Although all other nations have been bested and Scotland is undisputed conqueror of the world, this AAR is not yet finished. Wait, do not begin destroying your monitor, its nearly finished! Since this is a world conquest, I think it only fitting for all provinces in the game to be colonised before the world can be truly deemed conquered. Scotland has not even had a chance to ruin the last unsullied continent, Australia, yet. The Australians cannot escape the fate of all other citizens of the world.
However before the hugely exciting process of colonisation is fully focussed upon (yawn), here is a map of the world at this point, with only Scotland remaining.
Thankfully colonisation should not take too long. All coastal centres of trade were left standing simply for the colonist boost they provide.
With 4.60 colonists per year, the end of this AAR is mercifully in sight (frankly the actual number of colonists gained every year should be in the stratosphere considering they are Scots desperate to escape their rain soaked homelands). Colonisation should thus prove a cinch.
Scotland has a good, proud tradition of colonising land after all.
South America instantly becomes a favoured destination for alcoholic Scottish colonists after the discovery of wine.
Whilst the mind numbling boring process of colonisation continues unabated...disaster suddenly strikes!
Is this the end of the Stuart family, just as their ineptness was coming to fruition? Will there be no more inbred James'?
Thankfully His Majesty rises to the occasion. In more ways than one...
The Stuart name shall live on! As...Caesar I? There having been previous Scottish Kings named Alexander, James V takes the intelligent decision that picking a new non-tradional Scottish name may actually allow for a halfway able Stuart king. Thus is this child, born to such signs of greatness, named after one of the famed leaders of the world, to finally prove a competent Scottish monarch?
As if.
You may call a toilet a throne, but a crapper it remains. And crap any Stuart remains.
In November 1603 explorers sight land, what is the name of this newly found island?
Word of this land must never reach Scotland. Bourbon would be so swamped by alcoholic Scottish colonists that it would sink below the sea.
Caesar I is crowned in July 1616.
Regardless of his name and the manner of his birth, he is a true Stuart. He is a true Scot. He is truly useless.
Having not been crowned with a ready made James heir in tow, disgruntled muttering is heard against Caesar. He quickly moves to quell such discontent.
Uhm...by plucking a baby from a stream? Once again the question of how exactly Scottish children are born is one which only the brave or foolhardy dare consider.
Discontentment grows amongst the Scottish citizenry. Caesar unsurprisingly, and wisely, names his new heir James...
...but look at those stats! He is no Stuart!
James falls ill. Caesar prays to God that 'his' son is cured.
God allowed for this massive empire to be built by Scotland, surely he thus supports the Stuart family? Surely he is not peeved at Scotland's repeated annexation of the Papal States?
Damnation.
Is this the end of the Stuart line? Will their line die out just before all provinces are colonised? Will I continually ask the same questions in the desperate attempt to create drama and prompt interest in this AAR? Uhm...yes.
The last continent falls to Scottish expansion in September 1620!
Australia can suffer just like everywhere else.
The nation has been growing increasingly worried due to the lack of an heir. Granted another family taking over would probably be an improvement upon the Stuart house. However knowing the luck of the average Scot, any new family would probably be twice as bad. Even though that does seem near impossible.
Thankfully...
Hmm...You would almost think Caesar set this up just so he could name his son after himself. Following the tradition of inbreds everywhere, Caesar is given his father's name. Caesar is the new heir!
Colonisation continues apace.
[I actually thought I would have to end my colonisation drive in 1624 after suffering the colonisation bug. Wherein the game kept crashing to Windows as soon as I loaded up my save. Deleting all active colonists from the save thankfully solved the problem. No doubt you, the reader, are delighted that this AAR did not end prematurely. You get to read yet more drivel.]
In December 1637 Caesar II is crowned!
And is rather confusingly referred to as Caesar Stuart rather than Caesar II. Sigh...
On the 2nd of September 1642 the World accepts full annexation.
The last remaining free province has been colonised. The world belongs to Scotland.
Dorothy will have a hard job following the yellow brick road home to Kansas now that the whole world is painted yellow.
A quick overview of Scotland at this stage.
Scotland's technology lagged behind all other western nations due to her large size, my utter incompetence in continuing to pump spending into stability long after it was feasible and the general stupidity of Scottish subjects. Money was never an issue throughout the game. If it did become at all worrying, Masters of the Mint were merely hired in order to allow for some more minting. Scots miserly attitude was beneficial in this regard.
The list of Scotland's high society, her monarchy, in the previous few years. In this case high society, low brainpower.
I am sad to say that Scottish is the dominant culture in the world, by a considerable margin. Thankfully this is only a game. If this was anywhere near a truthful representation of things, I would be amongst the first drowning their sorrows. Actually since I am Scottish, I do that anyway...
However Scots remains true to form. The dominant nationality on the globe and...
...they hate themselves for it. Greatest in the world? Well thats a title won by default seeing as there is only one nation left.
Here is a sight none would ever wish to see. The whole world turned yellow bellied.
Now that the world has been conquered, it has turned into an inebriated
mellow yellow.
Fin.
Or perhaps not...