The adventures of Colonel Blimp - a Kaiserreich AAR

[Arilou]

"Cheese in our time!"

[FlyingDutchie]

Somethings rotten in the state of Portugal



There where days Colonel Blimp wished he still was in Canada. A thought that truly scared him, but a day with Sir Neville without his pills was enough to make any man long for the barren wasteland that was Canada. And then there was the meeting with Salazar…

The day had started without too much trouble, or so it seemed. The Portugese chaps in his hotel had done their best to produce some toast and the Portugese Colony in Macao made sure the Colonel was enjoying his first good cup of tea in a very long time (he suspected the Canadians simply used mapleleaves or something like that to make theirs). He even gave George and Captain Mainwaring a day off. What could go wrong on a day like this?

The problem came when he noticed Sir Neville had run out of pills. The colonels first idea was a small tap with the specially prepared medicinal club, but unfortunately Sir Neville needed to be concious to sign a treaty. The Colonel simply had to be very, very careful.

The first problem was the Portugese flag hanging near the palace. The colour red alone would be enough to make Sir Neville think the Portugese where SyNDieZ. Only after carefully explaining the red was actually representing the blood of Syndie traitors to the cause of rightenousness (AKA British policies) did Sir Neville stop foaming at the mouth and wished to enter the palace. President Carmona greeted them, but both knew it was his prime-minister who was in charge. When they arrived in the meetingroom, Salazar already sat there in a black leathe swivelchair, slowly turning around to greet his guests, all while stroking a white Persian cat.



“Good afternoon, British delegates. I am Antonio Oliveira de Salazar, but you may adress me as Sir. Carmona, make yourself usefull for a change and get us some tea. Us responsible people have matters of importance to discuss.”

“Indeed, we need an alliance to fight the synd, the SyND…”, Sir Neville started to foam at the mouth again.

“Indeed, we wish for an alliance with Portugal.”

“And why should I assist you in the slaughter of your enemies, bringing destruction throughout the world, making all who opposes us choke in their own blood before we hang them from their own entrails…”

“Ehmm, that is not exactly what I meant”

“… burning all those who oppose us at the stake like the heretics they are…”

“Heretics, heretics. You know who are heretics?”

“… ruling their burned countries with an iron fist, salting the earth and wiping their inferior cultures from the face of the earth…”

“Syndies, they are heretics, all of them… SynDieZ EVERYWHERE!!!!”

“… all while they beg for the mercy we will not give them. MUAHAHAHA!!!”

“Well, if you put it like that good sir.”

“THE SYNDIEZ ARE AFTER MEEEEEE!!!!!”

“Ok, sounds like fun. CARMONA, move that lazy ass and sign the treaty. You may leave now Colonel, and please take that man with you. I suspect he’s not mentally sane.”

Thinking back to that meeting still made the Colonel shudder. Salazar and Emperor Hirohito where now both allied with Canada. Their enemies should beware indeed.

[KoldPT]

i believe salazar preferred dogs... but that stereotypical bond villain image fits him oh so well

[CarbrBard]

I try to imagine what will happens if Japan turns SYNDZ ater the Revolts. :O
.
Or they ended already?

[Kurt_Steiner]

“You may leave now Colonel, and please take that man with you. I suspect he’s not mentally sane.”

Butbutbutbut... George was not in the meeting and our good old Colonel is not going nuts -well, longing for Canada may be a slight show of madness-, so, I'm puzzled. Who may be the madman in the British delegation?

[El Pip]

You know I think Nev and Salazar are going to get on just perfectly once they get to know each other better, they have so much in common.

[Timmie0307]

Yup they have both a lot in common indeed, both yearn for Syndie blood....

Tim

[TemplarComander]

Yup they have both a lot in common indeed, both yearn for Syndie blood....

Tim

And at the end of the day, that's all that counts.

[FlyingDutchie]

i believe salazar preferred dogs... but that stereotypical bond villain image fits him oh so well

While writing the update I suddenly got the image of a Bondvillain in my head. Don't know why.

I try to imagine what will happens if Japan turns SYNDZ ater the Revolts. :O
.
Or they ended already?

Do you think the Emperor could allow SyNDieZ on his island?????

Butbutbutbut... George was not in the meeting and our good old Colonel is not going nuts -well, longing for Canada may be a slight show of madness-, so, I'm puzzled. Who may be the madman in the British delegation?

Hmmm. Some consider Sir Neville somewhat unhinged. The Colonel isn't nuts, he's just British... George will feature next time, he's just sulking that Sully the stuffed Elk couldn't come with him.

You know I think Nev and Salazar are going to get on just perfectly once they get to know each other better, they have so much in common.

The fact that both are out for blood does give them something to talk about over a good Scotch.

Yup they have both a lot in common indeed, both yearn for Syndie blood....

Tim

Just one small difference, Sir Neville is out for SyNDiE blood, while Salazar is just out for blood in general.

And at the end of the day, that's all that counts.

You said it.

I hope to post an update tonight. The Colonel, Sir Neville and friends will start their long journey to Munich.

[FlyingDutchie]

Misadventures in Madrid, part one

Madrid, 1936

The Colonel was glad he had taken his old red dress uniform with him, even if it was a few sizes too small these days. It was the same uniform he had worn while fighting the wussies at the heroic battle Ngoro Gorge. He needed to look his best for todays operation, an operation vital for Britains future, and what would be more inspiring than a uniform from the days of Empire. He had even prepared a little speech for the men who would follow him on this vital mission (actually, he had taken some notes lying at the Club with him for inspiration):

The Colonel in the days of his youth, at Ngoro Gorge. Note that the Colonels girth has somewhat increased since then, while his uniform unfortunately has not.

“Men, today you will need to offer no more than your blood, sweat and tears, all within reasonable quantities ofcourse, bleeding to death for Old Blighty is not useful when one actully dies before furfilling ones duties, but at the end of the day the nation will never have earned as few to so many before! This will be your greatest hour, unless you’ve had a good hour before, so then it will be your second greatest hour. If we succeed it will mean peace in our time, as we will declare war upon anyone who opposes that. Gentlemen I salute you. Are there any questions?”

As usual young George was the first to raise his hand, frantically jumping up and down.

“Sir, sir, sir… Can I go to the loo, please?”

“Of course George. Any more questions my brave men?”

“Err, Colonel. George and I where the only ones present, and with George absent, that makes me the only one present.”

“Nonsense Mainwaring, we also have Sir Winston here.”

That was true, the little, overweight bulldog Sir Winston was happily asleep in a corner of the small room, just waiting for George to feed him.

“Point take Sir, and quite the inspiring speech if I may say so. Bur might I be so free as to inquire what our mission actually is?”

“Haven’t you been paying attention Mainwaring? It is a mission of the important kind!”

“If you say so, sir.”

Actually, the mission was very important indeed, even if the colonel had lost him too much in his ‘speech’ to actually explain what the mission was. That evening the Spanish king would host a party for all the ambassadors and other dignitaries in Madrid. Such an event would be THE perfect occasion for the British ambassador, Sir Montague Smith-Smythe-Smith, to expand the budding Entente with new members, preferably ones with leaders of the sane kind. Unfortunately Sir Neville had insisted to ‘assist’ the ambassador on his endeavors, even if he was running dangerously low on medication. Here lay the true problem: the ambassador of the French Commune would be present too. A meeting between the two would be disastrous for Sir Montague’s effords. It was the tast of the Colonel and his friends to goad Sir Neville through the event without setting off the good sirs anti-syndicalist rage. An impossible mission indeed…

The ambassador of the French Commune, a man eveyone couldn't allow Sir Neville to meet.

[CarbrBard]

There is something very wrong with this French. Men, take good care of your backs!

[Kurt_Steiner]

“Men, today you will need to offer no more than your blood, sweat and tears, all within reasonable quantities ofcourse, bleeding to death for Old Blighty is not useful when one actully dies before furfilling ones duties, but at the end of the day the nation will never have earned as few to so many before! This will be your greatest hour, unless you’ve had a good hour before, so then it will be your second greatest hour. If we succeed it will mean peace in our time, as we will declare war upon anyone who opposes that. Gentlemen I salute you. Are there any questions?”

My dear Colonel,

the best soldier is not the one who dies for his country, but the one who makes the enemy soldiers to die for their country. Keep that in mind.

[TemplarComander]

Good Sir Colonel,

Would it not make more sense to simply kidnap the French Ambassador prior to the event ? or would it make more sense to leave an anonymous note that members of the 'somewhat oppressed and mildly intimidated although not really anything to be concerned of, it's really just a slight annoyance - working class' were in need of aid in Barcelona and draw him away from the main event ?

George's Good Friend,
Katsumoto.

[KaiserMuffin]

Dear Colonel,

An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea.
Yours
Buddha.

[trekaddict]

Dear Colonel, has any thought been given to a cunning plan of replacing the French Ambassador with George? One could put him into a similar uniform and his...antics would alienate Spain from France and push them towards Blighty.

[El Pip]

Surely the solution is to let them meet and then blame everything on the French, an accusation that has been correct so many times everyone will just assume it's true this time as well?

[Lordban]

I've got awful news for you, FlyingDutchie. You have been nominated Best Character Writer of the Week, and I haven't even mentioned Colonel Blimp among your crew

[FlyingDutchie]

"Gentlemen,
I see my inspiring speech has inspired many to give their opinion on this important matter. I am always open for suggestions, especially since I will not be swayed by them anyway. So lets see what kind of stratagems you have send to me.
Yours Truly, Colonel Blimp."

There is something very wrong with this French. Men, take good care of your backs!

"Of course theirs something wrong with him, HE'S FRENCH. There is something wrong with them by definition!"

My dear Colonel,

the best soldier is not the one who dies for his country, but the one who makes the enemy soldiers to die for their country. Keep that in mind.

"Sir Steiner, the whole goal of our assignment is to prevent the shedding of any blood before the war. Rest assured, with 'allies as Salazar and the Emperor blood WILL flow."

Good Sir Colonel,

Would it not make more sense to simply kidnap the French Ambassador prior to the event ? or would it make more sense to leave an anonymous note that members of the 'somewhat oppressed and mildly intimidated although not really anything to be concerned of, it's really just a slight annoyance - working class' were in need of aid in Barcelona and draw him away from the main event ?

George's Good Friend,
Katsumoto.

"Dear Sir Katsumoto, kidnapping a Frenchman? That would mean ungentlemanly conduct from our side. We sir are British, we DO NOT act ungentlemanly, unless not facing gentlemen, or women, unless they happen to be particulary gentlemen-like women (with which we do not mean manlike women, who are gentlemanlike, but not the gentlemanly way) ofcourse.
Also, working class is such a stigmatizing term. We prefer to use the term 'Humble People'."

Dear Colonel,

An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea.
Yours
Buddha.

"That good sir Buddha is the reason why India didn't build an Empire."

Dear Colonel, has any thought been given to a cunning plan of replacing the French Ambassador with George? One could put him into a similar uniform and his...antics would alienate Spain from France and push them towards Blighty.

"That plan sir would require a Briton able to speak French, an act physically, linguistically and morally impossible."

Surely the solution is to let them meet and then blame everything on the French, an accusation that has been correct so many times everyone will just assume it's true this time as well?

"The plan has it's merits, especially since the French ARE responsible for everything, but a clash between the good Sir Neville and a perfidious Frenchman would have quite the 'Collateral Damage' like our American Cousins would call it."

I've got awful news for you, FlyingDutchie. You have been nominated Best Character Writer of the Week, and I haven't even mentioned Colonel Blimp among your crew

"Good Sir Lordban. This is the first time in a while I'm happy to see someone presumably French. I thank you for the award."

#############

Now more seriously, thanks Lordban for the honour of receiving the award. I will continue to work hard to live up to the award.

On a further note, I am quite busy this week and will be away next week . Therefore it will be a while before I can update this AAR. It will continue though.

[trekaddict]

[I]
"That plan sir would require a Briton able to speak French, an act physically, linguistically and morally impossible."

Use a Canadian then. They have a French-speaking Minority.

[Timmie0307]

Use a Canadian then. They have a French-speaking Minority.

Then you would have Sir Neville in such a state that he would order an invasion of Canada...

Tim