The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much

[BwenGun]

Also, and this is just icing on the cake really, but the modern era also allows autocratic violence and mad SCIENCE!

Frankenstein was an amateur, I'm sure a Crovan can outdo him.

[Murmurandus]

I would say 4 responses is enough. I'm going to read through the updates to get the flavor back and then the rest of the world can:

Rue Crovania!

"Oh good lord...they're back"

Oh dear...

[RomanGuy]

I am rendered speechless, oh the horror, oh the Crovanity!!!!

[mayorqw]

And so the madness begins anew
I'll be here!

[Stuyvesant]

I would say 4 responses is enough. I'm going to read through the updates to get the flavor back and then the rest of the world can:

Rue Crovania!

"Oh good lord...they're back"

Good lord! I almost choked on my sandwich! And I can't even tell if it's from pure joy or sheer terror!*

*Actually, I can: it's the pure joy part. That I might live to see such time... Ah. <Dabs a tear from corner of his eye>

[Alfred Packer]

Alright...let's see if there is any gas in this tank!

[Alfred Packer]

Empress Caitilin Erlendsdottir Crovan



In Which Caitilin Has Already Married
(5 January 1699 – 6 January 1704)







“Well now, that was a delightful honeymoon tour of the Empire. It feels like I’ve been gone for years! So. What did I miss?”







“Hi, I’m Bill.”







“Yes, Bill. I remember…it hasn’t REALLY been years since I tolerated your presence, it just felt like it.”







“Well, Your Imperial Majesty, we’ve kept rather busy while you were away.”







“First off, as for the Army’s report, we extorted 2,500 pounds of gold from Songhai when they launched a rather misguided war against us.”







“I used that money to buy more ships! We’ve got the best Navy in the world now with 30 War Galleons, 60 Galleons, 80 Caravels and 12 Carracks. We’ve also got some 50 Frigates and Brigs.”







“Hold up. Did you say 12 Carracks? Didn’t those become obsolete several hundred years ago? How do you even keep them floating?”







“Well really they’ve been refitted and repaired so often that none of them are physically more than 8 years old. In fact, the ones in the Sino Fleet are probably newer than most of our Galleons.”







Caitilin sighed. “Couldn’t that money and timber be spent building new, advanced Ships of the Line rather than maintaining these horribly dated ships?







“Well, I mean, I suppose.” Kolbein was utterly confounded. “But it is tradition to keep them. I mean, the Royal Crovan was technically in service from 1453 until it sank in a storm in 1688. I mean, that’s more than 200 years!”







“Would a modern War Galleon have sunk in that storm?”







“Of course not, but that’s beside the point isn’t it? We’re talking about Carracks and everyone knows they sink like stones in inclement weather.”







Caitilin opened her mouth to speak and then froze before emitting a sigh. “Of course. Nevermind.”

She turned. “So, Mother Shipton. Any new poems for us?”






“In Seventeen Hundred and Aught Four,
Bohemia will seek once more to roar.
Then Great Wars shall be planned,
And Fire shall sweep ‘oer the land.”







“Mmm. Such sage wisdom from the Assistant Laureate. Waldemar, what plans will your office come up with to counter this threat?”







“Well, my Bohemian Plans, as I was telling Mother Shipton right before this meeting, involve attacking them next year as they’ve gotten too big for their britches lately.” He shot a glare at the Poet who gave him a smug, if toothless grin.







“Now, now Waldemar, no need for petty envy here. The Prophetess supports us all and there is no shame in your office getting a little help every now and again.”







“Of course, Your Imperial Majesty,” Waldemar muttered through gritted teeth.







“Well well, Waldemar, sounds like you might need my office’s services!” The violent sociopath’s face brightened.

Well, well. The AuthAAR returns after a two year hiatus and for what? Will he ever find his groove or will this turn out to be a terrible idea? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much!

[RGB]

I always wondered how the EU navies manage to do it.

Age of Sail Britishers rebuilt their ships every 15? years on average, the Russians as low as 8? Here, the same galley can last me from 1405 to 1800 no problem

[Stuyvesant]

Ah, the bitching, the sniping... The utter incompetence showcased by various members of the cabinet... It's like slipping into a warm bath of recognition.

Oh and Mother Shipton and Waldemar's back-and-forth? How sweet.

[loki100]

it seems as if they never went away, the combination of incompetence, malice and it, somehow, working out in their favour

[Murmurandus]

Are those carracks named after all previous Crovans who died in the Outhouse?

[Stuyvesant]

Are those carracks named after all previous Crovans who died in the Outhouse?

I suspect we need a few more than 12 carracks, in that case.

[Alfred Packer]

I always wondered how the EU navies manage to do it.

Age of Sail Britishers rebuilt their ships every 15? years on average, the Russians as low as 8? Here, the same galley can last me from 1405 to 1800 no problem

And now you know!

Ah, the bitching, the sniping... The utter incompetence showcased by various members of the cabinet... It's like slipping into a warm bath of recognition.

Oh and Mother Shipton and Waldemar's back-and-forth? How sweet.

thanks...it was fun returning to this, more fun than I expected!

it seems as if they never went away, the combination of incompetence, malice and it, somehow, working out in their favour

Well, they've always been here...in our hearts

Are those carracks named after all previous Crovans who died in the Outhouse?

Stuy is right...it'd have to be the Caravel Fleets to fit all of them in.

And now, another update!
Don't expect them all to be so fast and furious, but I was thinking about this one while I wrote yesterdays and I wanted to see if I can still pull off a 'cartoon.'

[Alfred Packer]

Empress Caitilin Erlendsdottir Crovan




In Which Caitilin Puts Her Foot In Her Mouth
(16 January 1704 – 9 September 1706)







“So, how did the war with Bohemia go?”







“It could not have gone better, Your Imperial Majesty!”







“We pounced on Bohemia first, of course, but with the Hated Brahe English, the Vile Sicilians and the Forgettable Mainzers jumping into the fray, we got to settle a lot of scores at one go.”







“The best part of course, being when shattered Bohemia was forced to restore German Milan right in the heart of their fading Empire!”







“Ah, excellent! And we shall set the Pal-Crovan family to rule over them.”







“Hold up! You can’t mean those traitorous Portuguese Crovans! Those guys are assholesssszzz…” Kolbein’s outcry faded away under the withering glare of his Empress, a scion of the Portuguese family lineage.

His hand involuntarily brushed his throat. “You know. Devil’s Advocate and all. Ha Ha. Of course it’s a great idea, Your Imperial Majesty.” He forced a weak smile.







Stiffly and loudly, Caitilin spoke. “We grant aid to whom we choose and, I cannot be clearer here, none will dare bite this hand when it feeds them. Not the Madurai of India, whom we loaned generous quantities of Ducats to so they could suppress a revolt by their revolting peasantry and not the Portuguese Crovans, soon to be of Milan, who are my own blood kin. Is that understood?”







“Of course, Your Imperial Majesty, as always you are correct.” Kolbein’s face was bright crimson.



Later

So Empress Caitilin helps out some rulers in need and pays the inevitable price while Skofte gets a new hat. Will he try a larger sized one? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much!

[Woody Man]

I am veeeery glad to see this again!

[loki100]

even by Crovan standards, an Empress with very definite views ... & it is a dead natty hat

[RGB]

That movie has both Louis XIII and Buckingham in it and still managed to pretend to be as heterosexual as baseball. I blame the original novels, they started the pernicious trend.

The Diplomatic Corps in Crovania - the only way to get higher rates of attrition is to volunteer for the Guineas as a swamp-water-taster.

[Murmurandus]

I blame Skofte's Hat for all those Rebelious Rebel Traitors!

[Qorten]

Hat looks good to me! A steady supply of hats is absolutely necessary to keep the world economy going. The empress is obviously to blame herself for all the revolts etc. Advising against hats, thus creating a total collapse of the world economy has led people to revolt against her.

[Jebus]

Should I re-read all of the previous updates to get back up to speed, or would that be hazardous to my mental health?

Anyway, glad to see this AAR back!