THE FALL OF THE LION
February 1842
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Lord Auckland’s Public Letter
March 3rd 1841
It is with great sorrow and a heavy-heart that I write this dispatch. The abuses and obstinacies of the “Subdirector of Indian Affairs” which the interim metropolitan administration has deemed fit to appoint are of a nature we do not find easy to believe. That a man who has never left the confines of Europe sees fit to lecture and constrain our senior officials upon the correct means of managing the territories under the control of our Presidencies and meddle in our treaties with the native princes, is difficult enough in itself to bear. That he is seeking to engineer the dismissal of many of those aforesaid officials and commanders, threatening even to bring them to trial in Britain on meaningless charges, is nothing short of insulting. And that he sees it appropriate to insist upon sending all manner of rabble-rousing riff-raff to meddle in our affairs is ensuring that the task of maintaining order and good governance grows increasingly testing.
We trust that Your Lordship will recollect that the Armies of Bengal, Madras and Bombay constitute over 200,000 armed men - of whom over one tenth are trained Europeans - which are funded solely by the revenues generated in this land. The frankly bizarre schemes to end Indian customs duties and bring all manner of strange novelties into the systems of land taxation and organization are not only contrary to the most ancient customs of Bengal and Hindustan, but will make this necessary military force impossible to maintain. The army must be – and still remains – fully capable of defending the Company realms from
any threat.
We would further draw Your Lordship’s attention to the issue that the Charter of the Honourable East India Company was bestowed by the Royal Sovereign of the United Kingdom. We note that, with such position being [
still ] unoccupied, it was only in good faith that we saw it appropriate to accept the newly constituted administration in Westminster as a nominal successor until a more permanent arrangement could be reached.
All this being taken into consideration, it is with much regret that I must inform Your Lordship that the Honourable East India Company and its treaty-bound allies do hereby state that, conditions being insufferable as they are, we will henceforth exercise our independence of action and administration over Indian affairs, and will move to fully guarantee the security of our borders and commercial routes, until the soundings of a saner policy emanate from London.
We do sincerely hope that freedom of trade between the Our Company and the Metropole should be maintained, in order that the bonds of trade and commercial intercourse may maintain and continue to build what those of political authority have so manifestly failed to do.
Yours respectfully,
Sir George Eden, Earl of Auckland.
First Handwritten Note -
To G.H - CoPS,
Render this dispatch Most Secret and Confidential, and outside the scrutiny of the Commons.
Make preparations for troops, the fleet, and agents of the Commission of Public Security to be dispatched to the East as expediently as is possible.
F. C., 9/10/1841.
Second Handwritten Note
To HH, HoC,
Forwarded. Grave & Impossible instructions. Enough is enough. Lion’s marbles lost. Make preparations with the Good Doctor Knox. His Lordship can roast in H---stan.
G.H. 23/10/1841
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A Most Tragic Turn of Events...
2nd February 1842
Upon the Recommendation of Dr. Robert Knox MD, FCCSEd, FCSEd,
And the Judgement of a Jury Consisting of THE FULL BODY OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS
A CERTIFICATION OF LUNACY
Is hereby bestowed upon
MR. FEARGUS O’CONNOR, M.P.
In the cause of DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIOUR,
NARCICISSTIC MEGALOMANIA and UNCONTROLLED OUTBURSTS OF TEMPER.
He is forthwith instructed to convalesce under the Direction of Subsection 6B [Category E] of the National Board of Works
until further recommendations have been provided for.
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Public Reactions to "The Unknown O'Connor"
Broadcast 21st January 1983
To the Brotherly Director of the PPN,
I was both shocked and appalled by your photovisual emission of 6pm Saturday last, which, under the title “The Unknown O’Connor,” most shamefully suggested that the great Feargus O’Connor was suffering from a syphilitic inflammation of the senses towards the end of his life. This is contrary to all known facts. It is well-known that O’Connor, founder of Our Commonwealth and the true Prometheus of Modern Times, driven by his heroically fiery personality, sacrificed his wits for the Good of the People under the great strain of Government. For this the whole of humanity shall forever be grateful to him.
I should hope that no more money and broadcasting time will be wasted in these puerile efforts to defame the name of great men such as he in the name of crass sensationalism.
Yours fraternally,
Mr. Simon Baxter
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