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Ye Olde bAAR: Closed

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Stroph climbed up on a table. Norgesvenn gave him a look that could kill but Stroph ignored him.

"Excuse me, your attention everybody. I have an announcement to make!"

The Bull quieted down to a dull roar that Stroph could be heard over.

"Today is an anniversary for one of our more active writers. Mr. Secret Master, please step forwAArd. Today is the one year anniversary of when you regestered."
 
Duuk raises his head from the table, where it has mysteriously fallen.

"Hey!", he bellowed somewhat incoherantly, "whashhe doin' back?"

Seeing Lord Durham staring at him, Duuk did what could be considered the only polite thing to do.

"Baartender, his drink is on my tab!"
 
Bismarck looks up from his copy of Ulysses and sees Lord Durham sitting at a scratched table with Secret Master.

He then reaches into his coat to pull out a pen and a piece of paper. A calendar is visible in his coat pocket, with chapter numbers printed on it, most with what looks like hundreds of checks underneath them, but today's date has a ch. 32 written on it, but only 25 little marks upon it.

Bismarck pens a little doggerel on the scrap of paper, left over from his own days at the library. The other side has printing telling users how to use the online catalogue. After he completes his little diddy, he folds the paper, gets up, walks by Lord Durham and drops it on his table before continuing out the door, which seems to have psychically become a gateway to Paterson, NJ.

Lord Durham opens the sheet of paper and reads:

Readers come and readers go,
when times are busy, you'll see it's so,
with so much to be perused,
don't feel sad or disabused,
People will come back,
they always come back,
after all, you once left
so don't feel so bereft....

-M
 
The Secret Master nods to Lord Durham as he wanders over to the table. Secret is in his uniform today, complete with dark cloak, hood, and a glowing ember of a cigar. Silently, he hands Lord Durham a cigar and motions to a chair. LD takes a seat, but notices that Secret Master is not drinking beer tonight. In front of him is a large bottle of saki, inscribed with odd runes.

"What's your poison tonight, Secret Master?"

"It's called Habu saki. It is saki which is aged with a large, Habu snake. That is, the snake soaks in the saki as it ferments. The Habu is a poisonous snake, native to the island of Okinawa."

Secret then points to the clear bottle next to him. What had appeared to be runes were in fact the pattern of the scales of a fairly large specimen of Habu. LD gives Secret an odd glance. The Secret Master just shrugs.

"All I can say in my defense is that one can pick up mighty odd preferences for booze while overseas. You don't even want to know some of the other stuff I drank while in that part of the world..."

He stopped speaking suddenly when he heard Stroph making his announcement up at the front. In mild shock, Secret Master checked his own profile information. Indeed, Stroph was speaking the truth. This was at once both wonderful and disturbing, for it begged the question: what else did Stroph know? And would Stroph be a hinderance to the future plans of the Secret Masters because of his knowledge? While digesting the implications of this, Secret stepped up to the stage.

"Thanks, Stoph. But I couldn't have done it alone. I would like to thank Greven, Patric, and the whole Paradox crew for making this all possible. Also, I would like to thank my mother for forgetting to use birth control that one night. Hi Mom! Oh, and I would like to thank the judging pool of the Academy Awards for this honor. I've always wanted to be an AAR writer, ever since I was a little kid..."

The Secret Master stopped, realizing that everyone had returned to their drinks. Satisfied that he had prevented any serious damage to the Future Plans for World Domination, he returned to his table with LD.

"You know, LD, getting discouraged is a part of writing, especially when you have been going full speed with it for some time. It strikes me that you have been slaving away like a big dog with the Free Company, not to mention your own solo stuff and reading other people's work. It's only natural that at some point, you might get burned out. This is especially true since the Free Company was something near and dear to you."

Secret paused and took a long pull from his own cigar. Then, he continued.

"The way I see it, you need a change. Nothing drastic, but you need a change of pace. I would advise taking some time off from writing on the forum. Maybe even take a break from trying to read so much of the stuff on the forum. Do something different for a week or two. Go fishing. Or logging. Or spend a solid week at the same strip club. That would certainly be a change of pace, but might drain your finances too much. The point is get away from everything here for a bit. Then, after a week or two, check yourself. See if you are chomping at the bit to do a new project, or whether you are just dying to see what new stuff has been posted. If you are having forum withdrawal symptoms, then come back and get writing. If not, then try writing something radically different than what you post here. Then, when you are ready, come on back. I know you can't keep away forever. At some point, you will get the 'itch' all writers get when an idea germinates in their head."

LD carefully considered the words spoken by Secret Master, but he did not speak right away. He did reach for a shot glass and poured himself some of the Habu saki. Secret did likewise, and both proceeded to imbibe the foul liquid. Along with their taste buds, most rational thought was promptly burned from their minds.
 
"Ulysses, eh, Bismarck?". Norgesvenn was in an excellent mood. The girlfriend was away on a holiday, and given the presence of Lord Durham and the fact that everyone wanted to buy him a drink, the money was pouring in at the bAAR.

"Yes. I sort of like Joyce..."
"Me too. Although I never read 'Ulysses'. Seemed a bit hard to get into for a non-native speaker, if you know what I mean..."
"Can't say I do...?"
"Consider reading Ibsen in Norwegian..."
"Oh. Yes. Well, I see your point"

Norgesvenn went over to Secret Master and Lord Durham.
"Good to see you both here. Hope you won't burn out from that foul liquid you're pouring down like water"
"Schmgf"
"Yeah, I know..."

"So, syphilis, eh? Must be hard on the old boy..."
"Yeah", said Rictus.
"What're you going to study at the U. then?"
"Something"
"A great song"
"Yeah"

Having finished his shift, Norgesvenn watched the Midnight Rose enter in her dress-that-conveys-a-lot.

It was beer time.
 
Stroph chuckled as he watched Secret Master twitch nervously. There was no big secret how he knew about the anniversay. SM had put all this info in his bio at Meglomaniacs Annonymous. It was then published in the company yearbook under the section "Anniversaries."
:)
 
Originally posted by Lord Durham
LD faced the interior of the bAAR. His gaze passed over Bismarck, Lord Joseph, Rictus, Sharur, Sytass, Storey, Stroph, Rath Jones, shawng, Craig Ashley, kurtbrian, Warspite, heagarty, Backpack, Deaghaidh, Prufrock451, Lt. Tyler, Morlac, Cat Lord, Mad King James, J. Passeportout, pds, Eochaid, wathombe, Duuk, Wyvern, Sorcerer, Nikolai II, Meiji-Tenno, Apebe, KrisKannon, Eddie Teach, Kasperus, Paranoid Tsar, alaexis, Tem_Probe, Faeelin, Fredrick II, Drgnsrd, and other faces too far back to make out. Peter E was outside the door, and MrT was home ill with syphilis. Finally, he spotted Secret Master. "Ah, here's a man who smokes cigars..."
Click to expand...

wathombe glanced up, surprised and pleased, as an humble newcomer, to be noticed and included by the tireless Lord Durham. He stands, bows slightly, raises a glass in Durham's direction, murmurs, "I thank you, m'Lord," then sinks to his seat and returns to his pint.

----------------------------------------------
OOC: Thanks much for all your time and effort, LD. I'm very excited about my first AAR, which I should begin posting Saturday. Hope you'll drop by. I'm in the middle of your War of Spanish Succession myself, which I'm quite enjoying.
 
The doors of the BAAR fly open, the light forces it's way into the recesses of The BAAR , temporarily blinded by this light, a murmur rises from the patrons, some one is heard to whisper in awe "Is it the Transcendant One." Someone else smacks the source of that whisper in the back of the head and complains "Don't Be a fool you can see his feet and clearly he does not wear flapiflops."

Just then a cloud of cigar smoke Swirls around the door blocking the light out. Castellon enters, closing the door behind him which allows the Darkness to reconquer the BAAR.
Stepping boldly forth holding a wad of cash clutched in his upraised fist, He announces "Free drinks for all and for all a free drink." This declaration is met with sporadic applause from some of the tipsier patrons and a big smile from the Barkeep.
The Barkeep is heard to enquire what the occasion is. With a flourish of his hat Castellon performs a sweeping bow and declares "It is to show my gratitude for the fine story tellers that patronize your establishment. And to thank them for all the wondrous tales told round the fire here."

Hoisting one in your honour guys.
 
LD took a deep drag on the cigar, then paused to savor its sweet aroma. His mind pondered the words of Bismarck and Secret Master. Sage advice, but that damned writing bug was so irritable... like an itch that can't be scratched. Instead, he reached for the saki.

He saw one of the newer authors raise a glass in his direction and mention ... Spanish Succession. LD felt honoured and raised his glass in turn. "I'll look forward to reading his AAR when it's ready."

Secret Master nodded.

LD continued, "Don't shoot me, but I'm planning another Free Company Book."

"How's the cigar?"

At that moment the doors of the bAAR flew open, and a man with the air of confidence that only a huge wad of bills can bring stalked in. The girls 'ohhed' and 'ahhed'.

Sweeping his hat in a grand flourish he cried, "It is to show my gratitude for the fine story tellers that patronize your establishment. And to thank them for all the wondrous tales told round the fire here!"

After the applause trailed off, LD gave SM a knowing look. "Now that's something you don't see every day."
 
Storey raises his head from the bar when he hears the words

"Free drinks for all and for all a free drink."

He quickly shakes off the effects of the Shirley Temple that had temporarily caused him to go blind and calls out to the barkeep.

"I'll have some of that 200 year old port you keep for special occasions if you don't mind kind sir. Bill that upstanding young man that just came in."

Raising his glass and admiring the rich ruby color of the port he calls out a toast for Castellon.

"May he forever have the health and wealth to by us drinks, amen."


Joe
 
Eochaid walked in the bAAR and quickly had a pint of Murphy's, just because some guy had said the drinks were on him tonight. And then he had a couple more pints, just to be sure the stout was good here.

After this little break Eochaid walked to the stage and grabbed the microphone.

"Hey everybody! Just one moment of attention please...." Nobody turns around.

" Ok then... Look, it's Midnight Roses totaly naked and giving free drinks!"

Eochaid really shouldn't have done that, for every single male customer in the bAAR (that is all the customers, save MrT's usual belly-dancers) turned around and started running towards the stage, trying to get there first, pushing, hitting and even bitting the others. Finally, as Cat Lord, who'd managed to be in front of the charging herd of lubricous and thirsty males, tripped over his own foot, every single one lad fell over him. So just a few seconds after making his announcement, Eochaid had in front of him a human pyramid of drunk people, litteraly. He calmly sat on the edge of the stage.

" Okay, guys, about Rosie, I was just kidding. I just wanted your attention for a few minutes. I'm currently playing an MP game with Wyvern and Peter Ebessen and we need an extra player. You'd be a mighty Spirit fighting for supremacy in Asia. If you want to take a look at it, go to the Asia - The Awakening thread, and if you're interested sign in here Thank you for listening."

Eochaid tried to quickly walk out of the bAAR before the other customers would try to hang him for playing this dirty trick on them. But he was so occupied looking back to be sure nobody was running after him that he didn't see rosie coming: she slapped him so hard that he almost fainted. The other customers laughed out loud and went back to drinking. Eochaid managed to go back to the bAAR and have another pint. That Castellon fellow really was a nice guy...

PS: Seriously, we realy need an extra player for our Asian MP...
PPS: Never mess with Rosie...
:D
 
Shawng1 sidles up to the bar, and orders a Grolsch, much to the delight of the Dutch contingent. "You know who we never see in here? Havard! And it's his BIRTHDAY! I think we all need to find him and let him hear a big bAAR happy birthday, what'ya say to that!"
 
"Yep, we'll throw a big party for the crusader, I'd say, Shawn!". Norgesvenn motioned Shawn and Echoiad to help him carry some of the kegs stored in the basement along with Rosie's assortment of undergarments, leather, whips and utensils with no apparent area of usage.

"Anyway, where's Ariel?"
"I thought I saw him being sick as a dog in the lavatory..."
"Ouch!"
"Must've been the food!"
"We don't serve food. We have 200 years old port, but no bloody food!". Norgesvenn worked himself up once again.
"Blood pressure. That vein'll pop soon. Stop smoking, you're wheezing like a stranded walrus"
"Shut up or I'll tell you all about Championship Manager!"

... ah, the days at the bAAR...

 
Totally OOC

Once he'd finished helping Norg with the Kegs, he just sat on a stool, trying to breathe normaly again.

"Hey Norg, I was wondering, ? Do Norvegian people drink Glog like the Sweds? 'Coz I once had some kind of hot wine with peanuts in it during Santa Lucia eve and it really was weird.. You don't serve that do you?"
 
"Hey Norg, I was wondering, ? Do Norvegian people drink Glog like the Sweds? 'Coz I once had some kind of hot wine with peanuts in it during Santa Lucia eve and it really was weird.. You don't serve that do you?"

Norgesvenn was wheezing and puffing, trying to light a stinking fag.

"Sure we do. Either you mix it with red wine, which makes for a weak drink, or we use vodka. Some even use moonshine (tm), which can be fatal, but that's another matter. We drink that most of December. Ever heard about 'Yulebord'?"

 
"Yulebord? What's that? Another weird drink? I bet the Peanut lobby is really powerful in Norway....
 
Putting his limbs back together, and tidying his dark clothes (without hood, what do you think ? I am wearing a smoking jacket from now on !), Cat Lord tries to crawl back as gracefully as possible to the counter:
"- I think I need a Fraoch, Norg.
- Uh ?", asked Shawng and Eochaid in concert.
"- It's a Scottish Ale flavoured with Heather, you two ignorant scums ! Where do you think you are over there ? This is the finest bAAR in all forums around. We have every beer to please our customers. Here you are, Cat.
- Thanks Norg."
He drinks his beer quickly as if he just swallowed all the bAAR's dust. Which he has, in fact, when he get stuck under the human pyramid of lads.
"- *Hickup* Aaaaaah ! ' feel better. Now, if you exshcuse me, gentlemen, I have someone to tease..."
Shawng1 immediately covers his ears with his hand not to hear about Championship Manager again, but he was obviously not Cat Lord's target. Cat Lord walks (in a rather curvy way, because he is not accustomed to finish his glass so quickly) to Secret Master.
"- Ya know what, Schecret Mashter ? Ya could be Secret Mashter, but I am now offically a schecret agent. But, ssshhhhh, it'sh a schecret."
He stumbles in the sofa aside the wall and begins to snore...
 
Suddenly Craig was seemingly struck by a bolt of lightning. Leapoing out of his seat, he streaked toward the bAAR. Spotting LD on the way up, he shouted out, "Glad you're still around."

As he reached his destination, Craig reached up and changed the channel on the ancient TV behind the bAAR. Most folks didn't even realize the bAAR had a TV. No one realized that TV magic was happening. To get everyone's attention he scrambled on top of the bAAR, and yelled at the top of his lungs, "I think Star Wars and LOTR sucks!" Dead silence followed for a split second. Craig was sure he saw a few daggers being pulled ever so slightly from their hiding places.

"Just kidding. I love Star Wars, Empire was my favorite, and LOTR? Just check out my posts on Sharur and Stroph's latest works. I just needed to get your attention. MY INFOMERCIAL IS ON!" No one responed. "AND A OF DRINKS ROUND ON ME!" Now the cheers went up.

Craig looked up at the TV.

"Hello all of you out in TVland. In case you weren't aware of it, the OscAARs are upon us. And wouldn't you know it? I am among the nominees. Now I'm sure you all are thinking is this just some guy with a few extra bucks buying airtime to shower me with 90 minutes of 'Vote for me, Vote for me' crap?

Yes it is. Hey and look who I paid to drop in. It's Tony Danza!"

Tony was a little wobbly. "Itsh grate to be's shere. Wheresh me scheck?"

"Tony, good to see you, too. Have you had a chance to check out the nominees?"

"I'm sherious, ya lit'l twerp! I want me money aaand now, damsit!"

"You're right, Tony. There is some tough competion out there."

"Yous shinks I'm jokin'? I'm Eyetalian. I's knows schome people."

"What's that Tony? You think my AAR, Prussia a Pawn No Longer, is the best one? I don't know."

They'll finds yous ats da schbottom o' a laaake shomeswhere."

"So, Tony, what projects do you have in the works?"

"I's a gonna kills schme a redhead! How'sh that fer a proejekt?"

"Thanks for dropping in, Tony. We'll see you real soon."

Craig watched at the bAAR. This was absolute genius. Speaking of absolute. BAARtender, some vodka please. With a little Red Bull.
 
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"- Hey Cat, you're on the nominees too, aren't you ?
- I am Norg, I am, with Daniel, Dragonheart, Drgnsrd (hard name to prounouce for the ceremony, if you ask me !), Kasperus, King o'9, Lt. Tyler (Right now, I have not read all the others, but he is a serious competitor; Tyler has a very fine story, I wish him to be in the top 3; with me of course, Norg), Mad King James (I borrow some of his flags and shields in my AAR, by the way), Mad Magyar (How many mad people have we around ?) and Nikolai II (One of Peter Ebbesen's student). Ha, and of course, Craig.
- He he, what d'ya think of his infomercial ?
- What I think Norg ? Tss, tss. I am an author, Norg, I may seek readers' recognition, but I may as well not. Informercial ? Tss tss, marketing bullshit.
- You're harsh.
- Come on Norg. All infomercial are marketing bullshit. You cannot judge anything from an infomercial. Not to say that Craig's AAR is not good, not the least.
- You're just jealous he got the idea first.
- I am just wondering were he found the money, you mean. Now, give me another Fraoch.
- D'ya promise to drink it more slowly ?
- I do, Norg. I do."

______________________________________________
OOC: Sorry Craig, I can't let you be the only one advertising in such a blatant way ! ;)

Cat
 
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