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Hi guys,

First up, another massive apology for a delay in the update. Real life has been massively busy (I won't bore you with the specifics but it's a combination of a heap of new projects to run at work, my daughter starting school, my son starting nursery and my wife going back to work)!

However, fear not, I haven't forgotten Suenik and, all things being equal, you SHOULD have an update tonight! It'll be a little bit different from my usual fare, so your feedback would be gratefully appreciated.

Speaking of feedback, this is long overdue:

*finally stops shaking violently*

Is this...an update?! My Suenik withdrawal symptoms are vanishing, laughter replacing them once more! Hallelujah! Uhm...best not actually use that word considering Ruben's current disposition towards Catholicism.

Cracking stuff as ever, excellent to see an update once more.

Don't worry about the "hallelujah" part. Ruben's got designs on being head of the Catholic church...

I love that Toros got punched in the cock :D

It's the ultimate display of disdain. I wrote a Facebook app that did that once. You know all those annoying things you used to get on Facebook that said things like "You have just been bitten by a vampire - click here to bite someone back?" Well, I took that and turned it into a thing of beauty. That saw a lot of use before it was banned. Ho hum

it's back! thank the gods it is back!

Bless you my child!

Ooooooh yeah! i finally got my fix of Suenik. Seriously Iain, you have created a dangerous for of junkie, the Paradoxian!:eek:

That's me doing my duty as a Glaswegian - everyone assumes we're drug dealers. Poor Glasgow gets such a bad reputation.

Finally, we have a new update!

Man, I sense some interesting times ahead for Suenik, Ruben has gone crazy from the very beginning! I also liked the fact that you roleplay for each of the rulers, Aboulgharib would have never let that vassal go, but the (not anymore) timid Ruben lets them go.

Thank you - I find the roleplay to be one of the most fun parts of writing an AAR for CK.

But that's 'cos I'm a sad roleplaying geek.

pah ... call that a disloyalty list ;), good to see that Suenik is taking a sensible approach to inter-faith reconciliation (after all if you only have one faith, it is reconciled?)

Exactly - Ruben is infact making the world a better and more peaceful place...

...really.

Yeah! You're back. With madness and mahem galore, and then more.

Just the way Suenikian adventures should be.

:rofl:

I was indeed back and then I vanished again. However, I should be back again tonight (and hopefully a bit more regular)!

I desire for much more. Please, do not abandon our poor souls milord!

How could I?

Great to see an update!

Ruben seems like an interesting fellow: burning peasants, a couple of dirty jabs and a slightly problematic reaction to his father's death and his own position - and THEN he goes crazy! :D

As you will see from the coming updates, Ruben's existance lives up to the old Chinese saying of "may you live in interesting times".

He'sback!

It's back!

And I'm not in heaven!

I'm not dead. Or dreaming. Hooray!

Aww - thanks. That's very flattering! But I can assure you that Suenik is nowhere near Heaven...

...as you'll see in the next update.

An update! Fantastic!

A Mad Emperor already, why am I not suprised?



I have no idea why I chose that name... Thanks for the hello anyway

No problem - it's always nice to have new readers! And if you've read the rest of the AAR the hereditary maddness of the Gardman-Aghbania's should come as no surprise.

Simple easy goals like conquering Rome are just what a fresh emperor needs.

I like how a Suenikian emperor goes crazy within the first year on the throne. :p

The swift onset of maddness this time around really surprised me. However, it makes it a lot more fun to roleplay!

Looks like the mighty Suenik empire is going to put some nuns on the run. I gather the Pope will be moving to someplace dreary like Ireland after the next update.

Well, he ended up in the UK today IRL so I'm sure he could do better than that ;)

Hurrah! It's back! And with extra madness! :D I like the symmetry of having Krikor I as a mad pagan and Krikor II's son (maybe he should go by Krikor III?) a mad orthodox-fanatic.

Watch out though, it looks as though the Pope thinks he can be Emperor as well! :eek:

You know, I never considered the symmetry thing... That's quite beautiful...

...in a twisted, mad, blood-thirsty kind of way.

I just read this entire AAR and I must say, I laughed, I cried. I learned the grigor defense, and I'm mistrustful of females named Mira.

Welcome! And I'm glad you've taken something from my ramblings. The Grigor Defence will serve you well in life, and if you expand your mistrust to include ALL females you will go far in life.

And history (IRL) confirms that belief.

Quite!

Heh, guess he's not expecting the Inquisition... :D

Well, at least he's not Krikor I. I don't think Inquisition bother unless you're a pagan or a heretic. If you're murdering the Pope but you're a good Christian I think they're generally cool with that.

Pope is in trouble :p ...or is he? It still is Suenik after all :rofl:

Yup - anything can (and usually does) happen...


Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. In the worst possible fashion and worst possible time.

Krikor II seems to have had his act together...and then he dies, which will surely demonstrate that Murphey was just waiting for the right opportunity.

Ignoring that his son is a true Gardman-Aghbania (i.e., insane), even. If that's the worst Suenik has to worry about, Murphey is slacking.[/QUOTE]

Don't worry on the Murphy's law side of things - the devil finds work for idle hands...

Somehow, I just don't see inheriting the Holy Roman Empire as fitting into this picture. :D

Well, they all hate Ruben if that's any consolation.

I can see. In my DVIP, it breaks up from the start, with no way of returning. The fact that it's still here, bodes very bad for the next updates, noe that he's got an insane ruler.

Yup - it's just as fragile in Suenikian hands ;)

Yeah, what gives? Suenik hasn't had a good catastrophe for several rulers.

This is the "Suenik the Beleaguered" AAR, right? :confused:

And its too late for a Mongol invasion that will eat Suenik for lunch. Something has really gone wrong if Suenik kings are able to actually succeed at ruling large areas...

But not the kind of wrong that is supposed to happen in Suenik.

The next update should show just how Beleaguered Suenik really is...

Good point, the "Beleaguered" part might need a boost :D

See above :)

Just read through all of this... and I have to agree with Elfwine and Malurous... time to toss it all away!

Welcome!

Spent three days reading this. :D

Brilliant.

Aye.

...and welcome to you too! With all these new readers I'm going to have to be more frequent with my updates.

Here's hoping then the RL permits an update soon. Suenik's tale seems almost over, unless this gets converted to the next game. But I think expecting a megacampaign might be unrealistic.

I can categorically confirm that this won't be a mega-campaign. I've done one before (see my Ink Well for more details) and while it was fun to write I found that EU2 onwards was no challenge whatsoever. It was a fun story to tell though!

Iain Wilson: ...Actually, I've just had a genius idea!

well, now that things are back to "normal", we can expect great things from our beloved Suenik, yes ? ? :)

time for even greater expansion ! !
:cool:

Greater expansion? You sure you're not Ruben in disguise?

Just finished reading the last 54 pages and all I can say is, "Awesome!" Like many, I wasn't expecting much fun out of Krikor II, but he managed to be one of the greatest rulers yet.

Also, "Mleh" now tops the list of coolest names.

I'm glad you like it! And welcome (again)!
 
Dear lord, thank you.

He's still here.

I'm sorry that my belief wavered. As long as I'm not tried with the "soft cushions"
 
SUENIK THE BELEAGUERED
CHAPTER 81 - GOING DOWN
(1186-1191)

3172.jpg


"Ouch! Where am I? Why is it so hot? Who's screaming? Why can I suddenly think clearly?"

"Welcome Ruben. The reason you're thinking so clearly is because you're dead. Madness, it seems, is a purely physical malady. It's caused by the various chemicals sloshing around in your body getting mixed up. Or something like that. Anyway, now that you're dead the chemicals have stopped sloshing in a mixed up way fashion and you're back to normal. Isn't that nice?"

"Yes - I suppose it...HANG ON! DEAD?!?!?! What do you mean dead?"

"You're dead. No longer alive. Gone. Kaput. Sans le coil mortale."

"That's not even real French. I should know - I speak it."

"Correction – spoke it."

"What?"

"You spoke it - you're dead, remember?"

"I can't be dead - how can I be dead?"

"Oh there are lots of reasons that could explain how, foremost amongst them probably being the fact that you had a penchant for appointing complete and utter imbeciles to important jobs - not least amongst these being the man responsible for ensuring your safety."

3173.jpg


"Oooh. Yeah. I did do that, didn't I?"

"That you did."

"Hmmm. I do distinctly remember thinking that it would be fairer to do things that way. You know, give the disadvantaged a shot at the big time. That sort of sentiment."

"Perhaps you now realise why employing morons as spy masters isn't exactly en vogue amongst the great powers of Europe, hmm?"

“There’s that rubbish French accent again. You really need to work on it.”

“...and there’s that rubbish sense of self-preservation again.”

"Ok, ok. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause offence. I’m just a bit weirded out by the fact...HANG ON? I'M DEAD?!?!?!?"

"Gosh. Are you?"

"Am I?"

"Yes - you are."

"But...but...this doesn't make any sense. And...and... Wait a minute. Why are you red? And why do you have horns? And hooves?"

"I wonder? Take a minute to consider them and then mentally match them up to the screaming you can hear and the flames."

"Oh no..."

"Oh yes."

"This isn't fair. What did I ever do that could warrant this sort of treatment? I was a good ruler. I gave the poor and downtrodden a chance at the big time and I...oh..."

3174.jpg


"Is it coming back to you?"

"...can I plead insanity?"

"You can try - but the Powers at Be aren't too hot on their earthly representatives being bloodily murdered on the field of battle."

"Hold up though - how was I meant to know that he was God’s special little friend?"

"Oooh. Let’s see. The overly large hat, flowing white robes and the fact that he lived in the Vatican not clue enough for you?"

"No. Yes. I mean, I don't know. Didn't we sack Constantinople and Mecca in the past? And nothing bad happened then."

"Your ancestors did, yes. What do you think became of them? The Almighty wears many guises and many hats. Or rather, His representatives on earth wear the hats - and pretty impressive ones at that. He doesn't bother with ostentatious head gear as He feels like it messes up His hair. Besides, if people aren't going to respect you for creating all of Existence in six days, they're certainly not going to be wowed by a stupid hat. Even one that's stupidly ornate."

"So it's all true?"

"Yes - He really is quite particular about his Hair. He spends hours in front of that mirror sometimes..."

"No, no, no. Not about the hats. I mean about...well, everything."

"Of course it's true - how else do you think you got here?"

"Well, it's just that this doesn’t seem very, you know...afterlifey...”

“Afterlifey?”

“Yeah – it’s a bit too familiar.”

“That’s all the comment you need to make about Suenik...”

“No – not the surroundings. Just the general vibe. You too. You seem REALLY familiar. It's almost like I've seen your face before. Like in a painting or something."

"Maybe you hav..."

"MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

"Coming your Evilness!"

"What the hell was that?"

"Don't blaspheme! You're in enough trouble as it is!"

"I didn't blaspheme. I just said...ah...gotcha."

"You'll get the hang of it. You're not in Kansas any more."

"And what the hell does...ow!"

"Careful."

"Sorry. What's a Kansas?"

"Tell you what, if you survive your audience with Himself I might just tell you."

"Himself? You mean I'm going to see God? Wow. I never thought I'd eve..."

"Ha! God? You wish! God's through with you matey boy! There's no fluffy clouds and chubby babies playing harps where you're going."

"Ulp!"

"'fraid so. And just so you know, He'll have heard your two little blasphemies earlier so He's going to be pissed from the word go. Any questions?"

"You're Mira Gardman-Aghbania aren't you?"

"Could be..."

"How did you end up down here? And how did you get so...er...red...and horny...and cloven hoofed?"

"I was head-hunted, sweetie. Apparently someone down here liked what I was doing up there, so their people spoke to my people and instead of becoming one of the damned I got to be one of the boss' PAs. I even received an Enterprising Minion award for 'Creative Use of Piranha Pools'. They love them down in the fifth circle! Anyway, if you'd just come this way."

"What if I say no?"

"Be my guest - I haven't had a victim for use in the bottomless well of eternity for at least ten minutes."

"Ah - good point. So, what do I say to him?"

"Nothing - you listen. Now come this way."

What does hell have in store for Ruben? Find out in the next exciting episode of Suenik: Land of the Beleaguered.
 
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Iain Wilson said:
"Hold up though - how was I meant to know that he was God’s special little friend?"

"Oooh. Let’s see. The overly large hat, flowing white robes and the fact that he lived in the Vatican not clue enough for you?"

:D

That was the most confusing update Suenik has ever given us.

Anyway: Belated congratulations to your first AAR anniversary! :)
 
:eek::eek::eek::eek:. Update Update Update!!!! Am I dreaming? I'm not? Yay:D.

Seriously good to have this back, can't wait for more! :)
 
It was great until Mira showed up.
 
*evil maniacal laughter*

HE IS BACK!

*evil maniacal laughter*

:D
 
It goes without saying that this section of the AAR was just a TINY bit inspired by Loki100's rather wonderful Tales of Our Faarthers.

If you don't read it, go and read it now. It's got demons and mental Russians in it.
 
Oh dear!

But, yay more dialogues.

And will Ruben be the first to not meet his fellow ancestors in charge of Suenik?
 
Muahahahahah UPDATE! Wonderful, wonderful!
 
Mira is finally back! Awesomeness!
 
Great to have this back! A different update, but an entertaining one still. :)

Mira is finally back! Awesomeness!

Yeah, and in a position that seems pretty much tailor-made for her. :D
 
Excellent update, it's great to see more of a focus on the narrative side of the game, that is what CK is best at.

However, I can't help but wonder what'll happen back on Earth now that the ruler of Suenik has met an abrupt end.
 
Iain Wilson: ...Greater expansion? You sure you're not Ruben in disguise?

hmmm... ;)

Iain Wilson:
..."Welcome Ruben. The reason you're thinking so clearly is because you're dead. Madness, it seems, is a purely physical malady..."

methinks that you got the right of that issue ! ! :eek:

magnificent AAR ! ! :cool:

btw, i have been following since early on... :)
 
Really cracking stuff, as ever. The change of pace is nice to see and one thing is for sure, I'll be desperately repent on my deathbed if it keeps me away from Mira...
 
Somehow, I think the pope's wish "a special place in hell for the likes of you" is going to become particularly unpleasant for the latest Suenikean resident.

:rofl:

I can't argue about the mega-campaign - all the things that keep Suenik in check don't really work in EU2.

Shame. This has been a wonderful story - seeing it end will be almost tragic.
 
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Madness, it seems, is a purely physical malady. It's caused by the various chemicals sloshing around in your body getting mixed up. Or something like that.

ummh .... there is a temptation to respond as a cognitive psychologist, but, instead, great stuff, good to see that the rulers of Suenik are not getting any luckier or normal
 
.

More ! ! :cool: