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morningSIDEr

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Mar 31, 2008
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I am a proud Scotsman. Who could fail to be proud of their country when it is renowned for its high murder rates, alcohol culture, obesity and brings to the world of cuisine the deep fried Mars bar?

deep-fried-mars-bar.jpg


Yummy.

As such there was little choice for me but to pick this great nation for my first ever AAR. I've been a long-time lurker on the forums, admiring a great many splendid AAR's and I finally thought it was time to attempt one myself. As for the settings for this game, I merely left everything at default except for difficulty which was put up to very hard. No doubt I will regret this decision. Lucky nations have been left as 'historical' too. I would imagine my large southern neighbour England is thus a lucky nation (I cannot be sure as my knowledge of EUIII is far from exemplary). Should make for a fun game and a mercifully short AAR.

I also left aggressiveness at normal, I have read that when it is increased, this actually makes the game easier as the AI constantly tears each other apart in infamy wars. I'd be very grateful if this could be confirmed as correct or not. Mind you, starting with England to the south I'd have to be a true sadomasochist to attempt this on very aggressive.

I'm playing the game on Heir to the Throne patch 4.1b beta.

The goal? World conquest. Leading a nation of vicious, drunken fiends, I could aim for little else. Considering both how inept Scotland and I myself am, this could be a very short AAR. At the very least all the proposed warring will hopefully allow Scots to burn off some calories...

WARNING: This AAR shall contain a large number of screenshots to make up for my poor writing. Even more dire, it will include a large number of attempts at humour. Sadly these attempts will be quite awful.
 
Beginning the game I cast a critical eye over Scotland. Scotland currently has a mighty force of 2,000 infantry and a mass of land containing the dregs of humanity. The people of Scotland seem to understand that misery loves company, and I promptly recieve the mission to conquer Orkney. My first slider movement is towards centralization...

UP1stabhit.jpg

Fantastic.

A quick note on stability in Scotland as its a bit different here compared to other countries. Scotland can lose stability based upon a lack of alcohol in the country, or in some cases when there is too much in the country. Its attempting to keep the balance just right which is the tricky business. You have to keep a Scot soused for him to be in a happy +3 stability frame of mind. Just do not get him utterly legless.

As can be seen the Scottish army is a fine body of wastrels...all two thousand of them. Our King's stats are quite decent, and I do not doubt that this force would send terror into the hearts of most opponents...and most allies.

UP1formiddablearmy.jpg

Nonetheless it seems important to spend the next few years quietly increasing Scotland's strength.

UP1Francecalltoarms.jpg

Lovely...As can be seen from the stability hit Avignon evidently supplied Scotland with alot of alcohol.

Scotland aids France hugely in the war...by doing nothing. If Scotland had done anything, victory would most assuredly have been handed to Avignon.

In the mean time our other ally, Burgundy, declares war on Brabant. The Scottish army is sent overseas to get a bit of a workout, those Mars bars are taking their toll. Despite occupying Limberg, Scotland does not benefit from the ensuing peace beyond gaining some trimmer tums for her army.

Years fly by with France and Burgundy declaring war on Provence and Bar respectively. The Scottish army remains at home kicking their heels whilst their allies do their thing. A brief amphibious landing on the Western Isles by Naples during one of the wars serves to liven things up. All 3,000 of Naples men eat Scottish claymore.

UP1victoryinWI.jpg

(yes, France landed some men on the Western Isles to aid us, we would have had no chance otherwise...)

Simply sitting on our backsides doing little is second nature to a Scotsman, and seems to pay off quite well.

UP1neglect.jpg

Our new King is a true Scot. Brave, intelligent, witty...until he becomes old enough to drink and then reaches mediocrity.

UP1newking.jpg

The years continue to pass with Scots happily drinking themselves into oblivion until...

UP1EnglandDOW.jpg
 
Thanks for the replies!

tuore - Sheep's offal wrapped in its own stomach, whats not to like about haggis? :p

blsteen - ...sectarian violence in football, bagpipes, the caber, miserly people, non-stop rain...its a wonderful country, come visit!
 
Allow me to backtrack a bit and explain my seeming suicide in the shameless cliffhanger I left the last update on. Burgundy had declared war on England and I refused to join the war, I am not willing to act as a lesser partner in such a conflict. Nonetheless this left me in a fantastic position. I had a cassus beli, intervention, to declare war against England without taking any stability hits. Furthermore England would seemingly need to move the bulk of her army overseas to deal with Burgundy's aggression.

Thus like the opportunist weasel I am, I waited a month or so, hoping that England would have shipped off most of her army to mainland France and then declared war on her.

France evidently approves as they offer me war subsidies of 6.37 per month for a year. Merci (I should explain that I dissolved my alliance to France prior to the war as I had become a bit tired of being drawn into France's meaningless wars).

I had recruited up to my limit of 7,000 men shortly before declaring war. Upon beginning the war I swiftly recruited a further 5,000 mercenary infantry. My army marched into England unsure of how things would pan out, had the English forces truly left her mainland vulnerable?

englandvulnerable.jpg

Yes.

I encountered a grand total of 4,000 English infantry marching north after I declared war. These were swiftly dispatched and then everyone began siege duties. England failed to hurry any troops back and did not even recruit any new units on mainland England.

The reason soon becomes clear...

burdungypeace-1.jpg

England have been comprehensively smashed by Burgundy. Beyond the 4,000 infantry encountered at the beginning of the war I have been able to happily besiege England's provinces entirely unmolested.

englandsmashed-1.jpg

In the midst of this 'war' I choose my first national idea - National Bank. Sir Fred Goodwin has proven beyond doubt how brilliant Scots are as bankers, so it was the natural choice. I usually prefer National Bank as my first idea, simply because money is always so very vital early on.

Scotland is engaged in its favoured type of warfare against England. Namely sitting about infront of an enemy's cities, scaring peasants and simply waiting for the gates to open. Scots are far too lazy to take part in anything more taxing. Peace is eventually reached.

englandpeacewar1.jpg

None too shabby. Thank you Burgundy.

My luck in this 'war' has truly been extraordinary and I will not argue otherwise. England have been utterly smashed. And are now wracked with revolts.

englandrevoltsupdate2.jpg

I move my national focus to Yorkshire, in order to lower revolt risk in my new lands. Plus Yorkshire supplies a great deal of my manpower and income now (what a surprise, slacker Scots living off the backs of industrious foriegners). Alongside this my mercenary units are disbanded, no doubt glad to end their service in miserable Scotland and return to warmer climes.

At some point in the preceding years Orkney was captured by The Hansa. Hah! A bunch of spineless traders have taken a province which is the current mission objective for Scotland! ah wait they have some rather powerful allies...

hansaorkneyupdate2.jpg

Who have little-to-no fleet! Excellent. Scotland is always brave when it comes to bullying smaller nations.

hansawarupdate2.jpg

As can be seen, Denmark asked us for an alliance a few months before the war began. No doubt they were dazzled by the tales of Scottish skill in our successful war against England. Bribing bards and historians to embellish tales of your success is always a good thing.

Denmark has been doing well for herself, expanding into Estonia.

denmarkintrobleupdate2.jpg

However she has left some rebels to rampage throughout her undefended homelands. And has now gone against a large superpower able to swiftly reach her. For some reason methinks Denmark may regret entering this war...

denmarktroubleupdate2.jpg

Well Denmark learned their lesson. Never expect anything good to come of aiding Scotland.

Sadly the King's son pops his clogs. The nation is moved to mourning, and constructs a temple in Ayrshire. Which is an excellent location, as the people of Ayrshire are well known for their fervent prayers to the Almighty to deliver them from Ayrshire.

heirdiesupdate2.jpg

Less than two weeks later Scotland has a new heir! With considerably better stats. Kudos to the King. This does raise the matter of whether Scottish women are a bit 'different' in being able to have a pregnancy of weeks rather than months. Either that or the King has proven himself a true man, and littered Scotland with his progeny.

newheirupdate2.jpg

The battle against The Hansa has gone well. Leaving two thousand men in the Highlands as bait for the 8,000 strong Hansa force there, drew them over the water whereupon my remaining units quickly moved to reinforce the Highland's on the exact same day of the Hansa's arrival. A bloodbath followed with the majority of the casualties being on the Scottish side (typical), however The Hansa were nonetheless driven to retreat (most are after fighting Glaswegians for long enough). I simply kept moving my navy of 5 large ships into Moray Firth to block The Hansa's retreat into Orkney, thereby continually forcing them to battle until they were wiped out.

Two thousand men were then sent onto Orkney in order to besiege the province. Being far from amazing at this game, it was not until I had read the simply excellent Audacity of Hope by PrawnStar (quick, click the link and escape to a far superior AAR) that I stumbled accross the strategy of having your navy waiting for the enemy's, which is expelled from a port once you capture the province.

UP2-hansanaval.jpg

Excellent (as can be seen the enemy navy was not destroyed in this encounter but I simply sent my sailors after it and finished off all of the enemy ships in the ensuing battle).

I simply allow the war against The Hansa to rumble on. Unfortunately Bohemia lead the forces. I white peace out with the other countries arrayed against me. But for Bohemia I would have sent my army to Hansa's homelands. As it is, I am simply hoping the rising war exhausation in the two countries may make them accept a peace deal giving me Orkney. I only have 8% war score v. Hansa, but Orkney is only worth 4%...

hansawarupdate2-1.jpg

Anarchy still reigns in England, the revolts so severe that both Wales and Ireland form.

walesandirelandupdate2-1.jpg

Finally the Welsh have thrown off the English yoke. No longer are they subject to a cruel and oppressive nation, they can enjoy a life of freedom and...

byewalesupdate2.jpg

*cough*

Despite the massive revolt problems England has managed to assemble a reasonable army once more. Both her Irish and French holdings have dwindled, but England's mainland remains relatively strong (I should add that England conquered most of Brittany, thus adding to her starting French land, whilst also conquering Ireland earlier in the game).

englandregroupupdate2.jpg

Things look ripe for...

englandwaroncemoreupdate2.jpg
 
...sectarian violence in football, bagpipes, the caber, miserly people, non-stop rain...its a wonderful country, come visit!
:rofl:
My parents visited several years ago for the world curling championships...yes curling...I got a nice pewter stein as a souvenir and presented my parents with their broken washing machine in return.
But anyways, nice to see that the Scots played their cards right and now have seriously put the crimp on the English recovering. Plus I love how the Welsh broke free and then were absorbed by the Scots.
 
As a Scotsman I am appalled and insulted at your derogatory stereotyping of our...oooh look IRN BRU!!!

IT'S MINE YA BAS!!!!

Aye.
 
Thanks once more for the replies!

blsteen - Your parents were very lucky to escape with only a pewter stein. The last time I visited anywhere in Scotland outside of Edinburgh I returned with the bubonic plague and a tattoo proclaiming my love for the Tellytubbies.

Ayeshteni - I have to poke fun at the stereotypes surrounding us Scottish people in order to cover up my complete lack of writing ability. As we both know, Scots are actually witty, urbane, intelligent and peace-Hoi, nick my Irn Bru whilst I’m getting my kilt on?! I’ll kill you!

Maxa - tuore has kindly informed you. Why this slang term for headbutt became associated with the lovely, peaceful Glasgow, I have no idea.

tuore - Where did you get that picture of me from?!
 
As can be seen in the last screenshot from the previous update, I had been very fortunate in that I had a Border Dispute event fire, giving me a very useful cassus beli v. England. Finally no stability hit. Frankly I do think that Paradox messed up on this aspect of the game. Wars began by either Scotland or England against the other should result in improved stability everytime for both sides.

The war progresses well. England are now on par with Scotland in terms of military strength, as I had substantially increased my armed forces. Nonetheless subterfuge had to be employed. Attempting a straight forward fight with booze addled Scottish forces is never a clever idea.

A small force of 5,000 was left in Lincoln and succeded in enticing England into the attack. The remnants of my force were scheduled to arrive at the same time as England's army. All went surprisingly well...

UP3-EnticedEngland.jpg

Despite having occupied Orkney for a number of months, and utterly destroyed Hansa's navy and army, they were offering little more than a white peace everytime. Bohemia are too menacing to go and teach those upstarts a lesson. Thus I white peaced out (this was actually mainly down to my own stupidity, I began raising war taxes, something I usually refrain from doing, without realising that war taxes of course adds to war exhaustion, which I was anxious to keep low. Thus even though Bohemia and Hansa had high WE, my own began growing rather high. Yes, I really am that useless at this game. World conquest? More probably a conquering of a wet piece of carrot).

UP3-EndofHansawar.jpg

Scotland gain valuable experience in being humbled by a smaller nation. It is something which will happen time and time again when professional football comes about.

Finally after a great deal of ping-pong the English force is destroyed. I have to admit I was worried Scottish incompetence could see a defeat in these running battles. The amount of casualties on our side is alarmingly high. No doubt the effeminate Lothian men were doing the bulk of the fighting hence the poor performance. Wait...I'm Lothian born and bred...

UP3-Englandforcesfinished.jpg

Peace soon follows.

UP3-Peaceoncemore.jpg

England's navy is still large. Certainly far larger than the 5 large ships and 4 transports which Scotland can muster. Thus I cannot occupy England's Irish holdings. Nonetheless the peace deal is brilliant for us. Well done Scottish sheep raiders, your causing a border friction was useful.

Finally Scotland no longer has to rely on its own population for labour. Scots have bunked off to the nearest pub whilst hardworking foreigners improve the country.

UP3-Foriegnslaves.jpg

Having spent a number of years on a prolonged booze cruise Scotland's diplomatic corps stagger back to Edinburgh. They heartily recommend our next target as a place which has fantastic wine.

UP3AragonDOW.jpg
 
And the crushing of the English continues. Could you get access through Ireland? That would allow you to preposition forces to avoid the English navy. Your BB must be climbing up there with the annexation of Wales and the big victories over the English. So what is your plan after the English are gone? Stayinng aloof from the continent or becoming heavily involved in the balance of power?
 
Thank you kindly for your continued interest blsteen (your bribe is in the post). I'm not too interested in currently gaining England's overseas provinces. I do not think I need them for the 90% war score required for 100% peace deals (it seems you can always get 10% more in peace deals than your current war score). I much prefer taking England's more rich mainland provinces. As for gaining land on the continent, all will become clear with this update...
 
Once again I had best backtrack to explain the situation more fully (yes, I act with trickery even to the few reading this not just with the AI, my writing ability alone will not keep anyone interested). At the start of the game I asked for military access in France, Burgundy and Castille believing that this would prove useful later on. I did this before my infamy rose. Thus I could happily ferry men over to Castille in readiness for war against Aragon and her allies.

I had truly wished to fight Portugal first but happily enough Portugal was an ally of Aragon's. The problem was that Castille were gauranteeing Aragon, and fighting all three of these countries at once would not be the wisest move. Instead I declared war against Sicily, one of the countries Aragon was leading in a personal union (the other being Savoy). England was dragged into the war too as an ally of Aragon. I almost feel sorry for poor England. No nation deserves being ransacked by Scots so much.

England has no army whatsoever. This rather surprised me as it is a few years since our last war. I can only imagine the 3 rebel held English provinces in Ireland alongside a high upkeep cost for England's still formiddable fleet is perhaps the reason behind this. I quickly hire a few mercenary infantry units and put them into England's remaining mainland provinces and then forget about England for this coming war.

UP4-Englandhavenoarmy.jpg

Both Aragon and Portugal have resonably powerful fleets, still far more than anything Scotland can muster (still a mere 5 large ships but now 10 transports). The reason that ship numbers are kept low in Scotland is that if too many were made the population would simply vanish overseas bidding farewell to rain and a clearly insane leader.

Thus the seas remain open to the enemy. Portugal and Aragon both have 7 transport ships each. The lesser nations in the war such as Sicily and Savoy I am simply ignoring, hopefully not at my cost.

I therefore kept back a sizeable force in Britain, ready to smack rebels and hopefully catch any amphibious assaults on the beach. Such as this one...

UP4Portuamphibiouslanding.jpg

At the same time the favoured tactic of Scotland is employed...leaving a few thousand Lothian weaklings in a province to entice the enemy into an ambush. The followup against the now fleeing Aragon force goes well.

UP4chasingAragon.jpg

However later into the ping-pong pursuit the Scots have obviously stumbled accross a pub before the battle.

UP4chasingAragonandlosing.jpg

Minimal casualties on our side, but vexing nonetheless. The morale bonus I believe that the AI gains on very hard can be telling at times. Mind you a Scottish force will always have low morale, campaigning in sun drenched foriegn lands. Knowing they will have to return to a rain drenched craphole will cause most to despair.

Meanwhile the homeland defences goes well, thats a stack of 7,000 Portuguese polished off. Fear the Glasgow kiss!

UP4Portu7kpolishedoff.jpg

War rumbles on on all fronts. Scottish forces beat back a small Sicilian landing in Britain. Small victories are accomplished against Aragon, but nothing decisive can be achieved. Whilst chasing the Sicilian force around Wales, Portugal and Aragon managed to land a sizeable force in Cornwall.

UP4keepingenemyback.jpg

Damnation.

With little progress against Aragon and a sizeable force of enemies now landed in England, things can only get better surely.

The Hansa declare war.

UP4HansaDOW.jpg

Oh joy.

Thankfully The Hansa still have a pitiful navy, even weaker than what Scotland can muster. My large ships had been left at home, as I dared not make use of them in this current war due to their small number. Nonetheless these 5 ships prove to be true saviours, blocking the crossing of the 13,000 strong Hansa force into the Highlands.

However England is still in the war, and has a powerful fleet lurking nearby. I thus put my 5 large ships on patrol between Moray Firth and the Highland port. Hopefully they will not be caught by any enemy navies.

Finally a rub of the green. Scottish men are obviously doing what they do best, making their womens lives misery.

UP4womenvexed.jpg

As can be seen from the location of the screenshot I finally realised that switching my efforts on the Iberian Peninsula from Aragon, where little progress was being made, to the now near empty Portugal was a good idea. As a true Scotsman I know to always fight dirty, and attack from the rear.

The usual strategy of enticing an enemy onto battle against well placed Scottish troops is employed. These 6,000 are all that Portugal still have at home.

UP4luredPortu.jpg

Finally feeling that the war has swung in my favour I notice to my horror a naval battle has broken out in Moray Firth. Thankfully it is merely the Hansa's 5 transports presumably trying to make a break for it. However drawing near...

UP4Hansanavalfight.jpg

As things are balanced on a knife-edge, I simply cannot have a 13,000 strong Hansa force rampaging through Scotland. I hurry to offer England a peace deal.

UP4Englandpeace.jpg

Thankfully I had taken Kent just before this calamity struck. The peace deal is far from what I had wanted from England this time around, but I can polish them off at anytime.

The war seems to be in my favour now. I have a force of 12,000 standing next to the armies Portugal and Aragon have landed in Britain. The menacing threat of my forces seems to have stopped the enemy from assaulting any of the besieged cities. I am happy to simply keep the enemy from making any great gains in Britain whilst my forces rampage through the empty Iberian Peninsula.

UP4keepingenemyback.jpg

For some reason the Welsh take offence at working hard for their Scottish masters! Surely they respect a nation of workshy, drunken slobs?

UP4WelshRevolt.jpg

Having left 1-2k units besieging every Portuegese province, I hurry the remainder of my Iberian force over to the now near-empty Aragon.

UP4Aragonempty.jpg

I quickly break the 3,000 still in Aragon and set to besieging every province. The race is on...
 
Great AAR.

I love your style of fighting. I've never actually played that type of game. I am usually either one of the bigger countries, or I play a msall country, grow to medium size, start taking vassals in the HRE and then go against a major power as a very, very rich medium power.

A+
 
Thank you for the replies!

naggy - Nay, too little! I tend to think of infamy as a high score in an attempted world conquest game, its far too low at present.

blsteen - You are quite correct, as an island based nation I truly should invest in a large navy. However I am reluctant to mint, and most money is being pumped into ever increasing the army.

mje173 - You are too kind (your bribe is also in the post). I find engaging in opportunistic attacks is the only way to gain ground with Scotland. Her armies are too small otherwise.