Some time ago, in a parallel dimension that was...parallel
It is a boring time for the world.
It is January 1st, 1936, and not much is going on.
A new political party "You Damn Right" has gained incredible support
in the USA, and has just seen its first candidate, Gary Busey, win the presidency.
The freshman president takes the first step in a journey that will shape the entire world.
**In the Oval Office:
Gary Busey: Wow, this place is nice! I can definitely get use to this president thing. I need to decide where I'm going to frame today's newspaper.
Gary Busey: Let's see...do I want it in front of my desk, so I can admire it everyday, or do I want it in front of the door, so everyone that comes to see me can admire it? Hmph, this job is hard! I mean talk about difficult decisions. I'm in here for five minutes and...wait a second...I can put up two copies of the newspaper. It's the best of both worlds! I knew the people elected me for a reason, and this is a clear example...
Gary Busey: Huh? Come in.
????: Hey, Gary.
Gary Busey: Egon! I completely forgot you were coming by. I knew I was forgetting something about why I was here this morning. Speaking of morning, did you see today's newspaper?
Egon: Yes...you sent me seven copies of it.
Gary Busey: Oh yeah, about that, um, I'm gonna need one of those back. I just got this great idea about putting up two pictures of that newspaper. One here and one over there. Get how great this is going to be! It's the best of both wor...
Egon: Gary! You know I love you like a brother, but I've got to cut you off right now. If I don't, we will spend the first year of your administration doing interior decorating. We need to setup your administration, remember? Or did you forget how during your inaugural party, you celebrated a little too much, and fired everybody?
Gary Busey: And? That's what I do.
Egon: I know. I know what you do and I, more importantly, also know what you don't do. That's why I've already selected individuals to fill out the vacant seats in your administration. Obviously, we both have our roles, but I take nothing for granted with you, so I shall reiterate our positions.
Gary Busey: You're Head of Government, really?
Egon: What do you mean "really?" We just spent the past year and half campaigning for this! Remember?
Gary Busey: Don't worry, Egon. I'll take your word for it.
Egon: Moving on. Your Foreign Minister:
Egon: General Zod can be a bit bull-headed at times, but he's also a no nonsense individual that takes nothing from anyone. He will be perfect for the times we really need to flex our muscle on the international political stage.
Gary Busey: Sounds interesting. I think I could like this guy.
Egon: Next, you might notice your Armament Minister:
Gary Busey: Tony!
Egon: Gary, I must stress, you're the president now. You really shouldn't be pulling all nighters anymore. May I remind you of the Montana incident? You were the first presidential candidate to be banned from an entire state.
Gary Busey: And? I still won the state in the election. Tony said I was too chicken to a drag race. That was a challenge, and be it in a middle of a crowded parade or not, I don't turn down challenges. Period. End of story.
Egon: Fine. Here is your new Minister of Security:
Gary Busey: That's a kickass mullet. He sports it well! That's really all I need to know. I approve of him.
Egon: He seems very qualified. He virtually entirely responsible for single handedly cleaning up the Double Deuce.
Gary Busey: Double Deuce? Is that one of those random countries in Africa or something?
Egon: Goodness, Gary. The Double Deuce is actually...nevermind. Yes. It is an African country.
Gary Busey: I thought so. Is that it?
Egon: No. Next, we have your Head of Intelligence:
Egon: I picked Emmet because he's been in the intelligence business for years, and not even I can count the number of suicide missions he's been sent on.
Gary Busey: So he's that good?
Egon: Yes and no. He has, for years, routinely failed every training exercise and test know to man, yet he somehow always manages to complete a mission he's tasked with. In some ways, he reminds me of you.
Gary Busey: He is a handsome devil. Let's speed this up. I need a nap.
Egon: Okay. Here is your Chief of Staff:
Egon: Gary, this man is most likely the greatest military mind the world has ever known, and will ever know.
Gary Busey: He looks pissed.
Egon: He has no sense of humor whatsoever. The two of you may not always...okay, neither of you will ever see eye to eye, but you're going to need him, Gary. When dealing with him, listen, and don't be...eh, just don't be you.
Gary Busey: Egon, come on, how about a little faith? Who's Montana's number one president? (points to self) You damn right! Remember, I made that our slogan and party name for a reason. I can make things happen
Egon: Oh, you can definitely make things happen. Next, we have your Chief of the Army:
Egon: He's hard but he's fair. He has a bit of a thing for marines, but, overall, a solid choice, if I may say so. He does yell a lot though.
Gary Busey: I'm getting very sleepy.
Egon: Fine, here is your Chief of the Navy:
Gary Busey: He's blue.
Egon: Perceptive, aren't you? This guy is the greatest naval strategist in the history of ever.
Gary Busey: Okay, but he's really blue. I might have to be in photographs with him beside me or something.
Egon: This guy is probably the best Grand Admiral there ever was. He almost brought the New Republic to their knees. If not for an unforeseen betrayal, he would have succeeded. If you just consider the legion of fanboys alone, he's worth...
Gary Busey: (yawns)Whatever. I'll give him a shot.
Egon: Good. Finally, your Chief of the Airforce:
Egon: This guy has been schooling kids on how to fly, and by default, die in the air for years. I can't find a better man to command our flying forces. Not only that, but he's also...
Gary Busey: Wonderful. I approve of them all twice. Now, it's time for a power nap.
Egon: Gary, we've scheduled a meeting with them to begin shortly. We got to plan the direction the country will take. You know, that whole doing what we were elected to do thing?
Gary Busey: Egon. Power. Nap. Now.
Egon: Jeez. Make it quick.