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All I can say is: MOWER!!!

:D
 
One for sorrow, two for joy; three for a girl?

For someone who has a lot of theological questions, Ruben sure doesn't like priests.
 
I think by this point, it's pretty much assured that Ruben will be condemned to the deepest, darkest circles of hell. I wonder what his punishment would be: having to be reincarnated as a peasant in the empire in Suenik? That would strike me as being a hard life.
 
at least that allows Lucifer to stock up on popes for the next few years ... or were these especially saintly popes?

Er...the red mist was down so I didn't really pay attention...

Blame Ruben.

Ruben did something worse than thrice killing the Pope?! I'm guessing he made the kilt the national dress of Suenik. That for me would certainly be worse than killing the Pope three times.

Pah - don't do down our national dress! As anyone who has worn a kilt will tell you, the ladies LOVE them.

And what Ruben has down is certainly worse - in God's eyes.

My money is on rebuilding the temple in Jerusalem...and then sacrificing a pig on it just to put a stick in the eye of the religious types.

That's the kind of abominable behavior that could get you a personal audience with Lucifer himself...

I don't believe there's a CK event that allows that eventuality to take place, but it's a good candidate!

I don't quite get why Sat....er.... Lucifer wouldbe annoyed by the slaying of popes. He is after all the opposite of god, so wouldn't he be happy about popes dying?

I think TheExecuter answered this quite nicely so I won't!

Ah, great. Can't wait to hear what's worse than that! :D

Stay tuned!

Ruben, shall he outdo Shaitan?
Maybe Lucifer loses his job?

Ruben's not that competant. He's had years of not even being in control of his own mind...

All I can say is: MOWER!!!

:D

You shall have mower soon!

Count of Suenik?

Somebody lost themselves a civil war...

This being Suenik, it's far dumber than that!

One for sorrow, two for joy; three for a girl?

For someone who has a lot of theological questions, Ruben sure doesn't like priests.

That was his paranoia speaking. He was quite normal (for Suenik) before that kicked in.

I think by this point, it's pretty much assured that Ruben will be condemned to the deepest, darkest circles of hell. I wonder what his punishment would be: having to be reincarnated as a peasant in the empire in Suenik? That would strike me as being a hard life.

I think being a peasant in Suenik would be much easier than being a noble. After all, all you have to worry about is goats and putting the right dung on the right field. You certainly don't have to concern yourself with pirhana pools and Lists.

Finally started reading this, am only on page four, but I have to say I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Good stuff and I look forward to slowly catching up on the staggering other 54 pages of it. :)

Glad to have you on board sir! I would recommend using the contents page but a) I've not updated it for the last few entries and b) you'd miss out on some of the hilarious comments made by the readership!

Thanks for all the comments guys - stay tuned for the next chapter!
 
Very nice -and just as crazy- change of tack :D.
 
Did the dumber-than-that Suenik outcome involve something by the player, or is it all Ruben?

Sure, blame the characters... :p
 
Insofar as there's anything positive about being delayed for two hours at the airport and then being told that your flight has been cancelled and you can come back tomorrow to try to fly back home... If there's anything positive about it, then it must be free wireless and the opportunity to read circa 15 pages of this AAR. I'm now into the reign of Aboulgharib and reading this was one of the few things that kept me from spewing obscenities at assorted US Airways employees. So cheers, Iain, you're now a humanitarian. ;)
 
Did the dumber-than-that Suenik outcome involve something by the player, or is it all Ruben?

It involved an initial mistake on my part, which I then decided to roleplay for all it was worth...

Very nice -and just as crazy- change of tack :D.

I'm glad you approve! It's nice to mix things about every now and again.

Sure, blame the characters... :p

It was a bit like the time in my mega campaign when I accidentally turned my absolute monarchy into a democracy and almost bankrupted my seemingly invincible nation in the process.

Read and learn ;)

Insofar as there's anything positive about being delayed for two hours at the airport and then being told that your flight has been cancelled and you can come back tomorrow to try to fly back home... If there's anything positive about it, then it must be free wireless and the opportunity to read circa 15 pages of this AAR. I'm now into the reign of Aboulgharib and reading this was one of the few things that kept me from spewing obscenities at assorted US Airways employees. So cheers, Iain, you're now a humanitarian. ;)

Wow - this AAR has actually done some GOOD in the world. How ironic is that?!?!? Seriously though, I'm glad you're enjoying it and I'm glad it's stopped you going on a shooting spree.
 
SUENIK THE BELEAGUERED
CHAPTER 85 - WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN THREE DEAD POPES?
(1191)

"Let me get this straight. I systematically hunted down and killed God's representatives on earth not once, not twice but THREE times, yet you're telling me what's really landed me in the doo-doo is something else. Something worse than being a serial Papicidal maniac?"

"Papicidal - I like that..."

"You mean you APPROVE?"

"Yes, what's not to like?"

"What's not to like? My actions were deplorable! Still, perhaps I shouldn't be surprised that you appr..."

"Woah! I approve of the word 'papicidal' that's all! It's catchy and fresh. I didn't say anything about condoning your mad rampages! Remember - I'm only here because of mower and alcohol related offences; I'm not ACTUALLY evil and horrible! Try and put all the Judeo-Christian propoganda aside and think of me as the reluctant overseer of an extra-dimensional retreat; a place where people can come to reflect on their mistakes in life and seek a measure of spiritual purity that their earthly antics may have denied them."

"You're joking, right?"

"Not at all - the whole point of hell is to help people come to terms with their transgressions and purify their souls for what comes next."

"But out there...in the Pits..."

"Granted, we have a very hands-on approach to our customers' spiritual wellfare..."

"Hands on? You employ a demon called 'Spaniellodger' to..."

"I'm fully aware of Mr Spaniellodger's brief, thank you very much. But you take my point, surely? Hell's one big washing machine for the soul - those of us who are working here are just doing a job, and aren't necessarily evil. Just following orders you might say."

"Why are you winking like that?"

"Ah - sorry. It'll take you another seven hundred and fifty years or so before that makes sense. But don't worry - you'll be here all that time so I'll catch up with you then to see what you make of it."

"I'm going to be here for seven hundred and fifty years?"

"What part of eternal damnation do you not understand?"

"But you said earlier...you know...the whole bit about purification..."

"Of course, once you're purified you're free to leave."

"But how does that gel with ETERNAL damnation?"

"Well, as long as your soul is damned, you're here. As soon as you've been cleansed of all impurities that you're off..."

"Off where?"

"Now that WOULD be telling!"

"How about I save you the bother and just say I'm really sorry now?"

"Oooh. There you go again! You've just blackened your soul a bit more!"

"What? How?!?"

"Well, you have no idea why you're here yet, have you? But there you are saying 'Oooh! I'm SOOOOO sorry!' without even knowing what it is you're sorry for or even attempting to understand WHY you should be sorry. Quid pro quo, you're telling me a lie, and that's a sin."

"Ok. Maybe I should just shut up."

"Maybe you should try and pay attention and understand the gravity of your actions. That was certainly a quality your mortal escapades lacked. When someone - I forget who - said 'patience is a virtue' they weren't lying!"

"Ok - I'm all ears..."

"That you go with the lies again!"

"What? Oh for fuck's sake stop being so literal! Wait! Why are you scribbling in that notebook?"

"I'm just adding 'cursing' to your tally..."

"Oh come on!"

"Just doing my job. If you knew what a traffic warden was you'd make a comparison right now."

"What's a traffic warden?"

"A breed of human. Who are kind of like me. Without the charisma and the devillish good looks."

"They must be horrible."

"You have no idea. So - would you like to know why you're here?"

"Very much so!"

"Are you sitting comfortably?"

"No..."

"Ah! The truth for a change - you're catching on. Ok, since you're sitting uncomfortably I'll begin..."

Will we ever find out what Ruben's done? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Suenik: the Beleaguered!
 
:rofl:

Brilliant.
I love this incarnation of Satan. He retains the nitpicking lawyer bits but at the same time is just .. completely different from what you'd expect.
I like it.
 
Reminds me awfully of someone I know... :eek:
 
as ever, impressive stuff. Time methinks to open up a sweepstake as to what Ruben did that is worse than serial popicide. I reckon one, or possibly a combination, of: inventing the kilt; inventing irn bru; or, given his thing about popes, constructing a prototype for Ibrox?
 
Now, spit it out already!

What did he do? I can't find any clues!