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*gasps and then flees to his lair to begin crafting his own cookie, with which to rule them all, and bind them in the darkness...*

Thank you very much for remind me that I don't have my own cookie... Well, perhaps it's time to introduce the Royal Order of the Sacred Pizza... Grand Master Peti will deal with it.

You bastard!
 
Having said that, Herr Flick's very special abilities and and even more special methods have been noticed even among the members of the Abwehr, hence his temporary employment in another division of the Reich's very secret services.

"I have indeed ben praised by ze Herren of ze abwehr for my many special Abwehr-talents. I am ze master of ze disguise. Nobody vill ever find out I am not a French maid of ze opposite sex."

:rofl: I'll make a note to attempt to submit something. It might stop me posting quite so much nonsense in Carthage! :rofl:

Please do continue the Carthage-madness :D.

:rofl:
more of ze French maid/Herr Flick please,
that was just hilarious...
but then George would be unhappy...:(:D

"Indeed, even Sully did get more time in the last update than me. He even got his icture posted. Sniff."

"There, there George. With your rather 'unique' personality you will get plenty of appearances in the next episodes."

Dear Mr Flick, George, Colonel, Captain, whoever.

I'm quite intrigued by this statement by our Abwhererian gentlady, as I infer that, in Quebec are females of ze opposite sex and females of ze same sex. I'm quite used to see fame of ze opposite sex to mine, although I've seen some female of ze opposite sex to mine to look as if they had the same sex I am, that us, not very female at all. But I do wonder. There are indeed females of the ze opposite sex in Quebec? If there is a positive answer to my question, then, does this means that, in Quebec, there are females of the same sex as good old Colonel Blimp? If it is so, why not simply calling those females of the same sex just "men"? Or they are not men by some kind of odd mutation of a female being, also called woman?

I guess I should stop drinking tea, cause I'm thinking quite odd things, which isn't odd at all, just the usual thing, but female of ze oppposite sex and female of ze not opposite sex are a quite disturbing thought for me.

Dear sir Winston,

Peti speaking here. Do you think that my Kurty is crazier than your George or is it just the side-efects of the incoming Spring, that began a bit ealier this time?

"Good day sir Steiner. It is my experience in my 40 years of serving King and country that you should never, ever, ever apply common logic on anyone or anything French.
They are just funny that way.

Yours truly, the right honourable Colonel Blimp."


"Peti, old bean.

It is my experience in my ten years of serving Colonel and Country that the incoming spring has a profound effect on the behaviour of all human males. They are just funny that way.
Yours truly, the right hounourable pet, Sir Winston."


She is obviously just reaffirming the masculinity of Colonel Blimp (as if it was needed for such a paragon of manliness!)

What can be more manly that a mustacio-wearing, heavily build, overage British Colonel?

Great AAR. :)

I can't wait for the next update.

Thanks :D.

behold the immense power of tea! :rofl:

This comment summarises the amazing discussion on tea on the previous page the best.
Authors note: one of my biggest mistakes ever, ordering coffee in England. That pathetic excuse of a liquid was an insult to coffee everywhere (the author gets quite agitated when he doesn't get his dailly dose of cafeïne, a substance English coffee seems to lack).

Dear George, and friends
I hereby award you the most secret and coveted of Noble Honours, paid for by the house of Strange:a Lord Strange Cookie of British Awesomenesss

Hail your hilarious, and very British fight for Blighty!

Good sir, By Jove, I will work hard to prove myself worthy of this truly British reward.

*gasps and then flees to his lair to begin crafting his own cookie, with which to rule them all, and bind them in the darkness...*

Cookies, gimme, gimme, gimme.

Thank you very much for remind me that I don't have my own cookie... Well, perhaps it's time to introduce the Royal Order of the Sacred Pizza... Grand Master Peti will deal with it.

You bastard!

Now, now, sir Steiner. It isn't nice to shovel all your work on your pet.
 
"I have indeed ben praised by ze Herren of ze abwehr for my many special Abwehr-talents. I am ze master of ze disguise. Nobody vill ever find out I am not a French maid of ze opposite sex."

The Reich should consider itself lucky to have men in it's service who strive above and beyond everything others regard as possible. The Reich should even more consider itself lucky that Herr Flick is offering his services solely to the Reich. One does not dare to imagine what would happen if the enemy had a person even remotely as capable as him.

One day, Herr Flick will surely lead the Gestapo himself, unless he prefers to remain 'in the field', being the true professional he is.
 
Message from the author

I thank everyone for still reading Colonel Blimp, somehow my most popular AAR. However I find comedy one of the most difficult and timeconsuming genres to write.
At the moment I am very busy with an important paper, leaving me with less free time than I would like. Since I find my other AARs easier to write, most of my AARland-time is spend on them.

Note that I will continue the adventures of the Colonel and his (slightly unhinged) friends. Unfortunately, updates will be erratic at best. I hope to have an update ready next week. Also, I am quite willing to accept 3rd party work. There is enough craziness hiding in this world to share :D.

Yours truly, FlyingDutchie.
 
Can we just post it, or does it have to be proofread oh editor my editor?

The only rules are that:

1). The story must tie in with mine. No war with Japan after I wrote on alliance etc.

2). Be careful with the characters. The Colonel, George, Mainwaring, Sir Neville etc. may feature in a story as supporting characters, but I prefer that 3rd party writers find/create their own lead-characters. There are enough reallife and fictional nutjobs lying around to abuse so feel free to pick one.

Anyone is free to post at their liking if they keep to these rules.
 
Right. Blackadder UoB story will appear below this sentence. I bagsed it!

A moment in the life of Junior Undermanager of Administrative Affairs at the People's London (North East) Industrial Centre 2-C (formerly known as Royal Enfield Arsenal)

The scene:

A small, cramped factory office. Pinned up notes are strewn on the wall behind him, filling the background with pink and blue and white slips of paper all with various nonsense about production quotas, patriotic duty and internal memos. Blackadder is sitting in a chair trying to work, but more rather accurately noodling around with his pencil. A radio is in the corner, the voice of a woman can be softly heard, announcing the news. Apparently the Choco-Ration would go up to 25 grammes in April. Out in the corridor, a loud scratching noise can be heard.

Blackadder raises his voice and calls back "Baldrick, what are you doing out there?"
"I'm carving something on this bullet, Comrade Junior Undermanager of Administrative Affairs."
Blackadder looked perplexed at the reply. "What are you carving, Baldrick?"
"I'm carving "Baldrick", Comrade Junior Undermanager of Administrative Affairs."
"Why?"
"It's a cunning plan actually."
"Of course it is."
"You see, you know they say that somewhere there's a bullet with your name on it?"
"Yes?"
"Well, I thought if I owned the bullet with my name on it, I'd never get hit by it, 'cos I won't ever shoot myself."
Blackadder pulled a face "Oh, shame."
"And, the chances of there being two bullets with my name on them are very small indeed."
"That's not the only thing around here that's "very small indeed". Your brain for example, is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open there wouldn't be enough inside to cover a small water-biscuit. Now get in here and do some work."

fin
 
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Meanwhile, in Vienna

Skorzeny!

"By the balls of Virgin Mary...", thought Otto Skorzeny while froze at the door of his home at Vienna. "It's a pest. I can't go anywhere without some kind of silly sob shouting my surname".

While he walked at a fast rate towards his car, he wondered the plans for that day.

"1. Fencing at 14.00 with herr Schmaus.
2. Fencing at 15.00 with herr Meyer-Schultz-Klaussing von Due.
3. Fencing at 16.00 with herr Neumeyer.
4. Fencing at 17..."

"Gee, methinks I'm doing too much Fencing lately." Then something quite odd happened to him. A big furry dog farted by his side. Otto, a bit surprised, looked at the dog, who shouted back to him:

-What did you expect? Mozart?". And another fart followed.

Then a tall man walked through the street and shouted:

-Peti! You bastard! Excuse me, sir, but ... wait! you're

Skorzeny!

The odd man and the odd dog looked around, searching for the origin of the voice. Then Otto exploded.

-Yes! Yes! I'm the bloody f*ing Otto Skorzeny! So what!

The man looked quite puzzled and, after a while, replied as if a daze.

-Nothing really, sir. I'm captain Kurt Steiner, from the Panzertruppen...

Steiner!

-Shut up, you son of a beach! -Steiner and Skorzeny shouted at once.

-...well, what was... oh, yeah, I'm cap...

-I thought you were oberst Steiner, from the Fallschirmjäger...

-Oh Chirst, that happens all the time. That's the OTHER Steiner... There is also a sargeant Steiner, but no relation with me. In short, herr...

Skorzeny!

-... erm... yes... Otto, we want you in Germany for...

-But I'm an Austrian-born citizen.

-And I am a dog -Peti said, grinning-. So what?

-The dog... is talking...

-And it's worse. He talks endlessly -Steiner added, with a painful expression on his face.

-Well -began the dog-. We, well, not we, but the Kaiser, you know, THAT Kaiser, Billy...

-Wilder?

-Shut up, Kurty... well, Kaiser Bill wants...

Skorzeny!

-... you... in Germany. And he wants you to be there ASAP. What do you have to say?

-If you give me your word that no one would shout what-do-you-already-know in Berlin, I'll go.

-What? -Steiner and Peti asked.

-Oh dear... An example.

Otto returned to his home. After a few minutes he went out and then...

Skorzeny!

-You see? -Skorzeny's face showed his great anger.

- I see... -Steiner paced up and down the street and then said-. Well, no one shouts my name in Germany, so I'll guess you'll be fine.

-Are you sure?

-Pretty much.

-Pretty woman -Peti added.

-Oh gosh -Skorzeny whispered-, I'm going to miss the shouting...

Skorzeny!

-Well, perhaps not so much...
 
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haha, i remember that episode of Blackadder goes forth! :rofl:

oh, and...

SKORZENY!

brilliant:rofl:
 
Looks like the 'Blimp-write-in' was a success, with two absurd but well written pieces of fiction :D.

I hope that both Comrade Junior Undermanager of Administrative Affairs Blackadder and Skorzeny! will return. Hopefully the Colonel will return at the end of the week too.
 
A moment in the life of Junior Undermanager of Administrative Affairs at the People's London (North East) Industrial Centre 2-C (formerly known as Royal Enfield Arsenal)

The scene:

A small, cramped factory office. Pinned up notes are strewn on the wall behind him, filling the background with pink and blue and white slips of paper all with various nonsense about production quotas, patriotic duty and internal memos. Blackadder is sitting in a chair slowly shaving his pencil into a thin slither of wood. A radio is in the corner, the voice of a man can be softly heard, announcing the news. This week Comrade General Secretary of the People's Maximalist Platform of the Great Union of Britain has recently bought a new car. Overmanager for General Production, Comrade Melchett enters the room.

Melchett: Good day to you Comrade Junior Undermanager of Administrative Affairs. I've had a letter from the Comrade General Secretary of the People's Maximalist Platform of the Great Union of Britain.

Blackadder: Oh, Comrade Overmanager for General Production?

Melchett: Indeed, Comrade Junior Undermanager of Adminstrative Affairs. There is a parade to be held.

Blackadder: I'm afraid I served in the Weltkrieg, Comrade Overmanager for General Production. I'm past my parading due date.

Melchett: Well, I didn't think it would be your cup of tea, but I do need someone to help me organise it, you know. Obviously not a tough grizzled old soldier like yourself, but some kind of dandified nancy-boy who will be prepared to spend the rest of the month in the London Palladium.

Blackadder: The show's going to the London Palladium, sir?

Melchett: Oh yes of course. No good crushing the Reactionaries in here only to go outside and find that everyone's bowing down in the palaces of the mighty.

Blackadder: Good point, sir.

Melchett: So the thing is, Blackadder, finding a man to organise a workers parade is going to be damn difficult. So, I've come up with rather a cunning set of questions with which to test the candidate's suitability for the job.

Blackadder: And what sort of questions would these be, sir?

Melchett: Well, the first question is, 'do you like Mark Steel?'

Blackadder: Droll, Comrade Overmanager for General Production...

fin
 
Across the waves (once again).

“Are we there yet captain?”

“No George, while the Atlantic is smaller than the Pacific, it cannot be crossed in a few hours.”

“Captain, why couldn’t Sully come with us? “

“Because Sully is a giant stuffed elk. Therefore there is no plausible reason on this planet to take him with us, especially because our quarters are quite cramped.”

“But I miss the little chap…”

“George, calling Sully the 600 pound elk a little chap is really pushing things. If you feel lonely go and play chess or something like that with Sir Neville. Don’t worry, the doctors have given him his pills.”

Mainwaring sighed. Once again George did anything possible to make the long trip look even longer. It would be a long way till Lisbon. Once again the government had decided to try and rebuild the old alliances of the Great War. The first on the list was Portugal, a country of no importance at all, but a loyal friend to Britain for ages. Portugal was a bit like that one kid always picked last for dodgeball at school in Mainwarings opinion. Yet desperate times asked for desperate measures. Mainwaring just hoped Sir Neville wouldn’t blow his top before meeting Salazar, the slightly unhinged dictator of Portugal. Perhaps the Colonel would have a calming influence on the man.

antonio-de-salazar-2.jpg

Antonio de Oliveira Salazar, dictator of Portugal and the first target for Colonel Blimp and friends.

“By the queens corset Mainwaring, it feels good to sail towards the old continent once again. I just had it with Frau Flick and her French food. I hope those Portugese understand food should be cooked properly and thoroughly.”

“Indeed Colonel, but after eating Canadian food for years, I am ready for anything.”

“Well, it will be a time before we have to go back in Canada. Perhaps they will finally civilize while we are away. What was the schedule for the trip anyway?”

“After visiting Salazar we will travel to Russia, stopping only at Munich for a short visit with some German dignitaries.”

“Why Munich of all places?”

“I don’t know sir, for some reason Sir Neville insisted on it…”
 
“Why Munich of all places?”

“I don’t know sir, for some reason Sir Neville insisted on it…”

Because our good old Chambie likes beer?

:rofl:
 
Because he will then go on to sell out your allies for brief and untrustworthy assurances of Peace in our time and no further territorial demands?