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Such piercing insight! Hough definitely has them down to a tee, those Irish Crovans. Not at all like the 'real' Crovans!Hough said:
He didn't succeed in putting his son on the throne (well, not yet, at least), but neither Hough nor his son died, so that counts as pretty successful in Crovan politics.
Mother Shipton as Assistant Poet Laureate... I guess you can't really argue with Waldemar's train of thought. And, assuming she knows what she's talking about, it seems the Crovan Empire has almost 200 years to go (till 1881) before its combined incompetence, violence and inbreeding brings the world crashing down. Not sure if that's reassuring or terrifying...
Just caught up -- good to see that the crovan dynamics are as wierd as ever --- can't see the objection to doing this to a poet though? ... and, belatedly, the video was brilliant.
sunshine and roses, right?
eeesh...is that possible?
Oh he's not done yet!
I don't care about those Crovans! I like Bill!
Well, Bill is wooing an Empress now! How bout that!
Perish the thought!
Don't worry. We're quite barbaric over here
I loved the 'Well shit'.
Thanks
Such piercing insight! Hough definitely has them down to a tee, those Irish Crovans. Not at all like the 'real' Crovans!
He didn't succeed in putting his son on the throne (well, not yet, at least), but neither Hough nor his son died, so that counts as pretty successful in Crovan politics.
Mother Shipton as Assistant Poet Laureate... I guess you can't really argue with Waldemar's train of thought. And, assuming she knows what she's talking about, it seems the Crovan Empire has almost 200 years to go (till 1881) before its combined incompetence, violence and inbreeding brings the world crashing down. Not sure if that's reassuring or terrifying...
I don't know, they ruin the world fairly regularly...seems like a pretty safe prediction they'll still be doing it in 200 years!
Never! The Crovans will have the opposing teams arrested and shot before such a travesty could occur!
Thanks!
1694-1696: In Which The AuthAAR Simplifies This Title Part
So, Hough’s latest scheme to place his own progeny on the throne is foiled at the last moment…by a hungry bear! Well, it turns out Caitilin did get the throne! And all the eligible bachelors are chomping at the bit! Which one will win out? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much!
Empress Caitilin Erlendsdottir Crovan
In Which Hough Is Foiled Yet Again
(27 May 1694 – 20 February 1696)
“Well then, I am happy to be here as your Empress. It is certainly a welcome change from those hostile Portuguese.”
“Of course, Your Ravishingness, we are delighted to have such an elegant…and eligible ruler of Crovania as well.”
“You are too kind Prime Minister Ottokar. Prime Minister…has that post existed long? I’ve never…”
“YES! Yes…there’s always been a Prime Minister. The number two position in Crovania! And my boy is just the man for it. Charming…good looking…unmarried.”
“Almost as handsome, I may say, as the eminently eligible Colonial Minister. Who, I might add, is not your relative.”
“Hi. I’m Bill.”
“You are all being too kind, really. My poor husband is only a few short years in his grave and your allegiance to me and…my heir, Skofte, is endearing. That no one has murmured over his place in the succession is most comforting.”
“Well, extraneous heirs have never been a problem before…”
“Shut up Kolbein.” *Ahem* “My Empress, of course you and your darling son Skofte are welcome here. Crovania needs a ruler and you Children of Erlend are a welcome return to normalcy for our beloved Empire.”
“So tell me, little scamp, what’s your favorite food?”
“I dunno…um…herring? Hey mister…didja know you gotta boogie sticking out.”
…
“darling child.”
“Isn’t he? Oh, Walderan, as Foreign Minister do go let the Irish Crovans know that we are guaranteeing their independence as good Erlend-Crovan cousins, we do owe it to them.”
“Really? We’re going to guarantee those traitors? Aren’t most of them are Audunite Heretics?
“Maybe Walderan, but they’re MY Audunite Traitorous kin.”
“Oh, right. Sorry.”
“Well, this has been fun, but I’ve got some errands to run. See you all later. Especially you, little Skofte.”
[/i]several hours later…[/i]
“RAAOOOOWWWRRRRR!”
…
“Well shit.”
In Which Hough Is Foiled Yet Again
(27 May 1694 – 20 February 1696)
“Well then, I am happy to be here as your Empress. It is certainly a welcome change from those hostile Portuguese.”
“Of course, Your Ravishingness, we are delighted to have such an elegant…and eligible ruler of Crovania as well.”
“You are too kind Prime Minister Ottokar. Prime Minister…has that post existed long? I’ve never…”
“YES! Yes…there’s always been a Prime Minister. The number two position in Crovania! And my boy is just the man for it. Charming…good looking…unmarried.”
“Almost as handsome, I may say, as the eminently eligible Colonial Minister. Who, I might add, is not your relative.”
“Hi. I’m Bill.”
“You are all being too kind, really. My poor husband is only a few short years in his grave and your allegiance to me and…my heir, Skofte, is endearing. That no one has murmured over his place in the succession is most comforting.”
“Well, extraneous heirs have never been a problem before…”
“Shut up Kolbein.” *Ahem* “My Empress, of course you and your darling son Skofte are welcome here. Crovania needs a ruler and you Children of Erlend are a welcome return to normalcy for our beloved Empire.”
“So tell me, little scamp, what’s your favorite food?”
“I dunno…um…herring? Hey mister…didja know you gotta boogie sticking out.”
…
“darling child.”
“Isn’t he? Oh, Walderan, as Foreign Minister do go let the Irish Crovans know that we are guaranteeing their independence as good Erlend-Crovan cousins, we do owe it to them.”
“Really? We’re going to guarantee those traitors? Aren’t most of them are Audunite Heretics?
“Maybe Walderan, but they’re MY Audunite Traitorous kin.”
“Oh, right. Sorry.”
“Well, this has been fun, but I’ve got some errands to run. See you all later. Especially you, little Skofte.”
[/i]several hours later…[/i]
“RAAOOOOWWWRRRRR!”
…
“Well shit.”
So, Hough’s latest scheme to place his own progeny on the throne is foiled at the last moment…by a hungry bear! Well, it turns out Caitilin did get the throne! And all the eligible bachelors are chomping at the bit! Which one will win out? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much!
- 1
Seeing his impressive cameo in the last update, I have to ask: is that bear a bachelor?
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Not only is the new Empress eye-searingly ugly (that's a return to form, I believe...), we also got a bear mauling. In an outhouse. This truly is an update that just keeps on giving.
And the number one threat to Crovania is: Bears! Great stuff to see all the old jokes come back every once in a while.
My heretic kin.
Can we get a royal family tree, showing the great lines of Crovans, and also how much inbred they happen to be?
And do we have another black boy as heir?
Can we get a royal family tree, showing the great lines of Crovans, and also how much inbred they happen to be?
And do we have another black boy as heir?
The Royal Outhouses surely carry not only the excrements but also the entire history of the Imperial Crovans!
...
Oh, wait, is that a tautology?
...
Oh, wait, is that a tautology?
Seeing his impressive cameo in the last update, I have to ask: is that bear a bachelor?
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Not only is the new Empress eye-searingly ugly (that's a return to form, I believe...), we also got a bear mauling. In an outhouse. This truly is an update that just keeps on giving.
That's why they call me Alfred "Fanservice" Packer!Yeah, I like to trot them out, but I do try not to overuse them!
My heretic kin.
Can we get a royal family tree, showing the great lines of Crovans, and also how much inbred they happen to be?
And do we have another black boy as heir?
Alas, no...that's just the running "gag" of not knowing what a Crovan looks like until their 16th birthday...I will work on a Royal family tree...most of the splits happen with Skule (I think) in CK, but I should be able to find them all
The Royal Outhouses surely carry not only the excrements but also the entire history of the Imperial Crovans!
...
Oh, wait, is that a tautology?
Zing! Hahaha...that's good.
They do remain the leading cause of death in Crovania, next to outhouse-related injuries that is.
1696-1699: Yet Again A War Is Ignored...Go On - See If You Can Spot It Anywhere!
Yet again Crovania is stalked by Murder Most Foul! Two Imperial Ministers killed in a flash! Did Mother Shipton see that one coming? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much!
Empress Caitilin Erlendsdottir Crovan
In Which Snidely Whiplash Gets Two For The Price Of One
(21 February 1696 – 4 January 1699)
“First off, before I welcome our new ministers, I would like to say how tragic it was to lose Lady Alice Crovan who succumbed to a slippery staircase last night. And, of course, to extend my condolences to you, Prime Minister Ottokar, over the tragic, and I must admit, somewhat confusing passing of your father.
With that out of the way, I’d like to introduce Lord Erlend Hard. His family is of Common Stock, but has managed to somehow send members to the Parliament for over a century and most of them even survived, which shows a remarkable will. Lord Hard has also been a very successful banker for many years which is the sort of quality needed in the Finance Ministry, which has traditionally been run by gentlemen of leisure and spendthrifts.”
“Pleasure to meet you all. I have a short speech pre…”
“MY TURN! I was tasked with appointing a new Security Minister. I picked Mr. Whiplash here. He tells me he has lots of credentials.”
“You can count on me to ferret out any sort of spies or other evil-doers within the Empire. Your Imperial Highness.”
“Oh, and while I’m at it: I’ve decided to marry Colonial Minister Lord Hagar Bolt. The Bolt family has long served the Empire, their personal loyalties are above question. Also, as he so often pointed out, we aren’t cousins. Plus, he has rock hard abs. Sorry Ottokar.”
*seethe*
“Now then, I’m glad we have such a young and active Spymaster. Mr. Whiplash, your talents will be called upon frequently. You see, The Russian Czar has gained the Netherlands throne. Crovania is sandwiched by her most dangerous enemy and they have been sending quite a few spies over the borders to cause mischief.”
“I’m sure the threat of spies isn’t that serious. But I’ll look into for you.”
“Next on the agenda: There is apparently a ‘Cult of Erlend’ spreading among the populous. Toleration of Audunites and the St. Aslak Splinter Church has led them to believe that other cults will be tolerated as well.”
“Shall I have them all murdered?”
“Er, thank you Mr. Whiplash, but no. We shall watch them carefully, but as I represent the Erlendian Restoration, this may be a good thing.”
“Well, if you change your mind just let me know.”
“Right. I will. Also, I wanted to let everyone know that ground has been broken in Halland on the Full-Dan Memorial Academy of the Poetic Arts. It has always struck me as odd that a nation that prides itself so much on Poetry and its patronage of the arts has never built even one University.”
Later on, in a dark alley
“HAHA Rival! Take that!” *stab* *stab* *stab* *stab*
“AHHHH! NOOooooo…” *hurk*
“Oh Olaf, Erlend. I’m so sorry…I thought you were Hagar! Well, no hard feeling right chum?”
“HAHAA!” *stab* *stab* *stabbity* *stab* *stab*
“Arrgh…Oh Olaf! Snidely! Why?”
“Eh, I was going after Erlend, but since he was already dead.” Snidely shrugs.
In Which Snidely Whiplash Gets Two For The Price Of One
(21 February 1696 – 4 January 1699)
“First off, before I welcome our new ministers, I would like to say how tragic it was to lose Lady Alice Crovan who succumbed to a slippery staircase last night. And, of course, to extend my condolences to you, Prime Minister Ottokar, over the tragic, and I must admit, somewhat confusing passing of your father.
With that out of the way, I’d like to introduce Lord Erlend Hard. His family is of Common Stock, but has managed to somehow send members to the Parliament for over a century and most of them even survived, which shows a remarkable will. Lord Hard has also been a very successful banker for many years which is the sort of quality needed in the Finance Ministry, which has traditionally been run by gentlemen of leisure and spendthrifts.”
“Pleasure to meet you all. I have a short speech pre…”
“MY TURN! I was tasked with appointing a new Security Minister. I picked Mr. Whiplash here. He tells me he has lots of credentials.”
“You can count on me to ferret out any sort of spies or other evil-doers within the Empire. Your Imperial Highness.”
“Oh, and while I’m at it: I’ve decided to marry Colonial Minister Lord Hagar Bolt. The Bolt family has long served the Empire, their personal loyalties are above question. Also, as he so often pointed out, we aren’t cousins. Plus, he has rock hard abs. Sorry Ottokar.”
*seethe*
“Now then, I’m glad we have such a young and active Spymaster. Mr. Whiplash, your talents will be called upon frequently. You see, The Russian Czar has gained the Netherlands throne. Crovania is sandwiched by her most dangerous enemy and they have been sending quite a few spies over the borders to cause mischief.”
“I’m sure the threat of spies isn’t that serious. But I’ll look into for you.”
“Next on the agenda: There is apparently a ‘Cult of Erlend’ spreading among the populous. Toleration of Audunites and the St. Aslak Splinter Church has led them to believe that other cults will be tolerated as well.”
“Shall I have them all murdered?”
“Er, thank you Mr. Whiplash, but no. We shall watch them carefully, but as I represent the Erlendian Restoration, this may be a good thing.”
“Well, if you change your mind just let me know.”
“Right. I will. Also, I wanted to let everyone know that ground has been broken in Halland on the Full-Dan Memorial Academy of the Poetic Arts. It has always struck me as odd that a nation that prides itself so much on Poetry and its patronage of the arts has never built even one University.”
Later on, in a dark alley
“HAHA Rival! Take that!” *stab* *stab* *stab* *stab*
“AHHHH! NOOooooo…” *hurk*
“Oh Olaf, Erlend. I’m so sorry…I thought you were Hagar! Well, no hard feeling right chum?”
“HAHAA!” *stab* *stab* *stabbity* *stab* *stab*
“Arrgh…Oh Olaf! Snidely! Why?”
“Eh, I was going after Erlend, but since he was already dead.” Snidely shrugs.
Yet again Crovania is stalked by Murder Most Foul! Two Imperial Ministers killed in a flash! Did Mother Shipton see that one coming? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much!
- 1
War, what war?
Only some poet died I believe.
Who cares about oversea territories, as long as the locals are whipped well everything is fine.
Only some poet died I believe.
Who cares about oversea territories, as long as the locals are whipped well everything is fine.
aye, why worry about external enemies (but just what did Sardinia do?) when the death rate is so impressively high (& inventive) at home ....
I see... Intriguing possibility. I notice (which may or may not be relevant) that Bill is wearing a helmet and armor, which might just be enough to resist Mr. Whiplash's attention.
How exactly does the backwards stinkhole that is paltry Sardinia have the authority to deliver my homeland to the tender mercies of the Russian Czar? I'm somewhat miffed about this, I say.
By the way, is that a Crovan Armada doing unspeakable things to poor Cyprus in the right-hand corner of that screenshot?
Hello all, I haven't wandered off again...as we enter the last Century of EU, I have to start thinking about the future. That future is V2 - even if the converter isn't done yet. It is done enough for my purposes, so I've started to mod my Vicky2 folder (something very difficult for me) in preparation for the shift. Here are the fruits of my labours thus far:
Now, the armies and navies (and yes, that is a Crovan Armada doing unspeakable things to Cyprus...the gigantic Crovan Armada loves doing horrible things to tiny defenseless nations!) are not yet ported...that part of the converter isn't finished yet, though I will figure out a way to recreate the militaries of the world if its not finished by the time we move on...I am so excited to take a massive 300+ship wooden navy into Vicky!
That being said...updates for Crovania begin again tomorrow and King Radama next week.
(I'll also do feedback tomorrow...just wanted to get this posted!
EDIT: Also, I need to get Press set to "Free Press" and switch the Upper House to "Appointed" or "Ruling House"
Now, the armies and navies (and yes, that is a Crovan Armada doing unspeakable things to Cyprus...the gigantic Crovan Armada loves doing horrible things to tiny defenseless nations!) are not yet ported...that part of the converter isn't finished yet, though I will figure out a way to recreate the militaries of the world if its not finished by the time we move on...I am so excited to take a massive 300+ship wooden navy into Vicky!
That being said...updates for Crovania begin again tomorrow and King Radama next week.
(I'll also do feedback tomorrow...just wanted to get this posted!
EDIT: Also, I need to get Press set to "Free Press" and switch the Upper House to "Appointed" or "Ruling House"
- 1
Unluckily I'm not a Crovanian citizan - I always wanted to vote for a Big-Ass Navy Party.
Of course I also want to read some romantic and realistic limericks.
Of course I also want to read some romantic and realistic limericks.