Suenik the Beleaguered - a None Too Serious AAR

[Iain Wilson]

Suenik the Beleaguered - a None Too Serious AAR

The Gardman-Aghbania Dynasty

Count Grigor I - the Fortunate (1066-1075)
Chapter 1 - Home of the Extremely Fortunate
Chapter 2 - Thing to Do in Suenik When Bored

Count Hovhannes Senek'erim I - The Awesomely Named (1075-1078)

Chapter 3 - How to Win Friends and Influence People (or not)

Prince Mleh I - The Kinslayer (1078-1108)
Chapter 4 - The Boy With a Sicky Name
Chapter 5 - I've Got a Bad Feeling About This...
Chapter 6 - The End?
Chapter 7 - WAR!
Chapter 8 - Off With Her Head!
Chapter 9 - To the Shores of (land-locked- Trebizond!
Chapter 10 - Bloody Women!
Chapter 11 - Where'd Everyone Go?
Chapter 12 - Would the Last Person Out Please Shut the Door?
Chapter 13 - Nobody Loves Mleh
Chapter 14 - Thieving Badgers!
Chapter 15 - Fools Rush In...
Chapter 16 - To Damascus!
Chapter 17 - Can't We All Just Be Friends?

King Krikor I - The Mad (1108-1115)

Chapter 18 - Anybody Got Any Glue?
Chapter 19 - My Head Is In a Spin, My Feet Don't Touch the Ground...
Chapter 20 - Servant of the Black Goat
Chapter 21 - Prophecies of the All Mother
Chapter 22 - War is Upon Us

King Bagrat I - The Liberator (amongst other things) (1115-1140)
Chapter 23 - Picking Up the Pieces
Chapter 24 - Victory (for a change!)
Chapter 25 - Bagrat, Bringer of Peace
Chapter 26 - The Time of Peace (TM)
Chapter 27 - The Time of Peace (TM) (part deux)
Chapter 28 - Vassals - Who'd Have 'em?
Chapter 29 - Bagrat, Bringer of Peace (again!)
Chapter 30 - I Need to Get Me Some New Vassals
Chapter 31 - Bagrat, the Liberator
Chapter 32 - No More Cheese Before Bed
Chapter 33 - Inherited Chaos
Chapter 34 - Please to Be Paying Attention, Bagrat!
Chapter 35 - Number of the Beast
Chapter 36 - Crusading for Fun and Profit

Emperor Aboulgharib I - The Miserable (1140-1170)
Chapter 37 - Aboul in a China Shop
Chapter 38 - Byzanti-gone!
Chapter 39 - Best Served Cold
Chapter 40 - A New Broom
Chapter 41 - A Brief Interlude
Chapter 42 - A Return to Order
Chapter 43 - Do They Ever Learn?
Chapter 44 - A Mostly Quiet Year
Chapter 45 - Bless the Little Children
Chapter 46 - Peace and Tranquility
Chapter 47 - Something Wonderful Happens
Chapter 48 - Dawn of a New Era
Chapter 49 - Grinding Up the Greeks
Chapter 50 - Adios Athens
Chapter 51 - Emperor Islander
Chapter 52 - Sickness, Surgery and Sedition
Chapter 53 - A Tale of Traitors, a University and Ghosts
Chapter 54 - Three Weddings and a Boar
Chapter 55 - A New Court Artist
Chapter 56 - Aboulgharib - Medical Genius!
Chapter 57 - The List Returns
Chapter 58 - I'd Rather Be Valorous Than Sly
Chapter 59 - No - *I'M* Spartacus...
Chapter 60 - I Used to Be The Messiah But I Got Better...
Chapter 61 - I Have Seen the Light!
Chapter 62 - Praise Be!
Chapter 63 - To Serbia We Go
Chapter 64 - A Death in the Family
Chapter 65 - Death, Diplomacy and Disease
Chapter 66 - Party Time!
Chapter 67 - What a Seljuking Laugh
Chapter 68 - Enough With the Random Wars!
Chapter 69 - And For My Next Trick...

Emperor Krikor II - The Gentle (1170-1185)
Chapter 69 - And For My Next Trick...
Chapter 70 - The Heathens Are Splintered...
Chapter 71 - A Holiday in Zadar
Chapter 72 - Bogowhat?
Chapter 73 - New Friends, New Titles
Chapter 74 - My Knife Shall Be Your Saviour
Chapter 75 - Where Did All the Good Generals Go?
Chapter 76 - Ha! Naysayers!
Chatper 77 - Somebody Pinch Me!
Chapter 78 - Holy Roman Empire Gardman (Aghbania)!
Chapter 79 - Assassins? Pah!

Emperor Ruben I - The Hammer of the Catholics (1185-1191)
Chapter 80 - The Empire Strikes Back (Finally)!
Chapter 81 - Going Down
Chapter 82 - Dei Iudicium
Chapter 83 - Dei Iudicium II
Chapter 84 - Enter the Dragon
Chapter 85 - What Could Be Worse Than Three Dead Popes?
Chapter 86 - The Final Chapter

Bonus Features
People Watch - 1075
People Watch - 1140
The List
People Watch - 1154
The Empire in 1160
A Couple of Month in 1183
The Empire in 1183

[jordarkelf]

Amusing start, and you actually survived!
Heh, for some reason I thought the kid was already count... guess in most of my games his father dies in the initial assaults.

[Murmurandus]

Good start indeed. That Grigor guy really knows what he's doing...

[Cromelex]

Good start. Will follow

[NexusSix]

man lucky you had all that money kicking about huh !

[Judas Maccabeus]

Ah, money money money makes the world go 'round. I guess there's something to be said for keeping your treasury ridiculously low sometimes.

[Eron12]

Looks like a good start, I hope you hang in there.

I am sad you rejected the offer of Nubian friendship though

[Lord Valentine]

Hahaha, this is ludicrous. Which is exactly why I'll be following it.

[Iain Wilson]

Thank you all for your feedback - you're a lovely bunch really!

Since you're so nice, here's another chapter.

---

SUENIK THE BELEAGUERED
CHAPTER 2 - THINGS TO DO IN SUENIK WHEN BORED
(1068-1075)

Hello and welcome back to the beleaguered realm of Suenik. After our glorious victory over the evil Arab hordes I decided it was best to sit down and consolidate the gains we had made over the last few year.

Ten minutes later and I decided I needed something else to do. Then it struck me. I had been so busy over the last year and a bit fleeing from Arabs that I had given very little thought to the pretty young wench I had ensconced in the palace back home. Therefore, in a bid to stop her running out and spending all my hard earned ducets (who knows when next I'd have to bribe some irate Emir into submission?) I decided to give her (and by extension yours truly) something else to do.

Five minutes or so later and tada!



Truly my virility knows no bounds! Nine months later and that's another heir to the throne!



Sadly, I was intoxicated when I named him, but I'm sure everything will be ok. After all, who unkind can fate be to a kid that's named Mushel by accident?



Oh.



Oh.

Still, never mind. My wise, just and not at all anarchic rule appears to be attracting a better class of person to the Motherland.



I'm sure this will work out for the best.

Anyway, fast forward a year or so and it's time for ol' Mushel to be educated. Given that the poor kid deserves a bit of TLC I decided to take a direct hand in his education. After all, with his father looking after him what else could possibly go wrong?



Am I THAT demanding on the poor child? He's barely one! Not being able to talk at one is a design feature of a child! Hmm. I sense his mother's hand here. Poor little baba. Don't worry little Mushy. Daddy will look after you.



In the name of....!!!!! Fate really had it in for your Mushy. You'll be missed. I'll never forg...



Aww! A little daughter! Isn't she cute! Daddy's little princess! Actually, technically she's not even a countess because I'm the aristocratic equivalent of pond life...

*sighs*

Maybe I should seek to better myself. To expand the kingdom and make my daughter look up to me with a proud look in her eyes.

I have an idea.

It's about time the military creme de la creme of mighty Suenik was put to the test.

This fine chappy lives kind of next door to me:



As you can see he's clearly some kind of deviant and needs to be put to the sword. It's the hair and beard combo that does it. Besides, declaring yourself as "Archbishop of such and such" in the middle of the middle east is clear evidence of insanity. His people need fair and just rule rather than being made to dance to the whimiscal moods of a madman.

I believe I am just the man to bring them that justice.

Besides, he's got less troops than me AND his only ally is some Greek prince who'd have to fight his way through most of the Seljuk Turks just to get near me, and given how easily they're dismantling the Byzantine Empire I think that makes me fairly safe. From meddling Greek princes that is - not the Turks. They're probably going to squash me like a filthy cockroach once they're finished with the Emperor and his cronies. But for the mean time I'm free to bring fire and steel...sorry, justice and prosperity to the people of Mesopotania.

Oh, and as an aside and speaking of allies, my erstwhile comrades of the Emirate of Azerbaijan ended up being eaten by the Seljuk Turks. Poor them. They never even asked me to come and fight for them. Just as well, because I'd have run for the hills like the filthy coward I am.



Chaaaaaaaarge!

Clearly my diocese bishop is as mad as a box of frogs. There I am, in my tent, getting on my armour and preparing to lead my host into battle and THIS happens:



He's a nice old buffer so I don't refuse him. The battle goes well. Apart from...



And that's what happens kiddies when you're paying more attention to chess problems set you by grumpy old bishops than worrying about the sharp pieces of metal being wielded by irate Mesopotanians...

Still, it's looking good. Deviant madman opponent poops himself before my army are even within reach of his capital and offers me money to leave him alone (what I like to called "The Grigor Defence").

Tempted as I am by the offer of some cold, hard cash it's the land I want. So I refuse him and press on. Or rather, my army presses on. I've been taken back to fair Suenik and placed on my death bed.

None the less, this cheers me up.



Oh yes. I am an ANIMAL! Mortally wounded, close to death but still capable of sorting out the ladies. Go me.

That child had better be mine...

Things are going well in the West. My deviant madman of a foe tries to throw me a curve ball.



I don't fall for it and before he knows it BANG. All his base are belong to me.



I feel as if I can look my daughter in the eye now.

Ol' former Archbishop takes things well and scurries off to cause trouble for me. That's CLEARLY him in this picture, isn't it?



There is much rejoicing and ANOTHER royal baby (conceived whilst I was mortally wounded in case anyone had forgotten) is born:



Things settle down for a while (and I manage to pay back all the cash I'd borrowed to smash Mesopotania) but then I start looking around for some more land. I'm happy with my two vast and fruitful provinces but the boy Hovhannes Senek'erim Gardman-Aghbania needs something to keep him out of mischief.

Hmm...

...

Aha!

Just the ticket!



This miserable little creature's land could be just the ticket for the boy! AND he's Jewish which means God's ok with me putting his lands to the torch! Sweet! However, I opt for caution and do a bit of digging.



Crickey! He's married to a ninja! Must tread carefully! In fact, it looks like I'm not treading anywhere, because to get to him I have to travel over the sea and there's the slight problem of...



...the Emirate of Derbent being in the way. No problem. I'm sure the Emir will be amiable to me trapsing a Christian army through his kingdom.



Bugger.

Still, to cheer me up I have another amusingly named child...



...and the King of Nubia tries to dazzle me with his smile again.



To cheer up Eron12 Grigor says yes. We can co-ordinate a global strategy.

Everything's looking pretty good (apart from the wall of Arabs that is).



It's usually round about now that things start going wrong. "Things" don't disapoint this time round. First of all there is this:



Given that the "suspected heretic" in question is a terrifying looking skinhead I refuse to get involved. Then this happens:



My bishop says it was "divine justice". A few days later an old man with a suspiciously false looking beard and sounding a bit like my bishop doing a funny voice shows up at the castle gates...



Thankfully he seems capable of fulfilling his promises. In light of my new health I give my next child an absurdly manly name.



A nice envolope turns up at the castle (I say "castle" - it's actually more like a wooden fort set at the highest point in the malarial swamp that is Suenik) held by a very grand looking visitor.



The Emperor wants ME and an ALLY? I'm honoured! I'm speechless! I'm...looking at the map and seeing just how badly the Empire is getting creamed by the Turks. I politely refuse.

My idiot of a son is clearly getting bored sitting around waiting for me to find him some land.



Right - there must be a way to get to where I want to go. Maybe I can take on one of the smaller Arabs and hope the Emir doesn't get involved? Maybe I can cut a deal with the Seljuk Turks. Maybe...



Thud.



What next for the county of Seunik? Has Hovhannes Senek'erim Gardman-Aghbania got what it takes to expand the kingdom? Or is he just a pushy, whiny brat who's going to run it all into the ground? Find out soon!

[Murmurandus]

He has at least the coolest name ever!

[praxiteles]

subscribed

[Draztikus]

He has at least the coolest name ever!

Toros begs to differ

[Lord Valentine]

Survived and expanded! Not bad at all! But I would still recommend "Mr. Awesome but pretty unpronounceable name" to always keep a gold piece or two in the treasury. Them Middle Eastern Druggies seem to need the odd piece of change very badly.

[Iain Wilson]

I've seen a few other AAR's do a "People Watch". Should I do one? If so, who does everyone want to see watched?

[Lord Valentine]

I've seen a few other AAR's do a "People Watch". Should I do one? If so, who does everyone want to see watched?

Off course! But I think you should choose the people yourself. Every CK game develops so differently and brings new oddities, that your in the best position to decided that matter.

[Iain Wilson]

I'm happy to do so, but I know that people have favourites

[Lord Valentine]

I'm happy to do so, but I know that people have favourites

Ok! In that case I'd be interested how good old Michael Doukas is doing. Knowing him probably be glorious lord of a three province empire.

~Lord Valentine~

[Murmurandus]

Just the usual raving maniacs, megalomanics, heretics or other cool people will do...

[Jestor]

Toros begs to differ

This.

And I really need to get back to AAR writing.

[Iain Wilson]

People Watch!
1075

So ladies and gentlemen, it's 1075 - time to find out what the great, the good and the amusingly named are up to.

First up, by popular (one vote) demand is your friend and mine Michael Dukas - Emperor of Byzantium!



So, how's he getting on?



Ah. Seems that he's slowly escaping West in a hope that the Turks will give up and stop pursuing him, as they're doing a very good job of dismantling the Empire in the East.

Poor Michael.

Next we have the downright evil looking (and ninja marrying) Issac of Itil - Grigor's nemesis to be.



However, more interesting than him is his ninja wife.



See? A backstabbing spy master! Grigor was right! She *IS* a ninja!

We leave the ninja realms and move onto...



...chosen for his cool coat of arms showing an angel wailing on some demon thing. As can be seen from Lazlo's stats he's a violent psychopath.

Cut from a similar mould is...



...who happens to be Chief of the province with the finest name ever. Curiously Cheremisa is Finnish for "tower emerging from a split bannana skin".

Next up on psychopath's row we have...



...whose name is almost as hard to pronounce as my current character's. This is the fella who thankfully chose not to plow his way through the Turks to come to the assistance of the Archbishop of Mesopotamia. He's got a mean look to him.

Moving on to nicer people we have everyone's friend...



...the King of Nubia.

*waits for Enron12 to cheer*

As you can see he lurrrrrrves us. Curiously, he's at war with nobody here, yet here...



... six disgruntled peasants appear to be besieging the capital. He's not asked for any help so I'm assuming he's waiting for them to drop dead of exhaustion or something.

However, by far my most prized find is this...



See all the red? That's the kingdom of England (!!!!). Notice the little county I've marked with the arrow? I know what you're thinking. They must be ruled over by someone pretty capable to survive encircled like that. In fact, when you look at this you'll see that he's holding out against the Kingdom of Germany.



Wow. Must be pretty hard, huh? Ladies and gents, I give you Oddone di Montferatto...



...the inbred, severly wounded Count of Monferatto! Apparently he's a tactical genius er...quite.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed that little peek into the great and the good of 1075. Here's the current standings:



Curiously, the Kingdom of England isn't there. And just check out how well I'm doing