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I have some excellent news; this will be my last update for at least a week, thus I will not be clogging up the forum with my dross!

Yes, its only been a week since the last update *cough*.

I was very surprised to see this thread bumped, and I greatly appreciate anyone still reading this, so long after the last update. As such I feel moved to make a short reply, whilst feeling even more of a blaggard for bumping my own AAR without having an update ready. I apologise that an update has taken so long (although I am quite sure most are glad that I am still not posting my tosh on the forum!), its due to a number of reasons; my laziness, Victoria II (it proved so playable that I rather overdosed on it and lost interest in Paradox games for a wee while), my horrendous laziness, the football season starting up once more (although my team has certainly not been playing very well...), my shocking laziness, work, my ridiculous laziness, my birthday on Saturday (I am only now returning to a remote semblance of sobriety), my shockingly ridiculously horrendous laziness and now Civilization 5 is taking up quite a bit of my free time. However, I promise I shall update this AAR once more within this week (thus everyone has been warned, stay away from this thread, I am about to start my rambling once more!). Apologies once more for the great delay in the update and I truly appreicate any and all continued interest from everyone for this AAR.
 
Thank you hugely for the replies!

Donfodio - I'm very glad you liked the Mamma Mia part, it was very enjoyable ripping off poor aldriq's work! Now dinofs shall suffer...

RGB - Continue I now shall! ...after a mere two months since the last update*cough*.

Keinwyn - Indeed! The future is bright for Khandesh, the future is blood red. Wait...

loki100 - Curse Victoria 2, it took up far more of my time than I had anticipated (which shows how foolish I was being, Paradox games ever take up alot of my time). Anyway, on with this once more!

Johan11 - Both were utterly bonkers! Although to be fair to both of them, medicine as a whole seemed quite bonkers at that time.

Ahura Mazda - I sincerely hope you like this one then! As I'm hoping to blob out quite a bit more...

blsteen - Indeed! Or a crazy cause in this case!

sjones25 - Aye, curse those rebel gits! Cutting down poor Nasir Khan. Thankfully Khandesh is left with his wildly taltented son (4/3/5) as the new Sultan. Uhm...things look rather grim.

Range - Thank you for the kind words! Indeed, poor Utkarsh, his passing provides a salutary lesson however; never nod when you have just felt a slight pain in your neck.

Nodscouterr - *morningSIDEr wanders off for a minute*

aldriq - No one mention the S-word, it brings with it a terrible curse! Before you know it, the small of deep fried Mars bar will be in the air and incompetence will come to the fore!

Fire and Ash - How very true! We would simply not engage an enemy at all, unless said enemy was much more smaller/weaker/incompetent/drunk than us! We are after all the Braveheart nation.

Johan11 - *morningSIDEr wanders off for another minute*

dinofs - Wait no longer, it is now time to ruin your great work!

Athalcor - Thank you profusely for the kind words (your bribe is, but of course, in the post!). I am simply surprised you say my AARs have provided you with alot of fun, as opposed to saying that they have provided you with alot of torture!

theconfusedone - More is now here! Believe me, I was very tempted to copy that AAR, its a great read. I may still do so, if I get a chance/permission...

Apologies once again, as I have taken more than a mere week to finally begin posting updates once more. In my very meagre defence, the forum problems over the past week did make things quite troublesome (that server busy message has been vexing me...), but now, I am afraid to say, updates resume.
 
Sultan Nasir Khan Faruqi rose unsteadily to his feet and took in his surroundings. He noticed several members of his personal guard standing in horrified silence, looking at the ground near him.

"I thought that rebel scum had got me there, my armour must have taken the brunt of the blow though. Good stuff this grey painted cloth armour. Anyway, what are you all looking at, get after those rebel curs, they are breaking! Run them down!"

Noting that none of his guard had moved off as ordered, Nasir Khan began to feel slightly worried. He looked to where his guard were staring.

"Oh."

He only now noticed a remarkably familiar looking body. Familiar that is, without the gaping wound in the chest which was spurting out blood at an alarming rate. It was his body. So that meant that he was surely-

KNOCK KNOCK.

He looked up, only now realising a figure was towering over him.

"What? Uhm...who's there?"

DEATH.

"Death who?"

I'M SORRY, YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP, I AM A TRIFLE DEATH.

"..."

WAS THAT NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY AMUSING? YOU SEE, I AM DEATH AND SO-

"No. No, I got that. Its just that that attempted joke was more painful than the blow which killed me."

OH. I SEE. I WAS JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD, EASE YOU INTO THINGS.

"Well, I'm sorry but that truly was awful."

I DON'T KNOW, I TRY TO MAKE AN EFFORT, AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS...

"Anyway, what now?"

...NO GRATITUDE WHATSOEVER...

"Once again, what happens now?"

THAT IS NOT FOR ME TO DECIDE. NOW, IF YOU WILL PLEASE FOLLOW ME.
________________

This is a small interlude which has nothing to do with dinof's AAR. Rather, I am planning on having Death make an appearance at the passing of each ruler throughout this AAR. As my plan is to make horrendous attempts at ripping off numerous talented writers on this forum, I thought I should too attempt to 'emulate' one of my favourite authors.

Anyway, having now insulted Pratchett fans with my nonsense, and having further confused all non-Pratchett fans with my ramblings...onwards to the next part of the AAR!
 
Update One

Khandesh had enjoyed tremendous growth during the reign of the great Nasir Khan Faruqi. The once small state had become a fledgling empire. Despite this newfound strength, Khandesh's future still looked uncertain. To her north the worryingly large and powerful nation of Delhi awaited. To her west, the vast nation of the Timurids proved a menacing threat. The next few years would surely prove key in determining Khandesh's future; that of a shortlived upstart, or further strengthening of a burgeoning empire.

With Nasir Khan's passing, his young son Miran Adil Khan I was crowned the Sultan of Khandesh. The young ruler has a tough task of guiding his nation through the coming years. Thankfully his father's experienced government is ready to give the young Sultan aid. Unfortunately said government includes members who are keen believers in the benefits of buttery curtains, faux-realistic swords and employing tact in diplomacy (as opposed to insulting and coercing your opposite number into agreement). Clearly Khandesh is doomed.

Following the coronation, Miran holds talks with his Prime Minister.

"Greetings sire, I am your must humble servant, Minister Hemant. It is my honour to have served your father and now to have the chance to serve you too."

"Yes, thank you."

"You join a long list of illustrious rulers of Khandesh. You have the blood of great men running through your veins, and I am sure you will prove yourself worthy to join the ranks of truly august and brilliant rulers. Indeed, you shall have to rule with brilliance should you wish to keep said blood running through your veins."

"I am very proud of my noble lineage, I shall endeavour to carry on the proud Faru-wait. What was that last bit?"

"I'm sorry, sire?"

"Did you just threaten me?"

"Oh no sire, heaven forbid. Rather I am simply fulfilling my role as adviser. As you know yourself, we citizens of Khandesh are hugely loyal to our sultan, unless they should prove inept, in which case its likely to be a snake left in the bed."

"A snake left in the...?"

"Indeed, sire. You must remember your uncle Nimish? Oh no, he was before your time, I forgot."

"What happened to him?"

"Well, he was never sultan of course, that honour went to your father. No, your uncle was Minister of the Navy and rather inept I am afraid to say. He ordered the creation of numerous ships despite Khandesh being a small landlocked nation at the time. He ended up with a hot poker shoved up his...uhm...well, I do not like to say."

"A hot poker shoved up his...?"

"I'm afraid so, sire. Then there was your cousin Varun, you remember him?"

"Vaguely, father said he set off west as part of a missionary effort. A very selfless act."

"ah, I see. I'm afraid it was not so much missionary work which caused your cousin's disappearance. Rather he was administered with 'fustigation' quite severly after several thousand pounds of gold from the bank which he was running, was found to actually be pieces of stone with gold paper wrapped around them."

"Fustigated severly...?"

"And then too you will know of several high profile people being 'retired' from office after displays of incompetence. Senior diplomat Sandesh Damle, and Minister Taral amongst others."

"Uhm...yes, they did vanish rather suddenly now you come to mention it..."

"Thus sire, I urge you to act with care and diligence when ruling our great nation. As I am sure you would anyway."

"Yes...yes...well, I thank you for the advice."

"I am ever your servant, sire. If you need any guidance, simply ask for me. I would not wish for you too to suffer early...'retirement'."

"Uhm...yes. I'd best be off."

Miran hurries off.

"Muhahahahahaha, he is perfect!"

Miran turns around.

"Sorry? Did you say something? Sounded a bit like a manical laugh."

"Uh...no, sire!"

Wishing to thus prove himself a competent, a warrior-leader in the mould of his father, Miran declares war on Vijaynagar. Here is a chance to prove himself a man worthy of the title of Sultan, against a nation with no standing army, which is suffering from massive internal turmoil. Attacking those weaker than you is always the mark of a great man.

UP8-1.jpg

[Alas I no longer have the screenshots for the next two years. I re-installed Windows 7 when attempting to fix my PC, as alluded to earlier, it was merely a wire which was loose, and whilst keeping the save file safe, I completely forgot about the screenshots folder. Thankfully an old autosave shows the newly acquired lands gained following the war. With Vijaynagar unable to field any soldiers whatsoever, I can only assume they have no cash due to their provinces being split up and riven by high revolt risk, things proceeded very smoothly. Even for someone as useless as Miran, with his stupendous 3 military skill.]

UP8-2.jpg

[A quick look at the history book further shows that the only fighting which took place was against Vijaynagar's ally, Orissa. Wherein the courageous Miran bested a force less than a fifth of the size of his own. Clearly achieving such an astounding military victory marks Miran down for future military greatness.]

Following the war with Vijaynagar, wherein the brave Khandesh forces took nearly two years to conquer a defenceless nation, Minister Hemant is in a meeting with the Sultan.

"Congratulations, sire, on your stupendous success in the war against the Vijaynagaran curs! Verily you bring to mind a new Alexander the Great with regards to how you trumped those blaggards!"

"Uh...thank you. Well, yes it went qui-"

"I am glad to see you return to matters of state after your gruelling exploits. I understand some hideous wounds were suffered during the besiegment of Vijaynagaran cities. Some men were struck down with indigestion and cramp I am told!"

"Uhm...yes, it was a very harrowin-"

"However, sire, I need speak with you about a matter of great importance. You see, sire, I wish to change the font we employ when issuing legislation and the like."

"The font? That is a matter of great import?"

"Indeed, sire, indeed. We have found that using an elaborate style of caligraphy, the Diwani script, helps to bedazzle and impress ignorant fools, thus aiding us quite considerably. Have a look at some proof samples yourself, sire."

"Oh...pretty..."

"Quite, sire. I'm glad that the script seems to have had such an effect on you, I had been told it would only impress ignorant fo-oh. Anyway, the new script will increase costs in some respects, and I shall have to increase Ministerial salaries considerably to make up for the increased workload we need incur from adopting such a script, but do we have your assent?"

"Pretty curls..."

"Sire?"

"What? Oh. Yes, of course! An excellent suggestion! Wise choices such as this are sure to make me avoid a red hot snake being shoved up my...*ahem*."

"Indeed, sire. Thank you, sire. I bid thee a good day, sire."

UP8-3a.jpg

Following this short meeting, Minister Hemant meets with his fellow cabinet members to discuss Miran's appointment.

"He should do very nicely. A very malleable and foolish young man. We have our puppet gentlemen, lets enjoy controlling him. Muhahahaha!"
 
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Trying for the Pratchett?
 
A hot Poker shoved up......

Dear lord. This will end bad.

But amusing.
 
Amusing and good clean fun..."Deshtined to Fail - A Khandesh HttT AAR" has all the marks of a great AAR. Keep it up my friend.

And, hooray for warmongers! Now, don't you feel better?
I knew you had it in you.
 
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Somehow I get the feeling that Kandesh will be better off with a puppet on the throne than having a ruler like Miran have complete control.
 
It's back!! For a moment I thought you might have given up and defected the forum to join the SNP or even take part in the X Factor... :rolleyes:

I love the subtle (as always) blend of Yes Minister and Blackadder you got going in this chapter... Looking forward to seeing how Miran *thinks he* takes Kandesh to glory...

At this point you should seriously consider producing merchandise for the AAR. How about 2 t-shirt designs to start with? One with "I <3 butter curtains" and another with "F*** Yeah Diwani" in faux-realistic Diwani script, I reckon you'd sell loads :rofl:
 
Thank you hugely for the replies!

RGB - I've shown remarkable cheek in attempting to rip-off far better writers than myself from this forum, so I thought I'd best go the whole hog and attempt to emulate one of my favourite authors! Rest assured, my insulting attempts on Pratchett's fantastic work will not be too frequent!

loki100 - What makes the trouble I had with my computer all the more irksome is that it was all self-inflicted. Damn my stupidity for knocking out that wire! The upper class of Khandesh has indeed suffered a great many strange deaths, you can then understand why Miran is so desperate to make sure he does not suffer such a fate himself!

Johan11 - Nevermind the poker, the red hot snake shoved up the *cough*, is far worse!

Range - Thank you for the kind words (your bribe is en route, as ever!). I cannot agree more, warmongering is always good fun (well, maybe not for the poor, innocent civilians caught in the midst of two rampaging armies, but its impossible to please everyone)!

Boris ze Spider - I'm very glad that you have!

dinofs - What? You doubt the abilities of a monarch with stats of 4/3/5?!

aldriq - I am tempted to audition for the X-Factor, but whenever I try to sing within the house, either one of my dogs attacks me or a neighbour complains. Frankly I think they are simply jealous of my brilliant voice.

Khandesh is clearly destined to glory with Miran at the helm. He has absolutely no ability, yet an unwavering belief in himself, and he is aided by a cabal of self-serving opportunists! Things will clearly go well.

As for the merchandising, an excellent idea! I'll make some orders right away; coming to a disreputable shop near you soon, faux realistic cloth madeoutofpaper t-shirts with those very slogans, and more, will soon be on sale! Prices start at £10.99 thispricedoesnotincludetheneedtoalsohandoverownershipofyourhomeand/orafamilypet.
 
Update Two

Having identified military success as the best way to avoid early 'retirement', Miran was determined to further his reputation as the pre-eminent military leader of his time.

UP9-1a.jpg

Yet another stunning success.

July of 1430 brought considerably better news. Khandesh, an apparently Islamic nation, finally had its first Islamic province.

UP9-2.jpg

That the actual province of Khandesh had before been Hindu had long been a source of embarrassment. Especially as Khandesh had often employed the 'Holy War' cassus beli, without having any actual Islamic land to actually justify such a reason for war. A fact which had caused considerable bewilderment for supposed 'heathen' enemies who shared Khandesh's predominantly Hindu faith. The economy also improved as a result of this conversion, citizens of the province no longer feeling the oppressed slaves of a tyrannical heathen ruler. They were now the oppressed slaves of a tyrannical ruler, who at least practiced the same faith as them.

In August of 1430 Khandesh's senior diplomat, Pranjal Shimpi, secured a major coup when achieving an alliance with the Timurids. Timurid diplomats had been greatly impressed by Pranjal's impassioned grovelling and pleading for said alliance. Miran had ordered Pranjal to grovel for the alliance, not because he, the budding military genius, was worried about war with the Timurids, but rather to spare them casualties were such a war to come about.

UP9-3.jpg

As such, Miran was hugely enjoying life as Sultan at this time. Militarily and diplomatically, he had enjoyed considerable success. Furthermore he now had countless pretty notes to look at having employed the Diwani script for all government correspondance. He was thus shocked in September 1430, when he learned that his citizens were displeased with their lot in life.

UP9-4a.jpg

Hemant too was surprised to learn of the anger amongst the peasantry. He had not thought that news of Miran's incompetence would already have reached the citizens of Khandesh. Not wishing to have the pliable Miran overthrown so quickly, he solved the problem by issuing new edicts slightly improving the lot of the serfs. Working hours could now be no longer than twenty three and a half per day at maximum; minimum pay was slightly increased so that serfs would merely owe their employer five rupees per each hour of their backbreaking work, as opposed to the old rate of six and other small trinket reforms. These were minor changes, yet they had the desired effect, as the peasants were hugly impressed by the pretty curls of the Diwani script employed to create edict, thus ending any possible rebellion.

In March of 1431 Khandesh was able to adopt a national idea for the first time. Despite Miran's wish for the idea to be one of 'no early 'retirement' for the current brilliant and august Sultan', Hemant managed to persuade Miran to instead create a National Bank.

UP9-51.jpg

The bank would aid the fragile Khandesh economy and had to be, of course, staffed and run by members of senior cabinet Ministers families. As Hemant told the Sultan, to appoint anyone else to the bank, would be the act of a foolish Sultan destined for a early...'retirement'.

A mere three months later Miran ended Khandesh's current goal of increasing her army, so as to focus upon war with Sind. He explained to a flabbergasted Hemant, that Khandesh needed no more troops in order to wage war, when she had such an excellent commander as himself at hand to lead the army.

UP9-5a.jpg

During Miran's defiant posturing, he was warned by an aide that Sind were actually allied with Delhi, and war with the small nation would bring about the northern behemoth's wrath. A man of Miran's military calibre was unimpressed with such defeatist talk, and he stated quite clearly that he would continue with the invasion of Sind. He would certainly invade. At some point. Soon. Relatively soon. Uhm...when Delhi was busy elsewhere.

Thankfully Miran did not have long to wait before the warmongering Delhi were busy with a fresh war to their east against the small nation of Taunga.

UP9-6.jpg

Miran now had his opportunity, war was nigh.

Having postponed the declaration of war until December, so as to allow Delhi to move the bulk of her forces east for her war against Taunga, Khandesh declared war upon Sind. Miran had not postponed the war due to his being afraid of fighting the majority of Delhi's army, rather, once again he was simply being mindful of avoiding causing too many casualties to his enemy.

UP9-7a.jpg

To Marin's dismay, his traitorous allies both left him to fight the Delhi led coalition alone. Nonetheless this left more glory for himself and his men. For this military great, participant of legendary battles such as his victory, at the second time of asking, against hugely outnumbered, malnourished and unequipped rebels in Orissa, would easily triumph over Delhi. Victory was clearly assured
 
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I'm so glad to see that this is back that I thought it was about time I commented on it. I've really enjoyed this and your other AARs!

The war looks like the kind of thing you'd expect someone with a military rating of 3 to get themselves into. I'd say that beating up defenceless states is actually far better militarily than taking on the regional power while losing all your allies in the process.

I'm surprised that the Timmies didn't jump at the chance to sack Delhi again though.
 
'retirement'.

Very well, I shall then throw my 'yard trash' in a car compactor.