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Come on, finish the recapitulation. There are virgin cousins still left unspoiled out there. :D
 
The summaries are a hilarious reminder of some very memorable characters.

Even though they should probably rather be forgotten, all things considered. :D
 
The Crovans are riding again! I can't wait to see what 18th century mayhem some 18th century Crovan in lace and silk will unleash on the Americas...
 
uddu: me too! (I should really try planning things out sometime!)

Murmurandus: thanks

Enewald: I always meant to use Ysep's converter that creates a mod, but instead I used the converter based on his that makes a save game (just in case a mod won't work with the EUIII-Ricky converter)

Count Lake: You really should...it's awesome. phargle himself has called it "a total rip-off." Wait. skip that last part

4th Dimension: oh we are so close!

The_Guiscard: And really, they should

General_BT: Me too. I'm sure the Crovan penchant for human relations will make for a kinder, gentler despoiling of the natural wonders of the new world ;)

DavidsonShdw: for the most part. Bohemia is that spidery golden land spread all over Norther Europe, they are pretty strong and my natural enemy. Milan, the Turks, Tunisia and one other country...Tripoli I think, are also scattered about like measals, but yea, thats about it.

For anyone but the Crovans, that would be a golden opportunity.
 
Here From There
Or: What The Hell Is Norway Doing In Turkey?

A Short History of Crovan Norway from 1066 to 1452

Part 4 - The House of Erlend-Crovan, The Fall
1267-1334​


Skule Half-Dansson Crovan, King of All Norway, Sweden and Denmark

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Skule, age 16, the Civil Wars have taken a toll on him

Born in 1267. Regency of his mother Svia 1267-1274. Ill-fated Regency of Orson the Marshal 1274-1277. Began to rule 1277 at age 10. Died aged 59 in 1326.
Ruled 59 years, 49 of them alone

Highlights
Haircut became a fashion sensation
Appointed the Brahe Clan to the Kingship of England, a title they hold to this day
Appointed a junior Erlend-Crovan branch to the Kingship of Ireland, a title they hold to this day
Bengt the Olander becomes the 3rd mass-murderer to find a safe haven in Viken Castle
Audun Crovan realizes he is Christ, Reborn
Bengt's brother Eskild becomes the 4th mass-murderer...wait, should these be highlights?


Lowlights
Marshal Orson's ill-concieved invasion of Spain cost him Southern France
The rest of France breaks away in rebellion
The Great Civil War (1277-1293) costs Skule just about everything but Scandinavia
Stabbed in the back by those Brahe jerks a week later
Stabbed in the back by those Irish-Crovan jerks a week later
Bengt murdered Christ, Reborn
Didn't realize there was a 6th Crusade, which went so badly the Moors conquered Rome
Fathered an insane number of bastard children
Died from a "surfeit of whores"

Bard "the Incomprehensible" Skulesson Crovan, King of All Norway of Sweden and of Denmark
(Also, the Second Heretic King)


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Born in 1299, Ascended the throne in 1326 aged 27. Died in 1334 aged 35
Ruled 8 years

Highlights:
Spoke with a comical speech impediment


Lowlights:
Spoke with an obnoxious speech impediment
Dealt with endless rebellions throughout his reign
Severly wounded accidently leading a 1 man charge in the 2nd Anglo-Norse War
Accidently Excommunicated
Got a serious infection from the wound
Suffered from Intestinal Worms
Contracted the Black Plague
Began to suffer from acute stress
Developed Schizophrenia
Fell madly in love with his wife, who then left him
Died choking to death on either intestinal worms or phlegm. Or possibly strangled to death by Baalzebub

 
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I still feel sorry for Dotted Bard the Uncomprehensable... ;) :D
 
Here From There
Or: What The Hell Is Norway Doing In Turkey?

A Short History of Crovan Norway from 1066 to 1452

Part 4 - The Junior Erlend-Crovan House of Saxe-Crovan, The Dirty Saxons
1334-1388​


Wulfhere "The Saxon" Haraldsson Crovan, King of All Norway, of Sweden, of Denmark and of Serbia

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Wulfhere, in his younger, Ducal years

Born 1301. Ascended the throne in 1334 aged 33. Died in 1353 aged 52.
Ruled 19 years

Highlights:
Protected the mass-murderess Asta Crovan rather than execute her
Accidently expanded Norway into Germany, Greece and the Balkans
Crowned King of Serbia
Survived and defeated Ninja assassins
Conquered Constantinople in the 7th Crusade
Executed the mass-murder William de Montfort, just to keep the other murderers on their toes

Lowlights:
Half-Brother Svein launched a comically inept attempt at regicide
The Pope pretended the 7th Crusade had been called to free Antioch - a total lie!
The new vassals, who begged to be part of Norway, rose up in violent rebellion
Died of a shockingly slow-acting poison from the Ninja attack

Thurcytel Wulfheresson Crovan, King of All Norway, of Sweden, of Denmark and of Serbia

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Thurcytel, feeling romantic

Born 1318. Crowned in 1353 aged 35. Died in 1360 aged 42
Ruled 7 years

Highlights:
Actually was a mass-murderer himself
Married the mass-murderer Asta Crovan

Lowlights:
"Whatevs" is a pretty stupid catchphrase
Fought the Great Crovan Rebellion
Fought yet another Civil War
Blackmailed and extorted by the Pope
Speared to death while hiding under a wagon at the Battle of Uppland

Eadburt "The Unhinged" Thurcytelsson Crovan, King of Norway and of Serbia
Called "The Mover"


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Born in 1336. Ruled 1360 aged 24. Died in 1379 at age 43
Ruled 19 years

Highlights:
Abandonded Scandinavia to his inbred brother Wiglaf
Turned the Balkans into a proper Kingdom of Norway
Extended the "King married to a mass-murderer" streak to 2
Christ Returned, in the form of Mad Olaf Crovan

Lowlights:
Severely wounded in a Civil War
Son and only heir killed in absurdly small and pointless battle
Mad Olaf excommunicated by a not-very-understanding Papacy
Mad Olaf excommunicated again, just for good measure
Went insane and tried to murder his wife
Had to be rescued by his spymaster
Accidently hired a hit-man to murder his spymaster
Tried to massacre his brother Alfred's family
Had his family massacred by Alfred instead
Died of gangrene and pneumonia


Alfred Thurcytelsson Crovan, King of Norway and Serbia

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Alfred is having a bad day

Born in 1341. Ruled 1379 aged 38. Died 1388 aged 47
Ruled 9 years

Highlights:
Church of Olaf Crovan, Christ launched in Constaninople
Actually executed a mass-murderer

Lowlights:
Sickliest King since Bard I
Thracian Inquisition does not have a catchy ring to it
Drowned by a "Norse Crovan" elitist

 
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Alfred Packer said:
Highlights:
Abandonded Scandinavia to his inbred brother Wiglaf
I love how that's one of the best things that happened during his reign :rofl:
 
Murmurandus: Yeah, Bard I was the unluckiest Crovan ever

Eams: :) I agree

Enewald: They are their own worst enemies

And now (or in a moment when I finish it), the last of the "setting" episodes - the Aslak-Crovans...then the next update will actually be a game update! Hooray!
 
Here From There
Or: What The Hell Is Norway Doing In Turkey?

A Short History of Crovan Norway from 1066 to 1452

Part 5 - The House of Aslak-Crovan (also known as "Sons of the Saint"), The Early Years
1388-1452​


For the Secret History of the House of Aslak-Crovan from 1071-1388, be sure to read the 2 Volume Difinitive edition by King Bard II

Book 1 - The House of Aslak 1071-1173

Book 2 - The House of Aslak 1174-1388


Bard II Torbjornsson Crovan, King of Norway and Serbia, Emperor of the Greeks and King of the Bulgars

114-01.jpg


Born 1359. Assumed the throne in 1388 at 29. Died in 1430 aged 71
Ruled for 42 years

Highlights:
Set a goal to Out-Crovan the greatest Crovans of Erlend descent
Largely succeeded
Longest lived Crovan to date
Turned Balkan Norway into a vast Empire
Won the 8th, 9th and 10th Crusades and crushed the Muslim Jihad against him
Claimed the Imperial title
Totally dominated the Pope

Lowlights:
Failed, thanks to Skule being crowned at age 1, to reign longer than any Crovan
A little self-absorbed, don't you think?
Abused his Papal Control
Couldn't convince the Pope to un-excommunicate his son
"Let's take the Bard II them!" is both a terrible pun and catchphrase
Died of old age. How boring

Hakon II "Boaroktonos" Bardsson Crovan, King of Norway and Serbia, Emperor of the Greeks and King of the Bulgars

127-01.jpg


Born 1400. Assumed the throne in 1430 at age 30. Died in 1444 aged 44
Ruled 14 years

Highlights:
Really good at Boar-Hunting

Lowlights:
Kind of obsessive about Boar-Hunting
Eaten by Torgeir "Cannibal" Crovan

Kolbein Hakonsson Crovan, King of Norway and Serbia, Emperor of the Greeks, King of the Bulgars and Sicilians

127-07.jpg

A young Kolbein, handsome lad, no?

Born in 1417. Crowned in 1444 aged 27. Will probably die in 1465 aged 48
Probably going to rule 21 years

Highlights:
Fed his father to Torgeir "Cannibal" Crovan
Crovan Norway named "Baddest Nation Ever" by the Council of Heralds
Added Sicily to the Royal titles

Lowlights:
Loses Sicily mysteriously overnight
Hasn't died yet

 
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Ah, almost time to spread the Crovans into terra incognita... :D
 
1453 - let the games begin

Kolbein Hakonsson Crovan

King of Norway and of Serbia, Emperor of the Greeks and King of the Bulgars

KolbeinCap.jpg


Just Kidding, More Exposition!
(1 January 1453)






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Today has seen one of my big plans come to fruition. I have spun off Sicily, Finland and a few other minor countries, gifting them outright to my most powerful and troublesome vassals and relatives. This gets them out of my hair.

You see, I plan to end once and for all the threat of the Nobles to Norway’s stability.

I have also outlawed the Feudal Levies and converted my private guard and the Constantinople Regiment into a permanent standing army.





0002.jpg






Here you can see the rest of the world. Great Lithuania is, as the name implies, a great power. Golden Bohemia, who is not golden in any way, more like Pewter!

Ha, but I jest. They are gold on the map though. Anyway, Bohemia and Milan make up the two major nations, being both large and scattered about. Two other places worth note are England and Ireland, being small and compact.

As for the rest of it: just a mess, with Tripoli, Tunisia and the Hated Turks controlling most of the place.





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And, of course, here is the last of my powerful vassals in revolt.





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The Duke of Austria is currently the Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire, but this is a title I plan to claim. In spite of the fact that I am not allowed to vote. Or be a member.

Even though the Turks are.





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Even though I can’t control membership in the Holy Roman Empire, there is one thing I can control: that would be the presses.






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Here are a bunch of pie charts about Norway. The Crovan Blue wedge you see under cultures? That would be the “Ruling Class.” The rest? Tax cows and cannon fodder.





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Five centuries of war have left Europe, even Crovan Europe, covered with rubble and ruins which I plan to convert into modern fortifications throughout the empire.

So there you have it…all of my plans laid out before you. How long will it take me to truly gain control over my dominions? How long will I be fighting to become The Holy Roman Emperor of the German Nation? Only time will tell and I assure you…





SpymasterGudbrand.jpg




The cloaked figure slunk into the room. “Your Highness! Fabulous news!”






KingKolbein.jpg





“Oh? What’s that Spymaster Gudbrand?”







SpymasterGudbrand.jpg




“The Duke of Austria has met with an…accident. You have been chosen the new Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire.” The man grimaced with glee.







And so it begins. And boy, Kolbein wasted no time reaching his first goal! Follow along as mayhem and chaos spreads across Europe once more in The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much!
 
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