My Terminal Uniqueness - A Belgium AAR

Enewald: Maybe in time.

Mehow_pwn: And this AAR likes you.

******

Years passed. Yeah, I think we spoke about that. So its nine o’clock on a Saturday and the regular crowd shuffles in... hey, at least I didn’t lead in with Uptown Girl.

Anyway, Austria has been pretty broken up over the past nine years and I was wondering why hasn’t anyone done anything? I would’ve taken advantage - that’s what she knows - but as Belgium, I have interests in a strong Austria... and land in that area would just be a pain to take. The AI needs to be way more opportunistic.

Throughout the rest of the year things were pretty quiet except for this guy I know named Paul. He’s a real estate novelist who never has time for his wife. While he was yammering on I discovered I could build the Panama Canal... I just needed another tech and to improve my influence. Its strange the US has more interest in Africa and Southeast Asia rather than in its own hemisphere. I began putting influence into Colombia.

About a year later, in June 1870, Spain declared war again and I thought about saying something. Like giving them a lesson for the day: You can only fool yourself with 100 proof for so long. It’ll eventually slap you like an old lady when you try to steal her purse. You know, the kind with the gaudy buckles on it? Yeah, those hurt like a mother.

In case you haven’t picked up on it, I’m not made for prime time, boys and girls.

Spain* v. Belgium* and Yemen

By 23 February Spain had been destroyed in Africa and there was no way they were going to break through my navy.

Around July I began a Carribean campaign because even Belgians like the sand. Who knew? The army in Puerto Rico was destroyed soon after.

By late August I’ve occupied Rabat and Menkes but these occupations were minor since they were in Morocco. I could take my time since I didn’t have to worry about any major invasions. By the end of the year I added the Canaries to my list of occupations and the OE declared war on Russia.

Occupations were going well and in mid April I decided I wanted to hurt Spain but BB kept me from taking any real land. Instead, I decided that I ought to try and free some oppressed people. And not a silly colony or anything like that.

Wars continued to build up during this tumultuous time and the UK and France went to war, bringing in Baden, Luxembourg, Papal States, Sardinia Piedmont, Switzerland and Brazil. About a week later I decided to aid Transvaal’s war of defense against Portugal - earlier I had received a free CB on Portugal - as a way to escape the chances of the UK coming to Portugal’s aid.

And about a month later, Prussia decided to grow up. I know this because Prussia remarked to me, “I’m a lot older than I used to be.”

Around early October I built the Suez Canal... seems too easy.

The wars weren’t anything much outside of blockades and transports. Occupations came and troops moved, all within the safe areas of Africa and the Caribbean. Toward the end of the year I decided to use my CB against Portugal and demand Portugal’s Adjir, or Portuguese Morocco.

At the start of the year I’ve steamrolled both countries in North Africa and in the Americas. Then Portugal signed a white peace with Transvaal... this would have an effect many decades later in the game. Then the last piece of Cuba fell with Havana and they asked, “Man, what are you doing here?”

So a few days later Spain released Catalonia.

Peace with Portugal came less than a week later. And look! I got the “Belgian Morocco” line back! Hooray!

Rounding out the year I began raising relations with the Country Formerly Known as Prussia,

built forts along our shared border and removed all influence from Catalonia. My influence there would be wasted since I have no interest in it and I figured Spain and France would fight over it anyway... which they had begun to do.

As a final note, the OE took Kars from Russia and I noticed my capitalists were really putting in some great effort. I love these guys!

And how about an 1872 World Map to finish things off? Only 29.99

Enewald: Hm...

PrawnStar: There isn’t a whole lot to do here in Allentown.

aldriq: The only two things I hope for in 1.2 is a faster game in the later years and a resolution to the rebel problem without the fix of a mod... and that it isn’t so easy to play uncivs. Sometimes uncivs are easier to play than most countries. For example, I took Panjab in 1836 and the moment I civilized - 1860's - I was a great power.

***


After logging on just now I caught a glimpse of a 1.2 patch! But when I took a longer look at my glimpse, I realized it was for Ship Simulator. **** you, Ship Simulator Extreme, **** you.

Anyway, I’ve gotten an email or two, or one... or maybe it was none about what kind of AAR this is. My answer? Who knows? I don’t care what you call it. To end, it’s a Brandenburg III AAR and they are all different and unique in whatever form they appear. By the way, tune in to my show starting Saturday mornings.

So as the UK and France signed a white peace after more than a year worth of fighting, I decided to go after Oman now that I got the Cut Down to Size CB on them. I used to ignore these since the countries were so far away but now that I own the Suez Canal, Oman is pretty close.

After a few months I wanted to add a wargoal and ran into the dreaded Not Enough Jingoism sign... so I had to wait until late November to include Omani Mogadishu to my plot. I’m wanting Africa in this game. My successes in Morocco dictate it. Seriously, I’m huge over there.

Peace came with Oman in late February and I came away with a little something something.

Later that year, toward November Colombia entered my sphere without a problem. Usually you should consult your doctor before allowing someone to enter your sphere but I guess Colombia was okay with it. The same day I built the Panama Canal... in 1875. I just pwned Yellow Fever without even having to play a single horrible MMO.

In ‘86 the election resulted in another liberal win - I haven’t had a change in government since the first election which is why these haven’t been mentioned - and I enacted Low Health Care just because. As far as I can tell, funding for social reforms is much like Vicky I in that you don’t have to invest in them. It seems you still get the bonus... at least with Health Care you do which is odd because usually government can’t do anything right even if projects are overfunded.

12 October 1877 and the Two Sicilies declared war on Egypt, who has returned to my warm, comforting embrace. Those of you who are interested in finding out just how warm, I’m only a PM away.

Earlier Two Sic did attack Egypt when I was busy but I have no plans to allow Two Sic to take more Egyptian land.

So this is me defending Egypt because I don’t like reading while I’m supposed to be playing a game.

Then again, I do have Krishna on my side.

Around April I had enough BB free to War Goal the Aegean Islands back to Egypt. I don’t like fighting just to get a white peace. I always like to take something from the vulnerable... although its usually their innocence. But let’s face it, at some point in reality we all become little Liza Minelli’s crying for Mama.

8 September I had occupied the entirety of Sicily and Two Sicily had no chance of breaking through my fleet. On 9 September they agreed to peace and handed back the Aegean Islands. After battles like these, they couldn’t really help it.

In early ‘79 I received a CB on Madagascar but for some reason they were under the USA SoI. I’d fight for decades trying to get the US out of Madagascar but it’d be futile and I’d give up on it after about two decades of on and off attempts. But hey, at least I have liberty.

1880 was quiet, I enacted Acceptable Healthcare followed by Good Healthcare in early 1881.And some news, the liberals won again with 49%. They ought to be safe for a while, especially because I love capitalists doing my job for me.

6 April I added Austria to my sphere and received the mandatory alliance a few weeks later. This alliance was the only reason I attempted to get Austria into my sphere. This goal was made especially easy because Prussia, OE and Russia were all fighting over the rebel-run country. After I got the alliance I removed all influence. This is a hope to keep the Country Formerly Known as Prussia away from me.

Oh, I also removed all influence from Portugal at the same time, pouring most of my influence into Persia... have I mentioned Persia has big states?

Enewald: Really? Hm, that’ll explain a few things later on.

aldriq: There ya go. Actually I just saw the population bonus and went after healthcare.

Qorten: There’s a few pieces to this one. Pwning is owning/beating. I think I beat the French attempt by about five years and the Americans by nearly thirty without cost to life or cash.

The Yellow Fever reference comes from when the French tried to create the Panama Canal first but were defeated by the disease and eventually gave up. By the time Yellow Fever could be curtailed and precautions were discovered and used, the Americans were ready to take a crack at it. The MMO reference comes from the pwning, meaning I didn’t even have to play awful, terrible MMOs - like WoW which is allegedly where the term pwned comes from - to do it.

***

Its late tonight but it is after hours on a Friday night and I don’t feel like winding down just yet. So why am I listening to Fastball? Hm, maybe I like listening to almost-talented, loud-mouthed has-beens who occasionally puts out a decent song. They shouldn’t be afraid to admit that they bring

when they come to town. So I don’t know about you but I think we can cover about eight years tonight, taking us up to 1890. Wait... It isn’t ‘us.’ You guys didn’t do anything. Its all me. Me! Baby, I make miracles happen.

And sometimes I declare war on Portugal in March...

And sometimes Portugal crumbles in a matter of months.

Navies rule. Unless France, The Country Formerly Known as Prussia or the UK decides to declare war. Cause then it’d either suck or it wouldn’t matter.

And by the way, make a mental note of this... do not invade Crete. I guess Egypt really doesn’t want Two Sic landing on that island again.

Since my ships were falling a little behind the major powers, I began construction on 45 more on top of my already 112. They’re like cheap mascara, running all across the ocean.

But Egypt’s paranoia was about right... Two Sic declared war in early October 1884 and I decided to help out because I’m the ever watchful neighbor and not at all creepy or pervy.

Again I sealed off Sicily, nipping at their toes until I was ready for their cross invasion.

Poor, poor Sicily.

By July the country agreed to a white peace after I destroyed their entire Italian army in June. They better hope they had some units stashed away in Africa that I couldn’t find. But that wouldn’t save Egypt from the trouble they’d soon find themselves in just one month after the peace. It was like that all over the country.

Meanwhile, I let go of my worries about a western invasion when the Country Formerly Known as Prussia declared war on Russia for Wielkopolskie. CFKAP*, Denmark and friends v. Russia*, Sweden and Krakow.

A few more months went by and I got a CB against Atjeh which I used but the war was completely unimportant outside of the prestige boost. Roger Clemens knows all about that. Then on Christmas Day I received a little gift. But I wasn’t about to cash it in until I’d remove Denmark from CFKAP's SOI.

The hold off on the war was probably a good thing because Russia got destroyed. Peace came down little more than a month after I received my CB. And Russia isn’t even swamped with rebels.

1889 OE went to war against Russia over Georgia and that takes us right up to 1890... when the Liberals still retained power.



On a side note I’m thinking about doing a Maintain the Monarchy II for Russia sometime after this AAR concludes. It’ll take the shape and style of the one I did for Victoria. I had contemplated using a mod but they’re all so cumbersome. None of them want to use the launcher. Whether it’s a Paradox problem or a mod problem its really my problem and I’d just as soon play the vanilla version than screw with files, saves, backups and reinstalls. I just want to play.

By the way Paradox, I’m still waiting for the forum colors to come back. How else am I supposed to know I’m reading Victoria threads?

Enewald: Its more about the principal. There should be no excuse for not being able to use the launcher.

aldriq: All you get from canals are the small sliver of land and a prestige boost. Since Suez is now in your territory, you might want to go for that asap because if someone else gets it, they’re going to get that land. However in my game, getting both seemed pretty easy. The US is not interested in its own hemisphere and almost no one invests influence in South/Central America. The only thing I’d worry about as Ethiopia who now runs Egypt would be not becoming a Great Power fast enough to prevent the OE from influencing you too much. And anyone can use them in 1.1 no matter if you’re at war or not. I believe that was fixed in 1.2.

***

I’ve thought about it and decided to hold off on the Monarchy AAR for a while, at least until an upcoming patch. Even when trying to raise the militancy, revolts just aren’t happening. And I’ll probably wait until VIP comes to town again since I still haven’t really found a mod I really like. On another side note, I found my DB notebook and have started writing in it again so updates should come weekly once more. If there’s anything I hate more than editing, its rewriting.

Anyway, this AAR has its own purpose - or so I like to claim - and I thought I’d finally give you guys an update on my military. As in EU3 I often alter unit names so I know instantly where they belong so you can get a general idea of where they’re at. I’m still able to build almost 80 more if I so chose.

As 1891 went on the OE cracked Russia, taking Georgia and I snuck into the Valley of Kings.

I am so moving to Belgian Egypt.

After what seemed like forever waiting, I finally declared war on Persia on 20 March 1892. The Persian army was promptly slammed. I think its safe to say I have nothing to worry about.

A few months later I established my first colony.

While the war in Persia continued, Denmark declared war on Sweden, pitting Denmark, the Country Formerly Known as Prussia and Baden against Russia with the eventual help from Austria and Krakow.

By 6 August I added another war goal and demanded peace. With hardly an army left, they agreed.

Its like being attacked by Great White. Just keep taking chunks out of these little powers.

A little later the Danish/Swedish war ended when CFKAP and Russia signed peace with Russia ceding Mazowieckie. Then in July 1894, for the first time since elections began, the conservatives took power with 35% of the vote.

2 January 1895 another colony sprung up expanding my land around Morocco. Its prime real estate.

Around 3 June 1896 you can see France and I are really going after North Africa. I was sensing a clash sooner or later. We’ll have to see.

12 May 1897 I allied with Portugal and noticed something odd. They have 0 Industry. There’s just something strange about that.

Toward the end of the decade I declared war on Afghanistan, expanding my land bordering Persia about a year later. And in the meantime, my expansions in Africa were coming along nicely. It’s a little gamey but if you detatch one unit from your army, you can send them virtually anywhere to speed up the colonizing process.

Upon the last days of the century, Austria removed Denmark from the CFKAP SoI... now Denmark just has to renounce their alliance and I can abuse the country.

1900 update to come the next time I update featuring a World Map and a bunch of stats.

Enewald: I do love my opium...

aldriq:

aldriq said:

Why gamey? The manual does say troops presence helps speed up colonisation (and the tooltip).

Click to expand...

Because the AI doesn’t do it. At least not in 1.1, I’m not sure about 1.2

aldriq said:

I'm not sure whether I need higher tech or to be a great power to build it. Given that I'm in the US sphere they are the only ones who might have a shot at it before me, and at least I would still have access through it...

Click to expand...

Yeah, I forgot, you will need a few techs and given that we can’t trade for them anymore, it might be a little tough. Just do what you can to become a GP. I think I heard in 1.1 that you could spam ships and they wouldn’t cost anything in your military maintenance, hire generals/admirals whenever you can to pop up your military score - personally I don’t think officers should give a single point to military score but if its there, why not use it? - and as a last resort, you could always go to war with them. Although the last really depends on how much you want to keep the canal in your hands.

I really wish they made uncivs hard to play. As it is, it only sets you back a decade or two so anything is possible provided a war - or multiple ones at the same time - doesn’t really screw you over.

***

Enewald: A challenge?

I don’t mind the British strength in either V1 or 2. I like the challenge and fear it brings.

aldriq: I hope not. I’m a’feared of them enough as it is. I’m not sure what they need to become Germany but Bavaria is probably it.

A little off topic to all, the DB story won’t be updated until its’ completely written so I can post it all at once. Expect to see that in two or three weeks.

***

Welcome back to the never-ending insanity that you’ve come to know and loathe, Brandenburg III’s Belgium. Just coming into the new century the OE lost their African holding to France and I began work on 66 cruisers. See what I mean about a ton of cash once you become a GP? I’ve got nothing else to spend my money on so we build more ships.

Meanwhile, in Central America I didn’t want Panama to become a liability and I didn’t want to waste 12,000 men guarding the single province so I gave it its independence. They built a statue in my honor... unfortunately they strangely chose D.T. Suzuki for the model. Don’t ask me why. At least I received a State CB against the Netherlands to alleviate my wounded pride. But they are allied to the UK so I’m going to have to wait a little while.



Late in the month of July, the Country Formerly Known as Prussia broke their alliance with Denmark. So with no one covering Denmark, I called up my doctor and asked what to do. He handed me something and I asked, “What is this?”

“Your prescription.”

“But it says, ‘Two hookers.’”

“That’s right. Take two hookers tonight and call me in the morning.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to know how it goes.”

“That wasn’t what I meant. But anyway, how are two hookers going to help me?”

“How are they not? Its two hookers.”

I was expecting more from him but what can you do when Freud is your doctor? Anyway, he was right. Who was I to argue with that kind of logic? And it wasn’t like I wasn’t going to take the prescription. Hookers covered in Hepatitis A-Z was better than shoving a cake frosted with self-loathing and hate down my throat for the third night in a row. Oh, and the doctor also told me to declare war on Denmark. This ones for you, Freud.



I’m going after Greenland, Iceland and all that fun stuff.

A few months later the OE went after Egypt knowing I couldn’t help and Austria/CFKAP blew up after decades of silence with an Austrian declaration of war.

At the start of the year my war against Denmark wasn’t going too badly.



After a series of occupations, blockades and the fall of their capital, they accepted peace on 13 May 1901.



It was around this time that I discovered capitalists still build despite living in a SC styled economy. 12k working on a Fertilizer Factory in Vlaanderen. At least its something.

The next few years were pretty quiet. I expanded colonies, boldly cut the French of from expanding deeper into Central Africa and the Conservatives (Reactionaries) won 48.08% of the vote. Initially I thought I’d hate the SC styled government but I’m growing to like it whereas in V1 I averted it at all costs.



Come January 1905 I looked around, trying to find a way to use my CB against the Netherlands. At last I decided upon Spain. After securing Military Access through Catalonia I declared war on Spain using the low-BB Humiliate. Immediately Spain didn’t call all their allies but by April both Serbia and the Netherlands were at their side.



Since Spain had taken so long to send the call, many of my homeland troops were in Catalonia ready to invade Spain, but now that the Netherlands was involved in the war, I had to return all those troops home. By 25 July I ramped up my warscore enough to demand a Dutch colony since my CB had since worn off. I added the Dutch colony of Jambi. Meanwhile, they were proving tough back home but they just didn’t have the manpower once all my troops had arrived. This is a pic from March 1906.



And then... in May... a rebellion hit me.



Awesome timing, dudes. And while I’m fighting, the Netherlands rests a 36k army. At least this is a mostly European rebellion and I don’t have outbreaks all over Africa.

Not that this detracts from my goal for by late June Spain was wiped from North Africa. And towards the end of the year I began raising relations with Sweden, white peaced with Serbia and began an extensive Far East campaign.

January 1907



Then, perfect timing! I added Rabat to my wargoal. This was going to add an incredible amount of time to the war but I couldn’t let it go to waste.



Here’s your one chance, Fancy don’t let me down.