Brain-Dan Bardsson Crovan
Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings, Pontifix Maxmimus, Lord of the Skraelings
In Which Moral Riddles Are Solved
(20 January 1586 – 25 November 1590)
Having refused all offers of amnesty, the rebels under Ossor Magnusson Crovan rose up against the crown. “Hmm. I need to stop them, but I want to make sure a lesson is learned here. There are 6,000 of them?”
“I shall send 60,000 to smash them like the insects they are.”
“Excellent decision sire, that will teach them. Sire, we’ve received word from the Second Sino Expedition, with three major developments.”
“Firstly, the Hated English have been spotted sailing the African coastline. Apparently they have decided to simply copy everything Your Majesty does, rather than seek out their own fancy discoveries.”
“Hmm. That is an interesting development. One we will have to watch. What other news do they bring, Aksel?”
“Well, sire, it appears that our colony on the coast has begun enslaving large numbers of the natives, and even sending foraging parties into the interior to seek out new peoples to plunder. Now, simple slavery, well sure, that’s no problem, but these folks are being loaded up on ships and sent away from the only world and people they’ve ever known forever to work the plantations, mines, forests and Bear Farms of the New World Colonies. Now, as a Christian Nation, and with Olaf Christ having returned as a member of your own family, this is an unconscionable development! I think we…”
“Unconscionable? Why Aksel! You haven’t thought this through have you?”
“Pardon, sire? I just don’t see how this is consistent with our core values.”
“Ah! Well then let me enlighten you.”
“First of all, What is the key problem with our American colonies?”
“Oh well that’s easy. Profitability. There just aren’t enough individuals to work the abundant forests, mines, sugar and cotton plantations, and the bear farms are always having to replace handlers.”
“Right…now, if we were having this problem right here in good old Crovania proper what would we do to solve it?”
“Oh that’s easy, we’d just make the serfs do it!”
“Exactly! And why can’t we do this in Skraelingia and Vinland?”
“Oh, there’s no serfs there.”
“Spot on. And why can’t we just send over serfs we already possess?”
“Oh yeah, they are bound to the land they work in perpetuity. We’d have to kill any that went to the New World just on principle.”
“Right Aksel, you’re really following this well. So why don’t we just enslave the Skraelings?”
“Oh we have, at least the ones we can catch, but between Birger and smallpox, there just aren’t that many of them…OOOhhhh, now I get it!”
“You’re such a smart boy, I knew you would. Don’t think of them as slaves Aksel. Just think of them as portable serfs.”
“Well now that that’s out of the way, dear husband, I am eager to hear, what else did the Sino Expedition do?”
“Ha! You’re right dear, I’ve gotten distracted with my little lesson. Tell us more Aksel.”
Aksel’s conscience was now clear. “Oh, well, they ‘negotiated’ permanent access with a people known as the Swahili. We will have permanent access to all their ivory, gold, trade goods, tax revenue and,” Aksel winked, “portable serfs. In exchange, they will do whatever the Sino Expedition asks and try not to bleed all over our guns and steel pikes anymore.”
“That is fantastic news. I have another piece of good news myself.”
“Russia has just concluded a long, drawn out, but ultimately successful war in their far eastern lands. While I am not a big fan of Russian wins, this does present us with a nice opportunity. Our well rested and mostly local army numbers 244,000, while the tired and far away Russian armies number only half that for the moment. While they are busy marching back and replacing their losses, we can swallow up some of the little guys without too much risk.”
“Ah yes, another glorious day in Crovania. Nothing can spoil this!”
“Huh. My left arm is all tingly and numb. I guess I pulled something at that last mass convers…oooh…tightness in chest…”
*hurk*
Oh no! Birger the Navigator has passed! Will Crovania ever see his like again? Will the Portable Serfs express displeasure at their new status? Will this gamble against Russia work? Find out on the next exciting episode of
