• We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
Delhi, 1402-1412

tggbanner.png


"This joke is far too Euro-centric. I refuse to take further part in it."

***

Sultanate of Delhi

eu3_DLH.gif


January 1402

Daulat Khan the First dusted off his hands. The body of his cousin had been given the proper rites, and it was now time to get to the fascinating yet oh so uneventful business of governing.

"What do you plan to do about the Timur menace?" General Saikander asked him. "Your predecessor was intent on avenging the sacking of Delhi of over three years ago, and the people will most likely seek you to take up that promise."

Daulat shrugged. "Perhaps, but not now. First things first - we have a country that has been through a change in Sultans and a war of conquest. We need to settle down, re-establish trade and pacify the population. Unfortunately, that's not going to be terribly interesting."

"Such is the toil of government", Saikander said glumly.

"Fret not, however", Daulat grinned. "Engage the time skip!"

Over two years later...

August 1404

"That was easy", Daulat nodded. "The country is prospering, trade is flourishing. The time skip is over so something interesting should happen any moment now."

"A messenger! A messenger to the Sultan!" a herald called.

"Bingo!", Daulat said. "Let's hear it." Saikander stared but said nothing. The past two years had been rich and peaceful ones...

"News from Timur's empire, Your Excellency."

"Ah, how is the Red Menace these days."

Unperturbed, the messenger went on. "Timur Lenk has passed on and several men vie for control of the Empire. The lands are in disarray and chaos."

3522995661_8b16327b21_o.jpg

”There’s also a strange black box obscuring the view…”, Daulat pointed out to no one in particular.

"Sultan, this might be a fortuitous opportunity to strike and avenge Delhi", Saikander suggested.

"Our armies have not grown yet. We shall wait a while and see where this disturbance brings them. Anything else?" Daulat asked.

"Khan Uways I has the strongest claim. To bolster his position, he has declared war on the Ottoman Empire", the messenger continued.

3522995755_2b89fdd2f6_o.jpg

"I have no idea who they are. They sound big. That's good enough. Dismissed."

August 1405

"Alright, let's kick some Timurid butt. Send an agent and find out what they're up to up in Timuria, General."

Saikander nodded and sent the operative. A couple of weeks later...

"Sir", the agent said, with a look of concern, "I couldn't find it."

"Excuse me?" the general wondered.

"I couldn't find it. I crossed the northwestern border and they told me I'd gotten to a place called Khorasan. I continued south and they said they were called Baluchistan. When I asked about the Timurids they got all angry all of a sudden. Here, I drew a map based on what they told me after I'd given them some money."

3523801316_fdca515bf0_o.jpg

"... well, damn", Daulat exclaimed after poring over it. "Looks like they did themselves in. What the hell am I supposed to do now? That was supposed to be the running plot thread in this thing!"

October 1407

"... Oh, I finally got it! I'll conquer the subcontinent. That should keep me busy", Daulat said and nodded. "A dispatch. Tell the King of Gondwana that I slept with his mother and found the experience must unenjoyable, but that I am willing to declare her an independent kingdom on its own right, because his mama so fat."

They had no idea what it meant but they assumed it was a declaration of war. They were correct.

3523801590_6e819a7421_o.jpg

"First up, some unfinished business in Bihar."

3523801672_54363e222d_o.jpg

The invasion of Gondwana went swimmingly...

3523801824_d773c74b65_o.jpg

... but their allies soon rushed to their aid. Daulat looked at the declaration of support. "I can't even spell this name. Vijyanananananblah. Viagranagayar? Gayananagarvar?" He crumpled up the piece of paper. "I don't care. Their army is big. A little too big for comfort. Send a peace offer: we keep Bastar, they keep their lives."

And so it was.

3523801948_66d3741270_o.jpg

Rebel smacking gets boring even for the talented administrator and general -

3523803934_b258029c2d_o.jpg

- so Daulat decided to issue every neighbouring King a warning that should they declare a war, he'd rush to support whoever was attacked. And take their land in the process.

Rajputana was quick to oblige in 1410 by declaring war on Sind. Their allies, their allies' allies, and their allies mothers' cousins' friends from the knitting club joined in on the fun.

3522996525_be0e3361f4_o.jpg

The Rajputani expedition headed to Sind, allowing Daulat to lay siege to most of Rajputana by 1411. Nepal had declared for Rajputana in a strange fit of loyalty and was raiding Lucknow, but Daulat knew Nepal was of no concern.

3523802308_e8fdd09d5f_o.jpg

What was of concern was the Rajputani army, which was slowly making its way back to defend the homeland

3523802780_91d5ef73aa_o.jpg

In a strike of diplomatic genius, Daulat was able to convince his makeshift coalition that despite only having a smattering of men sieging Udaipur, he had dibs on it because he was there first. Then he ordered an assault and the allied armies were compelled to join in on the fun while the Delhi soldiers sipped some tea and admired the fireworks.

3523802658_ed14987b4e_o.jpg

Inevitably, the Rajputani got tired of the war and gave up Udaipur and Ajmer.

3522997269_0db736ccd7_o.jpg

This, Daulat felt, was a good occasion to take stock of where things stood.

3523802852_157ac93d43_o.jpg
3522997203_2bc2820011_o.jpg

3523803436_7cb5ec466d_o.jpg

The Sultanate was growing, and it was growing strong. The rest of India, its Muslim and Hindu masters alike, viewed it with a mixture of fear, awe and concern.

3522997809_3abd8e5d5b_o.jpg

It was the tenth year under Daulat Khan I. He had already outreigned his predecessor. It was time to outdo him as well.

***​
 
1411-1437: Part I: The First Burgundian-English War

tggbanner.png


The Frenchman takes a wild swing at a passing Briton.

eu3_BUR.gif

Early in the year 1412, King Louis-Henri I of Burgundy convened a meeting of his Cabinet.

de Brachet, de Rochebarone, and Jules Arbelot, the new General of the Army of Charolais, sat on the western side of a long wooden table in some high room up on the east wall of the Royal Palace. It was very early morning and looking at the other side of the table was rather difficult without the rising sun searing their retinas. Louis-Henri, naturally, was on the eastern side of the table.

"Lord Brachet," Louis-Henri began, "I trust that you have finished the comprehensive analysis of Burgundy's state policy I asked you to compile?"

burgundystatepolicy1411.png

"Yes, m'lord. I had the clerks hold it to the highest standards of the Swedish Domestic Policy Analysis Chart."

"There's a chart?"

"They've got charts for everything up in Sweden," de Brachet explained, "would you like to see a graphic of our relations with foreign nations assigned a numerical value?"

"...no thanks. General..."

"Sire," de Brachet interrupted, "if I could say something, sire, I have to say, sire, that I am not a fan of this 'National Bank' idea of yours. I was actually told by the clerks that it was decreasing the inflation of our economy! The economy is shrinking, Your Majesty!"

"...that's... that's not what inflation means."

"...oh. I see. Carry on then."

"Right. General de Arbelot..."

"Er... That's General Arbelot, sire."

Louis-Henri raised an eyebrow. "That's what I said, isn't it? General de Arbelot."

"There's no 'de,' sire. I hope to one day acquire one, but as it is..."

"...look, just give me a status report on the army."

"Of course, sire."

armyofcharolais1411.png

"As you can see, sire, the army is in much the same as it was in your father's day. We have recruited another regiment of infantry, but we are now at the limit of what Burgundy can comfortably support in peace time."

"...that's it? Seven thousand guys? That's the best we can do?"

"I'm afraid so, sire."

"Son of a bitch. Does anybody have some good news?"

"The Duke of Flanders decided to join the Crusade again," de Rochebaron offered, "he defeated a Turkish fleet off of Crete and then landed in Edirne to engage the heathens."

battleoftheseaofcrete14.png

"Excellent!" Louis-Henri cried, "How goes the battle?"

"Well... er... it turned out that the Duke's men were not the first to arrive in Edirne and, it being the Turkish capital and Greek sounding an awful lot like Turkish if you're not really paying attention and..."

Louis-Henri glared at de Rochebaron. "What happened?"

"Well... um..."

flandersversuspatriots1.png

"It would seem, sire," de Brachet interrupted, "That the Duke of Flanders mistook several good Christian men who had risen up to overthrow the Turkish Sultan for the Turkish army."

Louis-Henri facepalmed. "Seriously. No good news?"

"We're building a new cathedral in Nice!" de Rochebaron offered.

"..."

de Rochebaron continued to grin.

"...That's great, general. Really. Made my day."

"Pleasure to be of service, sire."

Louis-Henri leaned back in his chair, still annoyed, before mustering the will to go on. He leaned forward.

"Gentleman," he began, "We have a port."

"Er... yes?" de Rochebaron offered tenuously.

"But I am informed," Louis-Henri went on, "that, for some reason, we cannot actually build ships in that port."

"Oh, that," de Brachet said, "yeah, the Lombards are dicks."

"Correct. But the people of Calais are not."

calais1412.png

"Calais was taken from us only very recently, and has been occupied by the English ever since. It is our duty as patriotic Burgundians to rescue the good people of Calais from English oppression."

There was a moment of silence before Arbelot spoke up.

"Your Majesty, England is on an island."

"I am well aware of that fact, General."

"And we have no navy."

"Yes, general, that's why we're invading Calais in the first place."

Arbelot gave Louis-Henri a look.

"...we're allied with Scotland," Louis-Henri explained.

"Ahhh."

* * *​

Louis-Henri was doing paperwork in his study when a familiar-looking messenger came running in.

"Sire! Sire!"

Louis-Henri did not look up, as he was far too busy folding a report on the most recent subjugation of the Lombards into the shape of a crane, "Yes, Henri, what is it?"

warofscottishaggression.png

"Scotland has declared war on England, sire! They call us to arms!"

"Oh," Louis-Henri said, folding up a corner of the paper so that it produced a wing, "We can't afford to get into a war right now, Henri. Tell them to go away."

"Er... sire... I..."

"I'm very busy, Henri."

Henri nodded. "Of course, sire. I will inform them at once." He left.

Louis-Henri finished his paper crane, and placed it next to a letter from the Sultan accepting his offer of white peace.

peacewiththeottomans141.png

As he pulled the next paper off a pile of them, his brain caught up with the rest of him.

"...wait, war with who?"

* * *​

Louis-Henri's accidental declination to enter into the War of Scottish Aggression was a huge scandal across Burgundy, one which the Burgundian King's only real chance to rectify was to declare war on Scotland himself.

Coming off strong from supporting traditional customs in Nice - in particular, the annual Lombard Revolution - General Arbelot moved his armies through Flanders to the border with Calais, where they linked up with the Duke of Flanders' men.

ooohenglaaaand1413.png

The First Burgundian-English War began on February 20th, 1413, with the Burgundian invasion of Calais.

battleofcalais1413.png

It was a very brief invasion.

Unfortunately, the Burgundians had not taken into account the raging Hundred Years War, and therefore had not taken into account the English army in Provence.

sneakybastards1413.png

Acting quickly, Arbelot left a small contingent of troops with the Flanders forces sieging Calais, and raced south to meet the English.

* * *​

George and Edward were not entirely certain what they were doing in Nice. They had assumed they were at war with the French, but Nice definitely seemed to have more of an Italian thing going on.

At present, the two of them were sitting in a tavern in a small village outside the city, well away from the siege.

"Heh," George said, in a rather drunken tone of voice, "these folks are rather Nice, aren't they?"

"Yes, very Nice!"

The two laughed at their own jokes and sunk to the floor. The barkeep turned back to wiping down the bar with a oh-God-in-heaven-please-give-me-an-excuse-to-get-out-of-here expression. The rest of the tavern's patronage had already left.

George climbed to his feet and strode over to the bar before leaning over it. He opened his mouth to demand more beer, but was struck on the back of a head with a rock.

He spun furiously on his heel. "What the bloody hell was that for?" he demanded of the small squadron of peasants in funny-looking hats and carrying a big Savoyard banner.

"Viva la rivoluzione! Lombardi per l'Longobardi!"

haha1413.png


* * *​

Arbelot was still racing across the Alps when the siege of Nice finally ended in late 1413.

notnice1413.png

"I think I would've preferred the English," Louis-Henri muttered after learning the news. "How goes the war in England?"

"We... honestly have no idea, sire," de Brachet explained, "The Duke of Flanders has been sailing his navy up and down the British coast, but despite having proved himself to be capable of making an amphibious assault on a country on the other side of Europe, he insists that he cannot launch a land invasion of an island on the far side of the damn English Channel."

Louis-Henri rolled his eyes. "To be expected. Our best hope was always Scotland and their Irish allies. How have they been doing?"

"They signed a white peace, sire."

scotlandihateyou.png

"..."

"Sire?" de Brachet asked. Louis-Henri's muscles twitched.

"I think you broke him," de Rochebaron said.

"Oh, there is one other thing, sire!" de Brachet said, "A messenger from Scotland came with an offer of alliance!"

andyeticontinuetosleepw.png

"..."

"Please, sire."

Louis-Henri blinked a few times, then finally spoke. "I know I'm going to kill myself later over this, but we need all the help we can get. We.... we accept."

"Of course, sire," de Rochebaron said, "I shall deliver the message at once!"

"And get an alliance with King Drawing of Angerland or whoever he is! They seem reliable, at least!"

leinsterscoolthough.png


* * *​

The First Burgundian-English War lasted for four years, but only 1413 saw any military action. For the next three years, the Burgundians sat in occupied Calais, making funny faces at the Cliffs of Dover in the hopes that some Englishman might laugh so hard he'd fall off and raise the warscore.

Finally, in early 1416, Louis-Henri signed a white peace with a giggling English diplomat, who then skipped out of the palace shouting, "Neener neener neener!"

illgetyounexttimeenglan.png

As he left, Louis-Henri sank into the throne, wondering how things had managed to go so wrong. The occupation of Calais had bought them time, at least. The people of the city would remember them when they came once again to free them from the cruel yoke of English oppression. But he obviously couldn't rely on the Scots as his only ally.

His other two logical allies were the Irish and the Danes, but the Irish could not support the army needed to invade Great Britain, and the Danes were apparently tied up in the Baltic killing Teutonic...

"Your Majesty!" Henri shouted, dashing into the throne room before stopping before the throne and panting.

"Yes, Henri, what is it?"

"Erik of Pommerania, King of Denmark, has been elected Holy Roman Emperor!"

danishemperordecember61.png

"What?" Louis-Henri cried, rising to his feet. "Henri, get out there and offer an alliance right now!"

danishalliancedecember6.png

"...well that quick."

"Yes, sire, I took the liberty of making the offer while I was there receiving the news."

To be continued...
 
Delhi, 1412-1423

Title banner and flag omitted from this update because of the 32 image limit. Yes, I like to use screenshots.

***

= Clash of Empires =

"...said the actress to the bishop."

***

Sultanate of Delhi


October 1412

Daulat Khan was keeping ironclad order within his borders. The same could not be said of the Sultan of Deccan, who had developed something of a problem with rebels. At least the mysterious black boxes were gone from the sky. Now there were merely strange swirly lines of clouds.

3522998497_84793e4438_o.jpg

The intelligentsia in Delhi were not without their murmurs and hand-wringings, though. Daulat couldn't afford to refuse their opinion for fear of destabilizing the country, so the Project Elephant Mauler plans - which involved strapping enormous swords onto the trunks of war elephants - were permanently and mercifully destroyed.

3523804214_d83e7464db_o.jpg

Not ready to just accept such insubordination, the Sultan quietly had his trade advisor Nusrat Bhutto assassinated and replaced him with Udha Rao Kachwaha, mostly because his name was funny, but partly because he had a knack for convincing everyone else that Daulat Khan was not a land-grabbing warmongerer after all.

3522998593_c24a078fb0_o.jpg

The Muslim clergy approached Daulat with a plan to codify the Jizya, the head tax, into the laws, but Daulat told them he had other plans for the Hindu population and that they shouldn't be rankled at this time. The clergymen were suspicious but let it go, especially after Daulat decided to hire one of them as a court advisor.

Delhi had remained Hindu long enough. It was time to unify the country under its Sultan's religion, to promote growth and stability.

3523804958_3274c82e54_o.jpg

Sayyid Khidr Singh bowed and nodded. Himself a fresh convert and an eager proselytizer, he set to work converting the population. With the Sultan's help, he established the office of Sheikh ul-Islam to ensure Daulat's rule was just and in line with Islamic law. As the Sultan was their patron, this was obvious.

3522999173_258c705cd8_o.jpg
3523805232_1eca3a0f19_o.jpg

It was March 10th 1413 of the infidel calendar when something quite extraordinary happened.

With great fanfare, a group of emissaries from an unknown land arrived in Delhi. Requesting to speak with the Sultan at once and in person, they received an audience.

There were three men, dressed in fine silks and jewelry, with oiled hair and decorum that was impeccable to every single detail.

"Sultan of Delhi, Daulat Khan the First of his name, we come here to beseech an alliance of marriage with you", the head emissary greeted him, followed by a deep bow.

Daulat Khan stroked his chin. "And where do you hail from, good lords?"

"We bring tidings from the Empire of the Timurids, Your Excellency." Without another word, the Sultan's guards had drawn their swords. "Please, we bear you no ill will!" the emissary yelped.

3522998903_9685649321_o.jpg

"Timur Lenk felt differently, as did Nusrat Shah", Daulat said venomously. "Give me one good reason I should accept this proposal. Nay, give me one good reason I shouldn't send your masters your heads but keep the rest."

The men began to panic. "So we may have sacked your city a few years ago, that doesn't mean we can't be friends now!"

"When your 'empire' is ailing and torn asunder, yes, sure, Delhi's friendship is suddenly of so much interest to you. Leave and don't you dare try this again. Off you go. Yes. You too in the red cloak. All of you. Scram."

The only thing that brought up Daulat's mood that day was the news that Deccan was continuing to implode Timurid style.

3523805722_a1ff10eb4e_o.jpg

"I want a war. A good old proper war. Orissa to the east looks good", Daulat mused.

"Unfortunately, sir", General Saikander cleared his throat, "Orissa is allied with one of the larger remnants of Timur's empire, Khorasan."

3522999653_b791a4906d_o.jpg

"Khorasan? What is a good honest Muslim Sultanate doing allying with Hindu infidels like that?" Daulat wondered.

"Well, actually, if you look closely..."

"Great Scott!"

3523805982_ce2e66c1b7_o.jpg

"They have a Muslim people and a Hindu king. I have a Hindu people and am a Muslim king. Maybe I should trade places with this gentleman."

***​

Fortunately, the year 1417 got off to a good start on the religious front.

3523000193_f730fb7714_o.jpg

Less fortunately...

3523805800_ca3d886732_o.jpg

"I beg your forgiveness, esteemed Sultan, Your Excellency, lord of these lands", the emissary again pleaded, "but my Khan threatens to tickle my feet with his saber and to make my skull into a cup if I do not do my duty. He is extremely, extremely keen on forging an alliance with your righteous Sultanate."

"Your skull into a cup, you say?" Daulat pondered out loud. "I think I prefer ivory and clay, to be honest, but I guess I could give it a try."

"Please! Please! I beg for our lives!"

"Go back to your Khan and tell him that he can whore out his precious daughters and nieces to some other hapless sap." He waved the emissaries away. "Saikander. I feel like a war again."

"We have just the target for you, Excellency", Saikander smiled. "A small Hindu kingdom called Maharasthra has declared independence from the ravaged Sultanate of Deccan."

"Oh, that won't do at all!"

3523000355_475499fa78_o.jpg

"What's more, it'll give us ready access to Bastar. I like to keep my borders contiguous. Now, there's a thing I've been considering... we are going to war, are we not? The nobles should pay some extra tax towards the coffers to fund it. Make it so. Wait, what's that thing to the west of Maharasthra, Saikander?"

"Oh? That's the Kingdom of Khandesh."

3523806824_3cd2e38d40_o.jpg

"Where did Deccan go?!"

"They were reduced to one province, Your Excellency. A Hindu King rules there now."

Maharasthra's sole province, Nagpur, was quickly sieged...

3523806558_119ac33dae_o.jpg

And by 1418 the land was under occupation. Meanwhile in the east, the Sultanate of Bengal was under the heel of Orissa, who were in turn losing ground to the stump that used to be Deccan. Assam further east was expanding rapidly as well.

3523001187_8038414b13_o.jpg

One beautiful morning, roughly two weeks after the fall of Nagpur, a gaggle of nobles requested and received an audience.

"And what do you want, then?" Daulat asked. "How do you like the war by the way?"

"Yes, about that, Your Excellency", the point man said quietly. "The war is over, is it not? Our enemy fields no troops. They harbour no resistance. We can simply add the territory to our own and be done with it."

Daulat saw where this was going, but said nothing.

"So... since there's no longer a war... maybe you could stop the war taxes?"

Daulat chuckled. "Oh but of course the war is not over. Men are dying trying to subdue the population by the day! Their widows need to be paid! Their children need to be fed! Would you deny them this? I'm sure they would like to hear it from you yourselves."

3523807514_7c8924c8cf_o.jpg

The nobles were forced to let the matter go, and slinked away feebly.

With all this money flowing into the coffers, Daulat decided to do something with it.

3523807312_c0402de412_o.jpg

The Sultan would now have an iron grip over the supply of money. No longer would the flow of money-blood in the veins-economy of Delhi burst at the seams!

The year of the infidels, 1420 rolled around.

As did a group of familiar emissaries from the Timurid Empire.

3523807590_55238c9bb5_o.jpg

Daulat buried his face in his palms.

The emissary nervously began. "Your... Excellency, we come here today to seek an alliance between our two peoples and nations. Our Khan... our Khan wishes an alliance of matrimony."

"Guards, take these men outside and kill them. Send the Khan their heads wrapped in their precious silken cloaks."

The men, struck by horror, but also showing a tinge of resignation, were lead away.

Finally, after three years of occupation, Daulat Khan was satisfied with the tax gains and annexed Maharasthra into the Sultanate.

3523807906_3976db74cf_o.jpg

Incensed by the treatment of their ally Timurids' emissaries, the Sultanate of Sind declared war on Daulat Khan, alongside the Sultans of Bengal and Kashmir. Daulat got to work.

3523002425_a3756b1605_o.jpg


3523002585_3ecdbebabb_o.jpg


3523808084_05310a9da9_o.jpg

With Kashmir out of the way, it was time to focus more on Sind and Bengal to the east. They were already sieging Bihar, the nexus of Delhi trade.

3523002821_f295e0a078_o.jpg

A lightning-quick campaign in Sind was fruitful and the Sultanate was reduced to one province.

3523808870_e9d54f6bc0_o.jpg

With Bengal still looming in the east, the King of Nepal joined the war on Delhi's side - once again an unfathomable decision on their part. This was all good and well, however, as the war had tempted several Hindu cities, chafing under the pressure of conversion, to rise up.

3523808996_610edc8d82_o.jpg

Meanwhile, Nepal continued to baffle the Sultan.

3523809286_efa8e44ddc_o.jpg

Later in the year, a single regiment, a one-thousand strong unit of men, found itself under attack by the main Bengali force, commanded by their Sultan, Firuz II himself.

3523003131_6440e89cc7.jpg

However, taking advantage of terrain, positioning, their enemies' low morale and sheer luck, "The 1000" as they would be known in history, held them off, a force six times their size.

3523809196_a753acdb44_o.jpg

Firuz II regrouped his men after the humiliation and hit back before reinforcements could arrive.

3523809368_ca6acf4fd2_o.jpg

This time Firuz had expressly told his men to attack with something other than sticks. The 1000 were not quite as lucky as before, but they never broke. They fought until the last man, holding off the attackers for a total of several months.

3523809496_84a2e76765_o.jpg

Daulat Khan I was busy planning a memorial for these men and rushing to the eastern front from Sind with his horse, when in March 1423 his entourage was intercepted by a group of emissaries from a distant land, wearing black adorned by red balls...

3523809586_0d67e890bb_o.jpg

The head emissary spoke, visibly nervous. "Your Excellency, we come here today to seek an alliance between our two peoples and nations. Our Khan wishes an -"

Daulat barked an order. "Men, take their horses and hang them. The emissaries. We can use the horses."

***​
 
1411-1437: Part II: The Interbellum

tggbanner.png


The Frenchman can't think of anything funny to write here.

eu3_BUR.gif

Denmark and Ireland were both excellent prospective allies for the planned invasion of England, but Ireland was too small to provide the bulk of the invasion force, and Denmark was war-weary and tied up dealing with rebellions in its eastern provinces. It was unlikely that war with England would be resumed for at least a decade.

However, 1416 was to see Burgundy at war once more. The ink on the treaty of alliance had barely gone cold when Denmark launched a glorious campaign to reduce their nation's war exhaustion by declaring war on several small German states.

thirdwarofdanishaggress.png

Louis-Henri agreed to bring Burgundy into the war to maintain the alliance with Denmark, but Burgundy's participation was purely moral support. The war was so incredibly one-sided anyway that a Burgundian army would probably have annoyed the Danes more than it helped them.

Nevertheless, a few Burgundian volunteers headed out to join the fight, something which was brought to Louis-Henri's attention in late August of 1417.

He was waiting in the throne room when Henri and a very large man who looked incredibly silly in a doublet burst into the room.

"Your Majesty!" Henri shouted, before stopping to catch his breath, "General Arbelot is dead!"

julesarbelotisdead1417.png

Louis-Henri rose from the throne in shock. "Dead? How?"

"He went off to join the war in Germany, sire. He was killed in an unfortunate accident involving five pigs, a minor German aristocrat, a very long length of rope, and a Danish berserker by the name of Vilhjálmr."

"I'm... sorry to hear okay I can't keep this up. Henri, who is this?"

"Er... this is Vilhjálmr, Your Majesty."

"Not any more," the towering berserker boomed, "Jules Arbelot was a good man, and his death was on my head. I wish to take his place as the general of your army."

"I... er... well, it'll save us some time and I doubt anyone here could do a better job anyway. You're hired."

And thus, Guillaume de Vergy - once known as Vilhjálmr the Viking - took command of the Army of Charolais.

guillaumedevergy.png


* * *​

In late 1417, Louis-Henri reaffirmed the Scottish-Burgundian Alliance by marrying Margaret, daughter of the King of Scotland.

scottishroyalmarriage14.png

She was not a particularly popular queen in Burgundy, where her foreign ways, furious temper, and legitimate birth marked her to many as unfit to serve as Burgundian royalty. She was, however, very popular with Louis-Henri, and also with a few very lucky serving boys.

Unfortunately, this relationship would be the undoing of one of Louis-Henri's greatest opportunity for expansion, when he was informed, late one night, that he had a cassus belli against Switzerland for some undefined reason.

"Go away, Henri," he muttered from his bed. When he rose the next morning and tried to declare war on Switzerland after a lengthy discussion with a Papal envoy on how best to divvy it up, he was met with some very unfortunate news.

vauntedswissneutrality1.png

"Son of a bitch!"

* * *​

The next eight years were not very interesting.

Some merchants got expelled. The war in Germany ended. The war in Germany started again. General de Brachet died, and there was no readily available replacement besides bad artists and missionaries who couldn't find any heathens to convert. Louis-Henri had a son, Antoine, who, as he grew older, began hunting for small animals in Bourgogne so he could take them back to Dijon and brutally murder them. Louis-Henri attempted to encourage the natural philosophers to think outside the box a little and was laughed at as a consequence.

thinkoutsidetheboxalitt.png

But, at last, on January 31st, 1425, everything was in place. The seven thousand man Burgundian Army sat on the outskirts of Calais, once more ready to reclaim the city from the vile hand of England.

stayontarget.png

To be continued...
 
tggbanner.png


The Dane sighs... "I think I'm running out of material..."
A Saxon looks up and says "I think there's a cream for that."


----- -=-=- ----- -=-=- -----​

Hi, this is me, Erik Knýtling. King of Denmark, Norway and Sweden! Holy Roman Emperor! Master of Fates! Do you know why I'm here? I can tell you right now it sure as hell ain't a social call.

I am here to kick ass and chew bubble gum...and I'm all outta gum...

The Art of Leinster helps me out by kicking some rebels out of Kurland for me.

irishrebelhelp.jpg

I'm annoyed that they're paying their debt off to me that way, but hey, I can just go make the two-backed beast with their women and it'll be better again. It's not like help with one rebellion pays off one country.

Sire, can you please pay attention for one minute? The people in Danzig are revolting!

They've always been revolting, but this time they're rebellin'.

rebelslolno.jpg

Hahahahahahahahahahah....no.

rebelslolyes.jpg

Awwwwwwww but if I take that one I lose my shinies!

Damnit, you have the focus of a child! Pay attention, this is serious!

I always pay attention. Guards, execute this man posthaste for his insults against me.

...Yeaaah...that might be a good idea, actually. You, random guard. You're my new general. Thank me later.

tobiasreplacement.jpg

I assemble my forces in Pommerania to strike at these do-gooders who claim they deserve to be independent. Apparently, nobody handed them the memo that I own their souls.

danzigfailure.jpg

The battle went well, all things considered.

We pull back to reinforce. Now that I am the Holy Roman Emperor, I can throw away as many lives as I need in the name of keeping my personal demesne thoroughly nourished. Just a couple months to reinforce and it'll all be just fi-

danzigfalls.jpg

...nnnnnnnggg...

Oh well, there will be a time and a place to solve that one. I'll let the economic strain of the Teutonic Order's 22 new regiments get to them before I take any action. Meanwhile, I have two things sitting prominently in my mind right now.

1. Secure my position as the Holy Roman Emperor.
2. Secure my position as the Holy Roman Emperor.

There is clearly only one answer to this...WOR!!!!!!!!!!

I am Jack's smiling revenge...just you wait, Palatinate. This time, with or without a rhyme; whether I act as a poet, whether I even know it...you will burn.

...Actually, come to think of it, there are probably better targets right now. Yeah. Let's go kick some minor asses. I won't be satisfied until the entirety of the Holy Roman Empire has bowed its knee to me in servitude.

firstvassalwar.jpg

My newly reinforced armies quickly overwhelm the enemy. And by that I mean my vassals quickly overwhelm 2PM Munster while my cavalry go beat up Wurzburg.

munsterassailed.jpg

The war is over in months - two more vassals, including another elector in the form of Munster. The German raids have also healed my treasury to a point where I can lower minting and thus stop this over-developed inflation problem.

With the success of that war, I use a totally not fake casus belli on Trier. Am I overextending my reach, you might think? Of course not. This is just the first logical step in my quest to become Emperor of the World. Plus they've got a lot of loot, and I love loot a lot.

2ndvassalwar.jpg

The allied forces collapse almost instantly.

vassalwareasy.jpg

Mainz capitulates and gives me everything it's got. Another elector for my trophy cabinet.

mainzvassalized.jpg

Trier capitulates. See the prior comments concerning Mainz.

triervassalized.jpg

Wurttemburg falls very shortly after. Once again, I am the sexy shoeless God of War, ruler of the Holy Roman Empire (for life) and most powerful man in the Baltic.

To show the world that I won't let people mess around with me, I launch a full invasion of Novgorod, executing my Casus Belli gained when they denied my call to arms. What a useless ally. Danish raiding parties move into Finno-Ingrian lands.

raidingnovgorod.jpg

The Novgorodians don't seem to appreciate that and send a rather large army to try and take me out.

I realize as I'm retreating that my morale is awfully low. I decide to start paying my troops to help with that problem. Erik Knýtling, you're a...

Wait, wrong AAR again. Damnit.

novgorodstomp.jpg

The results were devastating. I took many a russian wife for my prize that day. I then had them executed to make sure they couldn't threaten my future plans of succession.

Erik Knýtling, you coy pimp you.

The Ruskies are scattered to the winds and my troops move into occupy Novgorod. Nothing could go wrong now - time to take yet more land for the glory of Denmark!

...or we'll accept a white peace because the voices that tell me what to do thought it would be funny to 'Offer White Peace'

Damnit. Damnit Damnit DAMNIT.

I go out of my way to spend thousands of lives taking on the Russians, intending to take their lands and establish supreme dominance over the Baltic...and what do I get? Thieved! Stolen! Lies!

hremanpower.jpg

At least I have you, overwhelming military power.

crusadelost.jpg

Huh?

successfulcrusade.jpg

Oh yeah, I'd forgotten I was supposed to be part of that. Oh well, it seems to have gone well enough without me.

I move my armies back to Denmark and brood in silence. With my vassals keeping the German lands secure and safe from rebels, it was clear I had but one option left. It was time to bring the long-awaited showdown to the forefront.

Weakened by the Hundred Years War, England was ripe for the taking. With most of their armies on the mainland and Burgundy ready to take Aquitaine and Calais at a moment's notice, an agreement was reached. I would regain control of the Danelaw, Ireland would support an invasion from the west and begin uniting the Celts under Art IXKVLIWHRAWGRH's rule, and Burgundy would get their long-occupied port of Calais back.

scotlandma.jpg

Finally, Ireland's debt would be fully repaid. By helping them unite the isle, they would in turn help me crush the English once and for all. The stage was set, my troops were in position...

englishpreparation.jpg

Burgundy declares war, all hell breaks loose.

The English are outnumbered on their own home soil 3:1. It's good to be the Emperor.

englishwarbegins.jpg
 
This AAR is great for two things
One, the bad things happening to all the players. I've said it before and I'll practice repetition: AARs are much better when things go wrong.
Two, the chats in various screenshots give me a good chuckle now and then. :D

Keep it up! Sacrifice your life etc. to play so we can get more AAR's. :mad:
 
Leinster, 1411-1436. Part 1: Scots are good for nothing.

tggbanner.png


"It's mine, all mine! Right?"


leinsterx.png


~*~*~​

The rebels in Leinster had been defeated, but a small rebel force still held Connaught. They were stubborn, and still refused to yield to the decreased, but still overwhelming power of Leinster’s army. It was only a month after Art had come home to his wife and child, when a messenger came rushing in.

“Things are stirring in the east, my Lord.”

Art raised an eyebrow. “What ‘things’?”

“Another war is at hands in the German lands. Denmark calls Leinster to arms again.”

calltoarmscologne.png

Art sighed. He knew Denmark didn’t need Leinster’s help, but he needed this alliance. Without the Danes, he would never be able to fulfil his grandfather’s dream and defeat England. Besides that, Leinster was still in debt to the Danes for helping them unite the most of Eire. Art couldn’t break the alliance, and the Danish King knew that all too well.

“Tell them we will join them in their war and assist wherever needed.”

As the messenger left, another came in. “Can’t you people just leave me alone for a while?” Art exclaimed.

“I’m sorry, my liege. But your leadership is requested in the siege against the rebels. The rebels refuse to surrender and the army’s lieutenants are at a loss what to do next.”

“Please tell me that is a bad joke.” Art’s voice was low, annoyed. First that Dane, and now this...

“You should go, Art.” He turned around when he heard his wife’s voice sounded from behind him.
She was carrying their child in her arms. “You can’t let those rebels defy you!”

“You are right, love, as usual.” Art turned back to the messenger. “Tell them I will be there soon.”

Art left for Connaught the next morning, kissing his wife and child goodbye again. He would not see them for another two months. Then, finally, on the 12th of October of the year 1411, the rebels in Connaught succumbed to attrition and carefully planned assaults. Art was victorious, and returned home as quickly as he could.

siegeconnaughtwin.png


~*~*~​

The winter passed without further issues, and a lovely spring to spend with his wife and child followed. Art was very happy. His advisors were doing the boring work, and they did a nice job. He finally had what he wanted: some quality time with his family.

Spring turned into summer. And a good summer it was. Art hadn’t received word on the war in Germany, so he assumed that his help wasn’t needed. He also hadn’t received any more letters from his mother, which he found a strange, but good thing. He might have relied on her in the past, when he still was young and insecure, but he had changed. He could rule by himself now, and maybe she had finally realized it.

On the 2nd of July of the year 1412, one of the advisors came to Art.

“My lord.” He bowed before Art, who was sitting on his throne. “I have good news. Our merchants are doing well in the trade centres abroad. However... they could do even better. With a National Trade Policy, they would receive a better merchant’s compete training, and would thus be more effective and efficient.”

“It sounds good. There is no catch?”

“Not at all. I have been so free to make a draft for the policy. All we need is your signature, my liege.”

ntp.png


~*~*~​

Another month or so had passed, when a Scottish messenger arrived in Leinster. “Good day, milord. I bring news, from Scotland. War, I tell you, war!”

The messenger seemed to have caught Art’s attention. “Go on.”

“Scotland has gone to war with England, milord, and calls upon Leinster to honour the alliance between our countries.”

calltoarmsscotlandvseng.png

Art was excited. This was the chance he had been waiting for. Finally, after all those years of waiting, observing and following his mother’s orders, he had a reason to free the people of Meath from their English oppressors. His mother had been right; the alliance with the Scots had been the best choice. There was only one minor problem that had to be solved. He called to a messenger.

“Hey you! Go tell those bloody English we won’t need their military access any longer. We are going to war.”

cancelmilaccessengland.png

He then turned back to Scottish messenger. “Tell your Lord that Leinster will honour the alliance, in exchange for Meath. We will teach those bloody English a good lesson.” The messenger nodded and set out.

A week later, on the 1st of September of the year 1412, Art led his army to Meath. On the march, he realised that the Scots had chosen a good time to declare war. Most of England’s troops were busy defending their holdings on the main land. Art’s army advanced quickly towards Meath’s capital city, and met no resistance on the way.

invademeath.png

Within a month, the army of three thousand men stood before the gates of Baile Átha Cliath, better known to the world as Dublin. There on the plains they set up a siege camp. Now, all that was left was waiting for the city’s defences to succumb to attrition and low morale. It was only a matter of time now. Eire would finally be united.

~*~*~​

Three seasons passed. The siege was going well. The army had made a breach in the wall, and Art estimated that it would only take one more carefully planned assault before the English forces defending the city would surrender. The morning of the 12th of June of the year 1413 was a good one. At dawn, Art had signalled the final assault. By noon, it was all over. The city surrendered.

siegemeath.png


meathsurrender1.png

Standing on the cliffs near the city, Art looked out over the Irish Sea, his gaze turned towards England. He wanted to advance; he wanted to cross over to the main island. He wanted to tear England apart. First, he would return home to see his wife and three year old son, and to make arrangements. Then he would cross to Scotland, and advance into England from there. He nodded to himself, pleased.

On the 21st of October, Art finally got a reply from the Scottish Lord to his request for military access.

“My liege, the Scot approves your request for military access, and calls for your aid in Scotland. Apparently, the English managed to raise a land army, and they have driven the Scottish forces all the way back into the Highlands.”

milaccessscotland.png


scotlandlosing.png

Art sighed disappointedly. “Fine. My army will be there as soon as possible.”

Art had only overlooked one thing: the English fleet. It was patrolling the Irish Sea, and made it impossible for Leinster’s transport ships to cross. Art cursed. There was nothing he could do, but wait and hope.

In December of that same year, a messenger from Denmark reached the camp on the cliffs near Dublin.

“My lord, I have news from the Danish King. He wants you to know that the war in Germany is going well and that he has signed a peace treaty with Cologne.”

peacecologne.png

Art shrugged. “Whatever.” he muttered. He had no interest in the war in Germany. All he wanted was to be able to cross the Irish Sea and invade England. But at this point, the situation was hopeless. The English fleet still patrolled, and the Scottish forces were pushed further back into the Highlands. Art had no other choice, and offered England a peace treaty before Scotland would sign anything. However, England refused to give up Meath, and continued to press on in Scotland.

On the 31st of December, Scotland was defeated, and signed a white peace treaty that meant the end of the war with England.

scotlandwhitepeaceargh.png

"They did what?!" Art exclaimed. He shook his head. "Scots are good for nothing."

Art was displeased, angry even. He had to give up the occupation of Meath, because of the incompetence of the Scots. So much for the Scots being trustworthy allies. They would pay for this treason, in due time.

When he came home in Leinster in the morning of the 11th of January of the year 1414, a messenger from Burgundy was waiting for him.

“From Burgundy? What business does Burgundy have with Leinster?”

“Our country has been cheated by Scotland in a war against England, much as your country was. They denied us the chance to retake our old port Calais. They cannot be trusted. Your country however, has proven it can be trusted. This is why we are offering you a military alliance. The English must be brought down, and Scotland is useless in helping us doing that.”

allianceburgundy.png

“Sounds good to me.”

~*~*~​

Over the next two years, nothing much happened. Denmark had ended another one of their German wars, and Leinster’s merchants were thriving, helped by the National Trade Policy.

On the 12th of November of the year 1415, Art got a request from the Danish King. Apparently, there was a problem with rebels in Kurland, a place somewhere in the Baltic area, and he needed Art go take care of things. Art, being bored again, had agreed, and sailed for Kurland with his army.

milaccessdenmark.png

On the 22nd of November, Art arrived in Kurland, and met a rebel army equal in size to his own army. The battle was long, and the rebels, fighting vigorously, managed to drive Art’s army back to the ships.

kurlandrebels1.png


battleofkurlandrebelslo.png

Then, the following news reached Art.

hredenmark.png

"Great."

A year of fighting followed, in name of the Emperor, and all battles were decided in the favour of the rebels. Art was becoming weary. He missed his wife and son dearly. If this last offense would fail... he would sail back to Eire. Then the dreadful news reached his ears. The Irish fleet had been destroyed in the terrible storm that had raged the day before...

shipslostriga.png

And as if things weren’t bad enough, the Danish King had decided to start abusing his position as Emperor, to gain complete control over Germany.

“My lord, things are stirring in the ea... sorry, west from here. The Holy Roman Emperor, his majesty King Erik of Denmark has declared war on Münster, and he calls Leinster to arms once more.”

calltoarmsmunster.png

Art accepted, forced by his debt to the Danish King. He sighed as the messenger left his tent. The rebels were yet undefeated, but despite that, the Dane had decided to go to war again. Would this never end?
 
Last edited:
Die SOBs (Son Of Bitches)... :p

Everyone, conquer England!
Divide it for the sake of free world!
Just think how awful the world would be if everyone should have to speak English to communicate with foreign random people from other random countries! :rolleyes:
 
tggbanner.png


The kid was a retard...literally.

----- -=-=- ----- -=-=- -----​

This time, it's serious. With troops swarming the former Danelaw, it seems victory is inevitable...

lancashirebattle.jpg

...or is it...nnnng... Maybe I was forgetting to pay my troops again.

...nope, they're just incompetent.

The English try to outnumber me in one spot to divide and conquer my army, but I just pull back, condense and wait for sieges to finish.

News on the street is that the Scottish have attacked England in a seperate war. As much as I'd like to stop them, I'm more interested in wiping out the English armies right now. I have too many fronts on my hand to care about that right now.

nobledemands.jpg

...demands?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO MAKE DEMANDS?! You stupid worthless nobles! Can't you see we're in the middle of a war here?!

...I pay them off. Funny to think I would have soiled myself at losing 156 ducats when I was still new to the throne - now it's pocket change.

ironpoorquality.jpg

Aaaand apparently we have an iron shortage as well. Whoop-de-whoop - my army's already built and with the English Navy lurking about there's no way I can outfight it.

Well, it's cool. I'll keep leading my troops to victory. We've got enough men present to take Lincolnshire once and for all - the Danish lands shall return to us forevermore! Into the breach, once more into the breach! Chaaaaaaaaaaarge!

frederiki.jpg


frederikadvisors.jpg


norwayunionlost.jpg

Hi there, I'm Frederik I, Holy Roman Emperor and King of Denmark and Sweden. I have to admit, I don't know why Father made me his successor, I feel woefully underqualified to lead our great Danish nation. My advisors say I'll be fine, and that I just need to trust them and let them keep control. Sounds good to me, they're the smart ones after all.

lincolnsiege.jpg

I hear that the war in England is going well. Something about my Father's Sacrifice not being in vain, I don't know. I wasn't paying attention. I tell them to keep at it and give the blokes a right good old thrashing...did I mention I was the bastard son of an English Princess? Apparently my father liked to 'spread it around', so to speak.

oxfordshirebreakthrough.jpg

The armies are doing well. My advisors tell me they got a right old stomping around Chester and now our armies are pushing through with little resistance. I heard that the English are being driven south almost continually...

A few months later, I was sitting down to me old fish and chips when some frightening news came in - my mother's family had bloody well surrendered to the French!

hywends.jpg

Surrendered for pennies, no less! What a shame, poor sport if you ask me. They ought to have given the French something good for their troubles, eh chaps? Well, I suppose the French are too stupid to know a good deal when they see it!

News from the Front, your Majesty. The English army has been annihilated along the south coast.

englishannihilated.jpg

Brilliant, thank you! Thank you very much, uhm...what was your name again, butler?

Greybladder, sir.

Right, right, Jolly Good! Well, keep at it old chum! Show those English who's boss!

siegescontinue.jpg

As you can see, dear viewers, thanks to my masterful machinations, the war goes supremely well. We're doing far better than Erik ever did...

englandcontrol.jpg

Not much time left now...soon we will rule all of England.

falloflondon.jpg

Aaaand finished...as you can see, the English back is broken like their queen's virginity - we do things here in the old viking way.

irishcelts.jpg

The irish gain control of the Celts in Wales and Cornwall.

danelaw.jpg

We get half of the Danelaw...a most successful campaign, your Majesty.

It was? I mean, of course it was! It couldn't have been done without my masterful leadership, I must say!

There's no time to waste, my boy. One of your merchants' masterful efforts has given us the ideal opportunity to go to war with the Teutonic Order. It's time to get Danzig back.

teutoniccb.jpg

Oh right, of course, Danzig! Declare war immediately, those scum! Taking our lands and our women!

kurlandsieged.jpg

This war was short lived...

teutonicannihilation2.jpg

Hurrah! We've broken their backbone!

Not yet your Majesty, but we are close!

openingsieges.jpg


teutonsannihilated.jpg

Thrashed again! Surely this is it!

teutonicbreakthrough.jpg

We broke through quickly and easily. The Teutons try to stop us but it doesn't go well for them...soon the rest falls and peace is taken.

teutonicgains.jpg

We take back what Erik lost and then some. Surely we will becoming the leading power in Europe at this rate.

governmentfocus.jpg

We begin focusing on cultural development. It's time to take this country to the next level. For now, good viewers, I bid you adieu. The Emperor requests that I tuck him in for a bedtime story and I'd hate to disappoint.


denmarkoverview.jpg
 
Last edited:
For this wonderful AAR and these excellent stories, plus references to Knytlings, I award you all Lord Strange Cookies of British Awesomeness
 
We played a game lastnight - lots of crashing so we didn't get nearly as far as we hoped, but it was action-packed (for some of us). I'll try and get some leaderboards sorted ASAP.

P.S. Thanks guys, *Noms cookies.*
 
Last edited:
For this wonderful AAR and these excellent stories, plus references to Knytlings, I award you all Lord Strange Cookies of British Awesomeness

Thank you! Give a man EU3 and he'll write an AAR, give him a cookie and he'll write AARs for the rest of his life.