Suenik the Beleaguered - a None Too Serious AAR

[magicdonkey99]

Just to let you know, I've read the entire AAR over the last few days. All I can say is - brilliant!

Cannot wait to see what happens next...

[Hashoosh]

Just joined the forums, and read this hilarious AAR. Inspired writing, although i'm not used to not getting an update, i might be going into suenik withdrawl...

Quick question, how do you get avatars other than the Vicky/HoI/EU ones?

Ia! Shub-Niggarath!

Edit: Spelling

[Threedog43]

The promise of an update , then the complete lack of one leads to very little of me left inside.

[Johan11]

The promise of an update , then the complete lack of one leads to very little of me left inside.

+1.

And he didn't even apologise for Japan.

[Iain Wilson]

I know, I know... I'm rubbish.

But you WILL have an update tonight.

Promise!

[Nodscouterr]

Goddamnit Iain! It's getting tiresome! Get your shit together and give us an update!

Nah, just kidding. But I do hope you give us another update of your awesome AAR soon .

[Eams]

I know, I know... I'm rubbish.

Nonsense, you've managed to entertain a fairly great amount of people and simultaneously write two or three brilliant stories despite having a job and a family.
You have absolutely no obligation towards us, and anyone who would claim otherwise is a useless, whiny bully who should simply go away and never ever come back.

[Vesimir]

Nonsense, you've managed to entertain a fairly great amount of people and simultaneously write two or three brilliant stories despite having a job and a family.
You have absolutely no obligation towards us, and anyone who would claim otherwise is a useless, whiny bully who should simply go away and never ever come back.

-> -> -> -> ->


Those were my reactions.

[Iain Wilson]

SUENIK THE BELEAGUERED
CHAPTER 80 - THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (FINALLY)!
(1185-1186)

Er...

Hi everyone!



My name is Ruben Gardman-Aghbania and I've, rather inconveniently, ended up as the Holy Roman Emperor of Suenik.

I know, I know... Some might say ungrateful but honestly... I was kind of hoping that my old man would go on for a bit longer and one of my younger brothers would outlive me.

The whole thing is just a bit...you know...daunting... I'm not sure I'm built to handle it.



For starters, nobody likes me!



Well, not quite "no-one" but a sizable portion of my vassals want to gut me like a fish.

I don't even know why - I'm sure half of these sycophants used to bring me presents to my father's court when I was younger.

My father's court...

Why can't it still be that way?

However, not everyone hates me.

Here's my wife.



As you can see, I've given her a job and she is now busy defending me from men in black pyjamas who want to give me an enema with a poisoned dagger.

All employed by my supposedly loyal vassals.

Or, in this case, not so loyal vassals...



I let him go. I really, really, REALLY can't handle the thought of a war with anyone. With this in mind I retire to my chamber and think dark thoughts. Hopefully he'll commit some massive social gaffe and end up as some Hungarian's court jester.

It's not just my vassals though. In fact, I think I've been unfair in branding my vassals as disloyal bitches worthy of flogging. It's not them that's the problem - it's these bloody Catholics!



I've grown up in the near east - I don't think I've ever met a Catholic! Aren't they just the same as us (only slightly more hung up on Latin)? And why should they hate me so much? What have I done to them?



Cast your mind back to my previous sentence.

Now answer it with "Burnt down some villages and hung the traitorous inhabitants within".

They had it coming to them.

Clearly my new image as peasant-burning-tyrant goes down like a cold beer on a hot day with the local Orthodox independents, as no sooner has the slightly nauseating meaty smell from what used to be a village vanished than I get offers like this:



My vassals then jump on the bandwagon and start declaring war on Catholic bishops!



Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Hopefully this will send out a strong, forceful message to any of those Catholics stupid enough to still oppose me.



...or not.

Stupid Catholics.



I hand out this Bishop's title to some guy who's friends with the Prince of Arabia Felix. He should do a grand job of governing those irritating little Catholics.

This new piece of land also allows me to add another title to my collection.



I went to Sicily with my father once, back before the Catholics started trying to bring about the apocalypse.

I miss my dad.

He'd know what to do.

Especially what to do with these sodding Catholics...

Actually, I've just had a genius idea!



I give my new title to some Sicilian Catholic. That way, he'll go to his people, tell them what a great guy I am and maybe they'll stop burning effigies of me in the streets!

Sadly, not everyone agrees with the new, slightly fiery direction I'm taking the Orthodox faith in.



Toros gets a punch in the cock and a reminder to toe the party line.

As he's picking himself up off the floor Mira proves herself to be a fast learner.



God then proves he can go one better than me. I met out justice of the most harsh, genital kind to my subjects, while the Almighty really, really, REALLY messes them up.



Did I mention that Smbat is a Catholic?

That, ladies and gents, is what we in the trade refer to as "a sign from Above"!



Quite clearly, what I am being told by no less than the Ultimate Power in the Universe is that I should wipe Catholicism from the face of the earth. That's the only logical interpretation, right?

To this end, I have a cunning plan...




Oh YEAH! Let's dance Your Holiness! Let's see who's side our Lord is truly on!

Yes, Suenik is back! But is this the end? A mental ruler from the word go - what could be more Suenikian? What could possible go wrong? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Suenik - Land of the Beleaguered!

[Iain Wilson]

Hi guys,

A very BIG thank you to those of you out there who have stuck with it during it's hiatus. Hopefully normal service has now been resumed.

I'm also touched by just how many of you genuinely seemed to like Krikor II. He came good in the end.

And then died.

That's Suenik for you I guess.

Also, a big hello to aristos_achaion, magicdonkey99 (love the name) and Hashoosh - I always love getting new readers, so now that I've given you all a month to catch up *coughs* you'll be completely up to date with what's happening.

Welcome!

[morningSIDEr]

*finally stops shaking violently*

Is this...an update?! My Suenik withdrawal symptoms are vanishing, laughter replacing them once more! Hallelujah! Uhm...best not actually use that word considering Ruben's current disposition towards Catholicism.

Cracking stuff as ever, excellent to see an update once more.

[Iain Wilson]

Oh and an EXTRA BIG thank you to everyone who voted for Suenik in the ACAs. The fact that you were willing to support this AAR despite its rather lengthy hiatus is very much appreciated!

[Raaritsgozilla]

I love that Toros got punched in the cock

[Masaky]

it's back! thank the gods it is back!

[Threedog43]

Ooooooh yeah! i finally got my fix of Suenik. Seriously Iain, you have created a dangerous for of junkie, the Paradoxian!

[Cunobelinus54]

Finally, we have a new update!

Man, I sense some interesting times ahead for Suenik, Ruben has gone crazy from the very beginning! I also liked the fact that you roleplay for each of the rulers, Aboulgharib would have never let that vassal go, but the (not anymore) timid Ruben lets them go.

[loki100]

For starters, nobody likes me!

pah ... call that a disloyalty list , good to see that Suenik is taking a sensible approach to inter-faith reconciliation (after all if you only have one faith, it is reconciled?)

[Marco Oliverio]

Yeah! You're back. With madness and mahem galore, and then more.

Just the way Suenikian adventures should be.

[Enewald]

I desire for much more. Please, do not abandon our poor souls milord!

[Malurous]

Great to see an update!

Ruben seems like an interesting fellow: burning peasants, a couple of dirty jabs and a slightly problematic reaction to his father's death and his own position - and THEN he goes crazy!