If You Can't Do It, Nubia Can!
A story with lots of pictures and plenty of words
Georgios I, the Great, and his Struggle for Survival
Hi! I’m Georgios I, King of Nubia. No I didn’t draw this myself, why would you ask such a thing? I’m a fricking king, I have people to do that for me. Yes I do have a shaved head, baldness sets in early in my family.
This is my wife. She may not be the most beautiful person in the world, but at least she doesn’t have to keep her face covered all the time like some people in my court. And look how well endowed she is, just full of talent. Sadly she didn’t study in school and will get a poor education.
We don’t have any kids yet but with my good looks and prowess, that’s sure to change. What? I’m supposed to be modest? That was being modest, just think of what I could say if I was egotistical.
This is Nubia. It’s poor, sandy, and located in the southern part of Egypt.
It’s also an Orthodox Christian kingdom, which is a rarity in this part of the world as Africa and the Middle East are pretty much Muslim Territory.
Which brings me to my neighbors…
This is the Kingdom of the Fatimids. It’s giant, rich, Muslim, and could crush Nubia like a camel crushes a sand beetle. (That’s a Nubian expression)
This is the King of the Fatimids. He doesn’t capitalize the first letter of his name like normal people, but he gets away with it because he’s a king. He’s also a coward and has trouble talking, but I would never mock him for those traits because I’m a nice person. It has nothing to do whatsoever with his army outnumbering mine twenty to one.
So Nubia’s not in the best position. We could be destroyed by angry religious neighbors at a moment’s notice and the rest of Christendom doesn’t pay attention to us. I don’t know if we’re going to make it. My policy is to hide from the world and convince everyone we’re not here
That will keep people from conquering us… I hope.
And now, because its not all about me (I’m modest remember) I bring you, PEOPLE WATCH
, Where we take a look at various interesting folks around Europe whose I will probably never come into contact with outside of this segment.
First we go to Denmark to meet Knud Svendson Knytling. This sick lazy man is the second son of the king and still lives at home. He’s single at the moment, but with that sexy beard I’m sure the ladies are all over him.
This kid is Dirk van Holland. He’s only twelve, but he already rules three provinces in the Holy Roman Empire. For those of you keeping track, that’s as large as my kingdom. So while I live in fear of my life and kingdom, this brat rules the same out of land, makes far more money and gets to do it all as a mere count. Man, doing People Watch can be really depressing. Oh and as to what’s up in his portrait? Apparently it’s called a silhouette, and is all the rage in Holland right now.
It’ll never catch on.
Now let’s meet Werner von Habsburg. He’s a real man. Look at that military ability. Just looking at him you get the impression that he could go out and conquer Europe in some bizarre pattern just to show how manly he is. He’s also part of the Holy Roman Empire. Note how he has a real portrait, not a silhouette. I told you it wouldn’t catch on.
Okay, this doesn’t prove anything. No one thinks of the Irish as trend setters. Regardless, this is Harold. His daddy used to be king of England before he got killed and Harold fled to the Duchy of Leinster. Yes, he must have been really desperate. Now Harold is left with nothing but a dream of returning his family to the throne.
Will Georgios’ plan of hiding from the world succeed? Does the king of the Fatimid’s really talk funny? Will Georgios’ path intersect with any of the folk from PEOPLE WATCH? Find out when If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can starts!