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Obivously Kanil I'm just messing and this is simply a bit of fun. However, if you want to record the dubious honour you've just received, feel free to pop the following into your signature - you've earned it :)

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[URL="http://www.europa-universalis.com/forum/showpost.php?p=10537231&postcount=392"][SIZE="3"][CENTER][COLOR="White"]Eek!  I made [COLOR="Red"]Aboulgharib's List[/COLOR]!  Pity me![/COLOR][/CENTER][/SIZE][/URL]

Ooooooh, the list. Im so scared...*deep sarcasm*
 
Ooooooh, the list. Im so scared...*deep sarcasm*

Yeah, it really does seem dangerous, doesn't it?
I wonder if you would make the list by claiming that the Gardman-Aghbanias' are nothing more than the Dongolas' anaemic cousins: sort of the same, but paler and less successful :p
 
The Gardman-Aghbanias are keenly aware of people trying to get their names on The List. These individuals will be silently disposed of and dropped in Mira's pirhana pool - The List is reserved for those amongst you who aren't just random annoyances ;)
 
The Gardman-Aghbanias are keenly aware of people trying to get their names on The List. These individuals will be silently disposed of and dropped in Mira's pirhana pool - The List is reserved for those amongst you who aren't just random annoyances ;)

Should I be insulted?
 
The Gardman-Aghbanias are keenly aware of people trying to get their names on The List. These individuals will be silently disposed of and dropped in Mira's pirhana pool - The List is reserved for those amongst you who aren't just random annoyances ;)

:rofl: Haha, nice response to those trying to manipulate The List.
 
:rofl: *subscribed* :D

It's a slow work day and I thank you for giving me something to help pass the time. Shhhh.... don't tell anyone. ;)
 
WTF? What kind of ruthless despot are you? Gold, while great, is nothing compared to rivers of blood. Pull it together man.

Well, when the old coffers have been empty for so long a man can get excited about gold. Don't worry though; bloodshed and list action beckons.

War is good for plenty of things. But Aboulgharib needs to follow the footsteps of the previous king, and lead them in a Time of Peace (tm?). This time of war just cannot last!

He will be trying this peace lark out soon. After all, he owes the good folks of Constantiople a monastery after er...accidentally burning it down.

Abby is not doing too bad. But I don't buy into her peaceful image... just a tad too many wars for that. ;)

I refuse to rise to your provocations ;)

So he survived this update... lucky me or I would have joined Kanil I suppose... ;)

Good dealing with Mess-O-Po-Tamia... :D

That actually goes down as one of the shortest wars in Suenik's history. By the time I got down there they were more or less conquered and their Prince just reabsorbed them. Still, it wouldn't be an Aboulgharib update without some bloodshed.

is Zebel short for Jezebel? If so, this doesn't bode well...

Well, why break that fine Gardman-Aghbania tradition of marrying complete harlots, eh?

Preposterous! Why on Earth would we deliberately try to annoy the Georgia-Armenians? :D

You'd best ask the Turks that...

:rofl: *subscribed* :D

It's a slow work day and I thank you for giving me something to help pass the time. Shhhh.... don't tell anyone. ;)

I'm glad you're enjoying it. Hopefully I will continue to amuse you :)
 
SUENIK THE BELEAGUERED
CHAPTER 45 - BLESS THE LITTLE CHILDREN
(1146-1149)

Monarchs often have a reputation for being miserly. They'll lavish gold upon themselves and their families, but never on the good people that they rule over.

Not me.

I’m going to show the good people of Suenik just how much I love them by spending all the hard-earned gold that I was drooling over last chapter on making their lives richer and more spiritually fulfilling.

Or, to put it another way, I’m going to buy my way into Heaven…

But first off there’s a little problem with the locals in Tabriz who somehow think that by building churches and not mosques that I’m in someway discriminating against them.

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I take a moment to pause and consider their views. After all, they may have a point. Maybe I am being too hasty. Maybe I should consider the views of all my subjects and not just the Christians.

Only kidding – I order another round of mass hangings and encourage street urchins to throw rotten fruit at their limp corpses.

Then I make the ungrateful bitches clear up the mess they’ve made.

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One of my courtiers is having issues, and she comes to me and loudly proclaims the fact that she has turned her back on the indulgent, sinful, carnal pleasures of the world, and has instead chosen to live as a Bride of Christ.

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Riiiiight. So the single, thirty eight year old, never-married-with-no-kids, depressed, frigid (sorry – chaste!) fundamentalist pauper has DECIDED to never have sex again.

Are you sure that’s not just called “accepting the inevitable”? I’m surprised she waited this long.

As I’m debating how to spend all my shiny coins news reaches me that a bunch of rebellious Italians have decided to call themselves the KINGDOM of Jerusalem.

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You’ve got to admire their guts I guess. Five will give you ten that the Egyptians have smashed their “kingdom” in a few years time.

So, first up in the spending extravaganza is a church for the good people of Tabriz.

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Maybe the sight of such a glorious house of the Lord will convince the whining Arab population that Christianity is the thing for them. Failing that I’m sure it will attract its fair share of intolerant firebrands who will help me with “converting” the locals.

Zealots are great.

While I’m marvelling over the drawings the Royal architect has drawn up my step-mother (now head of the Royal nurseries) bursts into the room, wide eyed and pale. She paused for a few moments before screaming at the top of her lungs and collapsing in a pathetic, sobbing heap.

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I dismiss my advisors, sit down next to Ardai and ask her what’s wrong. After all, looking after children can’t be that hard, can it? She gives me a stare that great Aunt Mira would have been proud of and then begins to explain why working in the Royal nurseries of Suenik is the educational equivalent of fighting on the front line against the Turks…

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Ah…

So it seems that the good blood of the Gardman-Aghbanias has shifted from creating gibbering, drooling lunatics to instead fashioning an entire generation of serial killers and religious fantatics.

Oh well.

I give her a hug and tell her that I really appreciate the effort she’s making and the effect she’s had on their formative years. She doesn’t stop crying for a good while.

A few months later I receive a visit from this poor, harassed looking individual.

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I ask him why he’s so sad and he explains that…

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I nod sympathetically and point out that since he’s right next to Torosland and surrounded by rabid Arabs that perhaps the best approach for him would be to trade one tyrannical master for another.

He agrees.

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AND he’s got a good Armenian name. He’ll fit in perfectly.

Skip on a few months more and the Christian minority in Constantiople have their monastery back!

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For this first time in a while the Church are actually saying good things about me.

Praise be!

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And with the erecting of this bad-boy the local clergy are positively bubbling over with praise for what a pure, wonderful Christian ruler I am (rather than saying “That Aboulgharib. Sounds a bit like Abd al Gharib if you ask me!”).

I can’t wait to see what they say when the beauty I’m having built in Tabriz is flung up!

Finally, I’ll leave you with something you don’t see everyday…

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Will Aboulgharib be welcomed back into the Church? What of the next generation of Suenikians? Has Aboulgharib turned his back on war? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Suenik - Land of the Beleaguered!
 
The next generation looks like fun to say the least... :D
 
Indeed. I wonder how those children got the idea that being fanatical monsters is somehow part of their royal duties?
 
Monsters?!?

Oh, the joy of it all!!
 
What a pack of little monsters!! Yeesh
 
Riiiiight. So the single, thirty eight year old, never-married-with-no-kids, depressed, frigid (sorry – chaste!) fundamentalist pauper has DECIDED to never have sex again.

Are you sure that’s not just called “accepting the inevitable”? I’m surprised she waited this long.

:rofl:

So it seems that the good blood of the Gardman-Aghbanias has shifted from creating gibbering, drooling lunatics to instead fashioning an entire generation of serial killers and religious fantatics.

Hehe, this definitely seems like a good thing for the future of this AAR :D

Great update!
 
Apologies for the delay in posting updates - Christmas preperations have been hectic!

So, for your patience you SHOULD get two updates today.

The first will follow shortly...