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BCF?

Forgive me if I'm being slow here.

The only BCF I know in paradox land is the Balkan Cluster Fu..., errm, Balkan Cluster Fun of HoI2. Though this sounds like something different.
 
Suenik (TM): Killing your neighbours (and you) since 1066.
 
The only BCF I know in paradox land is the Balkan Cluster Fu..., errm, Balkan Cluster Fun of HoI2. Though this sounds like something different.

No, I was meaning a Balkan Cluster F*k. When you DoW a random nation in the Balkans and every man and his dog DoW you back/or someone else.

Its a very small one here, but enough to warrant it I think
 
Ah yes, Balkans. Balkaners, never change. They only invent new reasons to kill and be killed.
 
How nice to be able to wage war on multiple enemies...and carry it out as an afterthought. Excellent update!
 
The only BCF I know in paradox land is the Balkan Cluster Fu..., errm, Balkan Cluster Fun of HoI2.
No, I was meaning a Balkan Cluster F*k. When you DoW a random nation in the Balkans and every man and his dog DoW you back/or someone else.

Having only played HoI during my (now-finished - woo) megacampaign I was unaware of the term. I shall, however, now treasure it as the thing of beauty it is.

Suenik (TM): Killing your neighbours (and you) since 1066.

Technically we've been "Fleeing in terror from our neighbours" since 1066. It was until 1070 till we tried our hand at killing them, but even then we were still pretty much a nation of cowards and Grigor Defencers until midway through Mleh's reign.

Ah yes, Balkans. Balkaners, never change. They only invent new reasons to kill and be killed.

Yeah - they're about as unified as us Scots...

How nice to be able to wage war on multiple enemies...and carry it out as an afterthought. Excellent update!

Thank you very much, sir! Aboulgharib pretty much lets his generals get on with the fighting. He only tends to get involved directly when Mortal Vengeance (TM) is at stake.

You might die if you teach your own child and your health is just 2... :(:eek:

Don't worry - Aboulgharib is made of hardy stuff. Although that would be a VERY amusing way for him to go!

Children can be hard work :p

Spoken like a true father!
 
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Technically we've been "Fleeing in terror from our neighbours" since 1066. It was until 1070 till we tried our hand at killing them, but even then we were still pretty much a nation of cowards and Grigor Defencers until midway through Mleh's reign.

All right then: Suenik (TM): Fleeing in panic since 1066.
 
Don't worry - Aboulgharib is made of hardy stuff. Although that would be a VERY amusing way for him to go!

Hmm, I can certainly find parallels to Vito Corleone here :D
 
Hmm, I can certainly find parallels to Vito Corleone here :D

Nah - Aboulgharib's grandsons are too busy chasing older women to bother sitting with the old man.
 
Willl his successors continue the list?
 
You sir, are very welcome to it! I'll try and make you a suitable award soon...

Excellent, I shall try to have my magnum opus ready to be published as soon as king Abu-dhabi kicks the bucket.
 
SUENIK THE BELEAGUERED
CHAPTER 64 - A DEATH IN THE FAMILY
(1164-1166)

The Empire is presently at war with the Kingdom of Croatia. I'm sure this is just the natural way of things - after all, we are now technically the Empire of Serbia, which makes us neighbours, and as everyone knows nobody hates you more than your immediate neighbour.

Mind you, the so-called King of the Croats isn't that close by...

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Whatever. I'll get to him eventually.

In the meantime I've got the pressing business of subjugating the Emir of Amman - seems like he's got a wee bit uppity and fancies his chances against my vassals.

Ha!

This is a rough indicator of how well he's faring.

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I've sent my slightly-unhinged marshal after him. I'm confident that with him at the helm this war will be over in no time at all.

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See what I mean? He's taking on the Emir and most of the flower of Amman's nobility, they outnumber him 2:1 and he's still winning.

What a guy...

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...and if he wants to indulge his darker side against the heathens, who am I to complain? Consider your behaviour sanctioned Nerseh!

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Oh.

Bugger.

I do the fair thing and hold a trial.

It would have gone SO well if Nerseh hadn't chosen to leap at his accusors yelling "The Great beast Imhotep will have your souls for sweet-meats!"

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I confiscate his estates and put him to the stake.

Damn. I've lost a good marshall. I wonder who I can use to replace him?

I approach my cousin Mushel and suggest he take over the reigns of command.

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I leave him sitting in his own filth rabbiting on about the impending invasion of the moon monkeys.

I guess I'm going to have to stick with old limpy, stressy Gurgen then.

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He was so much more capable before getting that beating in Serbia.

To take over where my marshall left off I command the Crown Prince, my simpering coward of a son, to take his host deep into Amman and secure the Emir's surrender.

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The rest of his siblings find this hilarious for some reason, and come to me, seemingly pre-empting his failure.

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Not the best timing my darling little children...

I do a wonderful imrpession of the Great god Imhotep and send them screaming from me in terror.

Little rats.

Things are looking up in the war though - Krikor hasn't run away yet and seems to be winning, something which seems to cheer Mushel the Mad up.

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I'm not convinced - I order him to be kept away from sharp objects.

This includes being marshal of all my forces...

Amusingly it seems like the Traitor's whore of a daughter is having some domestic troubles of her own.

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She IS a Gardman-Aghbania though, so her behaviour shouldn't be entirely surprising!

Seemingly unlinked to this (yeah right) a company of French knights turn up at my court, seeking employment.

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I happily employ them. Their task? Go back to France and slay the King of Croatia!

Judging by the looks on their faces I think they believe me to be insane.

Some good news is delivered - it seems that Lem'an of Dongola has recovered from pneumonia!

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For a crippled blind girl she's pretty tough!

There are also rats leaving the sinking ship of Amman...

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...peasants who think I'm ace after I feed them when the fields can't provide for them...

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...and daughters of Traitor's sons who think that I'm so much cooler than their own dads.

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Coupled with the continuing good news from the war life is pretty peachy...

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...and then my step-mother goes and dies.

Now, although she was only my step mother I did care deeply for her, and was very impressed with the work she did on the nurseries.

Unfortunately she's also a heretic which means she doesn't get buried in the family necropolis and is going to go to hell, so I order the peasants to dump her body in a field for the gurgens to feast on.

Shouldn't have listened to that bishop, love...

Hell, that could be a sound piece of advice for most Suenikian women!

None the less, I'm sure she'll be pleased to know that I knocked down her home and let the peasants graze their goats there.

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It's kind of like a memorial. Only grassier and with a tendancy to bleat.

Will Suenik win the war against Amman? Will the King of Croatia be killed by the knights errant? Will Krikor run away? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Suenik - Land of the Beleaguered!
 
Eams!
Better that you recieve this award than be added to "THE LIST"!
:D

Thanks, but judging from the usual Suenikian level of competence, I see no reason why I shouldn't accidentally end up on the list :(