Deshtined to Fail - A Khandesh HttT AAR

[dinofs]

Ah, siege warfare. My favorite pastime.

[naggy]

Which doctor prefers the following methods or products:
* scarification
* trepanning
* Radithor
* Doramad

[morningSIDEr]

Thank you hugely for the replies!

Keinwyn - Indeed, you make a good point, no doubt Nasir Khan is indeed shielding Khandesh from the prospect of Marin Adil Khan (4/3/5)! Although stats like that make him seem a veritable God-emperor compared to some of the Stuart rulers I suffered...

Donfodio - I've been left repeatedly stupefied by the AI thus far in this game. Why Rajputana broke off her siege and wandered all that way to the east before returning west again, I have no idea. I'm very thankful for it though! I am indeed growing quite large, but Delhi still dwarf me, I'm keeping a close eye on them...

blsteen - The 'for now' part is very apt! Things are likely to begin falling apart sometime soon. With the 4/3/5 heir I have, they truly will should he be crowned...

Johan11 - Otype ohowever oyou olike omy ogood oman! Ofor oeven oif oyou odo onow ostop, oI ofear oI oshall obe ounable otoo.

RGB - Indeed, if only chemists would begin stocking buttery curtains the worlds maladies would be cured! I rather enjoyed reading up on some of the weird medical remedies actually once employed. Fustigation remains my favourite; 'the patient is given a good beating' - clearly the cure for any ill!

naggy - I'm quite sure they would both support the treatments (Manish especially if butter wrapped in a curtain is someway involved), until finding out of the other's support, quickly then denouncing said treatments as quackery!

[morningSIDEr]

Scene IX

On the battlefield of Baroda, Rajputana; Captain Wagh is rallying his men.

PRAVEER Come on lads, show them what you're made of, ge-
UTKARSH Sarge? Oh, sorry...sir?
PRAVEER What?
UTKARSH If we have to show them what we're made of, does that mean we have to cut ourselves open?
PRAVEER What are you blathering about, man?
UTKARSH Well I mean that's the only way they can see what we're made of. All of our bits and pieces are hidden away inside our bodies. So if we don't cut ourselves open then-
PRAVEER Shutup sergeant.

Utkarsh hurriedly salutes the irate Praveer.

Things have been going well enough, as I have been simply chasing down Rajputana's ever fleeing force. So intent was I, on chasing down said force, that I rather forgot to begin minting before it was too late. That is my excuse for this loan anyway. Either that or I have been reading too many naggy AARs (sorry, I could not resist that in-joke!).

PRAVEER I never thought I'd see the day...mainly because I was sure I'd end up killing you in a fit of rage, but congratulations on your promotion lieutenant Kolte.
UTKARSH Thank you sir!
PRAVEER The way you fought...I always said if we could just make you attack the enemy with as much enthusiasm as you do your own company, you'd prove unstoppable. How right I was, and how deserved your commission is.

Praveer salutes the proud Utkarsh.

Bihar happily accepted a white peace in December 1416, no doubt glad that my army had not ran rampant through her open provinces. As the screenshot shows, it took rather a long time to occupy all of Rajputana's provinces, to put it mildly. Nonetheless the exciting siege work was worthwhile, with five provinces gained, and another rival left severely hindered, all for a mere five infamy. With Rajpuatana now crippled, Vijaynagar and Delhi remain my two major neighbours. With no good casus belli available against Delhi, and my current mission being to conquer Mysore, an ally of Vijaynagar, I begin marching my forces south.

Scene X

Inside the Royal Palace in Burhanpur, Khandesh; Minister Hritik is in a meeting with Minister Taral.

HRITIK The war seems to be going quite well. Congratulations on getting our troops their supplies without any hitches this time. No faux realistic swords, no cloth 'metal' armour, just what they need. Well done Taral, you finally seem to be getting to grips with the job.
TARAL Of course I am! I take offence that you even feel the need to check.

Taral completes a purchase order.

I did not wish to bring Vijaynagar to war once again under anything but the 'Holy War' cassus beli, as I wish to cripple them with as little infamy cost as possible. However my hand was forced when I defeated some rebels in Raichur Doab, who promptly routed southwards, crushing Mysore's small army and besieging her single province. The problem was that the rebels were Vijaynagar nationalists, thus if they captured Mysore, I would imagine the small state would simply end up defecting to Vijaynagar. With my current mission giving me a free core on Mysore should, or rather when, I conquer her, I was not willing to let that happen.

Thus war, sadly not in the best of circumstances, was declared. I was rather surprised when Chagatai honoured her alliance with myself, the first AI nation to do so. This was before noting Chagatai was completely cut off from Vijaynagar and her allies, with no possible route to the frontlines. No doubt Chagatai will prove a great aid.

HRITIK So I shouldn't check up on you, should I?! What do you call this?
TARAL Uhm...ah...that is a brilliant new piece of kit, our soldiers clearly need it.
HRITIK Our soldiers clearly need shields made out of a bamboo frame covered in canvas?
TARAL Well, yes. Its a brand new shield design, cutting edge technology, sent to me by Cleave Mine Own Throatbox Dibbvler. Its touted as lightweight and durable, and it costs only a fraction of the cost of a normal shield.
HRITIK No wonder, its a fraction of the usefulness of a normal shield! You stop this now Taral, or I'll report you to the Sultan.
TARAL Alright, alright. Look I'm just trying to stop our country from falling into bankruptcy, ever since that dratted loan was taken out things have been tough.

Hritik rips up Taral's purchase order.

Whilst my ally is as useful as a Scotsman in a sobrierity contest, thankfully Vijaynagar's allies are similarly useless. One province Mysore would only have been able to field a pathetically small force, but the aforementioned irksome rebel force has wiped that small unit out. Bihar is still suffering after Khandesh's earlier war with her. She is currently under attack from multiple nations, including the worryingly large Delhi, whilst also suffering from revolts. Thus the war itself is truly one between myself and Vijaynagar, and Vijaynagar have the larger army...

[RGB]

RGB - Indeed, if only chemists would begin stocking buttery curtains the worlds maladies would be cured! I rather enjoyed reading up on some of the weird medical remedies actually once employed. Fustigation remains my favourite; 'the patient is given a good beating' - clearly the cure for any ill!

Suvorov was a great believer that doctors were quacks. However, he himself believed in a lot of hanging out in a cold fresh air and not eating as a cure-all. If you did get sick, maybe it was your own fault and fustigation was not out of place.

This was the state of battlefield medicine in the 1790s, so buttered curtains in the 1400s aren't too bad...

EDIT: Ninja update!

...unlike canvas shields. Canvas shields not good at all. But you know, if you're merely chasing down fleeing enemies, maybe even canvas shields will do.

[naggy]

Hah! My economic influence over AARland is spreading!

And I think bamboo shields are an excellent innovation. They encourage a "hit them before they hit you" mentality.

[blsteen]

And I think bamboo shields are an excellent innovation. They encourage a "hit them before they hit you" mentality.

Unfortunately, tactical operations do not usually conform to the "we came, we saw and then they ran like little schoolgirls" option.
A decisive crushing of Rajawhatever and I have some degree of hope that Vijawhatever will come off worse for wear after battling the Khandeshians? Khandeshese? Khandawhatevers.

[loki100]

Hah! My economic influence over AARland is spreading!

And I think bamboo shields are an excellent innovation. They encourage a "hit them before they hit you" mentality.

Even better if you plant them after the battle doesn't your shield regrow? Though I must confess that botany is not my area of expertise ...

[Johan11]

Yikes! Taral has some sort of mental problem.

[dinofs]

You should be able to beat Vijayanagar, if you use Uktarsh properly.

And maybe send Taral to work for the enemy...

[aldriq]

... you fool. Bloodletting, use of leeches and fustigation, that is the way to go!

Everybody knows the highly therapeutic effects of bloodletting, leeches and especially fustigation! I'm sure some GPs would gladly prescribe it if they could...

EDIT: Given your success in the battlefield I'd say canvas shields are most useful to deflect the woollen arrowheads your enemies are undoubtedly using

[Lord Strange]

Yay! A discworld fan!

(When does Rincewind turn up? Or Vimes? Or Nanny Ogg? Or Moist? Or (please) DEATH?

[Range]

Ah, excuse me...Utkarsk has been promoted? Oh, I get it...what better way to get rid of troubling soldier than to promote him. Then, his men can get rid of him. But, Lieutenant Kolte...how do I get into the Khandesh army?

[Keinwyn]

Utkarsh was a sergeant? and now a lieutenant? you definitely need to mod him in as a general in ten-twenty years time.

A suggestion: Declare on Vijaya and Mysore on the same day, each with their own CB (unless of course you did it this way to avoid specific allies of Vij)

[morningSIDEr]

Thank you hugely for the replies!

RGB - Indeed, the evolution of medicine is quite a wonderful thing to witness. I rather think buttered curtains in 15th century Khandesh will give rise to jam coated pillows in the 18th century, should Manish's legacy live on!

Canvas shields are certainly only good for chasing down enemies. Although thankfully the enemy appears to be wielding foam/wooden and woollen (as aldriq has intelligently noticed) weaponary!

naggy - I think with such shields it is more a; 'hit them, then run for the hills' mentality!

blsteen - Aye, thankfully things went all and the mighty nation of Khandasomethingorother has triumphed over Vijarwhatsit!

loki100 - Nevermind planting them, I was rather thinking that with a bit of string they could be used as kites after battle. No longer will soldiers need to turn to feasting and women, fly a kite to celebrate your victory instead!

Johan11 - Indeed, he is a devious git! He'll likely suffer his comeuppance at somepoint...

dinofs - Maybe send both and doubly assure victory! As I rather think Utkarsh is still fond of 'friendly stab'.

aldriq - I wish they would prescribe such remedies, the worlds ills would be cured in a stroke! And yes, the AI does indeed seem to be employing woollen arrowheads...or perhaps Taral has been selling faux realistic iron swords and, the soon to be released spear with a sponge head, to neighbouring nations!

Lord Strange - I'm very glad someone picked up on the reference! I am going to try and work in the odd Discworld character if I can (provided it is not too out of place!). I rather would like a scene for DEATH, indeed! Needless to say though, if any women make an appearance in this AAR, Casanunda will be sure to follow...

Range - Yes, Utkarsh has been promoted. He's finally began causing mayhem in enemy ranks, as opposed to his own. As for recruitment, simply prove yourself impervious to stabs in the back (which is clearly a test you can only attempt to pass once...), and you'll be instantly recruited into Liuetenant Kolte's company!

Keinwyn - It would be quite nice witnessing Utkarsh the general at some point in the future! As for the DoW advice, an excellent idea. Alas my stupidity meant I didn't even consider doing so (I really am rubbish at this game). I'll certainly keep it in mind for future wars!

[morningSIDEr]

Scene XI

Inside the Khandesh diplomatic compound of Patna, Bihar; Sandesh Damle and Pranjal Shimpi discuss required diplomatic strategies regarding the current war.

SANDESH Bihar will sue for peace soon, she is too busy with the many other nations currently warring with her, plus she suffer numerous rebellions, proving what a weakling nation she is. Once Bihar withdraws, we just have Vijaynagar to deal with. Mysore is a non-entity.
PRANJAL As ever, your carefully chosen diplomatic language leaves me in awe.
SANDESH Well you are now a fully qualified diplomat yourself. I'll be retiring soon, you need carry on my good work. I rather think this may be the last war I shall witness as a diplomat.
PRANJAL Worry not master, I have taken note of your many lessons. I feel I too can insult other nations, bribe and coerce people into accepting our terms and declare war on all and sundry for the slightest reason.
SANDESH You've learned well my boy.

Sandesh dreams happily of his near retirement.

Having routed the irksome rebels in Mysore back into my own land, my first thought was to assault and then annex Mysore, before dealing with Vijaynagar. However keeping an eye on Vijaynagar's main stack, I noticed they themselves had attempted an assault on Madras and were now very low in morale. Time to march eastwards...

SANDESH What the devil was that nonsense?! 'We respectfully request that you agree to our offer of a cessation of hostilities, so as to return to the status quo, for the betterment of both our nations', I have never heard the like!
PRANJAL I was engaging in diplomacy. You are wrong to simply insult every nation we negotiate with. It is far better to treat your opponent with respect, so that he will not be looking for revenge at some point in the future.
SANDESH I cannot believe I am hearing this! Have you learned nothing? The only reason they accepted white peace with us, is due to my threatening them with-
PRANJAL Yes, I recall you said that unless they accepted the peace deal you would see, 'the devastation of their lands, their future and everything to do with their puny state'.
SANDESH Right! That is what caused them to accept a white peace. Fear. Not your ridiculously flowery language.

Sandesh has nightmares about his never ending employment.

At the end of a hardfought battle, the low morale within Vijaynagar's main force caused them to finally break. The large numbers they command simply leave me very grateful that they attempted their failed assault. Their routed force was then harried to destruction a mere month later. Vijaynagar is now open for me to freely besiege. Bihar predictably accepted an offer of white peace during August. Thus Vijaynagar appears doomed to another painful defeat.

Scene XII

Travelling with the army through Kondavidu, Khandesh; doctor Manish Shahane and his fellow doctor Rujul Jaykar wait for an audience with Sultan Nasir Khan Faruqi.

RUJUL I wonder why the Sultan wishes to meet with us.
MANISH I'm sure he wants our opinion on how to redecorate the palace. We're doctors, why do you think he wants to meet with us?
RUJUL He has his own royal physician though.
MANISH ah, I heard that doctor Barwe is ill at present. Clearly he has sent for me to replace Barwe whilst he recovers. I do not blame him for choosing the best doctor in the land, someone who uses excellent traditional medicine to cure his patients, rather than newfangled nonsense.
RUJUL Yes, I'm sure he wants to be wrapped in some mouldy curtains. He sent for me too you fool, I am clearly the man who will treat him. Anyway we shall soon find out the reason for this summons, he is ready to see us.

Both men walk forward.

Now feeling, or at least hoping, that I have an army sufficiently large enough to put down a rebellion should things go badly, I moved the slider towards centralisation. Just what I was hoping to avoid; rebels. Crushing them serves to slow the already painfully tedious task of besieging Vijaynagar's provinces.

RUJUL Well, well, so we are to both carry out an examination on him. It seems he does not trust you or your nails, vinegar and curtains after all!
MANISH Nor you and your fustigation and leeches! Now quiet man, we have to return with our equipment, so as to carry out this examination as quickly as possible.

Both men hurry off to gather their equipment.

Vijaynagar continues to be slowly occupied by myself. Whilst this happens, I am lucky enough to have a boundary dispute event fire in November 1421, which gives me a free core on the Vijaynagar province of Kongu (clearly Sandesh Damle has been using his fantastic diplomacy to force Vijaynagar into accepting that the province is rightfully Khandesh's). This should prove very useful in the future. Mysore is then finally annexed, gaining me a free core courtesy of the mission. Peace will be arranged too with Vijaynagar soon enough.

[RGB]

Why don't you combine the genres and try Fustigation as Diplomacy?

It's like House meets West Wing meet MMA!

[naggy]

Why don't you combine the genres and try Fustigation as Diplomacy?

It's like House meets West Wing meet MMA!

If you do that in Vicky 2, does that mean you have an Octagon of Influence?

[Keinwyn]

For some reason I get the feeling a new sultan will soon be ascending the throne...

[dinofs]

I get the feeling that the king won't last much longer, with those two taking care of him.