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Thread: Our house, is a very very very fine house...

  1. #21
    Right Wing Infraction Machine Duuk's Avatar
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    In Jun of '33, one of the Pope's boys wisely suggested that having the Don running tings down here in Sicily was darn near a miracle, and so's everyone got a big burst a pride from dat.

    The priest wasn't happy enough to tell us about the Neapolitans though, since he had to travel right through there to get to us. In July, Naples declared war on Sicily. I dunno why, someting about the Boss, taxes, rightful claims or sumptin.

    Me, I thinks it was a simple turf grab, plain and simple. But you knows how princes are, there's always gotta be some reason.

    Lucky for us, the Boss had been hirin more boys to be "armies", which was really just a fancy name for "real big hit squad", but hey, toe-mate-o, toe-mot-o, right?

    So's the Consiglari is actin all smart, talkin about how he told us all that Naples was gonna stab us in the back and wasn't it just great that we was allied with Austria and all dat. Da Boss sent some boys to tell all the allies about Naples, and sure enough Austria sent us back a note saying that was just tough doody.

    Da Boss wasn't real happy about that, but us being a small island and Austria being a pretty good size german Duchy kept him from doin anything dumb.

    Lucky for us, our other buddies decided to come and mess it up with Naples and their buddies, so that kept it a pretty fair fight.

    Da Boys was all about attacking the Neapolitans and roughin em up some, and they ferried themselves into Apulia just as fast as you could tink.

    Dat's when we figured we had a problem. Da boys beat up on some Neapolitan recruits who just finished trainin and got a real jolt outta that, but then outta nowhere comes this big ol' mob of guys, and DEY HAD CAVALRY!

    Dat made da score Good Guys: 1, Guys on horses: 1.

    So's now da Boss was pretty mad, bein as how da boys screwed dat one up someting bad. He tells em to get goin and mess up some of dem guys, and well, who's we to argue wit da boss, right?

    Now, here we was, all sitting around Apulia tryin to explain to dem why it was in their best interests to just let us be in charge 'ere when the road workers back in Messina decided dat dis would be a good time to strike for some extra cash. Man was they unhappy. Callin' themselves "Artisans" when all they was was some ditch-diggin laborin' mugs. Bad timin on their part, says I, since the Boss was already plenty mad about the war and all. Next thing you know, the guys runnin the strike found themselfs whacked, and the strike was over, even though it set the road work back a few months.

    Good tings was startin to happen in da war though. Here it was, only April of '35, and we captured the doge (or whatever dey was callin teir boss) and roughed him up pretty good. When we was done, he had dis long scar down his cheek. We all took to callin that ugly Neapolitan "Scarface". Ha!

    Da Boss sent da Consiglari in to "negotiate" with ol' Scarface, and next ting ya know Apulia is squarely our turf, an Scarface agrees to send some protection money to da Boss every month.
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  2. #22
    Court Jester Backpack's Avatar
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    I just stumbled across this today. I'm glad you chose to do Sicily. A Sicilian mob AAR was one of the ideas I was contemplating before I started the Georgian campaign.

    Your accents are coming across very well. I can picture the guys talking to each other. Keep the updates coming.

  3. #23
    First Lieutenant natt och dag's Avatar

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    I think I might go watch the Godfather trilogy now, that's how good this is.

    Not as good as the Godfather trilogy, but good enough to make me wanting to watch it again, which is good enough

  4. #24
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    Me an da boys were tinkin' right..

    An we's a thought that maybe these er' Neopolitan's will stick to there's own ice cream from now on if yer's knows what I mean.

    Good job love this AAR! One of my fave alongside the one about the Transcendent One.

  5. #25
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    Holy smokes, this is awesome. I love the part about workers on strike

    Next thing you know, the guys runnin the strike found themselfs whacked

    Those simple little things are so funny, you are writing this to be very interesting. Takes time getting use to the accents but that adds to the whole story.

    Looking forward to more. "Expand your Turf!"
    What a Game!

  6. #26
    Field Marshal MrT's Avatar

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    Have you been laundering money through any of your international...connections...yet? And when do you get the tech that lets you build casinos?

    What a blast, Duuk. Lovin' it!
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  7. #27
    Right Wing Infraction Machine Duuk's Avatar
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    Update in a few minutes. Good one, too.

    Think "alliance wars" mob-style. Just need to square my notes.

    Duuk
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  8. #28
    Right Wing Infraction Machine Duuk's Avatar
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    Competition Heats Up

    So heres it was 1439, and da Boss was runnin tings in Apulia and Sicily wit nobody makin any problems. Tings was going pretty well, and even the peoples in Apulia didn't have any problems wit da way da Boss was runnin the show. I guess they was smarter dan ol' Scarface, cause they never even THOUGHT about revoltin' or nuthin.

    Ecanomacally speakin, da Boss was doin ok. We had a big chunk of trade from Liguria findin' its way into Sicilian pockets, which is always a good ting as far as we's concerned. We figured dat about 1/4 of all the trade income dere was finding a good use for the families back home.

    Venice was a problem though. As much as da Boss tried to get a hold in Venice, the local families kept bumpin our guys outta business, which wasn't exactly welcome news for da Boss. Every time da Boss would get a couple a good rackets goin, like a dice game or some molls, along would come some other guy 'n boot us offa our new turf. Competition was sometin fierce there.

    Lucky for everyone, Allah stepped up and did us all a big favor.

    In December of 1439, da Consilgari figured out that the Muslims didn't know NUTHIN about settin up a good racket, 'n bein as how we was so close n' all, he figgered dat some good Sicilian know-wots would be a good ting for 'em.

    And so away went da boys, setting up shop in Alexandria. Even tho' it cost da Boss a ton with every setta boys he sent (sometin like 13,000 ducats EVERY TIME!), he sent a bunch of 'em in. Next ting ya know, we's got our fingers in everyting, gettin at least a small piece of da action. Best part was, dere was a ton less competition, so da Boss'es dough was safe.

    And then Allah did us anuther favor. Stuff like this keeps up, and we's gonna really start to like da Muslims.

    In July of 1441, the Turks whacked the last Eastern Roman Emperor. Now, I'm just as Italian as the next guy, but dat Roman Empire was about as Roman as Poland, so we's in Sicily wasn't too mad to see 'em go.

    Da best part about all dis was dat alluh sudden, da Boss figured we should set up shop in Istanbul (dat was Constantinople, can't go back der, ya see). Da Boss is a real practical-type guy when it comes to makin some grease from Muslims not being smart enough to control the dock worker's union, and bada-bing, da Boss has got 1/4 of all the trade income from Istanbul findin its way to Sicily, too.
    How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. ~ Ronald Reagan

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  9. #29
    Right Wing Infraction Machine Duuk's Avatar
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    Now, tings was goin along just fine. November rolls aroun', and one of da Capos decides dat if he was to form his boys into smalla' groups, dey might be betta next time we's had ta go an' mess someone up. Dis "reformin" worked out pretty good, so da Boss made sure dat all da Capos did it.

    Now, tings mighta been goin pretty good, an' Sicily mighta been tinkin about expandin our turf again, but dat never stopped a good ol' fashioned Sicilian vendetta. 'Ere we had a busi-ness type trying to control a good chunk of the trade goin out, 'n da Boss took dat as a chance to expand da number of his own boys dat was goin out to set up shops everywhere.

    "Tony", says da Capo, "explain to dis guy dat maybe he'd be happier anywhere else."

    So after I whacked him, da Boss decides to play it off sayin' he was just movin' Sicily toward more free trade or sumthin. I dunno, but some of da other Capos got a little antsy for a bit. Lucky for everybody, none 'a da Capos was dumb enough to need any explainin'.

    Da Consiglari figgered at dis point dat Sicily needed to know wot was goin on in Germania, so away went da Molls to set up shop and get us some info. I guess it worked, cause da Boss seemed to know what was goin on all over da place up der for a while.

    In April of 1444, we was all encouraged to celebrate da birth of Sonny, da Boss'es kid. We was all happy 'n all, but tings was already goin so good dat it was hard for anyone to see any big change in da local stability.

    At dis point, da Boss decided we could use some buddies, and so's we started makin' nice with ol' Scarface. It turns out dat he was da leader of a council or sumthin, cause Naples, Albania, Venice, and even the Papal States was all allied wit 'em.

    Next ting ya know, we's allied with all dem guys, 'n da Capos was just itchin for a fight. You's can take da boys outta the hood, but... well, nevermind.

    In December of 1450, da Capos was really wantin to mess it up wit someone, 'n I don't tink dey really cared who. Just so da Boss wouldn't have any excuse for not jumpin' inta a fight, da Capos coughed up 100,000 ducats dat dey was hidin' back. Da Boss was a little mad dat da Capos had been holdin' out, but since he din't want to upset da Capos, he let it slide. 'Specially seein as how dey had coughed up the dough and all.

    And dat was when all hell broke loose.
    How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. ~ Ronald Reagan

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  10. #30
    Right Wing Infraction Machine Duuk's Avatar
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    Da Boss, seein dat we was an island and we was allied wit some peoples all over da place, figgered now would be a good time to start buildin a navy. Da Dock workers was ok wit dat, bein as how da Boss only buys Union, so galleys was bein built for a few months. Next ting ya know, da Boss has a whole damn fleet 'a like 12 galleys. Compared to Genoa or Venice, we wasn't nothin special, but we was all excited anyway. Real, live, ships!


    Dat was some pretty good timin, too, cause in July of 51, Venice declared war on Ragusa. Dis sounded good, and da Boss agreed dat we was at war with Ragusa. da Consiglari didn't mention at dis also got us into a big ol' mess wit Genoa, Athens, and Siena.

    So, after I whacked da Consiglari da Capos was pretty mad. Dey'll get over it, I says. So da Boys got into da new navy and away dey went. By March, we had Ragusa surrounded, and we was tryin hard to explain to dem dat da Boss really was a pretty good guy, if dey'd just open da damn gates we'd show 'em how nice. Dey believed us about as much as you would tink.

    Now, da new Consiglari wasn't as bright as da last one, so when Athens sends an offer of a "white peace", da Boss gets advised to accept it. Even I figgered der had to be a downside, but I wasn't dumb enough to mention to da Boss dat I figgered he messed up good.

    Now we was at war wit Ragusa, Siena, and Genoa all on our own.

    Now, Ragusa we already had surrounded, Siena was mostly harmless, but Genoa was a bunch bigger'n us, and our navy wasn't about to be able to sail over to da Black Sea just cause da Boss screwed up.

    Some good news kept da Consiglari from bein encouraged ta retire. Ragusa finally took the hint, and in February of 1456 Ragusa started payin' squeeze to the boss and agreed to hand over 100,000 ducats for lettin' em stay alive. We was fine wit dat, bein as how dey was kinda far away from Sicily, 'n Ragusa isn't exactly the resort paradise da brochure says it is, if you get my drift.

    Siena took da hint and accepted a white peace. Italians, of course. Smart ones, too.

    Genoa wasn't so bright. Dey wanted 50,000 ducats from da Boss in exchange for peace. Now, dis may sound reasonable to you, but tryin to get some dough outta da Boss is like tryin to take a Toledo sword from a Castillian. It ain't gonna happen unless you makes 'em dead.

    Bein as how Genoa hadn't made none of da Boys dead, we all figgered it wouldn't surprise the Genoas when we sent back der Boys with fewer appendages den when dey showed up.
    How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. ~ Ronald Reagan

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  11. #31
    Right Wing Infraction Machine Duuk's Avatar
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    Now, durin dis mess Bosnia declared war on our buddy Venice. We agrees to declare war on 'em, but even Venice knows we ain't plannin on doin anyting else in dat war.

    So, we was all sittin aroun tryin to figger out how to win da war against Genoa when someone points out that Corsica is an island, just like us.

    This might sound like obvious stuff to you's, but we was all hittin da wine pretty hard, so to us it seemed like a damn good ting to notice.

    So away goes da boys on da navy, headed for Corsica. You ain't NEVER seen a sorrier bunch 'a guys than da seasick boys dat landed on Corsica. Good ting for us der was none 'a Genoa's boys aroun', or we woulda got messed up good. We dug in, set up a camp, started playin' craps, and sent da negotiator over ta da city to explain to 'em how nice da Boss is to work for. Dey was less den impressed, but dat's ok, we had time.

    Dat was when it got weird.

    C'n we be honest a second here? Da Sicilian Navy, as proud of it as we all was, wasn't exactly a world class battle fleet or nuthin. Just a bunch of guys spread out inta 12 galleys. 12. Not 120, not 60, not even 20.

    12.

    So's the Genoa fleet comes out, 'n we figger dat's about it for our boys, bein as how Genoa had a bigger fleet dan we coulda ever thought 'a havin.

    Just den, our boys figger out which way da wind is comin from, and DEY USED IT BUT GOOD!

    So Genoa's fleet says back inta Liguria lookin like it got kicked "al dente", so ta speak. Our boys was actin all tough, like dey was da baddest bunch of guys ever to set foot on a boat. We was all proud 'a dem, being war heroes 'n all. Even da Boss!

    'N then it got weirder. Da Genoa fleet kept on attackin our boys, and our boys kept on whuppin on 'em.

    Our boys was down to 6 galleys, but dey was winnin! C'n ya believe dat?

    In October of '57, Corsica finally got sick 'a bein left outta the craps game, and figured we's may as well all get along. We figgered that was nice, so we's let 'em win a while on da dice.

    Now, at dis point Genoa was freakin out. Dey offered da Boss 325,000 ducats for peace, but da Boss was actin smart. Dere was no way we could expect da navy boys to whup on Genoa dat bad ever again without Divine Intervention, and I ain't exactly bettin on God's love of Sicily.

    Da Boss accepted peace in January of 1458 with Genoa givin Corsica to be a permanent part of our turf.
    How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. ~ Ronald Reagan

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  12. #32
    Right Wing Infraction Machine Duuk's Avatar
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    OOC NOTES

    Ever notice that "an heir" only happens when you're at +3 stability? Me too.

    The Consiglari got whacked explained why I went from +3 stab to -1. It had nothing to do with me breaking _4_ RMs with that DoW. Really.

    I signed a seperate peace with Ragusa. I was actually planning on vassalizing Siena, but when Genoa demanded 50d for peace, I knew I had a target.

    I'm loving this AAR. It took me 4 good sized posts to fill you in on less than 20 years of history, during which time I fought 1 war and sent out a bunch of merchants and RMs.

    My recommendation to anyone thinking of writing their first AAR: Find a topic you can have fun with, whether your fun is hardcore, detailed characters, tongue in cheek fun, or even both in spurts.

    Good examples of every variety are available in this forum.

    Much love,

    Duuk
    How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. ~ Ronald Reagan

    The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' ~ Ronald Reagan

  13. #33
    Court Jester Backpack's Avatar
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    Duuk,

    This is on heck of an AAR. The way you talk reminds me a lot of one of my Italian friends from Jersey when he thickens up his accent a lot. Excellent storytelling. I found myself chuckling the whole way through.

  14. #34
    Right Wing Infraction Machine Duuk's Avatar
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    Sorry, no update tonight.

    Tommorow night though

    Duuk
    How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. ~ Ronald Reagan

    The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' ~ Ronald Reagan

  15. #35
    Field Marshal MrT's Avatar

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    Duuk, I've just had the most entertaining half hour or so catching up on the most recent instalments. I honestly don't know how you manage to keep this so consistently great, but you do. You've got the lingo down so well and all those little catch phrases you throw in like "bada bing" or whatever...just perfect.

    Do you have to spend a couple hours watching The Sopranos before you write, or is there somethin' ya ain' tellin' us?
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  16. #36
    Covert Mastermind Demi Moderator Secret Master's Avatar
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    Duuk, you gotta love getting that wind bonus when the enemy is coming out of port. The AI loves to just lose over and over and over again.... I just never thought I'd see da Boss humble Genoa like that. Good show!

    And I love your writing. You're keeping it fresh.
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  17. #37
    Right Wing Infraction Machine Duuk's Avatar
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    Agh, I woke up with a killer kink in my neck this morning. I'm going to have to hold off one more night. I promise a post tommorow night.


    BTW: How come nobody notices that I use at least one quote from either The Godfather Trilogy or another mob movie, tie in some random fact about true life mobsters, etc.

    Sheesh, I do all this research and the best I get is wisecracks about the Italian's speaking New Yawk 'n Joisey lingo.

    Bah!

    Duuk :P
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  18. #38
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    Originally posted by Duuk


    BTW: How come nobody notices that I use at least one quote from either The Godfather Trilogy or another mob movie, tie in some random fact about true life mobsters, etc.

    Sheesh, I do all this research and the best I get is wisecracks about the Italian's speaking New Yawk 'n Joisey lingo.

    Bah!

    Duuk :P
    I share your pain. You have no idea how many movie and real-life references in my Portugal AAR that are missed.

    Don't worry, every time I read this I picture Pesci, James Caan, Ray Liotta, Marlon Brando, et al, speaking the lines. Keep up the great work.
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  19. #39
    Court Jester Backpack's Avatar
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    Duuk,

    Nah...Your allusions haven't gone unnoticed. I just thought the one guy taking about having to go see the Godfather again and one of the others making a reference to the BoddaBing line were enough...didn't want to get redundant on ya.

    Now...if you could work a version of this (non Italian but still appropriate) quote in, I'd be 'ing even more.

    Josey Wales: "It seems like just when I get to likin' somebody they ain't around very long."
    Old Indian: "It seems like when you get to dislikin' somebody they ain't around long either."

    That has always been one of my favorite movie quotes. Keep the updates coming.

  20. #40
    Corporal Collingwood II's Avatar

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    Jul 2002
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    Middlesbrough, Great Britain
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    34

    Faggeta 'bout it

    Great installments! Makes me embarrased I couldnt ring in such humor in one of my own. But the Otters from Turkey have no humor. Just damn good diplomatic savy and strategic thinking (quite proud. I wanted to war byzantium but had military access with them, so I declared war on trebizond and byzantium jumps to treb's assistance. I smash the fortress's in trebz provence and thrace and force treb to give me one of byzantiums provinces and 120D!)


    I take it Duuk when you say 325000 ducats you mean 325 in thousands? How you have so much money is beyond me. Some idiot balancing the books for my Ottoman EMpire game took out a loan in 1420, and Ive been forced to wage war around the Aegean sea ever since(now 1430) to try and pay the freaking thing off. Whats ya secret man?

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