This is the BBC! Do not listen to the others, they are the false prophets!
Now, we briefly turn to World News
A Mix-up with some diplomatic paperwork saw Xzibit appointed Spanish Foreign Minister
The Ottoman Sultan is introduced to Cocaine
The Serbian Freedom movement hires Kim Jong-il's Propagandist, and Paradox Interactive's proof-reader
American Woman are pleased with their lives, says survey
Consensus reached in Europe - the EU Department of Redundancy Department is formed
Japanese scientists make breakthough - Emperor now in control of life and death.
Man with the worst name in the world leaves for America
French Prime-minister comes down with a bad case of Captain Obvious Syndrome
Spanish Ambassador to the US creates diplomatic incident
And finally, German Census has surprising results
And that's all for tonight folks. Join us again soon.