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Thread: Combine Historical Innacuracies and Over the Top Nationalism? You get A MakassAAR

  1. #1
    Captain theconfusedone's Avatar
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    Combine Historical Innacuracies and Over the Top Nationalism? You get A MakassAAR

    So...
    My Mutapa AAR was going pretty good for 50 years, and then the evil forces of EXAMS got me into the torture known as studying.
    And during my times at war, someone with Mugabe-ish stupidity saved over my Mutapa file
    Now that I'm free to do AARs, I had to make a new one, while I'm at it. Why not satisfy my nationalism once in a while?
    And maybe teach people a little about Indonesian history so future games won't describe the spice islands as a mud-poor uncivilized hellhole

    So people, I present to you, the nation that shouldn't have existed in 1399
    The Sultanate of Makassar

    It's an OPM, but thankfully it's got one of the few forts in Indonesia

    Also it's Sunni, surrounded with friendly neighbors, which is good thing early on. Why?

    Aceh, Malacca and Brunei, the only neighbour not guaranteeing me in day 1 is Hindu Majapahit

    Speaking of Majapahit, Indonesian consider them as the predecessor of Indonesia, they also symbolize Indonesian unity over diversity. it's kinda insulting seeing them described so poorly in the game

    Speaking of Majapahit AND insults,

    Oh, than we'll just talk more about Majapahit later on after I get some sleep

    Table Of Contents
    Last edited by theconfusedone; 29-04-2010 at 03:33.
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  2. #2
    General morningSIDEr's Avatar
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    Excellent stuff, your Mutapa AAR was a hoot, looking forward to following this one. I'm very much subscribed.
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  3. #3
    Captain theconfusedone's Avatar
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    morningSIDEr - Thx mate, your AAR was hootter thou, it made me, and the rest of the world, drunk

    Chapter 1 : The Macassari Blitzkrieg

    Where were we?
    Oh yes

    A little quick review on the contenders shall we?

    In this corner, we have :
    Makassar The nation that shouldn't have existed historically in this time era, small, but very obnoxious indeed, sending a love letter to the Majapahit every month, after the 4th letter or so, the war started because the other side felt insulted

    Aceh Another nation that shouldn't have existed in this era, and of course NOT encompassing all of Sumatera. Their strategy? Cause people to runaway using their flag, thinking that they are the Ottomans. But of course, the Atjehan moon is much fatter

    Brunei It did exist back then, but it was still Hindu with animist citizens. Somehow managed to conquer the unconquerable Kutai kingdom before 1399 in game, even though the Kutai Kingdom existed between the 4th century until the 1800s IRL

    And last, and yes, least
    Malacca, regular text was deliberately chosen
    Oh okay
    Malacca, has a COT, with three Macassari merchants present, tries to employ the Atjehan's strategy but apparently their flag makers were color-blind

    On the other corner
    Majapahit, their era was Indonesia's proudest moment in history, and apparently, the game ditched that era. In 1399, Majapahit was supposed to be nearing the end of their golden era, but it is still their golden era. Their land stretches through modern day era Indonesia Malaysia (TAKE THAT), Southern Thailand, East Timor, and southern Philippines. But in game, they're only 4 provinces full of sh.

    Time to put historical inaccuracies to our advantages


    As the Majapahit Hell-of-a navy sails into the mysterious waters of the Straits of Johor, our army lands in the yet unexplored land called Southern Java

    Certainly, a nation whose explorers reached the Arabian Peninsula and even The Marshall Islands should have those mysterious islands in TI right?
    Wrong Paradox, very wrong


    Here we have the 2000 strong Makassari race to the unknown against the Majapahit mercenary doomstack. Makassar reached it first while the Mercenaries stopped for a while and think

    Kinda like the 2009 presidential campaigns, Jusuf Kalla, who apparently comes from no other than Makassar, used the slogan was "the faster the better" against defending champion Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono's more cautious policies. But the Makassari lost thou. Hope it doesn't happen here

    I was wondering where the guarantors are at this point, and when the Balinese fog of war was lifted, my question was answered

    See? Even before Bali became a tourist destination, people thought it was the capital of Indonesia
    Was it the beaches? Was it the food? Was it the Australian gay bars?
    No one will ever know
    7000 people flock to Bali at August 1400, and in no way that it was good for tourism


    Seconds before the Majapahit doomstack arrived, this peace deal was signed
    Southern Java was so dirt poor we don't need to control any other provinces to get them
    Probably paradox's resources claimed that Surfing Hiking or even rice paddies were not invented yet back then

    Here's a view of the world in year 2


    Other than Makassaris in Java, there's not much conquest have been made it seems.

    That sums up our first update. Pretty boring wasn't it? Wait until you see the next one

    Next :
    Stuff, and Hopefully a Cliffhanger
    Last edited by theconfusedone; 29-04-2010 at 14:03.
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  4. #4
    Hypothetical Hegemon JDMS's Avatar
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  5. #5
    Not a Turk Chamboozer's Avatar
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    Your enemy seems to consist of invisible islands and floating shrubbery
    پادشاه عالم پناه

  6. #6
    El Caballero jonlucero's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chamboozer View Post
    Your enemy seems to consist of invisible islands and floating shrubbery
    The terrain tooltip should say "98% Mangrove, 2% Suitable for buildings(For their Townhall or something)"

    I like the title.

  7. #7
    General morningSIDEr's Avatar
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    Excellent start, cut back that shrubbery!
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  8. #8
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    JDMS - join the club

    Chamboozer - it's a symptom of a disease called playing with no videocard

    jonlucero wordplay, AARagon's not the only one who can do that

    morningSIDEr but then I can't know the difference between land and sea provinces :P Save the shrubbery!
    Last edited by theconfusedone; 23-04-2010 at 12:46.
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  9. #9
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    Chapter 2 : Stuff, and yes, There's a Cliffhanger

    This update starts at the dawn of a war

    An unimportant far away one it seems

    Back in the archipelago, naval improvements have won us a race against Champa
    With that out of the way, some bossy narrator told us to

    In the name of Allah, conquer the topless tourists-filled beaches, those overpriced haram food stalls, and Australian gay bars
    As a Muslim, I find this offensive

    But who cares, on the day the truce ends we DOW them
    Five months later,


    Meanwhile, Mataram had it's fort built and Blambangan is slowly turning Sunni, very slowly

    Oh almost forgot, this happened

    We're rich, people! We're rich! Let's go shopping
    Now I'll take two of those Asian longbows, a cavalry, and a general, thank you, put that on my credit card, please

    How much money do I have left?
    Eleven ducats
    Oh great

    If we don't do something we'll go bankrupt next year. Thank you capitalism.

    Checking through the ledger, I found out they have 12 carracks
    A three way alliance with Aceh and Malacca was signed.

    The alliance with Malacca made me start to question my nationalism *cough*Malaysians*cough*

    It turns out Brunei had been banging them hard for a month now, which I should be happy about, but then again, with that bankruptcy nearing, I can't really waste a casus belli

    Here's the cliffhanger I promised ya

    Well, here goes nothing

    Next :
    Blitzkrieg in Borneo, if I can land there that is
    Last edited by theconfusedone; 23-04-2010 at 05:31.
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  10. #10
    Tsar of Australiarr HMAS-Nameless's Avatar
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    Australian gay bars! As an Australian I find this offensive!
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  11. #11
    Hypothetical Hegemon JDMS's Avatar
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    oh noes! we will all be makassared

    *subscribed*
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  13. #13
    General morningSIDEr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by theconfusedone View Post
    conquer the topless tourists-filled beaches
    *books a holiday to Bali forthwith*

    Very good update!
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  14. #14
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    Splendid beginning.
    Soon to finish the WC?

  15. #15
    Oh, nice. Another Indonesian AAR!

    I don't know which difficulty you are playing at, but man, those Majapahit provinces spawn 10-regiment sized rebel blobs on very hard at least, so good luck in keeping them under your control!

  16. #16
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    HMAS-Nameless - Don't worry we won't catch you and accuse you of carrying drugs just to get lunch money... Yet

    JDMS - Not yet, if it's the province your speaking :P but the country is a whole different matter

    Mico94 - oh yes we will *maniacal laughter*

    morningSIDEr - thanks! Don't go to Bali now, there's a raper loose in the streets, and yes that's only a single P :P

    Enewald - I might do my first ever WC with this one, pretty optimistic with Makassar here, no one really expects the underdog, but it will take a long long time

    Eino_Day Yours and that Malacca one is only regionally Indonesian so it doesn't really satisfy my nationalism :P I've learned quite a lot from your Brunei AAR I think I'll go attack Ethiopia too. And yes Majapahit rebels are a bugger, in hard diff they spawn 8 regiments, been there once
    Last edited by theconfusedone; 24-04-2010 at 04:55.
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  17. #17
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    Previously, on Combine Historical Inaccuracies and Over the Top Nationalism? You get A MakassAAR, damn it's a long title

    The Makassaris crossed the Java sea, hoping to gain lands in Borneo
    A fierce sea battle stands in their way, will they survive this?

    Chapter 3 : Well I can get there, But it's more of a ping pong than a blitzkrieg
    damn it's a long title


    Where did that 12 carracks go?
    Massacring Malaysian, I mean, Malaccan ships I guess
    Nice, we're safe and the Malaccans are dying!

    After successfully landing in Kutei, the troops take a month-long march towards the capital


    And then a month-long march catching up with the retreating foes


    And another month-long march back to the capital


    And back again


    And again
    And again
    And again
    And again and again and again and again

    Finally,


    Before anything bad happens, because brunei provinces are dirt-poor we can do this


    And I thought taking down a giant with a navy twice your own should be fun *sigh*

    Here's the world after we take down Brunei


    Timurids are broken apart
    And Ethiopians somehow won against Adal, no gangbangs?

    At least the Borneo ping pong match is over right?
    You know what's the worst thing about winning?

    The losing side wants a rematch
    That sucks


    And that sucks even more
    How can I kill Malaccans with a regency


    And that, well, that's a pity

    And to add in the misery

    We're gonna go bankrupt in 8 months
    Our economy is so screwed...

    Or maybe not



    Next :
    It's horrible, and it starts with an R
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  18. #18
    Human Enewald's Avatar
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    You can warn neighbours while having regency, hoping to get into a war.

  19. #19
    Lt. General Mico94's Avatar
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    R?
    Rebels?
    Regency?
    Raging Malaccans?
    Ryukyu?
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  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Mico94 View Post
    R?
    Rebels?
    Regency?
    Raging Malaccans?
    Ryukyu?
    Revolt risk!

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