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Thread: King Nothing - An Austrian AAR

  1. #1
    Crusty Old German Baron RPG Leader Schlieffen's Avatar

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    King Nothing - An Austrian AAR

    First a little OOC talk before the fun begins:
    Rules
    1) No in game cheating - Self explanitory.
    2) Files may be edited & events created - but only if I write a lot about it and it makes sense. (Eg. Adding an Elector tag to Austria after diplo-annexing Mainz.)
    3) Keep the reputation up & avoid trouble with the neighbors - Try to avoid negitive relations with the German states and never annex if reputation isn't above "slightly tarnished".
    4) Never militarily annex a state with the same religion - (partialy to avoid having troubles with #3 )
    5) Generaly try to avoid taking non-CB territory in war - partialy for BB, partialy because I like to write about vassal states so much more.

    And this is in the EEP, just because I like it more. (It also has more events to write about, but I certainly hope you knew that already. )

    Disclaimer
    Some characters (ok, one) will seem familiar to some of the members of the RPG. This is not nessessarily what he is actualy like (so don't get any ideas... ) but I like the name and a lot of the persona I created for him, so he stays.
    Don't expect updates every day. (Just a warning.)

    And on with the story...



    The year is 1419. The hundred years war continues to rage on in Western Europe, the Iberian peninsula is once again mostly under the rule of Catholicism, and the Holy Roman Empire is in decline. Within Austria, one of the larger relms of the Empire, a new advisor to the Archduke has been appointed, a man without great nobility, but enough to gain mention - Victor von Blommenstein. (That's him! ) Little did the Archduke realize that he had found a man who, in later years, would be known to the Austrians as "King Nothing", a man without title or nation, but who led Austria into a golden age. A man who would lead Austria despite the official leader being a Hapsburg for the rest of his life, granting his family greater power for his entire life and having his son take the reigns when he passed on.

    "So as you can see, sire, there is no reason for Austria to be concerned with the sea."
    It was Victor speaking, attempting to convince the Archduke to focus more on the land than the sea. "One reason being that we have no coastline, the second being that, should we ever gain one, the ammount of effort and work that we would waste trying to catch up with nations such as Venice, the Iberian countries, the Muslims... it would leave us very vulnerable indeed."
    "Perhaps you are right," replies the Archduke, sitting in his throne. "Would you please fill out the paperwork?"
    "I would be honored, sire."
    +1 Land

    Victor walks into a room of the small mansion granted to him, removing his golden brestplate he wears all day (no one is really sure why, but he does) after throwing his black cape over a chair beside the door. "Damn fool," he states to himself. "An Austrian navy... A landlocked country attempting to compete with nations like Venice, the Muslims, Aragon..."
    His rant is inturupted by his wife. "How was your first day in the court, dear?"
    Victor rolls his eyes, stating, "I'll tell you how it went: my cousin was right, the Archduke is a moron."
    "Victor!"
    "Well he is." He begins to walk towards his study. "A navy..." he mutters.

    "Victor, your cousin is here!" yells Victors wife. It has been one month since Victor became the Archduke's advisor, and he has become rather popular within the family, let alone the nation. Already head of the family because of his grandfather's will, his power in the family has only been strengthened by his new position.
    "Send him in," he states, sitting behind the desk in his study. The room is a square, two large windows across from the door, one on each side of the large desk also across from the entry, and books lining the two remaining walls. Also in the room are two tables, three large chairs to each, and "one of the best views in Austria" as the Archduke put it upon granting the estate to his advisor.
    In walks a man, his weight making him look rather short for his actual height of 5'10". "So how's the job?" he asks in a joyous, almost taunting tone.
    "Oh shut up," replies Victor, a slight smile on his face, looking up from his papers for a moment.
    "What are those?"
    "This?" he says, flamboyantly waving his arms above the papers. "This the paperwork of all of Austria, compounded into one big mess for the Archduke to sort through. Of course, seeing as you won the bet, it would appear that he is unable to do it. Therefor it is my job, as his advisor, to not only advise but to make for his incompetence."
    The two men laugh at the joke. "So, how much influence do you have over him anyways?" asks Victor's cousin.
    "Enough."
    "Enough to do what?"
    Victor ponders over the question for a moment. "I think just about anything I want, really."
    "Then why don't you do a favor for Austria, and put your skill and knowledge to use?"
    Victor sits and thinks for a moment. "Leave me," he tells his cousin
    "Victor..."
    "...I have some new paperwork to do." The two men grin before his cousin leaves.

    "...so as you can see, sire, if you were to marry off your first cousin to the Duke of Bavaria, we could take advantage of our size and relations and praticaly force Bavaria into our relm."
    "And what of the rest of the proposed alliance?" asks the Archduke, sitting in his throne with a woman, not his wife, next to him... a little too close as far as the disgusted Victor is concerned, but that's not part of the main story, so it won't be discribed further. (Sorry guys. )
    "Them as well. If forced to, you could even use my family. You will find that I have many cousins and uncles who would be pleased to serve the nation."
    "Well if it would benifit Austria in the long run... (Not now dear) ...then go ahead with the plan."
    Victor stands stuned for a moment. "Um... sire, don't you think that you should take care of the part involving the marrying off of your own relitives?"
    "Oh yes, well... You can take care of that too," says the Archduke with a smile... not directed at Victor, perhaps, but a smile none the less.
    "Yes sire," sighs victor, turning around to leave the hall. "Idiot," he says under his breath, repling to the giggles behind him as he closes the door.

    May 01, 1419: Bavaria entered our Military Alliance.
    Sep 01, 1419: Wurtemberg joined our Military Alliance with Bavaria
    Jan 03, 1420: Baden joined our Military Alliance with Bavaria and Wurtemberg
    May 01, 1421: Bavaria are now our vassals.
    Sep 01, 1422: Wurtemberg are now our vassals.

  2. #2
    Disinherited Knight Wasa's Avatar

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    Hey..Victor von B. Hmm...might just try to follow this one..

  3. #3
    Prodigal Son Craig Ashley's Avatar

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    Got to admit I'm not familar with Victor, but I see this is the classic "my-lord-is-a-imbecile-thank-God-I-am-here-to-run-the-country" AAR. I love shadow advisors!

    King Nothing . . . you wouldn't happen to be a Metallica fan would you?
    Slipping into maddness is good for the sake of comparison

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  4. #4
    LurkAAR Norgesvenn's Avatar
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    Wow...

    The Austrian diplomacy is at work, I see. Some interesting characters here, I must say.

    And, I agree with the rule of being able to make new events, if they're useful to both gameplay and storytelling. I intend to do the same in my Denmark AAR.
    Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.

    - John Kenneth Galbraith

  5. #5
    Crusty Old German Baron RPG Leader Schlieffen's Avatar

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    Wasa: Don't get any ideas.
    Craig Ashley: Yes, I heard the song. I needed a name, so I decided to use that. (It's about something else I suppose - a person who loses power - but it works. )
    Norgesvenn: Wait until you see the map in the 50's or 70's. As for creating events, make sure you know how to do it before you commit yourself to it. I had that ruin an AAR once... although having my internet connection and computer break had something to do with that too I suppose.

    Expect another update later today. (Not meaning that there will nessessarily be one, but that you should yell at me if one doesn't come. )

  6. #6
    Prodigal Son Craig Ashley's Avatar

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    *singing horribly off key*

    All the wants you waste
    All the things you chase

    Then it all crashes down
    And you break your crown
    You point your finger
    But there's no one around

    Just want one thing
    Just to play the king
    But the castles crumbling and left with just a name
    Where's your crown King Nothing?

    Oooh, you're just nothing
    Where's your crown King Nothing
    Slipping into maddness is good for the sake of comparison

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  7. #7
    Crusty Old German Baron RPG Leader Schlieffen's Avatar

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    "You called for me sire?" asks Victor, walking into the throne room.
    "Yes Victor, I have been doing some thinking, and it occured to me that I like boats."
    "(Oh no. Not this navy crap again...) That's nice sire, you stated that fairly clearly the first day I was here."
    "Well, Victor, I want a coastline. Venice has a coastline."
    "Yes, sire, Venice has a lot of water," sighs Victor. "I showed that to you yesterday on the big map that's in my office.
    "You have seven years."
    A look of shock crosses Victor's face. "What?"
    "You heard me. I want to have a boat and I want it as soon as possible. Now hurry up - Venice isn't going to give the coastline to you."
    "Yes sire," says Victor, trying to contain his anger as he walks out of the chambers.

    Jan 28, 1423: Austria declared war upon Venice.
    Mantua joined the war on the same side as Venice in their war against Austria.


    "All hail Victor, word of his majesty, Archduke Albert the fifth!"
    Into the great hall, filled with Generals of the Austrian military, walks Victor, wearing his goldenbrestplate and black cape. The men salute until it is returned by Victor and they all sit down. "Gentlemen," begins Victor, "I believe that we should make as direct a strike as possible. I belive that General Hapsburg..."
    "Which one?" shouts one of the officers.
    Victor rolls his eyes. "The sixth eldest one - I forget his name."
    "That would be me sir," yells one of the officers, standing up.
    "Well that's nice," sighs Victor. "Anyways, I believe that he was correct in saying that Mantua would fall easily if we simply take advantage of their small military. I propose that the K.u.K Armee march on Mantua. They won't stand a chance.
    "As for Venice, I propose that the Imperial Guard splits into two equal halves, one marching on Venice itself and the other going for their other coastal provinces. Are there any objections?"
    After a moment of silence, Victor states, "Then begin the plans so that we can win this war."

    Dec 07, 1423: We captured the province of Mantua from Mantua
    Dec 08, 1423: Mantua are now our vassals.
    Mar 05, 1424: Enthusiasm for the Army happened to us.
    Jul 24, 1424: We captured the province of Istria from Venice
    Jul 22, 1426: We captured the province of Veneto from Venice


    "Where are my boaties!" yells the Archduke in his throne room, throwing a fit.
    "Sire, please. You'll make a show of yourself..."
    "I don't care! I want my boaties!"
    "Sire, the war is almost over. The war taxes are bringing in massive ammounts of money into the Imperial coffers, we have taken minimal casulties, Venice is beaten in every sense of the word... I just don't have enough power to make the war go faster, not that you should want it too anyways."
    "Then you can have more power, just give me my boaties," states the Archduke, calming down.
    "Yes sire," replies Victor with a grin on his face.

    May 10, 1428: Excellent Minister happened to us.

    Jul 23, 1428: We captured the province of Dalmatia from Venice
    Oct 17, 1428: Austria accepted peace with Venice on the following terms : Venice pays 381$ in indemnities. Istria to Austria.



    More to come later.

  8. #8
    First Lieutenant verbal's Avatar
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    Good start, now start building that fearsome austrian navy
    Evil pure unadulterated comes-in-bottle-or-can evil. -Tene

  9. #9
    Crusty Old German Baron RPG Leader Schlieffen's Avatar

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    Actualy a navy doesn't get built at all - Victor wins that fight. (Full focus on land - infantry cost 2 duacts. )

  10. #10
    The Father of AARland Lord Durham's Avatar
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    Good start. I like the mix of styles and the subtle use of colour. Writing in the present tense is a little jarring at first, but you manage to pull it off quite well without slipping into the past tense, excepting your game notes, of course.
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  11. #11
    Crusty Old German Baron RPG Leader Schlieffen's Avatar

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    You play as the "Archbishop of Cologne" in the RPG for a few months and you get used to it.

    Well I think I'm going to start the next part now. Yell at me if you don't see another post within an hour or two. (Not that it takes that long to write it, but I am known for procrastinating. )

  12. #12
    Crusty Old German Baron RPG Leader Schlieffen's Avatar

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    "How about this then," asks Victor's cousin. "What do you get when you cross a French Maid with God?"
    "I don't know, what?" replies Victor, sitting behind his desk at his mantion.
    "Flambeau."
    The two men laugh. "That's almost as good as the Hussite one," says Victor, a large smile on his face.
    "Yeah. I got 'em from dad. He's a little strange, but he has a great sense of humor."

    August 17, 1419 : Bohemia went with Zigmunt is the legal heir in Vaclav IV has died!
    January 25, 1429 : France went with Ignore the Advice of Jean D'Arc in Jean D'Arc and the French Monarchy.


    "You summoned me sire?"
    The Archduke sits in his throne, a little toy boat hidden behind his back. "Yes Victor. I would like you to plan an offensive against the Western-Roman Alliance. My brother in Baden says that he may be planning an offensive soon."
    "Strassburg, Helvetia, Milan and Savoy was it?"
    "I don't know, that's your job."
    "I noticed," sighs Victor, walking out of the chambers.

    Aug 05, 1430: Baden declared war upon Strassburg.
    Austria joined the war on the same side as Baden, Bavaria and Wurtemberg in their war against Strassburg, Helvetia, Milan and Savoy.


    In the same hall used for the last time Austria experienced military action, a man stands in front of the Generals. "Ok gentlemen, here's the plan that Count von Blommenstein made," he says.
    "The Imperial Guard will take Milano. The Count doesn't think it should be much of a problem. The remaining western division will start the long and hard conflict with Helvetia. General von Habsburg..."
    "Which one?" asks one of the officers.
    "Albert," sighs the man.
    "Which one?" repeats the officer.
    "The one in charge of the K.u.K. Armee."
    "Oh... ok."
    "Anyways, General, expect to lose a few battles. Whatever you do, avoid entering the Swiss territories during the winter."
    "What about the other countries?"
    "Von Blommenstein says that they will be handled when possible, Savoy taking priority over Strassburg due to its proximity. If there are no further questions, I'd appreciate it if you begin the planning gentlemen."

    Sep 24, 1430: We won a battle against Milan in Lombardia.
    Sep 24, 1430: We have initiated a siege in Lombardia.
    Oct 21, 1430: We have initiated a siege in Schwyz.
    Nov 06, 1430: We won a battle against Savoy in Schwyz.
    Jun 16, 1431: We have initiated a siege in Lombardia.
    Mar 27, 1432: We captured the province of Schwyz from Helvetia
    May 16, 1432: We captured the province of Lombardia from Milan
    May 16, 1432: We lost a battle against Helvetia in Bern.
    Jun 21, 1432: We won a battle against Savoy in Piemonte.
    Jun 21, 1432: We have initiated a siege in Piemonte.
    Aug 12, 1432: Milan are now our vassals.
    Dec 15, 1432: We won a battle against Savoy in Württemberg.
    Mar 22, 1433: We won a battle against Helvetia in Bern.
    Mar 22, 1433: We have initiated a siege in Bern.
    Apr 21, 1433: We captured the province of Piemonte from Savoy
    May 21, 1433: We lost a battle against Savoy in Savoie.
    (Yes, a real war! )


    Into Victor's in-palace office walks a messanger of the Archduke, assigned to keep Victor up to date on the happenings abroad. "Um... sir?" he stutters out.
    "Yes, Adolph?"
    "Wurtemberg left the war, sir."
    Victor leans back in his chair. "Excelent..."
    "What?"

    Jul 27, 1433: Wurtemberg are now part of our nation!

    Sep 06, 1433: We lost a battle against Savoy in Savoie.
    Jan 23, 1434: We lost a battle against Savoy in Savoie.
    Mar 22, 1434: We captured the province of Bern from Helvetia.


    The messanger walks in again, more confident then the last time. "Sir?" he requests.
    "Yes Adolph?"
    "Baden signed a peace with Helvetia where Austria gains the province of..."
    "What?" yells Victor.
    "Sir, put the chair down! No!"

    Mar 23, 1434: Helvetia accepted peace with Baden on the following terms : Schwyz to Austria.

    May 04, 1434: We lost a battle against Savoy in Savoie.
    Aug 25, 1434: We lost a battle against Savoy in Savoie.
    (Oh shut up. )
    Nov 07, 1434: We won a battle against Savoy in Savoie.
    Nov 07, 1434: We have initiated a siege in Savoie.
    Dec 01, 1434: Strassburg accepted our generous peace offer. (White peace - alone)


    Victor walks into his home, running up to his bedroom. "Dear," asks his wife, "what are you doing?"
    "I have to pack dear. Savoy just fell."

    Sep 01, 1435: We captured the province of Savoie from Savoy
    Sep 03, 1435: Savoy are now our vassals.

  13. #13
    Crusty Old German Baron RPG Leader Schlieffen's Avatar

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    Hello everyone. Just so you all know, I hate my computer - even the new one doesn't work correctly. (I just had my save game files deleted. )

    This means I won't be able to continue with the AAR sadly, but I will give you a little peak into the future: 1472, Burgundy has given up most of her provinces to France (a nearly united France), leaving two superpowers. Guess which one the other is?

    Not much, I know, but you try doing it while still having the average relation with a non-BB state around 70-100 and a reputation of "respectible"! (No custom events or editing yet either.)

    This is Victor von Blommenstein, signing off.

  14. #14
    Crusty Old German Baron RPG Leader Schlieffen's Avatar

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    And BTW: I had the largest military in the world by far (one regiment was about a "France" - got to deter those agressors you know ), a great stability because of my "annex only Germans" policy, and a few manufacturies. At all times in the game I always had more than 1000 duacts, 2000 for most of it, and I got in two wars, both detailed in what I managed to write.

  15. #15
    The Father of AARland Lord Durham's Avatar
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    Very unfortunate. This has happened to more than one really interesting AAR. I hope you try your hand at another, soon.
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  16. #16
    Crusty Old German Baron RPG Leader Schlieffen's Avatar

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    Well an AAR with only two wars is kind of boring.
    "Yeah, we annexed another one/two province nation diplomaticaly... let's find another sucker to let into the alliance, vassalize him, and wait ten years... sigh..."

  17. #17
    Crusty Old German Baron RPG Leader Schlieffen's Avatar

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    Although, after the upcoming inheriting of Burgundy (or what's left), the inevitable war with France would have been very interesting. (They were doing fairly well - got the Netherlands, everything from Burgundy except for the main province, a few German minors here and there... but my military was still bigger! I'm just paranoid I suppose... )

  18. #18
    Holstein's Envoy in Vienna Syt's Avatar
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    Sorry to see so harsh an end to a great AAR - I suffered through that, too. American Heart and Letters from Moscow are two such victims of dieing computers.

    I do hope we get to read more of you, though.
    One strikeout is a tragedy; a million strikeouts a statistic.

  19. #19
    Crusty Old German Baron RPG Leader Schlieffen's Avatar

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    Oh sure, now that I can't work on it anymore the praise comes.

  20. #20
    the Conqueror Peter Ebbesen's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Schlieffen
    Oh sure, now that I can't work on it anymore the praise comes.
    Seems safest that way

    Interesting way of interweaving narrative with the otherwise boring log. I didn't think much of it when I first read it, but must grudgingly admit that upon closer inspection it worked really well.
    Good luck with your new Papacy AAR.
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