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Jan 22, 2002
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www.europa-universalis.net
La conquete du Monde par la Bretagne

The introduction: A proud Irishman and a stupid, wise council
1st December 1418 Nantes, at duke Jean VI le Sage's castle (in his finest living room if you want to know) :

- Bonjour my friend, what did you sey yorr neem wazz? The Grand Duke asked.
In front of him stood a proud Irishman, though his tiny bodymass and cheap peasant clothes made him look like anyone else, and not “someone”. But the fact was that behind this shelter one of the greatest and most logic minds could be found.
- I’m Kennedy Brockhan, sir!
- So, you zaid zir to me, ahh? You know, here in Bretagne we hate the anglaise, hate, hat, hate! Get it?
- I… think so, sir!
- So, never speak this dirti languish to me agyn, ok? Ant especially not thiz sir thingy, got it?
- Yes, si..! Sorry, Monsieur
- Ant remember, in the contuniation, we’ll spick francais, got it? Ant don’t call me monsieur ok? Rateor (rather) Grand Duc.
- I see, Grand Duc.

After this short conversation they started speaking French with some Gaelic influence. To understand a shit about what they said I, in my blood, sweat and tears, have created the “Francais-Gaelic = English-omatic ™”. So here-after the dialogues will be shown in English even though they are spoken in French or Gaelic. Cool huh? And there is also a positive side effect, we’ll get rid of Duke Jean le Sage's bad English!

- So what do you want me, monsieur Brockhan?
- Gand Duke, I’ve left my family, my home, my birthplace Eire just to go to France. Just like you I can’t stand the English and the fact that they have gained French territory makes me mad! I want your co-operation for an English-free France. Together with Eire, Scotland and what is left of France we shall drive the English out of France and finally crush ‘em.
- (Wow somebody have had a weird growth) Emm... I don’t like the English and just like you I want them out of France but there is just one thing I have to tell you. For a month ago I had a bad dream about the English conquering and slaughtering their way to the throne of France and an idea popped up in my mind. What if Brittany would, just temporary, ally itself with England, take some French territory then backstab and attack the English with help from the gained territories.
- I, I thought you were against the English, completely against the English. Now you’ve created a secret alliance with them. You, you… scumbag!
- (I were right, he really HAD a weird growth) NOW YOU SHUT UP ASSHOLE! DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO? THE GRAND DUKE OF BRITANNY. I HAVE THE POWER TO ARCEBUSE YOU TO HELL SO BACK OFF!! As I were saying before, the grand duke gently continued, it’s just temporary and necessary to our survival.
- Buhuhuhu, the Irish sobbed.
- Sorry, it was not my intention to make you sad. I’m so sorry.
- Buhuhu, he continued, mummy, I want to see mummy, leave me alone! I want to se my mummy!
- Damn pathetic loser, go to hell!

And the Grand Duke of Bretagne left his livingroom leaving a sad Irishman crying….

1 January 1419

In duke Jean le Sage's meeting room in his castle in Nantes, a wise council have just had a crise meeting. Of course they spoke francais with some gaelic influence and once again I’ll have to turn on my “Francais-Gaelic = English-omatic™”:

- Welcome to the meeting, Duke Jean le Sage started, we have this crise meeting because of changed plans. Our Irishman has decided to go back home and we are left here without anyone to help us ruling the duchy. We all know that we can’t take the English nor the French without a mastermind. It is with great sorrow that I send this mastermind to Irishman home. So my question to you, wise council, is the following: Who the heck is now going to help us? We’ve got 30 thousands angry civilians complaining about war exhaustion, an army of not more than ten thousand soldiers and a crappy budget. Who do you suggest Wise Council?

The room was in complete silence, in this Wise Council ten members were brainstorming. Now you may wonder, if they were so wise, why didn’t they then help their duke? Now, even though they were elders and very experienced their IQ’s did not always exceed 50. So that anyone in the council would help to rule the duchy was completely excluded. But something very weird happened. Suddenly Jacques Côme, a new member of the council stood up and said to his grand duke:
- I can assist you, I can help you out of all misery, war exhaustion and calm down the civilians!

If I told you that there were more silence in the room before, I was wrong. The very complete silence made this fool’s cheeks tomato-red. After not more than four seconds the room practically exploded in laughter and this Jacques-fool silently sat down with all his face in blood-red colour. That was just AWKWARD!

- So I guess there is no other option than to surrender, without any form of IQ-ness Brittany will be lost. Or have you find out anything, Wise Master, chief of the Wise Council?
- Well, you know these small choko-biscuits, they come in these big packs at half the price! I tell you they are so good!
- I’m talking about the Irishman problem
- Oh, I must have felt asleep sorry.
- Damn you’re hopeless! All of you are so pathetic! Leave me alone!

In the fear of the dukes outrage the Wise Council fled out of the room and duke Jean le Sage sat down in his armchair and felt sad.
*Knaaar* went the door, and opened.
- What do you want me now, mumbled the duke and turned around his armchair. In front of him stood a proud Irishman.
- Hey, I’m Kennedy Brockhan – at your service Grand Duke of Britanny!
- Kennedy, what pleisure, smiled the duke, You know, I’m so sorry for my outbreak last time we saw each other. So you are goin to stay, arent’ you?
- Yep sir!
- And please, don’t call me sir…

In the forthcoming hours they conversed all about how they would rule the duchy, militairy and economic strategies and all that. They would become very good friends.

To be continued…
 
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I hope I spelled the headline correct. Help me Mr.T!

No, you did not.

It should be "La conquete du monde par la Bretagne" or "La conquete du monde par les Bretons" (Bretons are people inhabiting Bretagne).

Trust me, even living in London, I am still French...;)

Cat
 
Originally posted by Cat Lord


No, you did not.

It should be "La conquete du monde par la Bretagne" or "La conquete du monde par les Bretons" (Bretons are people inhabiting Bretagne).

Trust me, even living in London, I am still French...;)

Cat
Many thanks Cat Lord!
 
Actually, my French is pretty pathetic these days as well. I last studied it in 1980 at which time I was essentially bilingual but with roughly 22 years of infrequent use I've lost most of the technical/grammatical/conjugation knowledge I had. I can still read or listen to French and understand it more or less perfectly, but when I try to speak it or write it it's an abomination. C'est vie, je suppose.

I'll be interested to see how you make out with Brittany. It's one of the counties that I've never tried in that neck of the woods.
 
Originally posted by FrosT37
Huh... You should rename your title exactly:

Conquête du Monde avec la Bretagne

which means:

World Conquest with Britanny

:cool:
I know but now I changed it to "par" instead of "avec". And somehow I can't change the forum title, only the post title.

Well, the grammatic discussion is over. Now to OOC. I'll post my first installment on Friday.
 
Originally posted by USA patriot
I know but now I changed it to "par" instead of "avec". And somehow I can't change the forum title, only the post title.

Well, the grammatic discussion is over. Now to OOC. I'll post my first installment on Friday.
You can't change the thread title as it appears in the forum after you've posted it. Only a moderator or administrator can. If you PM Lord Durham he's usually very happy to change it for you. He did the same thing for my l'Eminence Grise AAR (I originally called it l'Eminence Gris and a French-speaking member corrected me).
[End of OOC]
 
OOC: And still "La conquete du Monde par la Bretagne" is more correct than "avec la Bretagne". Be aware that FrosT37 is from Quebec ;) :D :D

I see the title has changed, but you should update your signature.

C'est la vie

Cat

PS: FrosT37, let's continue this interesting gramatical discussion in the French forum...
 
It really depend on what you want to say

"La conquête du monde par la Bretagne" means "World conquest by Britany"

"La conquête avec la Bretagne" means "World conquest with Britany"

The first one is more "in character".... like writing a story while the second one is more like "Hey, I did world conquest with Britany"

I fell the first one is more appropriate with begining of the AAR.

An even better one would be "La bretagne conquière le monde" wich translate "Britany conquer the world".

Anyway, enough talk about linguistic, lets get one with this great AAR and see how Jean le Sage and Kennedy Brockhan begin this world conquest :D

Great start so far, i'm looking foward to it.
 
Originally posted by Thanak
It really depend on what you want to say

"La conquête du monde par la Bretagne" means "World conquest by Britany"

"La conquête avec la Bretagne" means "World conquest with Britany"

The first one is more "in character".... like writing a story while the second one is more like "Hey, I did world conquest with Britany"

I fell the first one is more appropriate with begining of the AAR.

An even better one would be "La bretagne conquière le monde" wich translate "Britany conquer the world".

Anyway, enough talk about linguistic, lets get one with this great AAR and see how Jean le Sage and Kennedy Brockhan begin this world conquest :D

Great start so far, i'm looking foward to it.

La Bretagne à la Conquête du Monde :D
 
Cat Lord, FrosT37, Thanak: Thanks for your corrections! My first installment will be up in approximately 2 hours. And I'm sorry for being late, you know I actually do have a life beside my computer and EU2. :)
 
My first instalment :)

1.05 Hard/Aggressive (I’ll change it to very hard/furious when I become France)

Rules:

- No DoW’s without CB (unless it’s needed for world conquering)
- No reloading
- No loan sharking

Goals:

- World conquered before game ends
- England annexed before 1500
- Spain (Castile) annexed before 1600
- Portugal annexed before 1600 (this one will be the toughest with colonial cites all over the world, but I AM going to make it)

If I succeed with the three last ones I’ll basically have the New World for myself :). Now let’s begin the AAR:

From minor to major – Three successful wars 1419-1438

1419

As you know we are at war together with England and Burgundy versus France, its vassals and Scotland. Our army of 7000 infantry and 3000 cavalry is stationed outside of Nantes, our capital. The first thing I’m going to do, as the Duke’s new “supervisor” is to change our policies, so I make the government more centralized (1+ centralisation, the current system is near to anarchism :eek: ). Our funds of 180d are also used to call up 10k cavalry needed for the forthcoming battles. With only 10d left and an horrible income I’m “forced” to take a loan, buy mercenaries, take a loan, wait for the manpower to rise, call up infantry/cavalry etc...

So when the armies were ready they were immediately sent to the neighbouring hostile provinces of Maine and Vendée to siege the cities there. Oh no! When the siege in Maine is about to finish the English come and steal the siege with their high ranked officers. This action and our cancel of vassalage the next day was only the beginning of following hostile actions, which would later lead to war. Anyway, we also heard the news that Aragon had seen the opportunity to steal some French provinces in the south and has joined the war on our side.

In June we take yet another loan to support our, relatively, huge armies. Even though 40k troops may not be seen as huge, it is, compared to what our duchy can support. Our war score with France is already up to 16% because of all those small armies France have sent us. Very easy to defeat, I tell you! In the first October we reach infrastructure level 1 and we’ll now be able to hire more professional tax collectors. Right now we’re in a war, so no time or money to do that. The 14th same month we hear the news that Orleans has been annexed and the city is under English rule. After the English army with its “high ranked” officers left Maine we went back there and started the siege all over again. Damn English, if the don’t want the province they must destroy for us.

- You’ve got that right, said Duke Jean le Sage

1420

Well, the sieges go okay, and with nothing to win from Auvergne we sign a white peace with them. In April Vendée falls and our army their moves on to the Bourbon province Berri. In June we enter a royal marriage with England. All our armies are besieging French provinces and our capital is leaved unguarded. A war against England is the last thing we need. Damn, England made peace with France, so now our way to Paris is blocked. The only provinces we can besiege are the ones south of Burgundy and Auvergne. 100% war score is impossible. England, the nation that we love to hate has once again shown their loyalty to us by refusing us military access. In November however we capture the Bourbonnais capital and our glorious armies move on to Limousin.

1421

I send our 6 merchants to Ile de France, the first ones I’ve sent this far. Why? Because I forgot to turn on “autosend” *n00bie warning*. In June I try to bind our throne and the Burgundian together with a royal marriage, they refuse of course. For this they shall pay! In August Limousin falls and the next day peace is signed. We gain their treasury and all the territory and we let them have their pathetic capital left. The army in Limousin is splitt and half the force goes to Languedoc, annihilating the French troops and besieging the city.

1422

New recruits in Limousin are sent to the siege force in Languedoc, French forces, which were easily defeated, have recently attacked it and many have lost their lives. In June armies from Morbihan and Limousin has been sent to siege Guyenne. Next month we sign a white peace with Scotland, our Gaelic friends. Savoy has joined the war on France’s side. So now we are at war against them too, great! In September Languedoc falls to our winning armies and they get the orders to march to Lyonnais. A white peace is signed with Savoy. In October the Bourbonnais capital falls to England, which annexes them, poor bastards!

1423

Würzburg has joined the war against us, they can’t reach us and we can’t reach them, sadly. In May Lyonnais falls, Dauphiné next. Our home army in Bretagne march to Maine and lays it under siege. I thought we had it under siege before? Must be the English again. *Sigh* and we also sign a white peace with… Hannover (?) and Würzburg.

1424

In the beginning of the new year, Guyenne falls, and a month later also Dauphiné. Auvergne has again joined the war, against us. Did they forget that they had a truce with us? Apparently not. Well, our armies in Dauphiné finally arrives to Provence, defeating the army their and lays siege to the capital.

1425

In March Provence falls to us, and we gain Maine plus their treasury of 33 ducats. Now it’s only France and Auvergne to go. I split our 40k army (about half foot and half horse) and send one to Cévennes and the other to the capital in Auvergne. The troops there are again easily defeated. In the end of the year my fellow Irish friends asks us to enter an alliance, with them, Münster, Hessen and Navarra, joining the war against Holstein.

1426 - 27

In July Cévennes is captured and in August it’s Auvergne’s turn. With that Auvergne sign peace with us and we gain Cévennes and 57 ducats. Now we only have to worry about France. In the end of August we send them a peace offer, which they refuse. Same cold refusing in September. However, in January they give us an offer that we can’t refuse. Vendée, Picardie, Lyonnais, and Guyenne to us (the people in the EU2 forum were right, France does always secede Picardie!). In February we took two loans and adjusted our income to maximum. With the new money recruits were called up in all cities in the duchy, we prepared for WAR! As I told you before, we were quite hostile against England and her allies Burgundy and Aragon. The declaration of war was sent on the 27th of April same day when we broke our royal marriage. On our side Eire and Hessen stood up, while Navarra dishonoured. Later they would turn side and join the English, a mistake they would soon regret. In May the D-days begun. Heavy armies invaded all of the English French possessions but Caux, Calais and Orleans. In December our army in Lyonnais reached the Burgundian capital Dijon, defeated the force there and begun besieging.

1428

After many skirmishes with Burgundian troops in Picardie our army there were nothing more than 3,000 infantry. Holstein, which we still were in war with invaded the province with nearly 8,000 infantry and cavalry. Not a single soldier survived the bloody battle. In February Navarra joined the war against us, as I told you they would do. Beàrn would be our goal in that war, as it was considered one of our core provinces. In March Bourgogne surrendered. In May Hessen surrendered to England and was forced to become their vassals. Same month Berri fell to our troops. Our army reached Franche Comté next month and began besieging. In August we captured Normandie from England and the 29th September Gascogne and Poitou also surrendered. The next day a siege started in Caux. In November our winning armies reached Béarn in Navarra and Orleans. Same month Picardie was invaded and besieged by the English dogs, Holstein accepted our white peace offer.

1429

In the beginning of the year both Strassburg and Lorraine was annex by Aragon and France. In got damn June we lost the f**** control of Picardie to England. In late July Béarn was captured, the army there marched on towards Navarra. In August also Franche Comté fell. In September we reached Trade Level 2 and we are now able to construct trading posts. Hurrah… Next month Orleans falls. In December a siege in Calais is set up.

1430

In March a big English army of 29k has been shipped over to siege Normandie. And there is nothing I can do to stop it. They have the “monopoly” in the English Channel with a fleet with over 40 warships. In the late June Provence accepts France’s offer for an annexation. Instead of being its vassals they are now a part of the country. Just a few days later we recapture Picardie from the English swines. When the capital province of Navarra is near to fall we accept peace with them on the condition that we get Béarn. Another CB-province taken. The first August Tangiers defects to Morocco, from their former owners Portugal and the next day Brabant is annexed by Burgundy. Some days later, the 8th of August England retake control over Normandie. Well, with their big army there, our armies instead go to the unguarded Caux. The year follows with many small battles, we win approximately 60% of the battles, but most of the losses our siege armies take, which make the besieging of England’s provinces difficult.

1431

Like the previous year, this year started with mixed results. We lost control over Dijon, the Burgundian capital and many of the controlled provinces revolted. I thought they loved me! Are they against England or with them? A Burgundian army, probably raised in their Dutch territory, is very near to recapture Franche Comté however, a “rescue-army” beats the Burgundians and the revolters there. Yet the year ends up very nice. In the first November we capture Calais and in December we initiate sieges in Bourgogne (Dijon) and Flandern.

1432

In January 23d we beat the English army and once again besiege it, Franche Comté revolts again and in June we capture Flandern and Bourgogne from Burgundy. In December we capture Caux, beat up Burgundian armies and initiate sieges in Artois and Brabant. This goes just perfect! (and Duke le Sage does nothing more than agrees with me)

1433 -1435

In January the 29th, after many peace discussions with Burgundy we finally get what we want: Flandern, Artois and Franche Comté to Brittany. And just the day after we get Poitou, Normandie, Caux and Calais from England. Without our many victories on the battlefield with them a gain like this would be impossible. Now after two long wars a peace was just what we needed. The following time of the year we sent out merchants, and beat down revolters. In November 1434 a great navy enthusiasm happened to us and we gained 5 warships from nothing. In December 1435 the government of Novgorod fell, that’s what happens when being orthodox!

Meeting with Duke le Sage, 09:00 PM

- Hello again sir Brockhan! Greeted Duke le Sage the proud Irishman
- Sir…Grand Duke?
- Yes, hereafter you will have the title “sir”. I assume you know why, two very successful wars. You’re an excellent commander and great speaker! The people here love you!
- Wow. Thanks! And you know what? I’ve started a small preparation for a war versus France. If it succeeds well, we will be able to take what’s left of Auvergne and a handful of provinces from France too! We have both the manpower and funds to do so. But I need your permission!
- Score, lucky boy!

And they ended the evening sharing a bottle of Champagne.

1436

The 17th of March the Declaration of War was sent. On France’s side stood Scotland, Auvergne, Hannover, the Palatinat and Würzburg. On our side, Eire supported us… What we were a bit afraid of was the 40k army of France outside Paris, but our 50 thousand army (half infantry/cavalry) basically crushed their bought, infantry-army. Three besieges were started, in Ile de France, Auvergne and Dauphiné. In August another army marched through French unguarded provinces to siege Provence. The year followed in wait for besieged provinces to fall. The French armies were basically beaten and half of their “country” were we besieging.

1437

In January, Dauphiné fell. In February we accepted white peace with Würzburg, Scotland and the Palatinat, we also captured Auvergne and annexed them. Only France and Hannover left. The same day Paris was captured a siege in Languedoc was set up. In April we initiated a siege in Nivernais, and also Hessen’s government fell. The end of the year ended great too, just like the beginning. In September we captured Languedoc, and in October Nivernais and Champagne. Only two French provinces left; Lorraine and Provence. Both under siege.

1438

After many skirmishes with France in Lorraine we finally captured it, and just a month later, in July we also captured Provence, giving us a 100% positive warscore. We want everything but their capital, i. e. six very wealthy provinces. In December, we finally managed to get peace and just what I said before we got everything but their capital; Provence, Languedoc, Dauphiné, Nivernais, Champagne and Lorraine to Brittany.

This is how three successful wars ended. Massive peace gains and if you count in provinces Brittany became 8 times bigger in not more than 20 years.


image1.jpg

Our starting position

image2.jpg

First stage in our first French war

image3.jpg

Second stage in our first French war

image4.jpg

Our gains after the war of English hostility

image5.jpg

After the second French war. We are completely massive! And even though I "only" had it on hard/agressive I'm pretty impressed of my actions :).
 
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Damn. Next time I post screenshots I'm going to make them smaller.

A small evaluation

1. This AAR I've written both in characteristic form and "log form". Does it match? Am I writing to "loggy" (wow a new word there :))? Are the conversations boring, or meaningless, or are they good?

2. As English is my second language and I can't speak it fluent, you see that some meanings or words may have grammatic faults, and what I'm really afraid of is that I maybe use the same words too many times so that the sentences don't run smooth. Well, do I?

3. I am currently writing my aar in pieces, with every piece having it owns year as title (ex. "Nobody expects: The Holy Inquisition). Is this good? Or should it be like a long text that contains information from all years (l'eminence grise)?
 
Imperialism Inc: Thanks for your feedback and compliments

AugCaesar: Let me guess.. "Changing the world to a better world for human kind.." naah.. it must be "Conquering the World :)". Thanks for your compliments.

Next instalment will be up when I get my savegame working. And the last post was also written in small panic, and that's one of the reasons that I didn't have time to measure the screenshots, and adjusting the font colours. Aah, sometime when I have time I will edit it, and make it really good. But for now I'll try to fix the game.

Edit: Resized the images and made the text under the images easier to read. Savegame works and my next report will be up tomorrow.
 
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Originally posted by Oleg
Wow!
It didn´t take you long to get absolutely HUGE, did it?
I kinda feel like trying myself.
Now finish off the English!:)
Hehehe. You will get VERY satisfied after my next installment. I don't want to reveal anything, but I can say that the British Isles have never been so light blue as they will now, uhmm I mean beige :).
 
Good lord! :eek: That's a huge[/i] empire you're building.

Re your questions above...

1. The best way to write it is whatever way seems to work best for you and that you find enjoyable. You can easily swing from one extreme to another if you find you need to so I'd suggest that you do whatever you feel like writing at the time.

2. I am continually amazed at how well the various non-native-English-speaking people on this board are able to write in a language that is foreign to them. Rather than gripe about it, I applaud you for it and am more than happy to overlook the stuff I might criticise an English person for. As long as the story stays interesting, that's all I need.

3. Pretty much the same answer as I gave in #1. I can tell you that I find it considerably harder to write it like I did in l'Eminence Grise than in the year-by-year format so doing it the way that you are will probably make writing it a little easier for you and perhaps for those of us reading it too.