Our house, is a very very very fine house...

3 January, 1419

"Whaddayous mean we's an independant country? We's only got tis one little island here in the middle of the Medit-terranian.

I mean, we ain't even gots no armies, no gold coins to spread around, and there ain't no princesses to be marryin' off to no royal houses. All we's gots is the Don, and while, may he live forever and all dat, the Don ain't exactly on good terms with the peoples around'n us, right?"

"Tony, why's you gotta be so negative? If da Boss says we can run the whole damn island by'n ourselves, well, who's we to argue with the Don?"

"But Antoni, what's about you suppose is gonna happen when say Naples decides that Sicily would be a really good part of their turf?"

"Tony, we done how many little turf wars, you 'n me? You think countries are any different than the Dons here? Lookit, you got your England and France, both of em claim to be King of the Frenchies, right? Right. So's this Henry guy goes about makin some French guys dead, and he's about to keep doin that until this French King admits that Henry's the REAL King of France. That sound familiar to you's at all?"

"So Antoni, you sayin that all of Europe is just gonna sit back while we extend our operations and start making corporate decisions for all 'a dem?"

"Tony, you gots that exacta-mentaly right."

-- -- --

OOC Setup

EU2 v 1.05

January 3, 1419. I had to start the game and let it run for 2 days as Aragon to set Sicily free as a vassal state.

Sicily's capital is in Messina for a reason I'll never understand.

This version has no modifications or new events. Without cheating and looking at my Monarch, leader, or event files, I can accept that random events are about all I'm ever going to have.

When Aragon freed Sicily as a vassal, I was given 0 ducats, diplomats, missionaries, colonists, merchants, and relations to all nations (except Aragon) at 0. My relations with Aragon are, oddly enough, +200 and I am their vassal.

The Don sat in his "office", which was really more of a private library in his house. His house, of course, was far and away the biggest house in all of Messina. The Don did not accept anyone living in a bigger house.

The Don was the law in Sicily. Not officially, of course. The Arch-Duke of Sicily was supposedly a vassalized prince of Aragon. But the Don was really the one in charge, and everyone, including the Arch-Duke, was well aware of that.

The Don ran the back of his hand along his jaw. His jaw was very prominent, looking almost like a bulldog.

"So tell me, these Aragonese people want you to be bound to them in an alliance?"

"Why... yes, yes Don Messina", stammered the Arch-Duke.

"Well, say yes to them. Aragon might be a bloated pig, but they do have alot of islands around us, and a navy that might help to protect us. And should we need them, they would come to us. Surely they would demand spoils, but those could be given from the people that would attack us, after all, we are not Imperialists!"

"Yes, Don Messina. We will ally with Aragon."

"So Tony, the Don says we's allied with Aragon. Aragon's at war wit the Navarran guy. Does dat mean we's at war wit 'em too?"

"Yeah Antoni, it does. But Navarre ain't got no navy, and they ain't gonna build one just for the pleasure of meeting any Sicilian women. Dis war ain't gonna affect us none."

"So, we don't even need to make any of da boys into a proper army or nothin?"

"Nope. The Don is busy sending out some girls to get some info on da other countries. The button men are openin some places in their capitals where Princes and stuff can drop off some stuff, and maybe let some info into the ears of the molls. And da best part is, if the boys they're boffin try to declare war on Sicily, well da molls won't give em no affection, if you know whats I'm sayin."

"hahahaha, I bet that would really make dem Nobles and stuff angry if a King declared war on Sicily then."

The Don wasn't really happy.

This made the rest of the family nervous.

"Money's low, consiglari, and we need to expand our business interests. It's true, we have 5 different types of operations in Liguria. We have bookies, dockworkers, women, booze, and a still bit of tax-exempt importing. But still my own people don't finance us enough to field enough boys."

"Don Messina, perhaps if we promoted some of the boys, made them Capos of the two parts of the island, they could muscle a little more ducats out of the peasants?"

"Keep the rough stuff to a minimum. It's already 1420, the local under families don't want violence. This war with Navarre is turning into some bad business. I wish Aragon would end it."

"Ok Godfather. I'll promote a Capo here in Messina where we can keep an eye on him, and western Sicilia will need to wait."

In July of 1421, some of the under families started to get a bit loud about the so called "war" with Navarre.

"Tony, we gotta whack a few guys for the boss before dis gets outta control. You know, you gotta stop these guys at the beginning, like they shoulda done with Henry. Now he's done swallowed up Orleans, and little Orleans ain't never done nuttin to him. So's the boss said we whack a few sons in the under families and that should solve the mess."

"Antoni, did it ever occur in your thick skull that just maybe the guys we whack are gonna have families? As in, the kind of families that whack people back when their boys get whacked?"

"Uhhhh. Mebbe I shouldn'ta whacked em all at that wedding then?"

"This Wedding Crisis is a mess, Consiglari. How did we ever let it come to this? This crisis has caused a serious slowdown in business stability. It'll be months before it all blows over. Now I have to worry about my sons for years. And vengence will not bring their sons back any more than it would mine. This is not good."

"Don Messina, I agree. That shouldn't be allowed to happen. The good news is, Aragon paid Navarre 40,000 ducats in exchange for peace, and we're included in their agreement. So at least we're at peace. I'll promote the Capo for Western Sicilia now, Godfather."

.. .. ..

And so it was that Sicily fought its first war, and signed a peace of equals with Navarre, without ever fielding any forces.

...to be continued...

The accent is actually harder than I thought it would be for one key reason: Not everyone here speaks American English.

So doing a New York Italian accent in writing could make it hard to read. I'm trying to balance that.

Duuk

The Arch-Duke wasn't too happy with da Boss. It seems that Don Messina had told the Arch-Duke to send a little note to them guys in Aragon tellin them we wasn't payin no more protection money to em anymore. 'Course, when da Boss wants a message sent, the Capo calls me.

"Tony", they says, "go over and ex-splain to dem guys why it would be healthier for dem to do what da Boss is sayin."

So in I go. The Arch-Duke took the advice pretty well, for an old guy. And dat was da last time Sicily paid any protection money to the Aragon Boss. Now dat we was a full partner in this alliance with no moneys bein sent over to dem, the Boss's financial situation started to get a ton better. I was glad, seein as how that means he'll be lookin for more Capos eventually.

This caused some more boys to beg to be given jobs in the Boss's organization, but seein as how we wasn't hirin button men just now, we kept them "on file". We called dis file the "Can't Now Mens", and when we 'stablished that, it really helped us out in the manpower department.

At dis point, I got an idea dat I thought was really smart. I figured we could send 10 of the boys out to set up some shylockin' in any spaces where der wasn't any other families. The Capo pointed out that we didn't KNOW of anyplace dat some family didn't own, but I still tink dat'll help us out eventually.

Summa the other boys had an idea, too. I didn't tink very much a der idea, but the Capo seemd happy. Who am I ta argue wit da Capo, eh? So anyways, the boys said if we built some kinda museums and stuff dat da molls wouldn't raise such a fuss while we was out doin business on the other families. Something about givin them summtin to do and keepin em "stable", I guess.

Anyways, so's now it's 1424, and the Capo is restin. I guess I'll tell ya all more later.

I'm in love with this AAR because I somehow doubt it'll get boring anytime soon.

I've written about 5 years of history. It's 1424. I haven't raised any armies or navies, I was involved in a small war that ended in Aragon paying 40d to Navarre without ever involving me, and I cancelled my vassalization.

In terms of gameplay, IT'S BEEN DULL.

In terms of writing this AAR, trying to translate in-game events into "How would this effect the Don?" has been a real treat.

For example, the "political crisis" event takes on a whole new meaning when thought of this way, and hitting Tech level 2 in Inf and Trade even made for 2 paragraphs.

Amazing. Simply amazing.

Duuk

Da Boys of Summer

In May of '25, dem Aragon types declared war on Granada. Now, we gots no issues with the Muslims, bein as how da Boss respects anybody dat's willin to quietly pay da squeeze, but seein as how we was all allied to Aragon and stuff, we agrees to help in da war.

Ok, so what we actshully did was agree to declare war on Granada. But da guys in Aragon was ok with dat. Bein as how we didn't have a navy, and didn't have any boys set up as an army or nothin, we wasn't exactly a big threat to Granada. But hey, it made Aragon happy, so who's I to argue?

Some good stuff happened while we was "at war". Some of the dock workers got together and organized a union. Da Boss wasn't sure this was such a good idea until this "naval factory" got finished building, and since da Boss didn't have to pay nuthin for it, alls of a sudden he thought it was a damn fine idea.

In August of 28, Aragon finally annexed Granada. We wasn't too thrilled that it took em three years to beat up on some guys that only owned a small chunk of turf, but we wasn't too impressed with the Aragon army anyways.

Da Boss made it official when he organized 8,000 of the boys into a big ol' mob and left the alliance with Aragon. Now we was really in for it, even though we didn't know it.

In July of '30, the Consiglari convinced the Boss that we should be buddies with Naples, since Naples was allied with most of Italy. I guess the Consiglari wasn't too smart, because Naples was at war with Austria 'n their buddies. Good for us that Naples is dumb, cause dey wouldn't let us join their alliance. Bum luck for them, I's thinkin.

In June of 31, Da Boss figured if we couldn't be friends with Naples, we may as well be ready to fight Naples. The Don joined the alliance with Milan, Austria, Switzerland, Modena, and Savoy.

Then da Boss hired 10,000 more of the boys for another big mob, and da Boss started this whole trainin thing. We took it all serious-like, even though the molls didn't like us sleepin in tents and stuff. This army thing is for bums.