shot through the eye
    *whether the sentence was actually cut or finished is disputed

  10. #10
    Contrary to what Historians would have you believe...
    1) Russia and The Ottoman Empire were best friends, with the former often helping suppress the 'misguided' attempts of it's fellow Orthodox Christians to free themselves from the inevitable marginalization by Turks.

    2) Japan never civilized because opening themselves up to foreigners didn't warrant enough respect to encourage investment. Mindless conquest of resource rich territories ripe for European taking did, though.

    3) Italy never formed because it couldn't seem to get either of the major powers that dominated it to support attempts to evict the other.

    4) Bolivia, Peru, and Ecuador were all swallowed by Brazil,which strangely never went for Argentina or Paraguay.

    5) The Congo Basin was given to a random, landlocked German minor power for giggles and despite the protests of the country that already had colonized it.

  11. #11
    * In 1910, the number 1 leading cause of death was starvation by British canned food factories.

  12. #12
    Field Marshal naggy's Avatar
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    In the 1800's, all the dye in the world came from British owned India. Everyone else just wore uncolored thread.

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    Covert Mastermind Demi Moderator Secret Master's Avatar
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    In 1903, Alfred Thayer Mahan would write a book called "The Influence of Sea Power and Steamer Convoys Upon History: 1836-1900." It's subsequent publication would influence US naval policy for the next 30 years, and result in the commissioning of the USS Dreadnought and its 600 brethren. These "dreadnoughts" would be built largely with the steamer ship parts. These steamer ship parts were the product of British industries which had previously been engaging gleefully in their their policy of sending 90% of their output directly to the landfill via railroads, thanks to the economic policies of Labor and the Whigs, wherein all British industries received subsidies, no matter how unprofitable they were. Even more interesting, in 1904 the Earl of Salisbury would write a book entitled "IND Score and Subsidies: Rule Britannia, Rule the Scoreboard" which argued that no matter how many so called "dreadnoughts" the USA built, the British Empire would still remain triumphant because subsidizing industries, even when the output of those industries ended up arming a military rival, resulted in a larger "score" and therefore a 1st place ranking in J P Power and Associates "Empire Ranking and Ferocity Inventory." Mayer would subsequently be reviled by later 20th century historians for his absurd views about naval dominance, while the Earl of Salisbury would be made a Knight of the Garter by George V for his services to Empire.
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  14. #14
    OT's own Sgt. Schultz telesien's Avatar
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    *The world heads towards bigger technological disparity because no matter how many people use automobiles, you still have to research them from scratch.

    *My years of studying economy were just waste of time, because apparently subsidizing anything will make you no.1 economic powerhouse

    *19th century trade was done with one and only goal in mind. To satisfy all the needs of those people who discovered the superior power of romantic literature.

    *All the paintings about Napolenic wars are wrong, because it is clearly impossible for cuirrassiers to be there.

    *Gold may make people rich, but whenever drop of oily black liquid is found, people stop caring about it and welcome the greasy poverty of drilling.
    Last edited by telesien; 25-10-2010 at 00:31.
    "'Religious faith. Belief in daemons, belief in spirits, belief in an afterlife and all the other trappings of a preternatural existence, simply existed to make us all more comfortable and content in the face of a measureless cosmos. They were sops, bolsters for the soul, crutches for the intellect, prayers and lucky charms to help us through the darkness. But we have witnessed the cosmos now, my friends. We have passed amongst it. We have learned and understood the fabric of reality. We have seen the stars from behind, and found they have no clockwork mechanisms, no golden chariots carrying them abroad. We have realized there is no need for god, or any gods, and by extension no use any longer for daemons or devils or spirits."


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    Argentina Delenda Est Tanzhang (譚張)'s Avatar
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    * Free Market and Laissez-faire Economic policies are absolutely useless

    * Horses were domesticated and first used in warfare around 5000 years ago, yet most countries were unable to field new cavalry regiments in the 1800's because they hadn't researched Military Staff System

    * It was customary for 19th Century mapmakers to always print Sweden in a very large font size on political maps

    * Bismarck's plans for German Unification were spoiled because Oldenburg discovered Realism.
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    Field Marshal KonradRichtmark's Avatar
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    There are two kinds of angry Liberals: The Angry Liberals who want to extend civil and voting rights via revolution, and the Even Angrier Liberals who want to end all that and establish an Angry Liberal Dictatorship.
    So.. digital distribution equals communism?
    I disagree SO MUCH that I have to close this thread now.
    -Kallocain

    Victoria 2 Realism & Rebalance Project 2010-2014, Requiescat in Pace

  17. #17
    From 1880 a "World Revolution Day" was inaugurated which was then celebrated annually with great enthusiasm.

    Capitalists have great enthusiasm to build factories which are immediately closed down.

    Capitalists never seem to build factories “which rely on or produce” Tobacco, Tea, Coffee or Opium

    Jacobins revolt to create a democracy whist already living in a democracy
    Last edited by Bellatrix7; 24-10-2010 at 13:40.

  18. #18
    Field Marshal KonradRichtmark's Avatar
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    Jacobins, not Jacobites. There's a difference.
    So.. digital distribution equals communism?
    I disagree SO MUCH that I have to close this thread now.
    -Kallocain

    Victoria 2 Realism & Rebalance Project 2010-2014, Requiescat in Pace

  19. #19
    Lord of Misfits Carewolf2's Avatar
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    The average literacy among cardinals in Rome was exactly the same as the average literacy of farmers around Rome, and lower than the average literacy among slaves in north america.

  20. #20
    Field Marshal naggy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by telesien View Post
    *The world heads towards bigger technological disparity because no matter how many people use automobiles, you still have to reaserch them from scratch.
    Tourist: "What is this contraption?"
    American: "It's an automobile. It's like a horseless carriage."
    Tourist: "Wow! I'd love to buy one."
    American: "Well, normally, I'd say go down to the dealership and get one, but first your nation must research how to build automobiles."

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