KHANDESH THE BEWILDERINGLY SUCCESSFUL
CHAPTER 6 - SELFLESSNESS THY NAME IS FARUQI
(1459)
Whilst my brave troops march forth into Timurid land, ready to once again rescue my family relation, my steward, Miran Suleyman Faruqi, a cousin of some sort who sports a distinctly unimpressive beard, brings me grim tidings.
This is treason, the vultures! Just because I have gained another throne and thousands of new subjects to exploi-uh, carefully rule, I was not planning on sharing my newly won source of wealth. This is especially vexing as the letter containing the nobles demands is signed predominantly by various members of my family, Faruqi's making up the bulk of Khandeshi nobility. Enraged as I am, I have little choice but to pay them off. They will regret this though. Oh yes, for all of their names have now been added to...The List.
All those added to The List shall suffer when they least suspect it. Dastardly blaggards such as Trejas and Juhi Faruqi, my uncle and aunt respectively, who dared to demand compensation. Or Vaibhav Om who was impertinent enough to mock the charming fluorescent pink and green ensemble I wore to court one day. They and other such curs as A Carton Of Semi-Skimmed Milk, Half A Dozen Eggs and-oh, I've got The List and The Shopping List mixed up again. *cough* Well, anyway, all those on The List shall suffer a fate worse than death.
Postponing plans of vengeance for the moment, I decide to bring the war against Bengal to a close, my men are needed far more in the current war against the Timurids, uh the Timurid rebels that is. Sadly due to some shocking oversight, which I quickly blame upon my cartographer, the very province which had proven the basis for this war against Bengal, the capture of Bangala, is currently Bengal's capital. Therefore they are both unwilling and unable to cede the province to me. Wonderful. This war has been a complete waste of time.
Nonetheless Hemant does manage to secure some minor concessions from Bengal, including the release of the nation of Deva Bengal.
Surprisingly this release results in the nation of Bengal becoming Deva Bengal, as Bengal cedes all of her territory to the 'new' nation.
Therefore the Bengali people went through all the bother of changing the name of their country, pretending it was another nation entirely, so as to escape my rule. The crafty gits. It is almost as if they do not wish to become subjects to my enlightened rule.
Annoyed as I am by these events, my attention is grabbed by a large unit of Timurid rebels who have launched a ferocious assault upon my army. It is whilst attempting to repel this assault that Hemant lets me know of a brilliant new idea he has had. He believes we should create a proper fleet.
Explaining to Hemant that the middle of a battlefield is not the best place to discuss matters of state, I tell him to get out of the way before I lop his head off.
The next day whilst battle still rages and things are growing progressively worse for my forces, I decide perhaps matters of state are actually more worthy of my time than battlefield concerns. Better that I remain off the battlefield running the government, a clearly more important task, than fight alongside my horribly outnumbered troops.
Thus whilst my men die in droves outside my tent, I summon Hemant and reject his idea of creating a proper fleet. In doing so, I point out that our current fleet of pedalos, fishing boats and inflatible rubber rings have proven more than adequate up until now. Plus the current development of the Never Rise Again Sinkmarine (TM), made from various types of grass, is sure to give our navy a cutting edge for years to come without this mission being required. Therefore I order him to come up with another idea.
To say I am less than impressed with Hemant's new idea would be an understatement. Bengal has just made a mockery of me and the nation with their name changing tricks and yet Hemant expects me to now arrange a marriage with their reincarnted selves, Deva Bengal.
I refuse. Never shall a Faruqi marry into the Bengali royal family. Those perfidious curs would simply besmirch the proud and honourable Faruqi name if it was allowed to happen. The noble Faruqi family shall most definetly...
...be joined with that of the Bengali royal family forthwith. I'm sure one of my cousins will love living in Deva Bengal, it is such a wonderful nation. If a royal marriage with Deva Bengal will remove some infamy, as Hemant claims, I'd happily marry my mother into the Bengali royal family.
Having sent off a surprisingly reluctant and unhappy cousin to Deva Bengal, I take my leave of the battle in Dash-i-Lut once again for another meeting with Hemant. Deciding upon yet another mission for the nation is evidently of more importance than watching my men being slaughted by rebels.
I am however left very irritated when the sounds of battle from outside my tent become too loud and I struggle to hear what Hemant is saying. Quickly I send a messenger to General Bhatti warning him to keep the noise down, or he will be punished. Allowing for the disruption of an important discussion such as this, with battlefield noises, the man is clearly incompetent. Thankfully with the noise abating slightly, my men screaming a little more quietly, I hear Hemant's new proposition for the next national mission.
I congratulate him heartily on yet another wonderful idea, it will clearly aid our nation immeasurably. Then hurriedly send for my cartographer so that he can show me where the devil Durrani is.
I am thus surprised to find that Durrani is a neighbour of Khandesh, and has been for quite a few years, having been formed by some Timurid rebels. Well, as brilliant a ruler as I abundantly am, it is quite a small nation, easy to overlook, and I cannot be expected to remember every neighbour on our borders.
Noting that my men are still struggling and defeat is a distinct possibiliy, I hurriedly quit the field, handing over full command to General Bhatti, telling him that I expect victory.
Should we somehow secure victory I shall, rightly of course, claim all credit for it was I who led the men into this battle despite our being hugely outnumbered. A bold yet brilliant move on my part, sadly I was let down by my troops dying too quickly against superior opposition, the useless fools. Should the unthinkable happen and we are defeated here, having boldly extracted myself from the battlefield, I shall blame General Bhatti for what can only be called an unexpected reverse. After all, he is the one in charge.
Waiting anxiously for news from the field whilst relaxing in the Royal Palace, it is then with some trepedation I greet the messenger sent by General Bhatti.
A loss, but considering the amount of casualties inflicted upon the rebels, I consider it a victory and promptly arrange a triumph in my honour through the streets of the capital. Of course, the battered 'victors' of Dash-i-Lut are still hundreds of miles away being led by General Bhatti and thus will miss out on the celebration. Really though, this 'victory' is all due to my great leadership, so I am sure they do not begrudge my enjoying all of the credit and adoration of the public whilst they continue to live in constant fear of rebel ambushes.
I am simply too selfless.
Will General Bhatti be able to save the remnants of Khandesh's 'victorious' army? Will Durrani be the next to suffer defeat at the hands of Khandesh's 'victorious' armies? Find out in the next insipid episode of Khandesh - land of the bewildered!