• We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
FIRST OFF: NO UPDATE TODAY! Or until July 7th. I will be flying out to California with my wife and 3 kids tomorrow morning and won't be back until the 5th. The lack of updates this week were because I've been trying to wrap up work for this 10 day excursion. My last hope for updating (this morning) was instead consumed with fixing a network problem at the office. If I can squeak out an update before leaving, I will, but I do apologize for the delay!

(now for feedback)


Another one down, literally... :D
Good that the castle of Viken has many windows.
Hmm, that Parliament might have worked, but would not really have altered the functions of Crovan Empire.

It's a very light and airly palace, you know.

Bah, you give them a finger and they take your arm, those evil parlementarians...:mad::D

Yeah, whiney no-good so-and-sos

The whole sequence with the parliament was really well done. From august beginnings to utter chaos to summary mass executions in under two minutes! :D

Yes, that sounds much more in character... Shame, the Foppington/Dagmar* angle could've offered some really surreal comedy. As it stands, it sounds like Dagmar just signed a death warrant for poor Foppo. He wil be missed....

Marshal Torsson is showing the kind of quick homicidal thinking that is the hallmark of the truly great rulers of Crovania. If he and Dagmar actually make it to the throne, there'll be a global reign of terror. Either hope your gameplaying skills are up to the challenge, or see that it never comes to pass. ;)

So Gunnar's second wife (AKA the Battleaxe) was dead before she could even make a second appearance? Dagmar doesn't waste any time, does she?

*As I was typing her name, I hit the wrong key and instead of 'Dagmar' wrote 'Dahmar'... Freudian slip?

Haha. Yeah, I was pretty happy with how Parliament came out and yeah, Torsson is just the kind of quick-thinker who thrives (however briefly) in Crovania

Foppington, clearly, is about to be given reasons to pass out another time.

That's no way to treat a poet you know. It's madness.

It's not madness...it's Crovania!

Heh, a parliament? Knowing the Crovans, if I were invited, I would have just seconded the Gunnar's motion, just to avoid death by torture.

Yeah, me too!

That definitively was one of the greatest defenestrations yet. And the parliament was a great idea, very funny.

Thanks!

I've caught up, and wow! This was HILARIOUS! I especially loved the most recent one... :D

Good news: you'll be caught up by default for a bit :p

I kept on clicking "skip into movie" and nothing happened :-/

I was hoping to get to the executions...

I think executions are always funnier when you can imagine them for yourself
 
Have fun in California!
 
Oh he'll be back, give him time to write... I hope :(
 
Oh he'll be back, give him time to write... I hope :(

I am...I am

My left arm just died...

It's starting! :eek:

Oh god, I can't be responsible for a man's death!

I love this man too much. :(

I love you too phargy

Has it really been almost three weeks?!? I do hope Alfred can make a speedy return to this AAR... I want to know how Torsson and Dagmar make their way to the throne - and how they rule from it.

I'm back...and all shall be revealed

Have fun in California!

I did. Sorry about disappearing. I just lost all motivation. I think part of it was that I had California, followed by a daughter's 5th birthday then a 1st birthday for the youngest (the middle one comes up August 2nd) and I was just busy. The other part was, well, when I started, I thought I'd have the EUIII part wrapped up this summer and it is quite clear that this will probably not happen. I'm not a canonized, who sat down and planned on cranking out the same AAR for years upon years...it just sort of crept up on me and sometimes it is demoralizing, but then I get my energy back and here I am. Sorry for the delay (and for not explaining it) but I really hate posting in this thread without having an update (I hate giving out false hopes), so you were doomed to wait for me to write an update before getting any info.
 
1630-1634: In Which The AuthAAR has alienated all his readers

Gunnar III Eriksson Crovan

Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings and of the North and South Skraelings, Lord of Sino, Pontifix Maximus, Rightful King of All Poland and of the Germans, Life-President of the Sino Trade Company.


GunnarIIICap.jpg


In Which Limericks Make A Triumphant Return
(18 February 1630 – 4 July 1634)



Vice-Roy of Skraelingia, Lord Erik Amundson, has returned to issue a report.

Wife4.jpg




The Empress Mary walked into the throne room. At her heels were both the Great Vice-Roy Erik Amundsen and some other guy holding a piece of paper. “Dearest, I have two fabulous surprises for you!”



KingGunnarIII.jpg




“Oh I can’t wait to hear them, my blushing bride!”



Wife4.jpg




“Well first, let me introduce Alf Olavsson, who I think would make a great new Assistant Poet Laureate. Alf has something he’d like to read.”



AlfOlavsson.jpg




Alf coughed. “Thank you for that introduction, Your Esteemed Imperial Majesty. I have just returned from Skraelingia with my dear friend, the Vice-Roy Erik Amundsen and, at his request, I have composed a series of poems which will serve to update you on his progress as Vice-Roy.”



0356.jpg




“There once was a Lord known as Erik, Vice-Roy
Whose skills made Lord Vinland seem a boy.
With nothing to do,
He de-cide-ed to,
Treat unconquered natives as a toy.



0357.jpg




“Lord Amundson did find a Skraeling,
Whose skin tone made his seem quite paling.
He drew forth his gun,
And the Skraeling did run,
But the bullets still gave him an impaling.”



0358.jpg




“The Skraelings found this joke unfunny,
That their chief’s son innards were turned runny.
So they drew forth their knives,
And sent off their wives,
Forgetting they had not a gunny.”



0359.jpg




“With their Emperor reduced to goo,
Having been shot through and through.
The Skraeling wives pined,
And Amundson dined,
Before claiming the lands he wanted to.”

Alf then took a bow.



PederTorsson.jpg




“Wow! Excellently done Erik!”



KennetHaraldson.jpg




“Yes, and an excellent rendering of the events Alf. Mary, he is quite a find indeed!”



KingGunnarIII.jpg




“So wait? Erik? They made you eat with the women-folk? Weren’t you supposed to be conquering them or something?”



ErikAmundsen.jpg




Erik sighed. “I did, sire. That was just. Um. Poetic license.”



QueenDagmarI.jpg




“Well, that certainly was two great surprises Mary. A new poet Laureate and a new feather in the Crovan Crown.”



Wife4.jpg




“Oh, thank you my sister! But no, Alf isn’t one of the surprises…this is!” Mary pulled back her top-coat to reveal a very pregnant belly.



QueenDagmarI.jpg




Dagmar rubbed her temples. “Well fantastic.”



KingGunnarIII.jpg




“Wow! You’ve sure gotten fat!”



AlfOlavsson.jpg




Erik shot Alf a look and Alf nodded. He had one last chance to impress the Emperor. “If it please, Your Imperial Majesty, may I have liberty to explain your blushing bride’s blimpish body?”



KingGunnarIII.jpg




“Um. Sure.”



AlfOlavsson.jpg




“Ahem. Please forgive the quality…I’m just riffing here.” As he spoke, Alf drew a hefty glass inkwell from his pocket, making sure the stopper was loosened.

“Her belly grew to a great size,
Causing the Empress to surmise.
Her husband had lain with her,
And a baby put in her,
Which to all came as a great…SURPRISE!”

At which, he whirled, hurling the inkwell at a young man standing nearby.



Boy-Child.jpg




“Gah!” Yelled Bard. “Whunk” said the inkwell as it collided with his bruised and misshapen head. “Thud” said his body as it buckled and collapsed, inert, to the ground.



KingGunnarIII.jpg




“HAHAHAHAHAHA! Brilliant! Just Brilliant! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Kennet! Give this guy a job!”



KennetHaraldson.jpg




Kennet groaned, rubbing his own temples. “How about Assistant Laureate…sire.”



KingGunnarIII.jpg




“Perfect, perfect! You are so hired!”



AlfOlavsson.jpg




“I am so honored, your Imperial Majesty!” Alf and Erik exchanged ‘thumbs up.’



Later, In the Imperial Crown Princess’ Chambers

PederTorsson.jpg




“You need to keep an eye on Bard. He’s survived an awful lot of head injuries.”



QueenDagmarI.jpg




“Bard I can handle. He’s probably retarded by now. No. It’s Gunnar I’m getting concerned about. It doesn’t matter how barren, sterile, ugly or old his wives are, they keep getting pregnant. I may need to switch the focus of my attentions.



PederTorsson.jpg




“I’m just saying…watch that boy. He’s not going to be right in the head.”





Well, all the questions from last episode were answered, and all were “Yes!” An AOTCC2:TWIWTM record, I think. What new questions will appear? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much!
 
  • 1
Reactions:
You're back!!! Huzzahs are in order!

edit: How was my home state?
Also, I understand completely how long the project seems. Sometimes, when I realize that I've still just started, I feel a bit overwhelmed as well.
Well, here's hoping you stick to it and keep up the good work!
 
Last edited:
Dagmar rubbed her temples. “Well fantastic.”

Poor Dagmar, her problems just keep piling up. It must be a lot of work for her, finding all those windows to throw people from...

Gunnar better hope Bard doesn't die soon: how will he ever appoint anyone to a position of authority if Bard is not there to provide the litmus test of good governance (AKA being able to brain Bard with an unusual object and add a finishing touch)?

Of course, on that note, Torsson's comments sound worryingly like foreshadowing... Will Brad (he of the head that looks like a lumpy, misshapen potato) survive both Gunnar and Dagmar to claim the throne for himself? Scary thought...

Thanks for writing! I can certainly understand that the length of this project can get a little much at time. But the adoration from your legions of fans makes up for that, right? Right? RIGHT?!? <Goes to practice puppy-eyed look>
 
ROFL oh Packer , how I've missed this !

Limerick history should be an artform , O master ! XD

Plus the inkwell thrown at the boy was GENIUS . It had me on the floor all this morning . Love it ! Love it ! Want more of it :D
 
"I can see you do, but what's on the paper?"

grouchomarx6.jpg


Those poems were eyeball-itchingly awful.

's Interesting. For some reason, the picture wouldn't open on my computers, so I couldn't quite put my finger on the joke. However, as soon as I followed the link and opened the picture in another window, the joke made perfect sense. :)
 
Welcome back!

The last line made me so interested. I sure hope to see more of Bard.
 
Hurray for the return of Crovan Madness and for Bad Poetry in particular!:D
 
The inkwell bit was like an inevitable and much-anticipated punchline after all those limerics.

Is having your limerics not scan part of the new Scraelingian style?