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I have every bit of faith in you XD The fact that you write like this makes me so excited XD
 
Canonized: Thanks again. Your encouragement does spur me on if for other reason than to not betray such faith.
Cyreidel: If you ever get unbanned, thanks for the mention. If not, then just keep fallalling your little heart out.

The plot outline and pictures for the next episode, "Love(craft) Day", is done, and the backfilling with quips and japes is in progress. Hopefully, we are still on track for release over this weekend and into next week. Suggested reading is the War of the Roses.
 
Of course it's my fault for being away also , but now that I'm back where in the earth are you old bean ! Still looking forward to the next update of this XD
 
canonized & nsahn - Good timing, mes amis. As luck would have it, I have just completed the project I have been working on for the last 3 months (my only child's 6th birthday party) so I have time to work on this AAR again. (I was going to say I have been tied up playing Dragon Age and/or engaging in drunken debauchery (possibly both at the same time) but who would ever believe that, eh canonized?)

I have actually half written the next episode during my free time (whilst taking my child to other 6 year olds' parties), I have uploaded the necessary illustrations, read my research (A Brief History of the Wars of the Roses by Desmond Seward - again mostly during children's birthday parties) and I know how I want the rest of the storyline to run. The problem is that I have these islands of punchline scenes and I need to build plausible plotline bridges to link them up otherwise they will appear silly (in a not good way).

I hope to get it up before Christmas - I am taking the week before Christmas off as I have to work between Christmas and New Years this year, so I am heading off to Noosa, which is on the Sunshine Coast in Australia, for beach during the day and tired 6 years old going to bed early at night so I can write in peace. Fingers crossed.

Thank you for you continued and unexpected support.
 
[Black screen, NICK’s voice over as tympanums beat ominously in the background:

Between the time of the decline of the House of Gaunt and the rise of the sons of York, there was an age undreamed of. Hither came Flux the Fedaykin, blonde-ish of hair (most of the time), doe eyed, sword in hand – a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and small breasts, destined to tread the jewelled land of England under her stylish yet affordable footwear. It is I, her chronicler, who alone can tell thee of this saga. Let me tell you of these days of high adventure]​
INDIES

Episode 1.2
“Love(craft) Day”

[Opening credits:

When the truth is found to be lies
And all the joy within you dies

Don't you want somebody to love
Don't you need somebody to love
Wouldn't you love somebody to love
You better find somebody to love

When the garden's flowers, baby, are dead
Yes, and your mind, your mind is so full of red]​

London
19 September 1453
Just before sparrow’s fart

(If sparrows farted)
(Which they don’t)
(Unless they’re Australian sparrows)
(Why would an Australian sparrow be in medieval London?)
(Well, they could be visiting relatives in Earl’s Court. Or maybe they’re over for the Ashes)
(A sparrow appears on screen and appears to be in the process of bearing down)
(None of that, none of that! I won’t be resorting to toilet humour only 2 episodes in. Now get on with it)
(The sparrow flies off as FLUX’s foot lands next to it)


[SCENE: FLUX, NICK and TALBOT move swiftly through London streets in the early morning before dawn. They are wearing long cloaks and keep to the shadows to avoid drawing attention from the night watch]

TALBOT: Come, hurry. The meeting place is only two more streets away.
FLUX: Can we slow down? I think I had too much mead last night.
NICK: Yeah, surely we could meet at a more convenient time for this, say, after breakfast.
FLUX: Or just coffee. God! COFFEE! We so need to invent the double macchiato with lemon twist.
NICK: I still don’t understand why we had to meet so early and what the rush is all about.
FLUX: Couldn’t this have waited until later. I really am not at my best this time of the morning. Or in fact any time before noon.
TALBOT: Look, are you going to allow me to do the exposition or not?
NICK & FLUX: Sorry.
TALBOT: The future of England rests on a blades edge today. There is much to be done today if we are to turn it to a path of our choosing, and not lose all in the process. Hurry, or the White Roses will be starting without us.
NICK: Yeah, and what’s up with the names. Red rose, white rose, they all smell the bloody same. Oh, I said bloody. Help Flux, I think I’m turning English!
FLUX: Will you stop it! (hits NICK on the back of the head as they move stealthily along) (to TALBOT) I still don’t understand what’s so important about today.
TALBOT: Well, if you stop interrupting the exposition, we could finish the scene setting and move on to the fun action bits. (NICK & FLUX nod obediently) For generations, England has been torn between two lines of descendents from Edward Longshanks. At different times, one side has been dominant over the other, only for fortune to then reverse the roles. And the great, and not so great, families have chosen their factions to further their own grievances against their local rivals, as have I. For the last three kings, the Lancastrians have ruled and we Yorkists have suffered for it. Now, the wheel is hopefully about to turn again. Today. At the Regency Council. If we can convince the people that the future lies with my Lord Edward of York.
NICK: I still don’t understand why we have to come along.
TALBOT (to NICK): Lord York has asked to meet you. He apparently has need of your medical skills. (gesturing to FLUX) And I have seen what happens to men who leave your friend out of the picture. And for God’s sake, don’t tell them your name.
NICK (interjecting): Because any thing with a Mc will antagonise the Northerners. You will become the McFly in the ointment.
FLUX: But that’s not even my real name. I keep telling you…
TALBOT: It doesn’t matter. And DON’T let them know that you are a woman. It is strange enough that you travel so freely let alone Dr Brown treats you as an equal. The only use for women is the size of their dowry and the number of sons they can produce.
FLUX: Any lip, and they won’t be having sons anytime soon.
NICK: Lord Talbot is right, Flux. We don’t want to draw attention to ourselves. Let’s just sit and watch quietly for a change.

[SCENE: Dimly lit but large room packed with an audience of men dressed in sombre cloaks, arrayed before a long table with a committee of three facing them. Edward of YORK sits in the middle of the three, chatting quietly with them as there is a general buzz of murmuring around the room. ]

yorkcommittee.png

[TALBOT, FLUX and NICK enter, TALBOT handing a white rose to the man on the door, just as YORK calls the meeting to order.]

YORK: Ey up, luds.Tah t’thysel fuh cummit downt tuht tun tiddy. Wiv mooch to co’er while t’meetun wi t’Lards o t’Reyjunsay. Afore w’stut, as ennyun uv awt t’sae.

(confused looks around the room)
(YORK clears his throat and spits out a large wad of phlegm)

Sorry about that. I was meeting a few of the local constituents last night. Got a bit carried away with the moment. Now where was I? Oh yes. Thank you all for coming this morning, brothers. Now as you are aware…

(YORK notices TALBOT, NICK and FLUX as NICK stumbles over some feet of the audience as they try to find a seat)

Yes, Lord Shrewsbury, bring forth the newcomers.

(TALBOT, NICK and FLUX change direction, again disturbing the audience as they go back out, and then up to the table at the front)

TALBOT: My Lord York. Let me introduce Doctor Brown who administered his medical arts to restore my health of body and valiantly supported me against the many travails encountered in France to mend my wracked soul.
YORK: Doctor Brown. Lord Shrewsbury has already told me much of your skills as a physician. I have a need for your opinion, if you will render me your assistance, in looking at my son, Richard, later. He is not a year old but the doctors fear gravely for his health.
NICK: Well, pediatrics are not my specialty but I will be happy to oblige.
YORK: Excellent. And this is… (looking at FLUX)
TALBOT: Ah, yes. (uncertainly) This is…
NICK: My manservant, Bob.
FLUX: Flux
TALBOT: Er, Bob Flux, my Lord.
FLUX (interjecting): And I’m not a servant, I am a companion.
NICK: A serving companion. She, I mean, he’s with me.
YORK (confused look on face): Right. (does double take between NICK and FLUX) Anyway, Doctor and Bob, I must warn you that we live in perilous times. We brothers of the White Rose are dedicated to restoring England to its great path and end the peril. To that end, there is not a man of us who is not willing to face the peril and lay down his life for the cause.
VOICE from the back of the room: Well, one.
YORK: Alright, all but one of us…
SECOND VOICE: And me.
THIRD VOICE: Me, too. I don’t want to die.
YORK: Alright, alright. There are a significant number of us who are willing to die for the cause. We have suffered much to date. I myself as a young boy saw my father be beheaded by the Lancastrian dogs.
VOICE from the audience: Bloody king’s favourite.
YORK: What? How does having your beloved pater de-pated make me a favourite.
FIRST Lord (seated to the right of YORK): Look, when I were lad, both my father and mother were hung drawn and quartered before my very eyes.
SECOND Lord (seated to the left of YORK): Luxury! When I were lad, my father was hung drawn and quartered, my mother was raped, then hung drawn and quartered, and all of our sheep seized.
FIRST Lord: They raped our sheep and then they hung drew and quartered them.
YORK: That’s nothing. Not only was my father beheaded, but they also hung drew and quartered me with a raped sheep, THEN they cut me head off and used it as a football, AND then I had to put my own entrails back in and sew my head back on.
FIRST Lord: And you tell young people this these days and they won’t believe you.

(much nodding of heads and hmmming)

YORK: Right, where were we?
FIRST Lord: Raping sheep?
YORK: No, before that?
SECOND Lord: Perilous times?
YORK: Yes, yes. Now how are the numbers looking for the Council meeting today? William Hastings, bring forth the Roll.
(WILLIAM HASTINGS, a tall, good looking man in his 20’s in courtier’s garb steps forth from the shadows with a scroll)
HASTINGS: Well, the sides are pretty evenly balanced. Naturally, Lord Beaufort of Somerset is leading the Lancastrians because of his blood feud with you. Your son in law, Lord Holland of Exeter has joined the Lancastrians because you had his father beheaded. Lord Mowbray of Norfolk is with us because Lord de la Pole of Norfolk wore a red rose to market on Wednesday. Earl Bourchier of Essex is with us which means Earl de Vere of Oxford has joined the Lancastrians in hopes of raping his sheep. Lord Percy of Northumberland will fight either side depending on his mood, and the Tudors will fight everyone who won’t let Wales go. And Lord Neville of Warwick is waiting to see who will win before picking a side.
FLUX: I don’t understand.
HASTINGS: I thought I made it perfectly clear. Lord Beaufort of Somerset..
FLUX: Yes, yes. I heard all that. But I don’t understand why you are choosing sides to fight each other. Surely there must be another way to resolve whatever started this. I mean what did it all start over.
YORK: Well, we were in the gardens at Temple having an argument over a point of law and I made a perfectly good point when Somerset said ‘did not’ and then he picked a red rose and I picked a white rose and it all flowed from there.
FLUX: What was it about?
YORK: The roses?
FLUX: No, the legal point.
YORK: I don’t know. Something about sheep. Look, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that the white roses come out on top for a change.
FLUX: But why are you wasting your time fighting each other. Why aren’t you united against the common enemy?
THE ENTIRE ROOM (in alarm): The Scots!?!
FLUX: No, no. The French. I mean we have just come from all this pillaging of your lands in France but you seem to be more interested in who kill whose father here.
FIRST Lord: Or raped sheep.
FLUX: What?!?
SECOND Lord: And who raped whose sheep.
YORK: Look it doesn’t matter. What matters is who will the parliament choose to control the Regency Council today.
(turning to FIRST Lord)
Reg, what’s the word on the street.
FIRST Lord: Well, if we get up, I expect it will weaken the stability of the country a bit, with some increased risks of revolts but if we can demonstrate that we can run the country better, the mob should settle down over time. And lets face it, we couldn’t do a worse job than Somerset. If Somerset holds on, apart from putting our necks on the block, the incompetent governance is likely to raise the risk of revolts anyway but it will please Margaret and therefore improve relations with France.
YORK: Right, so we better get to work on the numbers. I want everyone ready for action today. Keep on your toes for anything. But whatever you do, I want them to make the first move. I don’t want to be seen as the aggressor.



[SCENE: YORK, TALBOT and NICK walk along a corridor]

YORK (to NICK)(in a concerned voice): It’s been two years now. I’ve had the best physicians in the land looking at him but the boy still fails to thrive. I was hoping you could offer another opinion. It's not like I really need the lad. I already have 3 strapping sons but it never hurts to have spare. Besides, I don’t like to look like a failure. Not good for the image, you know.
NICK: I see. Having sudden Oedipal flashback. (stares off to middle ground) Thanks, dad. (shakes head and turns to YORK) Anyway, back the present. Or the past as it is, I suppose.
(They enter a bedroom, with 3 men gathered around a 2 year old boy, RICHARD, in a cot)
NICK: Anyway, please state the nature of the medical emergency.
1st DOCTOR: My liege, good grace and fairly met, my lord. We were just examining the boy.
(NICK steps forward to feel the boy’s glands)
2nd DOCTOR: My liege, who is this man?
YORK: This is Doctor…
NICK: Oh lets not worry about names. You won’t be staying long enough for it to matter anyway.
(NICK feels under the boy’s armpits. RICHARD starts to giggle)
3rd DOCTOR: My liege, I must protest at this highly unusual practice of touching the patient.
NICK: And how precisely were conducting the examination when we just walked in?
1st DOCTOR: By examining (holds up a chamber pot in front of NICK, YORK and TALBOT) his stools.
NICK (holding his nose and pushing away the bowl): My God, man. You don’t look at faeces to make a diagnosis. This isn’t the Middle Ages. Oh wait, yes it is. Okay, point taken but still no no to the poo poo.
YORK: So, what is the diagnosis, doctor?
NICK: Well, it isn’t lupus. (off quizzical looks from the 3 doctors) It’s never lupus, all right!?! Trust me on this one. Anyway, normally about this time I would order blood works, an EEG and MRI, wait 40 minutes to have a sudden epiphany and a valuable life lesson before wrapping up with a witty, self deprecating remark. (off further quizzical looks from YORK and TALBOT) What? It works for House. Okay, okay, since time doesn’t permit for the usual, I will go with – nothing.
EVERYONE: What?!?
NICK: Nothing. There’s nothing wrong with the boy. His glands are normal, lungs are clear, his nervous system responds to stimuli and he is alert and responsive to social interaction. Which I’m guessing he hasn’t had a lot of given your loving words as we walked in.
YORK: Richard was born with a withered left arm and leg!
1st DOCTOR: We have been binding his limbs and applying leeches liberally for the last 12 months to treat this most grievous affliction!
NICK: At a hefty fee I’m sure. (to YORK) Look, he may well have been born with one or two limbs shorter than the other. That can happen, depending on how the foetus lay in the womb. But once they’re born, babies generally even themselves out. And he looks more or less symetrical now. (squints at RICHARD and leans slightly to the right whils adjusting RICHARD's shoulders)
YORK: But he is so…. small. The other 3 boys were much bigger at his age.
NICK: I’m sure they were. Its just that some people are… smaller than others. And having leeches dropped down your nappy every morning won’t help things grow either. All this boy needs is love, affection and stimulation.
YORK: Very well. (turning to the three DOCTORS) Gentlemen, you are dismissed. (turning to NICK) He is all yours now.
NICK: What?
YORK: I am turning Richard over to your care and attention. You shall give him the affection and stimulation and um…
NICK: Love?
YORK: Yes, that. You can give him those things to make him thrive.
NICK: But that’s your job! You’re his father!
YORK: Oh no, I place all of my sons with retainers to care for them until they are old enough to help me against the Lancastrians. Now, I have a pressing meeting in parliament to attend to. Good morning, Doctor.
(YORK and TALBOT turn and leave)
(NICK is left holding the baby)
NICK: Damn it, Jim, I’m a doctor, not an au pair. (mumbles to self) I bet Doug Ross never got treated like this.

Advertisement Break​
 
Ahh happily do I wake to find one of my favourite AARs resuming XD Hilarious row as usual with your usual excellent pacing XD the diagnosis bit at the end there actually got my attention more than I had expected . Gosh , I couldn't help but hear robert picardo's voice during that though haha .
 
Qorten & canonized - Yes welcome back. I like to think of this as an work for the discerning (and very patient) readAAR.

Qorten - I am a pop culture magpie so there will be a plethora of Trek references popping up here and there. TNG and Voyager are easy but I'm having to think a bit about what familiar phrases can be imported fromTNG and DS9.

canonized - Richard's ailments in OTL were of course more serious than I have made out. I have cheated a bit with the diagnosis in that I have written from my personal experience. I was born with an underdeveloped right leg, which eventually came good, although it obviously concerned my parents at the time (certainly a lot more than it did York). Nice mention of Robert Picardo. He and Jeri Ryan were the only reason I stuck it out with Voyager. I have some plans for channelling the EMH if I can ever get to Episode 3.
 
Great new chapter!! It's quite a sobering/disturbing thought that the destiny of England was decided upon the honour of female sheep... :eek:

Nice mention of Robert Picardo. He and Jeri Ryan were the only reason I stuck it out with Voyager. I have some plans for channelling the EMH if I can ever get to Episode 3.

They were great, and Voyager is still my favourite. But just make sure you keep any Borg references strictly non-Burgundian... the poor Burgundians always end up taking the blame for everything, like here or here
 
Aldriq - Thanks for your support again. And what makes you think all of the sheep were female? :eek:

Your comments about the Borg are duly noted but Burgundy was getting a shellacking in my game anyway. Their resistance was truly futile. Anyway, I have someone slightly north of them lined up for the role, if I can ever get my dynamic duo out of England.

Which leads me to my thanks to you for giving me the courage to leave England to the AI once I have finished the current arc. I had always intended Flux and Nick to travel around Europe and parts beyond, as they were always meant to be independant (ie indies) of any one nation's ambitions. But I have grown to love building up the English, and I didn't want to let go. However, after following your Mama Mia AAR, I feel confident enough to let the AI to care for my baby whilst my hero(ine)s do their thing.

Sweboy - Firstly, thanks for your comments. They are greatly appreciated. Secondly,

And in the midst of this Trekkery you snuck in a reference to Blackadder. Classy!

Really? I did? I'll happily take the compliment but you have a sharper knowledge of the collected works of Curtis & Elton than me if you found a Blackadder reference in there.

EDIT: I see what you mean. I forgot I put those references in there. Too busy thinking about the sheep I suppose.


Finally, thanks to all the viewers out there. I was surprised this had a 1,000 views in the 5 months between chapters and has rolled along quite well the second time around with almost 300 views in the last2 days (only half of which are due to my OCD). As a long time lurker, with 9 years under the belt here, I can assure you that commenting is even more fun than reading.
 
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There is one episode in the Elizabethan era where Blackadder sacks Baldrick and gets a new servant. The servant is a girl disguised as a boy, which causes they usual sexual tensions. She calls herself Bob, which Rowan Atkinson cant pronounce without almost spluttering it our due to his stammer. The love affair goes as per usual.
 
Sweboy - You are correct. It was episode 2.1 "Bells". Unfortunately, I forgot I put them in there as I wrote this section before Christmas, and I have been worrying too much how to develop the middle act (which will be up on Wednesday). Thanks for reminding me.

And now:

A Public Service Announcement

cthuluonline.jpg

Image by Cory Doctorow via Wil Wheaton
 
ROFL . The internet is honestly a very dangerous place .
 
canonized - Too true.

InternetToughGuy_2.jpg


And what makes them think all the victims are female? :p

That reminds of the time I picked up this Brazilian exchange student at university. I thought "she" was super cute but when we got back to the dorm...



Now if someone can just finish off the page, I can put the update at the top of page 3.
 
That reminds of the time I picked up this Brazilian exchange student at university. I thought "she" was super cute but when we got back to the dorm...

That must have been a night to remember!