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Thread: The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much

  1. #1
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much



    Winner: 2008 Third Quarter AARland Choice Award for Favorite Europa Universalis III Comedy After Action Report!
    Winner: 2008 Fourth Quarter AARland Choice Award for Favorite Europa Universalis III Comedy After Action Report!
    (Cumbersome titles, I know)


    Welcome as the saga of the Crovans continues on into EUIII. It is 1453. Europe lies broken, ripped asunder, poverty striken and politically fragmented, largely because of the Crovan family's impact on history. The Crovans have gone from a small-time family with big-time dreams to masters of a massive continent spanning empire.

    Only Bohemia, Milan and Great Lithuania pose a real threat to the Crovan Dynasty. Will they overrun the world? Will they be crushed? Will they become a middling power saddled with a massive national debt and crushing inflation?

    Only time will tell as the Adventures of the Crovan Clan moves into the EUIII Universe.


    Codex Crovanus, volume I (1066-1452)
    Codex Crovanus, volume II (1453-1835)

    (clicking the ruler takes you to the page the reign begins. Clicking an episode takes you to that single post)

    Introduction Part 1 - The House of Crovan, Dukes of the Western Ises (1066-1140)
    Introduction Part 2 - The House of Erlend-Crovan, The Rise (1140-1216)
    Introduction Part 3 - The House of Erlend-Crovan, The Apogee (1216-1267)
    Introduction Part 4 - The House of Erlend-Crovan, The Fall (1267-1334)
    Introduction Part 5 - The Junior Erlend-Crovan House of Saxe-Crovan, The Dirty Saxons (1334-1388)
    Introduction Part 6 - The House of Aslak-Crovan (Sons of the Saint), The Early Years (1388-1452)

    Kolbein Hakonsson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire and of the Holy Roman Empire
    b. 1417 r. 1444 d. 1465
    Episode 131 - The King is Dead. What's for Lunch? (1444-1452)
    Episode 1 - Just Kidding, More Exposition (1453)
    Episode 2 - In Which A Lecherous Priest Is Introduced (1453)
    Episode 3 - In Which General Viglik Is An Ineffective Scout (1453-1454)
    Episode 4 - The Empire Reorganized! (1454-1455)
    Episode 5 - In Which Kolbein Implements A Cunning Plan (1455-1457)
    Episode 6 - Crovans At War (1457-1458)
    Episode 7 - In Which Someone Wears A Funny Hat (1459-1460)
    Episode 8 - The Magyar (And Friends!) War (1460-1461)
    Episode 9 - Poetry A Plenty (1461-1462)
    Episode 10 - In Which Two Monarchs Butt Heads. Literally (1462-1465)

    Full-Dan II "The Poet-King" Kolbeinsson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire
    b. 1445 r. 1465 d. 1480
    Episode 11 - In Which The First Limericks Are Shared (1465-1466)
    Episode 12 - Rumors Of War (1466-1468)
    Episode 13 - In Which War Is Declared (1468)
    Episode 14 - Full-Dan Goes to War (1468)
    Episode 15 - The Limericks of War (1468-1469)
    Episode 16 - North and South (1469)
    Episode 17 - In Which Someone Gets A Demotion (1469)
    Episode 18 - In Which The War Reaches An Unsatisfying Conclusion (1469-1472)
    Episode 19 - In Which Dan Sticks His Foot In His Mouth (1472-1477)
    Episode 20 - Full-Dan Departs This World With As Much Dignity As Can Be Expected (1477-1480)

    Erik I "The Spyder" Kolbeinsson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire
    b. 1455 r. 1480 d. 1508
    Episode 21 - In Which Erik Larsson Is Unsettled (1480-1482)
    Episode 22 - In Which Erik Larsson Has Already Been Tossed Out A Window (1482)
    Episode 23 - Knut Haraldson Learns How Erik Rolls, or The North Sea War (1482-1485)
    Episode 24 - A Very Special The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2 (1486)
    Episode 25 - The Meissen War (1487-1489)
    Episode 26 - In Which An Imperial Diet Gets Slightly Out Of Hand (1489)
    Episode 27 - In Which Erik's Daughter Is Offended (1489-1493)
    Episode 28 - In Which Erik Takes Advantage Of A Timely Excommunication (1493-1495)
    Episode 29 - In Which Knut Loses His Job (1495-1496)
    Episode 30 - A Very Boring Halloween (1496)
    Episode 31 - The Holstein War, or, Seigmund Loses His Head (1496-1501)
    Episode 32 - William Frobisher's Magnum Opus (1502-1504)
    Episode 33 - In Which Hakon Suffers A Severe Head Trauma (1504-1507)
    Episode 34 - In Which Erik Finds The Lord, Literally And Figuratively (1507-1508)

    Hakon III Eriksson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire, Pontifix Maximus
    b. 1476 r. 1508 d. 1515
    Episode 35 - Hakon At War (1508-1511)
    Episode 36 - Aljoz Praha Writes A Book (1511-1513)
    Episode 37 - In Which New Maidservants Are Hired (1513-1514)
    Episode 38 - In Which The Lads Are Tempted (1514-1515)
    Episode 39 - In Which Aslak Shows Initiative (1515)

    Gunnar II Hakonsson Crovan and Hakon IV Hakonsson Crovan, "The Eunuch Kings"
    Emperors of the Crovan Empire, Pontifix Maximii

    b. 1496 r. 1515 d. (Gunnar) 1523
    Episode 40 - In Which Pine-Nettles Are Placed (1515-1516)
    Episode 41 - In Which Aslak Bolt Enjoys A Fine Wine (1516-1517)
    Episode 42 - In Which Nothing Of Note Happens On Screen (1517-1520)
    Episode 43 - In Which Hakon's Day Is Spoiled But Good (1520-1523)

    Hakon IV Hakonsson Crovan, "The Eunuch King," Emperor of the Crovan Empire, Pontifix Maximus
    b. 1496 r. (alone) 1523 d. 1528
    Episode44 - Hakon Tries His Hand At Poetry With Unfortunate Results (1523-1528)

    Dan III Astasson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire, Pontifix Maximus
    b. 1501 r. 1528 d. 1541
    Episode 45 - A Very Crovan Wedding (1528-1529)
    Episode 46 - In Which Bard And Asta Remember The Old Days (1529-1530)
    Episode 47 - In Which Dan Tussles With Great Lithuania (1530-1534)
    Episode 48 - Dan's Day Begins With High Promise, Which Is Quickly Spoiled (1535-1537)
    Episode 49 - In Which Dan Fails To Choose A Good Vintage (1538-1541)

    Bard III "The Hard-Nosed" Dansson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire, Pontifix Maximus
    b. 1531 r. 1541 d.1567
    Episode 50 - In Which True-Dan Makes His Case (1541-1543)
    Episode 51 - In Which True-Dan Makes A Tactical Error (1543-1547)
    Episode 52 - In Which The Emperor Is Sassed (1548-1551)
    Episode 53 - Cathaoir Martyn's Lucky Day (1551-1553)
    Episode 54 - In Which The Skraelings Learn How Crovans Roll (1553-1557)
    Episode 55 - So Does Denmark (1557-1558)
    Episode 56 - In Which A Fine Tapestry Is Wasted (1558-1562)
    Episode 57 - In Which History Repeats Itself (1562-1567) *Double Episode!*

    Erik II "The Pugnacious" Bardsson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings, Pontifix Maximus Scourge of the Rus, Terror of The Welshies
    b. 1550 r. 1567 d. 1583
    Episode 58 - A Very Retro Adventure (1567-1570)
    Episode 59 - In Which Erik Makes A Second Attempt At Private Reverie (1570-1571)
    Episode 60 - In Which A New Art Form Is Celebrated (1571-1573)
    Episode 61 - In Which Erik's Murderous Designs Are Diverted (1574-1575)
    Episode 62 - The Czar Is Humbugged Yet Again (1575-1577)
    Episode 63 - In Which Babies Are Treason (1578-1583)
    Episode 64 - In Which Homework Is Avoided (1583)

    Brain-Dan IV Bardsson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings, Lord of the Skraelings, Pontifix Maximus
    b. 1555 r. 1583 d. 1607
    Episode 65 - Dan Dabbles In Petty Vengeance (1583-1586)
    Episode 66 - In Which Moral Riddles Are Solved (1586-1590)
    Episode 67 - In Which Things Go Awry (1590-1591)
    Episode 68 - Fathers And Sons (1592-1595)
    Episode 69 - In Which Ragnhild Makes A Shocking Discovery (1595-1597)
    Episode 70 - In Which People Die Off Stage (1598-1607)

    Erik III "The Conqueror" Dansson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings and the Skraelings, Lord of Sino, Pontifix Maximus, Rightful King of All Poland and of the Germans
    b. 1580 r. 1607 d. 1623
    Episode 71 - In Which Bard, Apparantly, Still Has A Speech Impediment (1607)
    Episode 72 - In Which Gunnar Develops A Dis-Like For Marbles (1608)
    Episode 73 - In Which Erik Mis-Places The Assistant Poet Laureate (1608-1612)
    Episode 74 - No One Wants To Be Assistant Laureate (1612-1616)
    Episode 75 - In Which Erik's Conquests Lose Some Of Their Luster (1616-1618)
    Episode 76 - In Which Dagmar Sings (1618-1619)
    Episode 77 - In Which A Comfy Pillow Makes An Appearance (1619-1623)

    Gunnar III "Coprophagus" Eriksson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings and the Skraelings, Lord of Sino, Pontifix Maximus, Rightful King of All Poland and of the Germans
    b.1604 r.1623 d.1634
    Episode 78 - Knut Lays It On Thick (1623)
    Episode 79 - In Which Gunnar Climbs A Tree (1623-1627)
    Episode 80 - In Which A Parliament Is Called (1627-1630)
    Episode 81 - In Which Limericks Make A Triumphant Return (1630-1634)
    Episode 82 - In Which Peder's Plan Backfires, To Some Extent (1634)

    Dagmar Eriksdottir Crovan, Emperess of the Crovan Empire, Queen of the East and West Vikings and the Skraelings, Lady of Sino, Pontifix Maximus, Rightful Queen of All Poland and of the Germans
    b.1604 r.1634 d. 1635
    Episode 83 - Of Bard And Men (1634-1635)

    Bard IV "Mongo" Eriksson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings and the Skraelings, Lord of Sino, Pontifix Maximus, Rightful King of All Poland and of the Germans
    b. 1619 r.1635 d. 1642

    Episode 84 - In Which Kennet Has An Unpleasant Job To Do (1635-1639)
    Episode 85 - In Which The Wrong Flags Are Delivered (1639-1640)
    Episode 86 - This Does Not Go Well (1640)
    Episode 87 - A Predictable Conclusion (1640-1642)

    Erik IV Dagmarsson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings and the Skraelings, Lord of Sino, Pontifix Maximus, Rightful King of All Poland and of the Germans
    b. 1622 r.1642 d. 1669

    Episode 88 - In Which Erik Purchases A Bride (1642-1646)
    Episode 89 - In Which Kennet Commits Treason (1647-1651)
    Episode 90 - In Which More People Commit Treason (1651-1665)
    Episode 91 - In Which Erik Gives Pony Rides (1665-1669)

    Harald II "The Sun (Tanned) King" Eriksson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings and the Skraelings, Lord of Sino, Pontifix Maximus, Rightful King of All Poland and of the Germans
    b. 1645 r. 1669 d. 1680
    Episode 92 - In Which Poems Are Recited (1669)
    Episode 93 - In Which Jiri Is A Bigot (1669-1670)
    Episode 94 - In Which A Joke Goes Awry (1670-1672)
    Episode 95 - Kolbein Catches A Leprechaun (1672-1673)
    Episode 96 - Harald Promotes His Domestic Agenda (1673-1680)
    Episode 97 - In Which Jiri Acquires A New Portable Serf (1680)


    Skofte II Haraldsson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings, The Western Isles, Vinlandia, Germania, and the Skraelingias, Lord of Foppingtonia, Slavelandia, Gudrod's Coast and Zanzibar, Life President of the Sino Trade Company, Pontifix Maximus, Rightful King of All Poland
    b. 1664 r. 1680 d. 1689
    Episodes 98 - 99

    Erik V Haraldsson Crovan, Emperor of the Crovan Empire, King of the East and West Vikings, The Western Isles, Vinlandia, Germania, and the Skraelingias, Lord of Foppingtonia, Slavelandia, Gudrod's Coast and Zanzibar, Life President of the Sino Trade Company, Pontifix Maximus, Rightful King of All Poland
    b. 1666 r. 1689 d. 1690
    Episode 100

    The Regency
    1690 - 1694
    Episode 101

    Caitilin Erlendsdottir Crovan, Emperess of the Crovan Empire, Queen of the East and West Vikings, The Western Isles, Vinlandia, Germania, and the Skraelingias, Lady of Foppingtonia, Slavelandia, Gudrod's Coast and Zanzibar, Life President of the Sino Trade Company, Pontifix Maximus, Rightful Queen of All Poland
    b. 1668 r. 1694
    Episode 102 -
    Episode 103 -
    Episode 104 - In Which Caitilin is Already Married (1699-1703)
    Episode 105 - In Which Caitilin Puts Her Foot In Her Mouth (1704-1706)
    Episode 106 - In Which Snidely Gets Three For The Price Of One (1706-1708)


  2. #2
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    Intro Part 1

    Here From There
    Or: What The Hell Is Norway Doing In Turkey?

    A Short History of Crovan Norway from 1066 to 1452


    An Introduction by the Current Monarch

    Greetings, I am Kolbein Hakonsson Crovan. King of Norway and Serbia, Emperor of the Greeks, King of the Bulgars and, until moments ago, King of the Sicilians as well. That last bit will be explained later. As it stands, this pretty book has been dedicated to me, so I have to write an introduction. Consider that Introduction complete.


    Part 1: The House of Crovan - Dukes of the Western Isles
    1066-1140


    Gudrod Haraldsson Crovan, Duke of the Western Isles



    Born 1049. Ascended the throne aged 17 in 1066, died in 1085 aged 36.
    Ruled for 19 years.

    Highlights:
    Threw an extravagant birthday party specifically to humiliate and dis-enherit his young son Halkjell.
    Instigated the 1st and 2nd Norse-Leinster Wars
    Conquered the Irish County of Tir Connail

    Lowlights:
    Refused to participate in the 1st Crusade, launched in 1070
    Eaten by a bear

    Erlend Gudrodsson Crovan, Duke of the Western Isles, the Hammer of Leinster


    Erlend, age 16

    Born in 1070. Ascended the throne aged 15 in 1085, died in 1114 aged 44.
    Ruled for 29 years

    Highlights:
    Conquered Iceland
    Humiliated his brothers, starting a feud that has lasted to the present day
    Conquered Ulster
    Conquered Leinster

    Lowlights:
    Refused to participate in the 2nd Crusade of 1105 (called to liberate Saragossa)
    Smothered to death by St. Aslak while bedridden from Dysentery

    Ossor Erlendsson Crovan, King of Norway, Sword of the Lord (self-proclaimed)


    Ossor, in the act of going mad...The author promises to do a better job on cropping screenies in the future

    Born in 1111. Regency Council of Halkjell the Worthless 1114-1123. Ascended the throne aged 13 in 1124, Assumed the Kingship of Norway in 1140 aged 29. Died in 1142 aged 31.
    Ruled for 28 years (18 of them in his own right)

    Highlights:
    Conquered Norway and smote the vile Ynglings.
    Founded the Holy Rollers
    Launched Scottish Crusade
    Launched Norse Crusade

    Lowlights:
    Lost most of Ireland to rebels
    Went nutter than a fruit-bat
    Fell off a cliff and died trying to fly to Ireland

  3. #3
    Colonel vanin's Avatar
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    Great that this this epic saga is brought to life in EU3, subscribed!
    Last edited by vanin; 02-09-2008 at 22:04.

  4. #4
    Crovans forever! I'm eagerly awaiting their further misadventures.

  5. #5
    Lt. General humancalculator's Avatar
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    Good luck
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  6. #6
    Detective Lt., Police Squad Eams's Avatar
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    So, your new HoI2 AAR is a mere trial run before you guide the Crovans through the 20th Century in tAofCC 4: Asylum Royale?
    Subscribed.
    Last edited by Eams; 02-09-2008 at 23:34.
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  7. #7
    Plus ultra! Capibara's Avatar
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    I haven't read the CK part, but this looks very interesting, I'll be following!
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  8. #8
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eams
    So, your new HoI2 AAR is a mere trial run before you guide the Crovans through the 20th Century in tAofCC 4: Asylum Royale?
    Subscribed.
    I hadn't really planned it that way, but the Kamil Krofta style is so much fun to write that I am thinking of pulling some of its elements into Crovan Clan...plus, it will help flesh out the "characters" in EUIII

    (and my rule is that I can't do a Crovan update unless I've already posted a Krofta update...I really want to make sure to finish that one...especially since I've already thought through how it ends!)

  9. #9
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    vanin, Guiscard, humancalculator, Capibara: thanks for the early well-wishes. Unfortunately, the Crovans peaked in 1085 when Gudrod was eaten by a bear, but hopefully it won't be too painful to follow along!

  10. #10
    Crazy Crusader Kings Creator jordarkelf's Avatar
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    Subscribed!

    I'm interested to see how you can translate the Crovan style to a game like EU3, without characters...

  11. #11
    Armchair Temüjin unddu's Avatar
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    The only CK AAR I read entirely has been yours. I never properly thanked you for that, hope subscribing for this AAR will lessen my feeling of guilt

  12. #12
    Crusader for Fun and Profit Murmurandus's Avatar
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    Of course I follow those worthless Crovans through the ages until their ultimate demise...
    "May the Earth tremble with Beer... euh, Fear"

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  13. #13
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    jordarkelf: I'm curious too! I think I will have to make some changes, but out the gate I shouldn't have trouble (since Kolbein's character is already established and statted out)

    unddu: that compliment should erase any guilt! Thank you and hopefully, you will enjoy this installment as much as the CK one!

    Murmurandus: Hooray!

  14. #14
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    Here From There
    Or: What The Hell Is Norway Doing In Turkey?

    A Short History of Crovan Norway from 1066 to 1452

    Part 2 - The House of Erlend-Crovan, The Rise
    1140-1216


    Ossor Erlendsson Crovan, King of Norway, Sword of the Lord (self-proclaimed)


    Ossor, in the act of going mad...The author promises to do a better job on cropping screenies in the future

    Born in 1111. Assumed the Kingship of Norway in 1140 aged 29. Died in 1142 aged 31.
    Ruled as King for 2 years

    Highlights:
    Conquered Norway and smote the vile Ynglings.
    Founded the Holy Rollers
    Launched Scottish Crusade
    Launched Norse Crusade

    Lowlights:
    Lost most of Ireland to rebels
    Went nutter than a fruit-bat
    Fell off a cliff and died trying to fly to Ireland

    Skofte Ossorsson Crovan, King of Norway, the Heretic King



    Born in 1133. Began to rule in 1142 at age 9 (without a Regency Council). Died in 1180 aged 47.
    Ruled 38 Years.

    Highlights:
    Started a Crovan Tradition by protecting and coddling the violent serial killer Gudbrand Crovan
    Accidently conquered Brandenburg
    Died of a Heat-Attack. And yes, this probably is a highlight.

    Lowlights:
    Proved Comets actually are harbingers of death and mayhem
    Complained a lot
    Brother Magnus killed by gangstas
    Excommunicated at age 10
    Lost the rest of Ireland to the hated Swedes
    Betrayed by his own mother

    Harald "the Brief" Skoftesson Crovan, King of Norway



    Born in 1170. Crowned in 1180 at age 10. Died in 1181 aged 11
    Ruled 1 year.

    Highlights:
    Managed to out do his father!

    Lowlights:
    Outdid his father by being betrayed and murdered by his mother


    Hakon Skoftesson Crovan, King of Norway


    Hakon suffered from Clinical Depression

    Born 1172. Assumed the throne in 1181 at age 9. Regency Council led by his mother Caitlin from 1181-1185. Ruled alone 1186 at age 14. Died in 1216 aged 44
    Ruled 35 years, 30 of them alone

    Highlights:
    Conquered the Kingdom of Scotland and gave it to his sister
    Led 3rd Crusade against Saragossa and Toledo (sub-crusades below)
    -Brittanic Crusade (against Spanish Saracens) led to reconquest of Leinster and the recovery of the Western Isles, the family home
    -Scandinavian Crusade (against Spanish Saracens) led to conquest of parts of Sweden)
    Reconquered Scotland from the Moors and gave it to Beli, the Duke of Leinster
    Promoted Audun "the Madman" Crovan, the second Mass-Murderer to be harboured within Viken Castle's walls

    Lowlights:
    -Spanish Crusade of the 3rd Crusade led to severe nasal allergies
    Beli lost Scotland like a week later
    Committed suicide rather than participate in the 4th Crusade

    Kind of a Wash:
    Stole the Bones of St. Aslak from his Irish tomb and ensconced him in Norway leading to many anti-miracles and maulings

  15. #15
    Crusader for Fun and Profit Murmurandus's Avatar
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    These summaries are great...
    "May the Earth tremble with Beer... euh, Fear"

    "Never change a winning avatar..."

    "Si hoc legere scis, nimium eruditionis habes."

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  16. #16
    academic outlaw Moderator safferli's Avatar
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    Yes! An Alfred Packer EU3 aar and he continues the Crovan dynasty! What more can a man wish for? Endless comedy! Drama! Daring-do! Whopee!
    When I speak in regal, manly grey I do so as a moderator.
    Never publicly comment or answer to a moderation post. Please write a PM (see Rule #2 of the Forum Rules).

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    What if the Pope had 200,000 men? -- A Papal States EU3 1.3 aar (abandoned/finished after owning 70% of the world)

  17. #17
    Heartbreaker canonized's Avatar
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    Welcome to EU3 . I'd wish you luck but it looks like you've already got your gears going so I'll say keep up the good work , eh ? XD
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  18. #18
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    Murmurandus: Thanks! I want to give new readers an understanding of how we got here, and also give old readers (and myself!) a gentle reminder

    safferli: Hooray! Yes, I am here...I don't have 200,000 men, but maybe in time

    canonized: I'm shocked, shocked I say, to find you slumming in an AAR of such questionable quality as this one! Pleased too though. Don't be a stranger

  19. #19
    Suscribed!


    I never really got the hang of CK, although I like the game setup, building a dynasty...
    Seems like you've done pretty good, especially getting Norway so soon. I should check out the original AAR
    My inkwell

    The Viking League Finished!

    Vinland: The White Falcon Of Ragnorok (crashed)

    WritAAR of the week 16/11/2008

  20. #20
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    Here From There
    Or: What The Hell Is Norway Doing In Turkey?

    A Short History of Crovan Norway from 1066 to 1452

    Part 3 - The House of Erlend-Crovan, The Apogee
    1216-1267


    Gunnar Hakonsson Crovan, King of Norway


    Gunnar, accidently stabbing himself in the groin

    Born in 1189, assumed the throne in 1216 at 27. Died in 1223 aged 34.
    Ruled 7 years.

    Highlights:
    1st Crovan Monarch to ascend the throne as an adult
    Continued to promote and use the famed killer Audun
    Wiped out the Stencil-Kitten family with Audun
    Gave his diminutive son Dan his nickname


    Lowlights:
    Popularized the "giant-collar" fad, not seen again until the Puritans mistakenly drew inspiration from Gunnars' legacy
    Accidently stabbed himself in the groin. Early Protestents mistakenly thought this was to keep himself from committing "impure acts."
    Died from a combination of gangrene and Medieval Medicine

    Grim "the Ill-Advised" Gunnarsson Crovan, King of Norway


    Grim was what salesmen call "an easy mark"

    Born in 1213. Ascended the throne in 1223 at age 10. Died in 1226 aged 13
    Ruled 3 years.

    Highlights:
    Grim is kind of a cool name for a King

    Lowlights:
    Spent the entire treasury on motivational cassette tapes, against the advice of Spymaster Niels
    Murdered by Spymaster Niels

    Half-Dan "the Man" Gunnarsson Crovan, King of All Norway, Sweden, Denmark, England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales,
    The Terror of the Moors, the Pocket Monarch (not said to his face)




    Born 1210. Crowned in 1226 at age 16. Died in 1267 aged 57.
    Ruled 41 years

    Mediumlights(he's short...get it?):
    Comically tiny
    Conquered Denmark for making fun of his height
    Conquered Sweden because they deserved it
    Conquered Finland for making short-jokes
    Conquered England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland as part of the 5th Crusade which ended the English Moor Menace
    Befriended the Pope


    Lower-than-usual-lights:
    Defeated twice in wars with the Mongols
    Tricked into Mongol wars twice by the Lithuanian Child-King
    Abused his friendship with the Pope
    Bamboozed by his Trophy-Wife into making an infant his heir
    Died after being stepped on

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