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Erik really is something else. Already he's killed one assistant laureate and one additional poet, personally no less! Lesser emperors have their marshals do it for them, but not this one!
By the way, he had a brother didn't he. What's he up to?
Edit: By the way (again), I just looked up the meaning of his title ('Pugnacious'). Did you actually know that word before or did you look up synonyms for 'aggressive'?
By the way, he had a brother didn't he. What's he up to?
Edit: By the way (again), I just looked up the meaning of his title ('Pugnacious'). Did you actually know that word before or did you look up synonyms for 'aggressive'?
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'Cathaoir is Baroquen!'
That is one fine pun. And it's also factually true (assuming the window he 'leapt' from is of sufficient height)!
I admire Erik's hands-on management of his cabinet, as well as his casual cruelty in robbing Cathaoir of his comfortable delusions, moments before sticking him like a pig and hurling him from a window. His pedigree is manifesting itself - this should be a fun reign.
Enjoy the vacation!
That is one fine pun. And it's also factually true (assuming the window he 'leapt' from is of sufficient height)!
I admire Erik's hands-on management of his cabinet, as well as his casual cruelty in robbing Cathaoir of his comfortable delusions, moments before sticking him like a pig and hurling him from a window. His pedigree is manifesting itself - this should be a fun reign.
Enjoy the vacation!
Maybe Erik should hire that journalist who wrote the news article... he should be some sort of amusement as an advisor...
I don't know...It might be hard finding people who want to serve in Erik's court1
Yeah, like 30 of them
Erik really is something else. Already he's killed one assistant laureate and one additional poet, personally no less! Lesser emperors have their marshals do it for them, but not this one!
By the way, he had a brother didn't he. What's he up to?
Edit: By the way (again), I just looked up the meaning of his title ('Pugnacious'). Did you actually know that word before or did you look up synonyms for 'aggressive'?
I knew it before...and Erik is more ambitious today!
'Cathaoir is Baroquen!'
That is one fine pun. And it's also factually true (assuming the window he 'leapt' from is of sufficient height)!
I admire Erik's hands-on management of his cabinet, as well as his casual cruelty in robbing Cathaoir of his comfortable delusions, moments before sticking him like a pig and hurling him from a window. His pedigree is manifesting itself - this should be a fun reign.
Enjoy the vacation!
Thanks! I liked the pun too
Nice stuff, and enjoy the well deserved vacation!
Thanks! and I'm back!
1571-1573: I guess Erik will be the new Marshal? I don't know?
A mime. For Poet Laureate? What has Crovania come to! Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much!
Erik II “The Pugnacious” Bardsson Crovan
Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings, Pontifix Maxmimus, Lord of the Skraelings, Scourge of the Rus
In Which A New Art Form Is Celebrated
(21 December 1571 – 5 October 1573)
Erik sat around the table with his Imperial Council. “So, since it seems like I won’t get any private reflection time until this is handled, I’m going to review the new Imperial Council. First, the new Imperial Chancellor, Aksel Larsson.”
“Hello!”
“And, of Course, the Imperial Marshal, Alf Bolt.”
“I think they know me already, Your Imperial Majesty.”
“Hmmm. Good point. Okay, so I will skip over our Colonial Minister, Birger the Navigator and get right to –“
“Hey!”
“-My younger brother, the Prince Imperial, Dan, who will be Lord of the Exchequer.”
“Good morning all.”
“Finally, and I’m particularly excited about this, our new, less audibly annoying Assistant to the Posthumous Poet Laureate, Erik Torsson.”
*** is trapped in an invisible box ***
…
…
“Ha ha! See that? He’s trapped in a box! Isn’t that hilarious!”
“Forgive my impertinence, sire, but he’s a mime.”
Erik was annoyed. “Yes Alf, I am aware of his particular art form.”
“Right, but you’ve made him Assistant Poet Laureate.”
*** Loses a game of invisible tug-of-war ***
“You know what Alf, as the Emperor, I think I don’t need to explain my appointments to you.”
“Oh Sire, please, you misunderstand, I am not suggesting I have the right to question your appointments, I just wanted to suggest to you that the annoyances Charles and Cathaoir foisted upon you might have caused a slight over-reaction to…”
“gasp”
“gurgle”
“hurk”
Erik wiped the blade of his sword on the body of the ex-Marshal. “So, does anyone else have a critique?”
“Nope. In fact, I think I’d best sail immediately for Vinland and Skraelingia. Those natives won’t slaughter themselves you know.”
“Right. Good thinking.”
“And, uh, I’d best get going too. The Bolt Estate seems to need liquidating and I think it is worth about 200 ducats, so I’ll get right on that!”
“Yes, and I have to head right to the re-re-send off for the Sino Expedition. This time, they will make the Indes or die trying!”
“Good thinking you two,” Erik said to their swiftly retreating backs.
*** steals the dead Marshal’s invisible wallet and rifles through the invisible contents ***
“Ha ha! I guess drinks are on you.”
Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings, Pontifix Maxmimus, Lord of the Skraelings, Scourge of the Rus
In Which A New Art Form Is Celebrated
(21 December 1571 – 5 October 1573)
Erik sat around the table with his Imperial Council. “So, since it seems like I won’t get any private reflection time until this is handled, I’m going to review the new Imperial Council. First, the new Imperial Chancellor, Aksel Larsson.”
“Hello!”
“And, of Course, the Imperial Marshal, Alf Bolt.”
“I think they know me already, Your Imperial Majesty.”
“Hmmm. Good point. Okay, so I will skip over our Colonial Minister, Birger the Navigator and get right to –“
“Hey!”
“-My younger brother, the Prince Imperial, Dan, who will be Lord of the Exchequer.”
“Good morning all.”
“Finally, and I’m particularly excited about this, our new, less audibly annoying Assistant to the Posthumous Poet Laureate, Erik Torsson.”
*** is trapped in an invisible box ***
…
…
“Ha ha! See that? He’s trapped in a box! Isn’t that hilarious!”
“Forgive my impertinence, sire, but he’s a mime.”
Erik was annoyed. “Yes Alf, I am aware of his particular art form.”
“Right, but you’ve made him Assistant Poet Laureate.”
*** Loses a game of invisible tug-of-war ***
“You know what Alf, as the Emperor, I think I don’t need to explain my appointments to you.”
“Oh Sire, please, you misunderstand, I am not suggesting I have the right to question your appointments, I just wanted to suggest to you that the annoyances Charles and Cathaoir foisted upon you might have caused a slight over-reaction to…”
“gasp”
“gurgle”
“hurk”
Erik wiped the blade of his sword on the body of the ex-Marshal. “So, does anyone else have a critique?”
“Nope. In fact, I think I’d best sail immediately for Vinland and Skraelingia. Those natives won’t slaughter themselves you know.”
“Right. Good thinking.”
“And, uh, I’d best get going too. The Bolt Estate seems to need liquidating and I think it is worth about 200 ducats, so I’ll get right on that!”
“Yes, and I have to head right to the re-re-send off for the Sino Expedition. This time, they will make the Indes or die trying!”
“Good thinking you two,” Erik said to their swiftly retreating backs.
*** steals the dead Marshal’s invisible wallet and rifles through the invisible contents ***
“Ha ha! I guess drinks are on you.”
A mime. For Poet Laureate? What has Crovania come to! Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much!
- 1
The native Americans won't slaughter themselves?
Then why do the native Europeans keep doing it!
Then why do the native Europeans keep doing it!
Guess the joke's on me then.
*Drops the subject*I'm getting a bit of an evil overlord feel from Erik now. I mean, more so than usual. An evil overlord by Crovan standards, if you will. Killing a subordinate in the middle of a meeting ought to keep the rest on their toes, I'd say.
I look forward to more insightful commentary from the new assistant laureate.
A mime?!? a MIME?!? A BLOODY MIME*?!?
If Erik weren't a homicidal maniac, I'd really question his wisdom here. I mean, a mime? The makeup, the exaggerated gestures, the infuriating silence... There's just something so entirely loathesome about mimes.
However, since Erik is inarguably a homicidal maniac who doesn't take kindly to criticism, his decision to appoint a mime is obviously a stroke of genius (it also begs the interesting question: when the inevitable murder of this Assistant to the Posthumous Poet Laureate occurs, does it make a sound? Or: if a mime is defenestrated, does he grow invisible wings and learn to fly?).
Lots of self-preservation instincts on display in the rest of Erik's cabinet, which is pretty amazing, given the usual caliber of Crovan advisors. Maybe Mistmage is right and Erik's murderous tendencies are having apositive effect on the overall efficiency of Crovan government! Fancy that!
It's nice to have this continue: I was beginning to miss my Crovan fix.
*Sooner or later, it's inevitable.
If Erik weren't a homicidal maniac, I'd really question his wisdom here. I mean, a mime? The makeup, the exaggerated gestures, the infuriating silence... There's just something so entirely loathesome about mimes.
However, since Erik is inarguably a homicidal maniac who doesn't take kindly to criticism, his decision to appoint a mime is obviously a stroke of genius (it also begs the interesting question: when the inevitable murder of this Assistant to the Posthumous Poet Laureate occurs, does it make a sound? Or: if a mime is defenestrated, does he grow invisible wings and learn to fly?).
Lots of self-preservation instincts on display in the rest of Erik's cabinet, which is pretty amazing, given the usual caliber of Crovan advisors. Maybe Mistmage is right and Erik's murderous tendencies are having apositive effect on the overall efficiency of Crovan government! Fancy that!
It's nice to have this continue: I was beginning to miss my Crovan fix.
*Sooner or later, it's inevitable.
A mime?!? a MIME?!? A BLOODY MIME*?!?
If Erik weren't a homicidal maniac, I'd really question his wisdom here. I mean, a mime? The makeup, the exaggerated gestures, the infuriating silence... There's just something so entirely loathesome about mimes.
However, since Erik is inarguably a homicidal maniac who doesn't take kindly to criticism, his decision to appoint a mime is obviously a stroke of genius (it also begs the interesting question: when the inevitable murder of this Assistant to the Posthumous Poet Laureate occurs, does it make a sound? Or: if a mime is defenestrated, does he grow invisible wings and learn to fly?).
Lots of self-preservation instincts on display in the rest of Erik's cabinet, which is pretty amazing, given the usual caliber of Crovan advisors. Maybe Mistmage is right and Erik's murderous tendencies are having apositive effect on the overall efficiency of Crovan government! Fancy that!
It's nice to have this continue: I was beginning to miss my Crovan fix.
*Sooner or later, it's inevitable.
Hey, Dan grew up with the guy...he knows how to stay alive...for example...
Thanks...I like Birger's line too.
Guess the joke's on me then.
I'm getting a bit of an evil overlord feel from Erik now. I mean, more so than usual. An evil overlord by Crovan standards, if you will. Killing a subordinate in the middle of a meeting ought to keep the rest on their toes, I'd say.
I look forward to more insightful commentary from the new assistant laureate.
Yes, Mr. Torsson is an elegent artist whose work we'll all grow to love
The native Americans won't slaughter themselves?
Then why do the native Europeans keep doing it!
the native Europeans are trendsetters
I'm sure it brings the 'poetry' to the next level...
poetry...in motion!
1574-1575: It's a long way to go for a cheap sight gag
Today’s lesson? If no one will be your ally, go and make some! Find out who dies next on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much!
Erik II “The Pugnacious” Bardsson Crovan
Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings, Pontifix Maxmimus, Lord of the Skraelings, Scourge of the Rus
In Which Erik’s Murderous Designs Are Diverted
(15 June 1574 – 14 April 1575)
The Imperial Council was already in session. Erik’s face was calm, but it was that icy calm that sent shivers of fear down the backs of his councillers. “So, Aksel. Mecklenburg-in-Brittany has lost to the Bohemian Crown in grand style in a gigantic war. However, since we did not involve ourselves, the Jutland peninsula is still firmly in Mecklenburgian hands. Chancellor, how did you miss this?”
“Well, uh, homina homina homina.” Aksel’s bluster was gone, his face broke out in a cold sweat.
*** gags silently as he is hanged by an invisible rope ***
Dan shot an annoyed glance at the mime. This wasn’t going well.
“No good answer eh?” Erik rose to his feet.
“Wait! I got it!”
Erik turned, sword half drawn. “Got what Dan?”
“Uh, the reason Aksel didn’t join in the Mecklenburgian War.”
“Well this should be good.”
*** has difficulty walking against a very powerful invisible wind ***
“Uh. Russia! Yeah, Russia. You know how they seized the Athenian Empire and Bosnia’s coastline? Well, that gave them a lot of Mediterranean access. And, while we can trap them in the Baltic, we have no such mechanism to trap their Mediterranean Fleets from reaching the Atlantic!” Dan’s face was lighting up. What had started as a diversion was becoming an actual plan.
Erik stood still, considering, sword still half-drawn. “Okay, now that’s good…thinking ahead. Russia is our strongest enemy. How do we stop their Mediterranean access?”
“We dominate Hispania. Seize the straits of Gibralter. And so, we needed to save our manpower, rebuild our forces from your last war, and move on the Sultan of Spanish Riga.”
“Why Riga? Why not just overrun Granada?”
“Two reasons. First, Riga is the regional power. We need to maul them first. Plus, we can build a pair of useful alliances in the area, break lose some new nations in the area that will support us. Second, they are allied with the hated Brahe Clan, the Kings of England, so we will get to kill some of those bastards as well.”
The sword slid back into the scabbard with an audible click. “By God Aksel, that is brilliant! But man! Why didn’t you just say so yourself! Ha! I shall command the Army of Scotland personally and give King Arthur Brahe a drubbing he shant soon forget!” Erik slapped Aksel and Dan on the backs and strode eagerly from the room.
*** has difficulty juggling invisible balls ***
“Well, then Aksel, I will take leave as well. It seems I have a war to organize.”
Aksel did not answer. He was too busy crying.
And now we cut to the Forward base in captured Lisboa
Dan smiled broadly. “God, those Imperial Marines are astounding, from the storming of Lisboa’s beaches…”
“The storming of Lisboa, the storming of the Rigan Capital at Alenejo…”
“They are unstoppable war gods. It is because of them we have won this fine victory and liberated the long-suffering Portuguese from the confusing rule of the German Sunni Archbishops of Riga-in-Andelucia.”
“I have to say, My Prince, your conduct in this war has been exceptional. How did things go on your brother, our Beloved Emperor’s front?”
“He, uh, he had a few difficulties.”
”The Burning Of Glasgow” as seen in the beloved Children’s Classic Chronicles of Crovania book 3 – Rufferto Saves the Emperor © 1844 Crovanian Imperial Press.
Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings, Pontifix Maxmimus, Lord of the Skraelings, Scourge of the Rus
In Which Erik’s Murderous Designs Are Diverted
(15 June 1574 – 14 April 1575)
The Imperial Council was already in session. Erik’s face was calm, but it was that icy calm that sent shivers of fear down the backs of his councillers. “So, Aksel. Mecklenburg-in-Brittany has lost to the Bohemian Crown in grand style in a gigantic war. However, since we did not involve ourselves, the Jutland peninsula is still firmly in Mecklenburgian hands. Chancellor, how did you miss this?”
“Well, uh, homina homina homina.” Aksel’s bluster was gone, his face broke out in a cold sweat.
*** gags silently as he is hanged by an invisible rope ***
Dan shot an annoyed glance at the mime. This wasn’t going well.
“No good answer eh?” Erik rose to his feet.
“Wait! I got it!”
Erik turned, sword half drawn. “Got what Dan?”
“Uh, the reason Aksel didn’t join in the Mecklenburgian War.”
“Well this should be good.”
*** has difficulty walking against a very powerful invisible wind ***
“Uh. Russia! Yeah, Russia. You know how they seized the Athenian Empire and Bosnia’s coastline? Well, that gave them a lot of Mediterranean access. And, while we can trap them in the Baltic, we have no such mechanism to trap their Mediterranean Fleets from reaching the Atlantic!” Dan’s face was lighting up. What had started as a diversion was becoming an actual plan.
Erik stood still, considering, sword still half-drawn. “Okay, now that’s good…thinking ahead. Russia is our strongest enemy. How do we stop their Mediterranean access?”
“We dominate Hispania. Seize the straits of Gibralter. And so, we needed to save our manpower, rebuild our forces from your last war, and move on the Sultan of Spanish Riga.”
“Why Riga? Why not just overrun Granada?”
“Two reasons. First, Riga is the regional power. We need to maul them first. Plus, we can build a pair of useful alliances in the area, break lose some new nations in the area that will support us. Second, they are allied with the hated Brahe Clan, the Kings of England, so we will get to kill some of those bastards as well.”
The sword slid back into the scabbard with an audible click. “By God Aksel, that is brilliant! But man! Why didn’t you just say so yourself! Ha! I shall command the Army of Scotland personally and give King Arthur Brahe a drubbing he shant soon forget!” Erik slapped Aksel and Dan on the backs and strode eagerly from the room.
*** has difficulty juggling invisible balls ***
“Well, then Aksel, I will take leave as well. It seems I have a war to organize.”
Aksel did not answer. He was too busy crying.
And now we cut to the Forward base in captured Lisboa
Dan smiled broadly. “God, those Imperial Marines are astounding, from the storming of Lisboa’s beaches…”
“The storming of Lisboa, the storming of the Rigan Capital at Alenejo…”
“They are unstoppable war gods. It is because of them we have won this fine victory and liberated the long-suffering Portuguese from the confusing rule of the German Sunni Archbishops of Riga-in-Andelucia.”
“I have to say, My Prince, your conduct in this war has been exceptional. How did things go on your brother, our Beloved Emperor’s front?”
“He, uh, he had a few difficulties.”
”The Burning Of Glasgow” as seen in the beloved Children’s Classic Chronicles of Crovania book 3 – Rufferto Saves the Emperor © 1844 Crovanian Imperial Press.
Today’s lesson? If no one will be your ally, go and make some! Find out who dies next on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much!
- 1
Ah, it seems that Erik has found his match in Dan... How do I love the smell of civil war in the morning...
Occasionally, this stuff really just writes itself, doesn't it?
I like Dan, though he's suspiciously sane and efficient for a Crovan: I doubt he has what it takes to become ruler. Was he switched at birth with a non-Crovan child?
Erik shows his versatility: not does he bring enthousiasm and drive to murdering individuals, he's also capable of inflicting mass cruelty on large populations! If he can only master the last (and least important) aspect of the murderous triangle, killing large numbers of enemy soldiers, he might just turn out to be the allround best murderous b*stard ever to have occupied the Crovan throne!
Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far!
No, Erik's been pretty lucky. England wasn't the alliance leader, so when all was said and done, they just had to pack up and go home (However, their overrunning of Scotland is why the epic invasion of Riga only ended in Lisboa being siezed)
Thanks!
Occasionally, this stuff really just writes itself, doesn't it?
I like Dan, though he's suspiciously sane and efficient for a Crovan: I doubt he has what it takes to become ruler. Was he switched at birth with a non-Crovan child?
Erik shows his versatility: not does he bring enthousiasm and drive to murdering individuals, he's also capable of inflicting mass cruelty on large populations! If he can only master the last (and least important) aspect of the murderous triangle, killing large numbers of enemy soldiers, he might just turn out to be the allround best murderous b*stard ever to have occupied the Crovan throne!
Erik's almost there
and yeah, maybe those years of exlusion from Bard III's court were actually good for young Dan's mental development.Erh, are you sure Portugal won't go crazy colonizing the world?
Well, I've played to 1620 and the only thing they've made crazy so far is me
Ah, it seems that Erik has found his match in Dan... How do I love the smell of civil war in the morning...
Indeed he has...
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