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Thread: Ye Olde bAAR: Closed

  1. #141
    CatAARstroph1c moderator Moderator Stroph1's Avatar
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    election posters, tv ads, campaign slogans.....

    When will the debate occur?
    More spam, you die! Horribly, horribly!

  2. #142
    Covert Mastermind Demi Moderator Secret Master's Avatar
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    The Falalalala song was playing in the background, as LD, MrT, and Shawng were playing the Musical EU2 Drinking Game. Secret Master walked on his tippy toes, hunched over, towards the bAAR. While he was not sure, it seemed that no one noticed him sneaking around. Good, he thought, I don't want anyone see me talking to Norg.

    As he stood by the bar, he casually ordered a drink. Nothing unusual. Malibu, vodka, and apple juice. (Easy on the apple juice). Having acquired his drink, he tugged on Norg's sleeve.

    "Hey buddy, I got some information fo ya."

    "Yeah, what is that?"

    "Shhh! Not so damn loud!"

    "Sorry. What you got for me?"

    "You might want to check here. Seems that someone has picked up the Venetian torch for the A-Team."

    At this point, the jukebox record needle skipped on the Falalalala song, causing the music to stop. Also, all eyes and ears were turned towards Secret Master, which was surprising considering the normal placement of eyes and ears on human heads. Secret realized he was being watched, and began to whistle. When that failed to distract anyone, Secret Master decided that a new strategy was in order.

    He began to recite songs from Southpark the movie, including one involving uncles. Everyone, including the Canadians, returned to their drinks.

    Whew, that was close.
    All Hail Him,

    The Secret Master

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  3. #143
    LurkAAR Norgesvenn's Avatar
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    "Uncle what?". "I told youse once! Nae swearing in mah bAAR!", Norgesvenn said in his best Francis Begbie impersonation.

    He then looked at the A-team's obvious way to eternal failure and damnation.

    "So... there's some character out of a poem playing? Where's the problem?"

    "Oi! Cat!"
    "What? Sorry about the infomercial..."
    "No problem. Here's five hundred quid. Share that with the others, okay? And buy some bloody air time. Your AARs are great, and I think you sort of need to influence the electorate. Now that you mention it..."
    "You mentioned it"
    "Now that I mention it..."
    "That's better!"
    "Well, now that I mention it... how 'bout leaving your credit card in the bAAR and buy people some drinks?", Norgesvenn said with a sly smile, while pouring Secret Master a secret (tm) brew.
    Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.

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  4. #144
    Holstein's Envoy in Vienna Syt's Avatar
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    Into the bAAR staggers Sytass, carrying a large suitcae under his arm. He looks around at the usual patrons, nodding "hello" to Secret Master, Norgesvenn, and Stroph1 who happen to stand close. Then, hurriedly, he moves to the bar, and asks the bAARkeeper if it'd be ok if he passed around a few leaflets.

    "Sure", is the answer, and Sytass opens his suitcase, filled to the brim with leaflets that he piles in strategic locations of the bAAR. When the suitcase is largely emoty, he begins going to the people, giving everyone who wants and everyone who doesn't a leaflet.

    When everyone is equipped with a leaflet - some threw it right away without looking at it, Sytass quickly makes for the bAAR's TV.

    "Sorry, guys, but I have to catch my Castilian Soap. And then there's that Brandenburg DVD I haven't watched! Can you pop it in, mate?"

    Instead of answering the bAARkeeper looks at the leaflets Sytass has piled all over his working space.

    "GRAND OPENING!

    READ SYTASS' COMPLETED AARS!
    War and Peace (Russia 1795 - 1820)
    An English Heart (an account of my life with pictures, maps, and drawings)
    Providentiae Memor - a brief history of Saxony
    Defying the Fate - a Holstein AAR

    IN COLOUR! CLICK HERE!"

    The bAARtender shaes his head, sweeps the leaflets off his bAAR and tosses them into the trash.
    One strikeout is a tragedy; a million strikeouts a statistic.

  5. #145
    LurkAAR Norgesvenn's Avatar
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    "A hair of the dog that bit me... from the shape I'm in now, I gather that I'll need all the fur provinces of North America to get back to my old self...". Norgesvenn tried to mix himself a bucket of 'Bloody Mary'. A task which in no way is easy when you're shaking like a leaf and retching simultaneously.

    "Speaking of songs..."
    "I didn't mention songs?", said Rictus, already downing his third Stella.
    "Didn't you? Must've been me, then"
    "Suppose so. What about songs?"
    "Did you bring your guitar?"
    "Yes"
    "Would you like to jam some time?"
    "Obviously"
    "And be the house musician?"
    "Dunno 'bout that, though..."
    "Rictus, we've got titties and beer. We need music as well. All them c**ts are critisising my choice of music. What's wrong with 'Supergrass'?"
    "Nothing. They're great. I suppose some might think they're made for smoking, though..."
    "Is this a hash bAAR? Do you see either John Travolta or Sam Jackson here?"
    "No, but that Sean Penn bloke visited us last week. Ran off from Smithee and all"
    "Oh, yeah. The bloke was ranting about the Mother of Christ all the time"
    "Madonna?"
    "Yeah"
    "She was his wife"
    "You mean Sean Penn's the father of Jesus?"
    Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.

    - John Kenneth Galbraith

  6. #146
    Kurtbrian entered, holding a plastic cup, going from table to table collecting coins.

    'give a donation to the ' Get Well MrT' foundation'

    Naturally everyone chipped in for their favorite executioner...
    Minsc will lead the way with blade and Boot - Boo will take care of the details... - Minsc, famous ranger

    Man who sits in marmelade, has ass in jam... - Wang, famous shadow warrior

  7. #147
    ChancellAAR Bismarck's Avatar
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    Bismarck flops down on at a stool at the Baar, looking exhausted.

    Norgesvenn approaches from behind the counter and Storey sit down beside him.

    Storey was the first to speak. "You look a little tired, Bis."

    "It was that recreation of the First Cyprio-Arab War I just put together, Joe... it was harder to do than it first appeared... and now I don't know how it is loading up on modem users computers, so I don't know if I need a preloader for it..."

    "A preloader... I think I know what that is, but maybe you can explain it in your own words." Norgesvenn asks.

    "A preloader is a little animation that plays to tell the user that the movie is loading or to occupy the user if it is a particularly large file." the one who signs M answered

    "Ah... I see... well, I am sure if you put up a notice or something around here for a day or so, someone will tell you what you need to know... just don't let it stay here too long..."

    Bismarck posts a notice, whose ink has already faded away....

    From his table with Secret Master, Bismarck hears Lord Durham whisper in the back... "He doesn't need all those bells and whistles... he should just write the story..."

    Bismarck sighs to himself "But I am no Tolkien.... "

    Kurtbrian passes by with his cup and M drops all this month's ducats from the treasury on into it... and the charity seeker nearly falls over from the weight now in his hand....

    M
    Last edited by Bismarck; 26-08-2002 at 04:19.
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  8. #148
    Originally posted by Bismarck
    Kurtbrian passes by with his cup and M drops all this month's ducats from the treasury on into it... and the charity seeker nearly falls over from the weight now in his hand....
    Kurtbrian realizng that the tiny plastic cup is probably not enough for the overwhelming response he got from the regulars at the bAAR, he decides to switch the cup for a wheelbarrow...
    Minsc will lead the way with blade and Boot - Boo will take care of the details... - Minsc, famous ranger

    Man who sits in marmelade, has ass in jam... - Wang, famous shadow warrior

  9. #149
    En Til'Za shawng1's Avatar
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    Shawng1 looks at kurtbrian's bucket of coin.

    "Ahh, now you can pay me back for all the rounds I've bought you."

    "Ummn, what rounds? I don't remember any...."

  10. #150
    bAAR Landowner Rictus's Avatar
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    Rictus leans on the door till it gives way, causing him not so much to enter the bAAR, but spill into it. And that's spill in the bad way. Dragging himself slowly, painfully and, oh yeah, slowly to the bar, he managed to work himself up to eye level so he could lazily catch Norgesvenns attention.

    The Norweigan eyed him warily.

    "Where the hell have you been? You look like you've been camping for five days with 300,000 other people, with no shower and plenty of filthyass toilets, listening to brilliant music, getting little sleep and drinking far too much."

    "'s' 'bout right." Rictus replied, "Stella, please."

    "Reading?" He said, to which Rictus nodded and slumped back a few inches. Norgesvenn leaned over and poured a healthy portion of the pint into Rictus's open mouth.

    "But I'm back now" The youngster agreed, spraying foam everywhere. "and it was a fecking class festival."

    "Did you take your guitar?"

    "I can't play anything on the acoustic. Just can't get my damn fingers around it, and the drums were too big to take. Didn't stop me trying though" he added reflectively. Norgesvenn poured in more. "So what have I missed?"

    "Find out yourself, you lazy bum." In earnest response, he passed out.
    Last edited by Rictus; 26-08-2002 at 23:13.
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  11. #151
    StoreytellAAR Storey's Avatar
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    Storey leaned over to Bismarck and put a hand on his shoulder before saying.

    "Modems? People still use those things? Damn when are they going to join the 21st century and get a real hookup to the Internet? Well don't worry I checked out your latest installment and the "First Cyprio-Arab War I" link works beautifully. I watched those little dots run all over the Middle East gobbling up so many provinces that I realized that I was hungry myself and started up a Lithuania game I have going and immediately declared war on Russia."

    Bismarck smiled from being cheered up by what Storey had told him and asked.

    "And did you as you're fond of saying kick butt big time?"

    "Ah, hmm, well no but that's because of my new rules."

    "New rules?"

    "Yep I've found a way to make it even harder to play the game and if I ever can escape from real life I'll write a little AAR about it. Now I wonder whose turn it is to by a round of drinks?"
    Last edited by Storey; 27-08-2002 at 00:05.
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  12. #152
    En Til'Za shawng1's Avatar
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    shawng1 heard "round of drinks" and said, "Joe, don't you read the signs?" Pointing his finger at the sign that read:

    Writer of the Week is responsible for the tab.

    Guess you better go find M-T and split the bill for us, my friend.

    Norgs, I'll have another Guiness...on him.

  13. #153
    Originally posted by shawng1
    shawng1 heard "round of drinks" and said, "Joe, don't you read the signs?" Pointing his finger at the sign that read:

    Writer of the Week is responsible for the tab.

    Guess you better go find M-T and split the bill for us, my friend.

    Norgs, I'll have another Guiness...on him.

    Mmm? How much yen do you need? I have 166 in front of me. That won't do much though..


    Meiji-Tenno

  14. #154
    wannabe american Patric123's Avatar
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    [I] PDS walked into the bar without making much of a scene. this was intentional as the women he had had ther previous night he was aware worked in the BAAR. He sat down and talked to Lord Durham. He had met LD a couple of times before. PDS was drinking to his new aar Occupation and Liberation - Lives of the Portugese resistance . PDS looked over towards Bismark now acclaimed for his highly popular Scotland and Cyprus aar's. "god i wish my novels were as popular as his" By this point however LD had lost interest and had found some twins down the other side of the baar. PDS sighed drunk a couple more pints and fell asleep.

  15. #155
    The Father of AARland Lord Durham's Avatar
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    LD listened to Bismarck talking about locating a frontloader, and wondered what the hell he needed a frontloader for. Was he going to dig an inground pool?

    SM chuckled, the action causing his false nose to slip. "No, I think he's talking about a preloader..."

    LD shrugged, "He doesn't need all those bells and whistles... he should just write the story..." As Bismarck became proccupied with Kurtbrian and his collection cup, LD continued, "But then again, bells and whistles are kind of neat."

    A crash and bang signaled the entrance of Rictus. As LD stood to see if there was any damage, he heard a cry from Storey stating that the next round would come from Meiji-Tenno's deep yen-filled pockets.

    Just then PDS stopped beside LD, and glancing at Bismarck, said, "God I wish my novels were as popular as his."

    He began to wander off when LD said, "Sit for a minute."

    Reluctantly PDS sat with LD and SM. LD said, "You have to give it time, and you have to stick with one AAR for more than one or two posts. The first thing I'd recommend is read this article about Feedback. There's a lot of good discussion in there. It takes a while to build an audience. Stick with it, and make sure you comment on other AARs. The favour will be returned."

    PDS nodded and wandered away. LD looked at the Secret Master, "Maybe I should have mentioned that the first printing of Austria and the War of the Spanish Succession in PDF format was ready. All 115 pages of it."

    SM raised an eyebrow...
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  16. #156
    Unusually Foolish Rath Jones's Avatar

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    Sipping his unexpectedly (but welcome) free beer, Rath Jones watched silently as Seang1 attempted to claim the MrT fund from its owner in reparation for far too many unpaid drinks. "A worthy cause either way." He thought, then returned his eys to the manuscript he was reading. Filled with flashy colors, shields, and maps, it quickly drew the attention of the Bartender, he came over to Rath as soon as he hastily finished puring hard liquor for some of the bAAR's other occupants.

    "What do you have there RJ?" He asked.

    "Just the latest update from Mad King James Byzantium/Azerbeijen AAR, "The Undying Tale". He's really done an amazing job, and he's barely being recoginzed for it."

    "It happens."

    "I know, ah well. Gimme another beer." He said, and returned his attention to the various amusements of the bAAR.


    RJ
    Last edited by Rath Jones; 27-08-2002 at 03:04.
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  17. #157
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    Shawn looks with satisfaction at MKJ's latest contribution over his bottle of Grolsch Amber Ale,

    "Don't blame me RJ, I voted for him."

  18. #158
    Meiji-Tenno defends his huge treasure stash (166 yen) from the greedy readers around him, seeing that each of them has an evil glint in their eyes.

  19. #159
    Passeportout limped slowly into the bAAR and sat down. "Hi Norg. I hear you have the other bottle of '34 Pinot Noir du Lac. Give me some of that. I want to save mine." "Here you go. what's with the bandages?" "Remember the other day when I got shot?" "Ah." "Pity about MrT. Anyway, thinking of Lord Durham, I've volunteered by PM to write the PoV of the bad guys in the next Free Company. I haven't gotten a reply yet, but he is probably in bed by now, as it is 9:32 where he lives." "When were we thinking of LD? And how did figure out what time it is in Toronto so easily?" "I was shot in a matter concerning LD. And I live on the other side of the lake from Toronto."

  20. #160
    Covert Mastermind Demi Moderator Secret Master's Avatar
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    The Secret Master arched his brows as Lord Durham mentioned the page count to his recently-converted-to-PDF AAR. The unfortunate side effect of arching his brows was that the disguise inched ever further off his face. His false nose was over his mouth by now. This did not deter the slightly disturbed individual that was Secret Master from speaking.

    "Good Lord that's a lot of pages!"

    "Well, you know how we Candians like it. We are firm believers in bigger is better."

    Secret Master nodded.

    "I know. But bigger is not always smarter, as this thread clearly demonstrates."

    "Why should I read this thread?"

    "Because you were an important part of the proceedings, though most of your lines were ghost written for you."

    It was Lord Durham's turn to arch a brow.

    "Who exactly did the writing?"

    "Err, well, that was me."

    He uttered something untranslatable in Canuck.
    All Hail Him,

    The Secret Master

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