The Swiss Account

Enewald: The Swiss have found the true meaning of life. Keeping population growth to a minimun while having their pocket books grow exponentially. Hmm...the art of Money making sounds like a definite topic for a future update

Kurt_Steiner: Don't worry, there will be some action in the next udpate! Don't worry, I can see the future.

demokratickid: Yeah, I should totally send the design in to some company and have them make one for me

canonized: To make money, I have a little recipe: 1 cup of merchants, 2 cups of Heidi, and 3 cups of Swiss Cheese.

phargle: I was thinking of you when I chose that picture. You and me must think alike...

Qorten: Couple good points. No, I am like the exact opposite of the poster. When I am with a girl, I normally am the one to pay
Also (hopefully) my wittiness won't dry up as this AAR will be short (I'm aiming for 15 updates) If this gets boring, just let me know

Lord E: You like the t-shirt too? Man, I should honestly look into putting that baby into production. And don't worry, I am not doing a world conquer, as you can see by the first 40 years

Montague: You're going to need to specify which Heidi. On each Heidi's bum is stamped a number, to keep track of them all. Tell which number and I'll tell you her number
Heidi's # #?

Update today! As soon as I become unaddicted to EB 1.2

1440 – 1450: Or how the Swiss learned that everything isn’t money.

At the beginning of 1440, the Swiss had a nice healthy treasury of 310.179 ducats (The 9 is added and not rounded up as they saw a future for gas stations). Anyways, the Swiss had been sitting on their fat money bums eating the power of cheese for the last 30 years. While this gained them money (and pounds), it gained them nothing else and the Swiss were content. They thought that no one would literally want mountains of cash, so they took another bite of cheese and started to yodel for their Heidi. A picture a Swiss mother took of her disturbed son (behind goat).


This was happening all over the country and no one cared…except one guy, but he was ignored. His name was Heidi Undress. He was, in fact, a guy, little did his parents know until the 7th grade when he confessed he liked a girl. (His name may be why no one listened to him). Nevertheless he was a Swiss diplomat and he was tired of seeing all the Swiss being lazy, so he came up with a plan. The plan stated that the next country to be weakened in a war that was nearby Switzerland, Heidi would declare war on that country. Well eight years went by with nothing happening, and Heidi didn’t want another decade of Swiss laziness so he made a desperate decision. Milan appeared to be in the weakest with an army of 3,000 compared to the humungous 4,000 elite moneymaking Swiss. Heidi then quietly declared war and convinced the rulers to march the army into Milan. Taken by surprise, the Swiss army marched off in a cheese stupor.

Alongside the Swiss, randomly came Ansbach and Mantua, apparently they didn’t like the Milanese. It didn’t matter to the Swiss as they were all BOB’s (Born Oftentimes/Overly Broke). Not like it mattered having an extra 3,000 to combat the Milanese. After the Swiss army finally left the mountains for the first time, they encountered their first battle ever versus the Milanese at Parma. The battle would be epic with both sides fielding 1,000 men. However, the weather was terrible so the cheese started to grow mold, and 125 men were killed. The battle ended up being cancelled, and the Swiss declared they were winner as they had made the cheese.


The Swiss were so proud of their ‘victory’ that decided to take classes in womanizing offered by Milanese soldiers, as their Heidi’s had sent them to war with one order, to bring her back some souvenirs. Other countries joked that the Swiss Army motto should be, “Money before Heidi, Heidi before Country, and Country before nothing.” This ‘break in the action’ allowed for thousands upon thousands of Milanese men to be raised to combat the invading Swiss, Ansbachs, and Mantuan. If only the Swiss had been more observant while they were looking some place else. After two months of womanizing the Swiss were cut like a hot knife through cheese.


Never before had a Swissman run so fast with delicate cheese and money in hand. They sprinted towards the safety of their money back home. In order to please Milanese army and to get more time to prepare, the Swiss sacrificed Ansbach’s and Mantua’s army, letting Milan have their way with them. The Swiss would use every minute given to them by the sacrifice in order to build up a money wall. It took months of hard money laboring but by the end they had their “Moneynot Line” stretching the entire Switzerland and Milan border.


There was one slight downside to such a defensive posture. The only way that the Moneynot Line was able to be completed was with the time the Milanese spent besieging the capital of Mantua. So when one wall went up, another wall went down and the Mantuan’s were annexed. Ansbach wisely retreated leaving the Swiss alone to face 14,000 men. Too bad the Swiss were ignorant enough to show their Heidi’s the womanizing skill that the Italians had taught them. They would be shaking in their money boots if they knew how large an army sat outside their money wall.


Amazingly, once the Milanese saw the Swiss feat they promptly left. No sense in messing with “God’s Money”. Diplomat Heidi was the only one who breathed a sigh of relief, as everyone else, seemingly, was busy.

Kurt_Steiner: Well we'll just say it was a fluke war. I wasn't sure what I was thinking at the time period.

Qorten: Thanks. Yeah, and when searching for 'goats' on google, I didn't think it was a goat at first too
is the rabbit you are babysitting look like this?


Enewald: Nah the war was pretty quick with me getting the short end of the staff, and yes I did sacrifice the Mantuan to the Milanese gods

Qorten said:

It's white with a black stripe on his back. I'll take a picture and edit it in this post.

Click to expand...

Some how to me, I personify it as a grumpy old man, who sits on the porch and yells at kids who get in his yard. Maybe its the wicked hair, or that 'eye' he is giving the camera. And it doesn't look that small, slightly bigger than what I thought is a 'dwarf' rabbit. I have a couple of guinea pigs, and they can be really loud. Does the rabbit make noise when it's hungry or such?

Davout: More cheese is on the way sir

canonized: It's complicated, they're swiss after all. I was going for a sweeping victory, such that I sieging four of their cities at once...not a good idea

robou: Pratice makes perfect

Qorten: So the only thing about rabbits that you do know is how to feed them and clean out their cage?
Nah, I kid, I wish you best of luck with your responsibility.

Update in a bit.

The Swiss are stuck between a rock and hard cheese at this point. The first fifty years had them become the world’s richest and technologically advanced country, but other than that not much was achieved. In fifty years there were only three wars and the Swiss lost about 5,000 men total (and those 5,000 men died in the last two years of this part). Basically the world thinks Switzerland as its ultra secure bank, as nothing has happened to it for 50 years, and the Swiss like it. Their treasury has grown accordingly.


Then one day in 1440, someone had a good idea. It isn’t known who had it, just that someone…somewhere…onetime had an idea for how the Swiss to better manage their Economy. The idea went something like this, “Let’s reduce our inflation.” Now the Swiss didn’t have an inflation problem as they had so much money they didn’t need to mint money, but they some inflation from the beginning of the century and the person that had the idea was obviously paranoid about inflation. So he convinced the government to erect a ‘National Bank’ to counter the ‘inflation’. Once it was built (in front of the famous leaning tower of cheese) the inflation went away after 1-2 months and Swiss were basically getting free money from now on.