Deshtined to Fail - A Khandesh HttT AAR

Thank you profusely for the replies!

Boris ze Spider - That is likely the case. I have but one option then; more conquest until the borders look pleasing on the eye. Not for power, wealth etc. but to satisfy the EU3 engine!

Athalcor - Doomed indeed! Everyone is dooooomed-uhm...that is to say, every nation lucky enough to benefit from Khandeshi conquest and Faruqi rule will prosper.

loki100 - Quite so. Clearly rather than simply giving Khandesh the cash without declaring war, the kind and thoughful donators begin such wars so as to also give my troops some exercise. So thoughful.

Johan11 - Very glad to see you posting here once more and yes, it bodes very well!

Dewirix - Indeed, poor Ulugh is clearly inexperienced in matters of state. Although as a Faruqi his great natural ability should have guided his hand in this matter a bit better. After all, it is not as if Faruqi's make many mistakes whilst ruling.

Very correct also regarding my perfidious backstabbing allies, they shall pay!

RGB - I cannot agree more. Although just to be clear that Miran is of course; Miran Muhammand Khan I Faruqi, not any of the other countless dozens of inferior Mirans Khandesh has had in positions of import!

dinofs - As do I. It will benefit not the House of Faruqi but the world once the Faruqi family assume their rightful position as rulers of the world.

JDMS - Thank you for the kind words (your bribe is en route but of course!). You return just as I am nearing the end of this section and readying myself to defile your great AAR! I apologise in advance for when I do.

gabor - As Athalcor correctly stated the army in Khiva is indeed my own! Khiva was intelligent enough to grant me military access, clearly knowing she would otherwise be conquered by the invicible Khandeshi army. Thus I'm willing to leave her for now. However her colour stealing antics have been noticed and she will pay for this inexcusable action in time!

blsteen - How true! The Faruqi Way; picking on those weaker than yourself whilst exploiting your subjects and blaming everyone else for any mistakes which happen during your reign. Uh, that is to say, the Faruqi Way actually consists of aiding the weak, letting your subjects prosper and never experiencing mistakes.

The foreboding I felt when learning a fellow Faruqi was pitted against Khandesh is justified as I am informed his forces have achieved an easy victory against a considerably outnumbered Khandeshi force.


That nine year old has me very, very worried. He seems to have an answer to my masterful strategy of attacking with a greatly outnumbered force.

Thankfully Prabhanjan cheers me up when announcing that Dadra has finally been successfully converted.


Impressed with this surprising show of competence from a cabinet member other than Noor, I award Prabhanjan the right to add another button to his hat. He is left delighted.

Having quickly rallied various units in a desperate attempt to halt the Khorasani advance, I throw them forward. Young Ulugh was lucky at the battle of Khandahar, his forces are sure to be defeated now.


Oh.

Incensed by the hapless display of my troops, I chastise them asking them how the devil they can be bested by the forces of a nine year old. One impertinent member of my staff then asked me why, if Ulugh was such an incompetent youngster, I did not take to the field against his army myself. Needless to say, I had the wretch pushed down the portable well.

Determined to halt this run of defeats myself, I gather a large army and appoint General Bhatti to the lead the force, ordering him to defeat the Khorasani upstart.


Finally.

Proud of myself at having finally stopped the advance of a tyrannical nine year old, I notice Suleyman approaching looking distinctly uneasy. With a sense of foreboding, I ask what is worrying him.


Fantastic.

Evidently when it comes to talent in the Faruqi family it is actually only myself and Ulugh who have been blessed in this regard. Suleyman is proving unusually incompetent for a Faruqi. Asking Suleyman how this has happened, he reveals that details of my using state money to fund the addition of extra shimmer to my grey painted cloth armour has somehow become public knowledge.

In an attempt to distance myself from this controversy I seek something to baffle the public and make them forget this sorry episode. Thankfully my cartographer proves very helpful in this regard.


It really has to be wondered how he learned of the existence of this lake surrounded as it is by terra incognita and lying as it does hundreds of miles away from Khandeshi holdings. Furthermore it is confusing as to why he felt it worthwhile uncovering this small lake considering the obvious difficulties involved for no real benefit. Regardless, I congratulate the man on having wasted yet more state funds to make such a perplexing discovery as it has left the Khandeshi public utterly puzzled and no longer interested in the corruption scandal.

A month later I order the annexation of Deccan, the cruel and oppressive overlords of the province of Telingana, which has truly been considered a Khandeshi province for time immemorial. Well, for the last year or so anyway.


Later in the year Durrani finally accepts the inevitable and grudgingly accedes to becoming a vassal of the Khandesh Empire.


No doubt the Durrani people are delighted at the prospect of becoming subjects of my enlightened reign. Benefiting as they will from increased taxes, reduced liberty and enforced military service.

Peace with Durrani secured, I meet with Hemant to decide upon the next mission for the nation.


The oaf proposes the creation of a proper fleet once again. The sensible citizens of Konkan share my exasperation upon learning of Hemant's suggestion, rebelling at the news.

Offering Delhi a white peace days later, so as to bring the current war over Durrani's subjugation to an end, I then meet with Hemant once again. Explaining that a fleet is not something I am interested in creating and that he is edging ever closer to inclusion upon The List, I tell him he had best have a very good suggestion for a national mission this time.


An excellent suggestion. Although sadly I cannot yet aid the poor 'Mirza as our truce still holds true with the Timurids. Nonetheless I vow to help 'Mirza once more at the earliest opportunity.

All areas of state have benefited from my rule but none more so than the army. It is now filled with courageous, highly trained soldiers ready to...


...turn and flee at first sign of battle. Perturbed as to how this could have happened, I summon General Bhatti and question him as to how the army has become a bunch of lily-livered wimps. Apparently my disparaging remarks, made some months earlier, about the state of the armed forces after their defeat to the young Ulugh had really hurt the feelings of my pathetically gutless troops, producing this vexing result.

Overhearing this explanation from General Bhatti a courtier also opined that this cowardice was also likely due to the army simply following my lead. Suffice to say the insolent knave was thrown to the moles.

The truce with the Timurids finally at an end, I note with satisfaction-uh, that is worry, that poor 'Mirza's realm is still suffering greatly from the seemingly never ending rebellion. Determined to aid a member of my family once again and finally bring about the downfall of the Timurid rebels, I declare war on the Timurids. So as to get at the rebels, of course.


I send a messenger to 'Mirza bringing the good news that I am ready to help him once more. Surprisingly he seems none too happy, as in reply I recieve my messenger's head. A strange way to treat an ally.

Will the Timurid rebels finally be defeated? Will Khandesh's cowardly troops actually be able to gain victory over anyone? Find out in the next barely readable episode of Khandesh - land of the bewildered!

Thank you profusely for the replies!

Boris ze Spider - Exactly! Khandesh is always seeking to aid her neighbours, especially those to which she has such strong ties such as the Timurids. Helping her neighbours whilst also helping herself...to their lands.

dinofs - Quite so. Truly Miran is proving breathtakingly noble in selflessly moving to take on the high workload associated with ownership of such a tax rich province as Hormuz. I agree too that clearly the messenger must have lost his head due to some shocking accident. Clearly the Timurids would not attack such a staunch ally as Khandesh.

blsteen - Thankfully the Golden Horde has been happy to leave Khandesh alone, no doubt doing so because they know Khandesh has only good intentions in aiding the Timurids!

JDMS - How very true. Miran's wisdom knows no bounds, he truly is a wonderful ruler!

Athalcor - I'm sure the Timurid people are delighted to know that Khandesh will ever stand by their nation. Indeed, not only stand by their nation but also walk all over their nation whenever required!

Johan11 - As 4th Dimension kindly stated, it is Iain's Suenik AAR I am currently attempting, and failing miserably, to rip off!

gabor - Right! Third times a charm! Or...well...the rebels have nearly been dealt with. Uhm...fourth time around I'm sure all Timurid rebels will be defeated. Probably.

loki100 - Very true, it was but a few weeks of peace during which a generation of cowards appeared, which is rather surprising. What is even more surprising is that it was during these few weeks that Miran led the army. Quite how anyone could become a coward whilst enjoying his inspirational lead is beyond me.

Iain Wilson - Thank you for the kind words (your bribe is en route!).

RGB - I cannot agree more. The army need toughen itself up and the only way is via a good war. Thankfully even if a bunch of cowards, the army can enjoy constantly brilliant leadership from the great Miran Muhammand Khan Bhatti!

Soon after having declared war on the Timurids, uh, their rebels that is, I am struck down by a terrible wound, having stubbed a toe, which will sadly prohibit me from taking part in any battles in this coming war. I am left very annoyed by this, as instead of taking to the field, risking life and limb and suffering the hardships of an ardous campaign, I will be stuck back in the capital enjoying the comforts of rule and holding triumphs in honour of any victories. Truly, my fate is not one to be envied.

Strangely, whilst I take a well deserved break in order to recuperate from my horrific injury, the nation seems to prosper without my being able to actually rule.


A few weeks later Hemant brings me some sad news.


My much beloved cou-, family member of some sort, 'Mirza, who I was very close to, passed away after having been delivered this most recent declaration of war from Khandesh. Apparently the stress of having battled non-stop rebellion and non-stop Khandeshi invasion. Or that was what the envoy passing on news of his passing told me. Clearly the envoy got things wrong, 'Mirza knew me as only a steadfast ally, I am sure he greatly appreciated my repeatedly sending him aid. I instantly impose a period of mourning for the reasonably competent and much missed 'Mirza. Five seconds proving sufficient.

Despite 'Mirza having been at war against rebels for all of his reign, no pretenders have taken the Timurid throne and his heir, the new Timurid ruler, is thus a Faruqi. Pleased with this news, I order for the invasion-uh, the liberation of the Timurid lands to continue so as to free the nation for my cou-, my family relation of some sort, Khan Uways I.

Feeling that the best way to rid the Timurids of their rebel problems and so secure the throne for the new ruler...Ksomething, who I know well and think of as a son, I order an attack made on what remains of the Timurid armed forces.


I am doing this only to aid Kthingy, weeding out the weak elements amongst his army will leave him with a stronger more robust force who will be able to properly aid my army in eradicating the rebels for once and for all.


Oh. Apparently all that remained of his armed forces were weak elements. He certainly has a leaner army now, it consists of...uh...himself. I'm sure he will thank me in the long-run. At least he will making a saving on soldiers salaries and so forth. Admittedly with no army to protect him, I doubt he will get much of a chance to enjoy such savings. Nevermind, I shall assuredly wipe out the rebels this time and thus he will have no need of an army anyway.

The war continues to grind on, siege warfare continuing at its monotonous pace. Sadly my injury has continued to preclude my taking to the field, despite this I show solidarity with my men on the field suffering through various feasts, triumphs and state banquets. The ever dependable Noor manages to temporarily ease my suffering with some very good news.


Apparently Noor only had to make a few token appearances in Rajput cities with my portable well in tow before the people got the message and quickly embraced full membership within the Khandesh Empire.

I then receive a visit from a smug looking Hemant a few months later.


Curiously enough this leaves the nation with a negative naval technology score.


Although he makes no mention of his much cherished wish to have a fleet created for the nation, I can see from the look of joy upon his face as he delivers this news, that he feels this much repeated counsel vindicated. The git. Sadly he does seem to have a point though. In what proved an immense surprise, the Never Rise Again Sinkmarine (TM), made from various types of grass, sank during the test run never to rise again.

Needless to say I have ordered a new approach taken for our naval technology and feel supremly confident about the newly planned, Always Remain Capable Of Both Sinking And Then Rising Again Sinkmarine (patent pending), made from various types of marble. Apparently the concept behind the Sinkmarine is sound, it was simply the name and material used in construction which caused this initial catastrophic failure.

Happy that naval technology within Khandesh will soon improve with these new plans, I worry still about how easily my army was defeated by the forces of a nine year old, even if said nine year old was a remarkably gifted Faruqi. As such I set in motion plans to increase the quality of my armed forces.


Soldiers are now expected to hit a straw training dummy seven times out of every ten attempts in order to be passed fit and proper for battlefield duties. This an increase from the previous ratio of five times out of ten attempts.

The war against the Timurids, and their rebels, continues to rumble on slowly. Worried as I am with the slow progress being made against the Timurids, or rather against the Timurid rebels, I am bouyed by some news brought by Hemant, who has become ever more insufferable since bringing the news of the naval research being wrong.


Hemant secured this considerable success via the simple method of bribing various Gujarati officials and both confusing and threatening others with a mixture of insults and praise. Apparently he learned this novel strategy from studying texts written by master diplomats Sandesh Damle and Pranjal Shimpi.

Finally the last of the Timurids rebel hordes have been cornered. At long last the rebel menace can be defeated.


I am left delighted by news of this momentous victory at Samarkand, the rebel forces have been shattered. No longer shall the Timurid people have to suffer under the depraved rule of these rebel curs. Now instead they can suffer under the depraved rule of Khandeshi occupation-uh, they can enjoy the liberation afforded them by Khandeshi rule. I have plans for a triumph readied, waiting only for final confirmation of the demise of the rebel forces.


I'm left slightly nervous on learning of the large travel time required so as to finally wipe out the Timurid rebels, and having noticed the terrible casualties my men are suffering due to attrition, I order Hemant to secure peace with the Timurids.


Admittedly once again the Timurid rebels have not quite been fully defeated, despite this being my third attempt to aid the Timurids against the rebel blaggards. However we have come closer than ever before to eradicating the rebel menace and final victory over them can always wait for the fourth time.

Attending the peace talks myself, I inform the Timurid ruler firstly that I have forgotten his name and secondly of my plans to return at some point in the future so as to finally rid his realm of rebels. Going on to state how sad I was to hear of his father's passing and how I sincerely hoped we could have as good a relationship as I had enjoyed with his father. Well, I assume 'Mirza was his father, these matters are always very complicated with we Faruqis. Khan Uways, thankfully he reminded me of his name, seemed very happy upon hearing of my intentions. Certainly he was smiling in a rather disconcerting way at least.

Is Khan Uways I Faruqi truly happy with Miran's promise of future aid? Will the renamed Sinkmarine prove successful enough to rise Khandesh's naval technology above a negative score? Will Gujarat regret having allowed Khandesh a core upon one of her provinces? Find out in the next painfully humourless episode of Khandesh - land of the bewildered!