1410-1420: The Nothing.
This is a most difficult time period to write about. Not because it is confusing or that, but rather nothing happened! Even in notes that I was given there was nothing in the column that said “Summary/Notes”, so basically I am going to write on thin air, however hard that may be. So to start off this report I deemed it necessary for a poem by Roger Federer (1390-1418) to be included. Note: He was the only Swiss not known for his cheese, rather his hitting of cheese balls.
Let me tell you a grand story of me,
Of how I grew up to be so fine.
When I was the height of a wee knee
My father taught me to sip cheese wine.
Though I enjoyed the thought with delight,
I couldn’t get my tongue around it,
The taste – the horrid taste wasn’t right.
So I hollered for a work permit.
Speedily my dad sent me away,
With nothing but some spherical cheese.
Oddly the cheese started to decay
When it happened to catch the swift breeze.
So I did what any Swiss child would do;
Pick up a stick and whack it cruelly,
And so I said to the cheese, adieu.
This is the Swiss that I am, truly.
As much as I would love to compliment this poem, I cannot, nor will not, but this is the most prime piece of literature produced during the time period. All the Swiss were worried about were their pocketbooks and how deep they are. The stereotypes about the Swiss are true.
So while the Swiss were being isolationist, hiding in their caves built of money, the rest of the world decided to expand rapidly. Notably France was the main aggressor. They saw the English holding vineyards, which is the gravest threat to a Frenchmen, so the 2nd French-English war was started. England got decimated again, as usual when faced with an equal foe. Sometimes the English would lose entire 10,000 armies to a single French maid (indeed the French finally found their ultimate weapon of doom). The end result didn’t bode well to England, losing 24,707 men out of the 30,000 total casualties for the war.
While England was throwing a temper tantrum at their overall pathetic performance at making war, Burgundy decided to challenge France to a wine war. It was decided to hold it over a two week period (October 7, 1418 – October 21, 1418), and whoever won got be called the wine champion. What the Burgundians didn’t know about the French is that they can both fight the English and drink wine at the same time! During the bloody wine fest, 12,573 men died with Burgundy shouldering 11,000 (exactly). The war would forever be known as the Burgundian-NeverIASE (Is Able to Swallow Eggnog!). Needless to say the French got to wear the drunken crown of wine until Burgundy challenged them again…
The heated wine competition
Status of the world wars…
In other news, the world’s badboy jumped. Nothing new. The big guy picks on the little guy. It’s a fact of life that the Swiss seem to be ignoring…
Status of a tiny part of the world that no one cares about
The decade 1420-1440 may be skipped as the only thing interesting is that Swiss scientists found out how to make women give birth to money