Bard IV “Mongo” Eriksson Crovan
Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the Western Isles, King of the East and West Vikings, King of Germania and King of Vinland and the Skraelingias. Lord of Foppingtonia, Slavelandia and Zanzibar, High Admiral of Gibralter, Life-President of the Sino Trade Company and the Rightful King of All Poland.
A Predictable Conclusion
(13 June 1640 – 17 September 1642)
It’s been a while, so here is the Crovan Empire as a reminder
After a delay, during which the Imperial Court stopped off to watch the hanging of the Assistant Poet Laureate Alf Olavsson for Crimes Against Poetry, we return to the Imperial Boardroom: Viken Castle
“Well, that was soooo awful.” *sigh* “Oh well. Kennet, run an ad in the Viken Times. We need a new Assistant Laureate.”
“Of course, My Prince. By the way, it…er…might be…well…lucky that we called the 500 Years Festival off early. I have a stack of reports about threatening moves by Russian spies and their armies are massing on our borders.”
*Gasp!* “Those dirty little tricksters!” Erik was shocked. “Where are our armies, we need to plan a response.”
“Oh, uh, good news there, My Prince. Our fleets and armies are in perfect position to attack Russia. Um. ‘cause we were planning to double cross them and chase them from Spain next month anyway. Remember?”
“Yeah, that’s why you ordered me over here with the larger Skraelingia Armies.”
Erik tittered. “Oh gosh, I’d forgotten that! No wonder the Russians are all nervous!”
The door smashes inward. Standing there is a large Italian fellow. “Awright der Erik. Paulie done sent me ta give ya one last chance ta pay up. Or else da Sicilians and da Russians is gonna go ta war wit youse.”
Erik clapped his hands gleefully. “Oh this is simply smashing! We were just talking about the Russians. It won’t be anything to add the Sicilians into the war effort!”
His eyes narrow. “So I’m telling Paulie dat youse clowns ain’t gonna pay den?”
“Only if Paulie is in Hell. Einer, be a dear and kill this man.”
*stab*
“hurk”
Thanks to the pre-emptive perfidy of Erik, the war goes swimmingly
For some reason, the Mameluks were placed at the head of the Russo-Sicilian Alliance. Future victory was quickly assured.
And with the Russian Mediterranean Fleet destroyed…
…and early moves in the north, the Russians are knocked out of further offensives. This prompts Sicily to quit the war.
For the war was only designed to distract Eirk…
*ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
*ZZZZZZZzzz….Snork* “What the…something wet inna sheets…did I piss myself?”
“Oh God! My 650 thread count Egyptian Cotton Sheets! You Bastard Paulie!”
“Oh…and Bard.”
…
“Actually, that...that makes things easier.”
And so, we return after a long hiatus to an emperor’s murder. Happily, some things never change in