Scotland, now overextended and excommunicated, is doomed...
wait, is that excellent vintage? Scotland is saved!
Scotland, now overextended and excommunicated, is doomed...
wait, is that excellent vintage? Scotland is saved!
"When in doubt, C4!" - Jamie Hyneman
"Life is a worthless game, but the graphics are awesome."
My AARs are stored in My Inkwell
ach its time to get John Knox on your side ...
What care does Scotland have for the Papists?
Boo Castile, getting Scotland excommunicated, the very land that is close to God... err nevermind Just send a box of whisky to pope, he should be happy. I think he really want those whisky. Just place in drunken Cardinals, you get drunken Pope under your control
"But that's why we elected these people in the first place: to betray our principles." Quoted from AmericanScipio
Ignore me for I tend to talk before I think. I tend to say stupid things as my mouth run away.
Come and join us, fellows Catholic Paradoxians! These who wish to debate with us or just curious about strange religion we have are welcomed. The link is below this statement.
Thank you hugely for the replies.
Mico94 - Indeed! Massively increased revolt risk, potential enemies on every side...but the alcohol is flowing and of good quality, nothing else matters!
loki100 - How true! I rather doubt he'd support my alcohol fuelled conquests though. Plus unleashing a wave of dour Gordon Brown Presbyterian clones would perhaps be a bit too cruel upon the world!
blsteen - None whatsoever! Catholic nations just have the richest provinces, largest armies, are the most technologically advanced...uhm...I'll just go get that spare change of underpants ready.
Zhai - The Pope shall be dealt with very soon indeed. I daresay he will want a drink or two once Scotland has finished with him! Thank you for the kind words, your bribe is in the post!
The Scottish people are still confused regarding Castille's actions. Yes, Scotland has constantly warred with them, taking huge swathes of their land and reducing them to a third rate power. Third rate is still better than Scotland. tch, Scotland has done Castille a veritable favour. Once you have the foolish Scots as neighbours things never feel so bad. Yes, times may get tough, but you are still not Scottish.
Morocco cheer the Scottish people up by attacking 90,000 men with 3,000. So dumb they must be Scottish. They soon will be.
The Papacy confuses Scotland. Excommunicated yet given the benefits of a Crusader...
Morocco is annexed on the 5th June 1465. Welcome to family, fellow numpties.
Corsica is annexed four days later. After what happened the last time a CoT was captured, Corsica's is swiftly disbanded.
Ferrara is annexed fourteen days later. On the same day...
Now why was it that the Pope excommunicated Scotland again? Such a peaceful nation that Scotland is.
King Robert has been sulking since the excommunication. The country prospers once more without his meddling.
The Pope finally seems to realise that the excommunication has not really had the desired effect. He must take matters into his own hands...
Litterally his own hands. 4,000 men against the Scottish army. Has he not heard that, 'God is always on the side of the big battalions'?!
Tuscany wake from their slumber aghast to find such a strong Scottish prescence in Italy.
Of course declaring war with a mere 3,000 men under arms, they will only help to make that prescence stronger.
Truly a momentous day has come to pass in the history of Scotland. Few believed they would live to see this day. It is a thing of almost magic.
A great nation brought so low as to become fellow workshy deadbeats. Truly the Scottish spread their taint to those who fall victim to their curse.
Scotland declare war on Dauphine so as to drag in her true target of Castille. Castilian's are too weak these days to prove any true threat, despite Scotland's backwardness. More land is ceded, more people doomed.
The Pope is given a kiss!
For some reason most Scots seem to understand now, why they were excommunicated. Vengeance thy name is Scotland.
Tuscany is annexed on the 13th March 1468.
Unbelievably the Pope seems to believe that excommunicating and then declaring war on Scotland should mean we are happy to then return his lands when the inevitable happens. Scots may be stupid, but not quite that stupid.
Despite not being quite that stupid, Scots are God fearing and abstain from alcohol for 30 mins. A stability hit is thus felt. Being sober as a Scot for more than 10 seconds is enough time to realise that you are actually, truly Scottish. The ensuing panic brought about by this moment of realisation accounts for the stability drop.
So is Scotland going to convert to another religion? Or stick with getting the shaft from the pointy hat brigade?
"Livingston has won a historic victory for Scotland. 48 French units polished off instantly. He puts the victory down to 'Snrghfgl...an' scadash...' Truly a great man."
hey, thats my last name! glad to be of service my fellow scotsman, and irishman
So I see you're at -1 stability, with 300 infamy. How long does it take you to regain a stability point?
It's an awesome read, by the way!
You've conquered an incredible amount of land in such a short amount of time. I'm very impressed. Also are the Scots too drunk to realize everyone, even those who have yet to hear of the scots, hates Scotland? Even foreign lands that don't know you exist go into a fury at the mention of the word Scotland. Your BB is high.
i believe its a WC AAR, you try destroying the worlds non alcoholic drink supply and still be liked by everyone. i dont see why people wouldnt like that though...
This AAR is simply great.
Cheers for every wine province you conquer, and for every sugar province you colonize.
You definitely MUST build refineries on all of them.
Thank you hugely for the replies!
blsteen - I feel when a religious leader attacks a force of over 100,000 with 4,000, that religious leader is representing the right religion for Scotland!
Kingawsomeness - I salute you!
NiJabbieJabba - The screenshots are not of the best quality I'm afraid, thats actually +1 in the last one. I'm now at 0 stability however, as the last screenshot was taken before the Papal State decision was taken. The time for stability increases is basically near impossible to compute as its ever increasing due to new lands being conquered all the time. I've long since stopped putting any cash into stability. I am instead hoping that some events will fire to increase it (which knowing my luck will probably result in even lower stability).
Thank you hugely for the continued interest, did you return to your Ireland game?
saskuretsu - Indeed, and I wish for it to increase even more! Infamy is my high score in this attempted world conquest (which is the aim of this AAR as Kingawsomeness was kind enough to point out)! However, yes, I daresay Scotland is so drunk as to think everyone still loves her.
Herbert - Thank you for the kind words (bribe in the post of course)! The refinery idea is an excellent one. It will have to wait for a while however as trade tech research is rather low on the list of priorities. However anything to increase the production of alcohol has to be favoured, Scotland will soon drink the world dry otherwise!
sjones25 - Thanks for the continued interest, I concur!
I hugely appreciate the continued interest from everyone. The AAR has been very dull over the last few updates (even by my own low standards), I promise things will liven up soon!
With this lack of alcohol effecting stability, Scots take it upon themselves to right the situation. A booze cruise to France is embarked upon. For some reason France take umbrage at having a horde of ravening, drink seeking madmen in their lands. The ensuing border dispute can only lead to one outcome...
The Pope has made a smart move. Scots gained land in Italy. The Pope moves far from Italy.
The diplomatic corps has pulled off yet another coup. Despite Scotland's traditional lands lying hundreds of miles away, Burgundy agrees that Bourgogne can legitimately be claimed as a Scottish province. Every country has its own craphole. Bourgogne is evidently Burgundy's.
Something has happened which has hugely confused the Scottish people. Granted the average Scottish male would be confused and awed at being able to find his own backside at the first time of trying. However despite Scotland being excommunicated, and having recently forced the Pope to relocate, Scotland is still allowed to embark upon a crusade against the evil Tunisia. Furthermore, the very people to have Scotland excommunicated, Castille, are included as the principal opponent in this crusade.
So the seemingly evil (well okay, wholly evil), excommunicated Scotland is able to embark upon a crusade against the seemingly saintly Castilian's and their allies Tunisia. Quite confusing. And people wonder why Scot's drink so much... (granted most people understand why Scots drink so much when they actually arrive in Scotland, look around for 5 seconds and say to themselves, 'What a craphole.').
With all of the recent applications by smaller nations to join Scotland's sprawling empire, Scots have quickly introduced some tests to make sure potential citizens will be able to settle in to the Scottish way of life. Principally new citizens must prove themselves unable to hold their drink, but happy to drink as much as possible. Murderous yet cowardly. Obese yet able to dish out kisses well enough. And lastly, potential citizens need be as clever as a piece of soggy carrot.
Mantua and Sicily declare war upon Scotland in May 1469 with a combined force of 6,000 men against Scotland's 125,000. That last test has certainly been met...
Guyenne guerrilla's have fought for years. Risking life and limb in order to secure freedom from oppressive French rule. Finally they have broken free from France's tyranny. Finally they can guide their own destiny! Guyenne is annexed by Scotland on 25th June 1469. Ahem.
On the 7th of February 1470 Mantua is annexed. Their application to join Scotland was hurried through.
Peace is agreed, once again, with France! Hopefully this time the peace can last, and France does nothing to antagonise the peace loving Scots...such as stopping Scotland from raiding her lands. Or actually standing up to Scotland in any way whatsoever. Honestly, you would think France has some right to defend herself.
The land border with Burgundy is being kept deliberatly small at present. Burgundy's large army still proves a worry for a busy and cowardly Scoland...busy attacking anyone smaller than us, unable to put up much of a fight.
On the 24th June 1470 Tunisia is annexed. The infidels crush the infidels in this crusade to bring the infidels to the light! Let this be a lesson to infidels everywhere. Fear us infidels! For we shall slay all infidels wherever they reside! I'm confused...
The war with Castille ends in August 1470 with Scotland gaining large new tracts of Africa. That will teach them, yet again, to excommunicate a peaceful, God loving nation such as Scotland.
Scotland finally unlocks her second national idea. What to choose for an excommunicated nation, evidently hated by Christianity (and everyone else)? Unam Sanctum of course.
The infidels crush the infidels in this crusade to bring the infidels to the light! Let this be a lesson to infidels everywhere. Fear us infidels! For we shall slay all infidels wherever they reside! I'm confused...
This AAR is providing my daily dose of laughter!
Very good updates! Nice to see Scotland dishing out "small nation syndrome" on all and sundry...
~~ My Current AARs ~~The Sleeper - an EU3 Narrative
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Thanks hugely for the replies!
sjones25 - Smilies at one of my awful attempts at humour?! The bribe is in the post!
theconfusedone - Thank you for the very kind words (of course, your bribe is in the post).
Iain Wilson - Thank you kindly (another bribe is in the post)! Indeed, and sadly more nations need suffer yet!
1471 brings yet another war against Aragon. The Aragonese wonder if Scots will actually be intelligent enough as to conquer Barcelona this time. The basis for this war, and the previous fifty.
Modena declare war on Scotland with a whole 1,000 men under arms. They have definetly passed the application test.
Milan rush to Modena's aid.
Sicily are famous as a maritime power. As they sail past poorly defended Scottish land in Africa, Iberia and then land skant days march from 9,000 Scots with a force of 1,000, it is easy to see why.
As yet Scotland's navy has not taken part in any notable battles whatsoever. Indeed it has barely left port since the 20 large ships were created. As such a bunch of fisherman have more strategic knowledge when it comes to naval battles than the current admirals. The fishermen are quickly recruited.
Peace is, once again, agreed with Castille in November 1472. Castille is now a mere OPM. And to think they excommunicated Scotland for being cruelly warlike towards fellow Christian nations.
On the 5th December 1472 Modena is annexed.
Now that Scotland actually has something of a navy, and the fishermen to lead it, Aragon's islands are stripped from her in the subsequant peace deal of December 1472. Aragon is now a OPM.
Milan is brought to the peace table once more. Italian wine has never been so popular with Scottish armies rampaging around Italy. As such Milanese merchants are keen to see Scotland gain more land. They are not disappointed.
February 1474 is the month in which Scotland makes a cowardly attack (as if Scotland attempts any other type) on the small Dauphine. Her ally Castille is also dragged into the war...and promptly exits both the war and existence.
Unam Sanctum is envoked to bring the heathen Corfuan's to war. The infidels shall be crushed...! By...uhm...excommunicated infidels. Amongst the allies Corfu rallies to her cause is France. Three years later France is left with Lyon and her capital as her last remaining provinces.
Following the past debacles surrounding Scottish espionage, Jimmy McBond is given strict instructions to carry out his coming mission under the most stringent secrecy. He must make sure to allow none to see through this ruse. He must not act in the least bit Scottish. No Scottish clothing, no Scottish mannerisms, just a quick, clean job.
What happened this time?!
McBond: "No one had a clue I was Scottish! I just found myself groping for a topic of conversation with one of the Mecklenburg guards and kinda mentioned what I was chewing on..."
Note to self; no more sweets to be given to agents during missions (yes, even the sweets which Scots eat have alcoholic names).
Of course Mecklenburg in northern Germany was not the target for Scottish war (our navy is far too incompetent to allow for such an amphibious invasion). Another rather more dangerous neighbour was Scotland's next target.
Thus it is with some puzzlement and joy that Scotland notes Pommerania is leading a coalition which includes our true target of Austria. With both forces similar in strength (okay, Austria is actually far superior considering how useless the Scottish army is), the people of Scotland desperately hope that no other nation will interfere whilst Austria is fought.
Last edited by morningSIDEr; 24-02-2010 at 03:12.