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SUENIK THE BELEAGUERED
CHAPTER 46 - PEACE AND TRANQUILITY
(1149-1152)

When we last left Suenik I had begun my slow climb (bribe?) to ecclesiastical approval, mainly through doing things like this...

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Clearly such activites, whilst not quite as pious as abandoning all worldly wealth and walking through the streets in a monk's habit, flagellating yourself with a chain and crying out your repentance for all the evils that you've ever committed, are never the less screamingly popular with the high ups in the Church.

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See what I mean? Clearly I'm back in the fold!

Speaking of "the fold" shall we see what the latest product of the Suenikian pre-school education system is?

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So, we've moved from psychopaths and religious extremists to bullys. It just gets better and better. Money on all my hard work will be undone within a generation...

As well as my religious standing soaring into the stratosphere, I'm obviously becoming a tour-de-force in the secular realm, as I've got a veritable line of people queuing up asking for protection from the big, bad, Turks; foremost amongst them being this guy:

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Naturally I decline. If he wants to call himself "emperor" he can damn well defend his own subjects!

Not everyone likes me though. I appear to have managed to hack off some Russian with a cool name.

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Despite my jovial mood he gets added to The List. Just because I'm happy with all the respect people are affording me is no reason to let standards slip, is it? Especially when the offender in question happens to be a hunchbacked monster who shuffles about drooling and talking about the "Maaaaaasssth-terrrrrrrr." There will be a reckoning for Mr Igor Viacheslavich.

Interestingly Ghazi seems somewhat hacked off with the fact that I've not instantly put the Empire on a war footing and crushed this Russian like a dog.

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As he prattles on about the need for strong leadership, order and respect I push several bags of gold in his direction and advise him "all in good time". To back this point up I make sure I have his ninja-wife (and my uber spymaster - she of the Toros purging) in the room at the time.

He gets the point.

As the Church building continues at a frenzied place another young whippersnapper bounds out of the nursery, demanding his fellow pupils' lunch money as he does.

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I can hear my step-mother's screams from here...

Speaking of screaming, the "good" people of Constantinople decide to try their luck yet again...

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This time the brachiating idiots finally get the point (ha!) when I send in the troops and they come round to my point of view.

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They also realise that they've been stupid, destructive little children and scurry around with dust pans and brushes clearing up their own mess.

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My mood is further improved when I meet yet another Suenikian pre-schooler...

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Now THIS is a trend I could live with!

As is THIS:

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I have to say, and I know pride is a sin (although I've got piety to burn now so whatever!), but I'm doing a damn, good job...

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Are Suenik's fortunes on the up? Has Aboulgharib built a kingdom to last? Or will some random descendant drive it all into the ground? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Suenik - Land of the Beleaguered!
 
SUENIK THE BELEAGUERED
CHAPTER 47 - SOMETHING WONDERFUL HAPPENS
(1152-1154)

With all the good stuff that happened last chapter, it was inevitable that an old friend would rear its ugly head.

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They...just...don't...get...it…

I don't know - maybe they're feeling unloved and this is just a cry for attention? After all, now that they're good Christians I haven't been paying them nearly as many visits lately...

However, I don't let the poo issues cloud my mood. It's that time of year again where my vassals queue up to offer me money - this year's donations will be going into Aboulgharib's "buy-my-way-into-Heaven" fund.

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Given that I've got to be one of the most prestigious monarchs around I tell them to cough up as much as they can manage.

And, they love me for it...

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Wise and fair. I look after you, don't crush you like an insect and you give me all of your money. Yup - sounds fair and wise to me.

After I finish splashing my vassals’ cash I notice the Sheikdom of Nikomedeia. It's been lurking at the periphery of the Empire for a while, and has managed to avoid my attention by bribing the Imperial Cartographers into painting it the same colour as the Empire on the map.

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So, what do you think happens next? They often say that a picture is worth a thousand words. In this case, here's four pictures - you can write your own four thousand word dissertation to elaborate on what happened next. I'd entitle mine "short and brutal".

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While I'm celebrating the brutal subjugation of yet another minor county a messenger arrives and gives me some wonderful news - clearly my hard won military victory over a tiny, insignificant sheik has struck fear, awe and respect into the hearts of another Prince!

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This pleases me greatly. I’m even more pleased when this guy turns up too:

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I should point out that I have no idea of where either of these Princes hang out, so I ask the Royal Cartographers (their ranks recently thinned after the Nikomedeia incident) to redraw the map of the Empire.

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...

...

After I pick myself up off of the floor I order a great celebration to be held to welcome our new friends into the fold. I also warmly embrace a messenger from Lithuania who’s been hanging around:

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Mind you I'm so elated I'd probably have hugged a representative of the Seljuk Turks at this precise moment in time if he’d been here...

So, where does this leave us?

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Hmmm… I wonder... Does this mean I'm destined to become Rome's successor?

Is Aboulgharib planning more conquest? Will he stay on the path of peace? Why did those Princes want to be vassals of Suenik? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Suenik - Land of the Beleaguered!
 
What does Aboulgharib want for Christmas? The Imperial Crown of Ancient Rome, perhaps?
 
What does Aboulgharib want for Christmas? The Imperial Crown of Ancient Rome, perhaps?

Could be! The current emperor isn't worthy of the title!
 
Who is the annoying bright green county in the middle of Armenia? He sure deserves a beating.

About the two princes joining you; wow! If it is not your cheeky cartographers, your kingdom extends from Caspian Sea to Adriatic. Something I became jealous of.

After all the crazed Armenians, it is Aboulgharib (probably of Turkish or Iranian culture somehow) that makes it.

Interesting :D.
 
Make a people watch of Nevers. They are high on the ranking for no apparent reason.
 
Two things that Aboulgharib doesn't seem to understand:
1. Having the wife of one of your disloyal vassals as your spy mistress might not be such a great idea, since it might result in you ending up with your throat slit and a copy of The List stuffed up your bottom.

2. The farmers' might very well know the secret to farming, the trouble might just be that they don't have enough of the steaming brown gold to go around.
 
Who is the annoying bright green county in the middle of Armenia? He sure deserves a beating.

Actually, it's a she believe it or not. They were part of the Kingdom of Germany and then they broke free. They should be a vassal VERY soon - they've been woo'd with fosterlings and gold.

About the two princes joining you; wow! If it is not your cheeky cartographers, your kingdom extends from Caspian Sea to Adriatic. Something I became jealous of.

Yeah - I still have no idea why they joined me. Still, it's made me happy. Until a civil war errupts that is! I can do without another period similar to the Krikor-Bagrat transition....

After all the crazed Armenians, it is Aboulgharib (probably of Turkish or Iranian culture somehow) that makes it.

Interesting :D.

Well, technically he IS Armenian but I take your point. He's definatly been the most level headed ruler so far!

Make a people watch of Nevers. They are high on the ranking for no apparent reason.

Your wish is my command. I shall make that the next update!

Two things that Aboulgharib doesn't seem to understand:

Only the two???

Having the wife of one of your disloyal vassals as your spy mistress might not be such a great idea, since it might result in you ending up with your throat slit and a copy of The List stuffed up your bottom.

Nah - Ghazi and his wife are rivals :)

The farmers' might very well know the secret to farming, the trouble might just be that they don't have enough of the steaming brown gold to go around.

That may well be the case, but by the time this has filtered up to the higher reaches of the aristocracy what was a serious concern that deserved some attention has simply become another case of "bloody stupid peasants". Aboulgharib, like most royalty, doesn't really think about where his food comes from. Peasants are just smelly people that are there to be taxed and who occasionally give him trouble and need to be smote.
 
Actually, it's a she believe it or not. They were part of the Kingdom of Germany and then they broke free. They should be a vassal VERY soon - they've been woo'd with fosterlings and gold.



Yeah - I still have no idea why they joined me. Still, it's made me happy. Until a civil war errupts that is! I can do without another period similar to the Krikor-Bagrat transition....



Well, technically he IS Armenian but I take your point. He's definatly been the most level headed ruler so far!

I got caught in the craziness of the gameplay (create more titles please while you can) and forgot to praise your two updates in a row. That is what we are waiting for. More and more frequent updates.

So, there is a countess between the middle of mountainous Armenia and Azerbaijan which once pledged loyalty to the King of Germany? Where is she from actually? Sounds like a good addition to a harem a-la-Aboulgharib.

As long as you use other vassals' armies to crush the rebels and go with the vassalise-drop claims way, unloyal vassals are only a clickfest with additional prestige.

Actually I am proud there is an Armenian ruler who breaks some stereotypes about us easterners.

One thing, why did your spymaster stay in your court while her husband has his own court? They always tend to follow their husbands (even if they are enemies IIRC).

KUTGW!
 
SUENIK THE BELEAGUERED
PEOPLE WATCH
(1154)

As requested last time, here's a People Watch for 1154, with a particular emphasis on the high-flying county of Nevers.

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This rockstar is the count of Nevers:

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He's got about a gazillion children, has been through three wives (one of whom was the sister of the King of France)...

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...and can arm-wrestle mecha-Godzilla if his martial stat is anything to go by. He also has his son in charge of his security.

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Now that we've had a look at Nevers, let's take a look at the rest of Europe in 1154, shall we?

First up, the British Isles...

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England has conquered most of Ireland, but Wales remains independant and there are areas of England controlled by the French and (bizarrly) Gloucstershire is under the thumb of the Kingdom of Leon... Scotland looks pretty much like you'd expect it to look.

Next, Scandinavia...

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The grey blob where Norway should be is in fact Norway. However the grey blobs in Sweden and part of Finland belong to the Kingdom of Leon... The dark blue patches are what remains of Sweden (administered from Italy as I'm sure you remember, fact-fans) and the light blue blobs are Scottish. The red is Novogorad and the brown are some pagany types. There's also, lurking at the top, a little piece of Germany...

Speaking of which...

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A veritable kaledoscope of Germanic goodness! I'm not even going to attempt to explain this. Suffice it to say that you've got Germans, Italians, French, Poles, Hungarians and various varients thereof all fighting over the still warm corpse of the Holy Roman Empire.

Iberia is equally badly off...

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In short, a bunch of bickering Moors versus the Kingdom of Leon and a tiny piece of England. Oh and can anyone else see the Kingdom of Croatia in the top right? Don't ask...

Italy...

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...is dominated by the Papacy (grey - also in Tunisia), Pisa (dark blue) and Scotland (light blue). No idea who the brown-meisters in Scicily are.

Now we come to the north eastern portion of the map.

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The big peachy blob is Lithusnia (Suenik's new best bud), the red is Novogorad, the green in the west is the Kingdom of Poland wheras green in the east is the Tribe of Cuman. The light blues sadly aren't part of Suenik... Yet...

Here's the far east.

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The yellows are our friends the Seljuk Turks, the greys are the Emirate of Kwarizizizizizizazan (or whatever they are - the ones that keep attacking my vassals for no reason) and the others I'm not sure of.

Finally, the middle east.

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Green is Egypt and the other colours are people I've yet to have a squabble with. Oh, and the kingdom of Jeruslaem is still there!

As the last part of this People Watch you'll be pleased to see that my son and heir (and potential Krikor II) has got over his stress issues and developed into a fine young man!

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Long live Suenik!

Enough of the People Watching! Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Suenik - Land of the Beleaguered!
 
Good old people watch. A thousand questions, so few answers...

Krikor II looks (disappointingly) capable. Chaste and honest? Where does he get that from? Throwback gene?
 
Holy maccaroni Krikor II sure is significant. The lead guitarist of my last band was named Kirkor, he reminded me of him.
 
How can you be a coward when you're not only capable of killing your enemies with a sword (Martial 19), but can also stab them in the back with a knife (Intrigue 13), have enough money to bribe them not to fight you (Stewardship 13) and the ability to convince them that a fight really isn't necessary (Diplomacy 13)?
 
Holy maccaroni Krikor II sure is significant. The lead guitarist of my last band was named Kirkor, he reminded me of him.

You know someone called Krikor? Wow - that just made my day. Hopefully he's more like Krikor II than Krikor I!

How can you be a coward when you're not only capable of killing your enemies with a sword (Martial 19), but can also stab them in the back with a knife (Intrigue 13), have enough money to bribe them not to fight you (Stewardship 13) and the ability to convince them that a fight really isn't necessary (Diplomacy 13)?

It's probably a really specific fear like spiders or cheese or something!
 
It's probably a really specific fear like spiders or cheese or something!

His pathological fear of cheese somehow makes him a less capable tactician? Really?
 
Wow, I missed three updates. Great job all around.

Nubia feels the pain of bribed cartographers as well.

Isn't it great when powerful vassals come to you? That's one of the greatest feelings in this game.