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The Spyder is too good for his own good... this is bound to go wrong... the Crovan Way... 
Murmurandus said:The Spyder is too good for his own good... this is bound to go wrong... the Crovan Way...
Agreed. Insanity perhaps? Tourette's syndrome anyone? How about a nasty plague?
I've said it once, and I gonna say it again:
Surely the Spyder must be a bastard. I hope he does soon pass on for a legitimate Crovan prince of the blood to rule in this impostor's stead!
The_Guiscard said:
Surely the Spyder must be a bastard. I hope he does soon pass on for a legitimate Crovan prince of the blood to rule in this impostor's stead!
Eh, my father is short-sighted and my mother's far-sighted, and they've produced two sons, both of which have perfect vision.The_Guiscard said:
Erik might be the result of something similar, but in relation to his parents' differing forms of dumbness.
Eams said:
How could they fail to? Their respective eyesight defects evened out. I'm really astonished that I have to point out the obvious to you!
Hm. Maybe your vision isn't so good after all?
Precisely, which is why I used it as an example before postulating that the same might be true for dumbness. For instance, Erik's mother might have been dumb in the way that she thought that a good place for storing her crayons would be her nose, while his father might have believed that the offspring of a cross-religious marriage would be white but with black dots. So, the combination of practical and abstract might well result in a reasonably intelligent baby.The_Guiscard said:
Though to make sure it might be good if you were to seek out a girl who finds ascending a staircase to be an intellectual challenge, and if the fruit of your combined loins turns out to be a future Nobel laureate, it'll vindicate my theory
And with my above remark, our internal insult score is 1-1The_Guiscard said:Hm. Maybe your vision isn't so good after all?
So you are losing Balkans and try to create a Rik in the nord?
Shame shame, no one wants to live in the cold north...
Shame shame, no one wants to live in the cold north...
Alfred Packer said:
Really? I guess that's a good way to kill off an unwanted character!
Just caught up with this. Outhouse Limerickry :rofl:
I would like to thank you a thousand times over for teaching me a new and amazingly awesome new word. Defenestration! :rofl:
I would like to thank you a thousand times over for teaching me a new and amazingly awesome new word. Defenestration! :rofl:
I'd love to see someone use it as a death threat: "Hey, pay us the money you owe us or we're gonna hav'ta defenestrate you!"demokratickid said:
A great word!
Eams said:
Make it five! Yeah, I imagine defenstration as a humorous threat, to catch your enemy off guard before hitting him with the broken whiskey bottle in your hand behind your back... :rofl:
Now, enough thread-jacking and on with the AAR!
P.S. My 700th post, yay!
canonized: thanks!
Berrie: they have to happen sometimes...oh well, at least he's still a heartless megalomaniac!
Murmurandus: we can only hope!
Rastar: the usual is "incompetant children", but we shall see
The_Guiscard: hmmm...a bastard...well, I don't know, but he wouldn't be the first!
Eams: true, and maybe Full-Dan soaked up all the crazy
Enewald: Erik;s madness does show through. After Crovanization, the Balkans went from happy resort to madhouse.
demokratickid: Thanks!
Dasfubar: Toilet Humor is the highest form of comedy around here...I'm glad you've liked it!
The Defenestration Players: Heh...best ongoing dialogue in the comments of one of my AARs ever
Berrie: they have to happen sometimes...oh well, at least he's still a heartless megalomaniac!
Murmurandus: we can only hope!
Rastar: the usual is "incompetant children", but we shall see
The_Guiscard: hmmm...a bastard...well, I don't know, but he wouldn't be the first!
Eams: true, and maybe Full-Dan soaked up all the crazy
Enewald: Erik;s madness does show through. After Crovanization, the Balkans went from happy resort to madhouse.
demokratickid: Thanks!
Dasfubar: Toilet Humor is the highest form of comedy around here...I'm glad you've liked it!
The Defenestration Players: Heh...best ongoing dialogue in the comments of one of my AARs ever
1486: I picture Ed Asner playing the part of Erik
EXERPT FROM: The 1982 ABC After-School Special, “Something Is Wrong With Geoffrey”
Scene: Geoffrey’s bedroom. – changes – the bookshelf has been emptied. A copy of “The Viken Tales” is torn apart, but the cover is clearly visible to the cameras and is located on the bed. On Geoffrey’s desk, his epic on the Northern War has been balled up and instead a single piece of paper is visible. Oh, and silhouetted in the background, Geoffrey’s hanging corpse.
Emperor Erik: (Enters, looking down at some papers) What ho Geoffrey! We have work to do. Scandinavia has broken our alliance and I think we need to start preparing a final reckoning for Meissen.
Geoffrey: (Sways gently in background)
Emperor Erik: Geoffrey? (Erik looks up and notices the wrecked state of the room). Good heavens! What sort of tomfoolery – (Erik notices the hanged body of Geoffrey)
Geoffrey: (Sways gently in background)
Emperor Erik: Hmmm. I wonder who would want to do in Geoffrey. He was such a gentle fellow. (notices the paper on the desk and walks to said paper)
Geoffrey: (Sways gently in background)
Emperor Erik: (to himself) Well, hopefully he finished “The Northern War” before going. Oh wait, this isn’t the poem. It’s a note. I guess I will read it outloud in spite of the fact that no one else is in here.
Geoffrey: (Sways gently in background)
Emperor Erik: (cough once, to clear throat) To whom it may concern: I have laboured long and hard to get past the simple fact that, while I am the best poet Crovania has ever produced, I will never get the recognition I deserve simply because Full-Dan stole my master-work. I cannot do it any longer. The Northern War is a terrible poem, great by most standards, but nothing compared to the Viken Tales. I cannot go on any longer, living a life subservient to Full-Dan’s lie. Assistant to the Laureate? Crap. Signed, Geoffrey Chaucer, Chancellor of the Realm. (Erik lowers the paper and looks over at the swinging corpse.
Geoffrey: (Sways gently in background)
Emperor Erik: (shakes his head) Good Lord Geoffrey, what an awful poem. No rhyming, no point, no nothing. Just some esoteric mumbo jumbo about how Full-Dan out-poeted you. And really? Liar? You know full well he had to let Larsson take credit for the Viken Tales. (shakes his head again before tossing the note into a dust-bin)
Geoffrey: (Sways gently in background)
Emperor Erik: Knut! Come in here!
Knut: (Enters through the open door) Sire?
Emperor Erik: Two things. One, I need a new Chancellor. Find one. Two (gestures towards the corpse) have some one cut that down and dispose of it. You can have the room. Geoffrey won’t be needing it anymore.
Knut: (excited – he’s asked for a corner bedchamber before) Oh yes, Your Imperial Majesty! At once!
Emperor Erik: Excellent (leaves out the open door)
Knut: (excitedly and loudly begins measuring furniture) And I’ll put my porcelain kitten collection on the bookshelf and I’ll replace this nasty table with a nice sofa and love seat. I think the walls should be painted!
Geoffrey: (Sways gently in background)
SCENE FADES TO BLACK
FADE BACK IN
The entire cast is assembled before a red curtain
All: Kids! Don’t Do Drugs!
Geoffrey: (leans forward with a knowing smile) Or commit suicide!
THE END
Erik I “The Spyder” Kolbeinsson Crovan
Emperor of the Crovan Empire
A Very Special The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2
(8 July 1486)
Emperor of the Crovan Empire
A Very Special The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2
(8 July 1486)
EXERPT FROM: The 1982 ABC After-School Special, “Something Is Wrong With Geoffrey”
Scene: Geoffrey’s bedroom. – changes – the bookshelf has been emptied. A copy of “The Viken Tales” is torn apart, but the cover is clearly visible to the cameras and is located on the bed. On Geoffrey’s desk, his epic on the Northern War has been balled up and instead a single piece of paper is visible. Oh, and silhouetted in the background, Geoffrey’s hanging corpse.
Emperor Erik: (Enters, looking down at some papers) What ho Geoffrey! We have work to do. Scandinavia has broken our alliance and I think we need to start preparing a final reckoning for Meissen.
Geoffrey: (Sways gently in background)
Emperor Erik: Geoffrey? (Erik looks up and notices the wrecked state of the room). Good heavens! What sort of tomfoolery – (Erik notices the hanged body of Geoffrey)
Geoffrey: (Sways gently in background)
Emperor Erik: Hmmm. I wonder who would want to do in Geoffrey. He was such a gentle fellow. (notices the paper on the desk and walks to said paper)
Geoffrey: (Sways gently in background)
Emperor Erik: (to himself) Well, hopefully he finished “The Northern War” before going. Oh wait, this isn’t the poem. It’s a note. I guess I will read it outloud in spite of the fact that no one else is in here.
Geoffrey: (Sways gently in background)
Emperor Erik: (cough once, to clear throat) To whom it may concern: I have laboured long and hard to get past the simple fact that, while I am the best poet Crovania has ever produced, I will never get the recognition I deserve simply because Full-Dan stole my master-work. I cannot do it any longer. The Northern War is a terrible poem, great by most standards, but nothing compared to the Viken Tales. I cannot go on any longer, living a life subservient to Full-Dan’s lie. Assistant to the Laureate? Crap. Signed, Geoffrey Chaucer, Chancellor of the Realm. (Erik lowers the paper and looks over at the swinging corpse.
Geoffrey: (Sways gently in background)
Emperor Erik: (shakes his head) Good Lord Geoffrey, what an awful poem. No rhyming, no point, no nothing. Just some esoteric mumbo jumbo about how Full-Dan out-poeted you. And really? Liar? You know full well he had to let Larsson take credit for the Viken Tales. (shakes his head again before tossing the note into a dust-bin)
Geoffrey: (Sways gently in background)
Emperor Erik: Knut! Come in here!
Knut: (Enters through the open door) Sire?
Emperor Erik: Two things. One, I need a new Chancellor. Find one. Two (gestures towards the corpse) have some one cut that down and dispose of it. You can have the room. Geoffrey won’t be needing it anymore.
Knut: (excited – he’s asked for a corner bedchamber before) Oh yes, Your Imperial Majesty! At once!
Emperor Erik: Excellent (leaves out the open door)
Knut: (excitedly and loudly begins measuring furniture) And I’ll put my porcelain kitten collection on the bookshelf and I’ll replace this nasty table with a nice sofa and love seat. I think the walls should be painted!
Geoffrey: (Sways gently in background)
SCENE FADES TO BLACK
FADE BACK IN
The entire cast is assembled before a red curtain
All: Kids! Don’t Do Drugs!
Geoffrey: (leans forward with a knowing smile) Or commit suicide!
THE END
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