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Thread: The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much

  1. #981
    Second Lieutenant BwenGun's Avatar
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    Also, and this is just icing on the cake really, but the modern era also allows autocratic violence and mad SCIENCE!

    Frankenstein was an amateur, I'm sure a Crovan can outdo him.

  2. #982
    Crusader for Fun and Profit Murmurandus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alfred Packer View Post
    I would say 4 responses is enough. I'm going to read through the updates to get the flavor back and then the rest of the world can:

    Rue Crovania!



    "Oh good lord...they're back"
    Oh dear...
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  3. #983
    The Guy of Rome RomanGuy's Avatar
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    I am rendered speechless, oh the horror, oh the Crovanity!!!!
    “The greatest and noblest pleasure which we have in this world is to discover new truths, and the next is to shake off old prejudices.”
    – Frederick II von Hohenzollern


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  4. #984
    Jalayirid Caliph mayorqw's Avatar
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    And so the madness begins anew
    I'll be here!
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  5. #985
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alfred Packer View Post
    I would say 4 responses is enough. I'm going to read through the updates to get the flavor back and then the rest of the world can:

    Rue Crovania!



    "Oh good lord...they're back"
    Good lord! I almost choked on my sandwich! And I can't even tell if it's from pure joy or sheer terror!*

    *Actually, I can: it's the pure joy part. That I might live to see such time... Ah. <Dabs a tear from corner of his eye>
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  6. #986

  7. #987
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    Episode 104: The Return

    Empress Caitilin Erlendsdottir Crovan



    In Which Caitilin Has Already Married
    (5 January 1699 – 6 January 1704)







    “Well now, that was a delightful honeymoon tour of the Empire. It feels like I’ve been gone for years! So. What did I miss?”







    “Hi, I’m Bill.”







    “Yes, Bill. I remember…it hasn’t REALLY been years since I tolerated your presence, it just felt like it.”







    “Well, Your Imperial Majesty, we’ve kept rather busy while you were away.”







    “First off, as for the Army’s report, we extorted 2,500 pounds of gold from Songhai when they launched a rather misguided war against us.”







    “I used that money to buy more ships! We’ve got the best Navy in the world now with 30 War Galleons, 60 Galleons, 80 Caravels and 12 Carracks. We’ve also got some 50 Frigates and Brigs.”







    “Hold up. Did you say 12 Carracks? Didn’t those become obsolete several hundred years ago? How do you even keep them floating?”







    “Well really they’ve been refitted and repaired so often that none of them are physically more than 8 years old. In fact, the ones in the Sino Fleet are probably newer than most of our Galleons.”







    Caitilin sighed. “Couldn’t that money and timber be spent building new, advanced Ships of the Line rather than maintaining these horribly dated ships?







    “Well, I mean, I suppose.” Kolbein was utterly confounded. “But it is tradition to keep them. I mean, the Royal Crovan was technically in service from 1453 until it sank in a storm in 1688. I mean, that’s more than 200 years!”







    “Would a modern War Galleon have sunk in that storm?”







    “Of course not, but that’s beside the point isn’t it? We’re talking about Carracks and everyone knows they sink like stones in inclement weather.”







    Caitilin opened her mouth to speak and then froze before emitting a sigh. “Of course. Nevermind.”

    She turned. “So, Mother Shipton. Any new poems for us?”






    “In Seventeen Hundred and Aught Four,
    Bohemia will seek once more to roar.
    Then Great Wars shall be planned,
    And Fire shall sweep ‘oer the land.”







    “Mmm. Such sage wisdom from the Assistant Laureate. Waldemar, what plans will your office come up with to counter this threat?”







    “Well, my Bohemian Plans, as I was telling Mother Shipton right before this meeting, involve attacking them next year as they’ve gotten too big for their britches lately.” He shot a glare at the Poet who gave him a smug, if toothless grin.







    “Now, now Waldemar, no need for petty envy here. The Prophetess supports us all and there is no shame in your office getting a little help every now and again.”







    “Of course, Your Imperial Majesty,” Waldemar muttered through gritted teeth.







    “Well well, Waldemar, sounds like you might need my office’s services!” The violent sociopath’s face brightened.







    Well, well. The AuthAAR returns after a two year hiatus and for what? Will he ever find his groove or will this turn out to be a terrible idea? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much!

  8. #988
    Tzar of all the Soviets RGB's Avatar
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    I always wondered how the EU navies manage to do it.

    Age of Sail Britishers rebuilt their ships every 15? years on average, the Russians as low as 8? Here, the same galley can last me from 1405 to 1800 no problem
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  9. #989
    Field Marshal Stuyvesant's Avatar
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    Ah, the bitching, the sniping... The utter incompetence showcased by various members of the cabinet... It's like slipping into a warm bath of recognition.

    Oh and Mother Shipton and Waldemar's back-and-forth? How sweet.
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  10. #990
    Field Marshal loki100's Avatar
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    it seems as if they never went away, the combination of incompetence, malice and it, somehow, working out in their favour
    Remember, whatever the question, the answer on 18 September is Yes ...

  11. #991
    Crusader for Fun and Profit Murmurandus's Avatar
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    Are those carracks named after all previous Crovans who died in the Outhouse?
    "May the Earth tremble with Beer... euh, Fear"

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  12. #992
    Field Marshal Stuyvesant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Murmurandus View Post
    Are those carracks named after all previous Crovans who died in the Outhouse?
    I suspect we need a few more than 12 carracks, in that case.
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  13. #993
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RGB View Post
    I always wondered how the EU navies manage to do it.

    Age of Sail Britishers rebuilt their ships every 15? years on average, the Russians as low as 8? Here, the same galley can last me from 1405 to 1800 no problem
    And now you know!

    Quote Originally Posted by Stuyvesant View Post
    Ah, the bitching, the sniping... The utter incompetence showcased by various members of the cabinet... It's like slipping into a warm bath of recognition.

    Oh and Mother Shipton and Waldemar's back-and-forth? How sweet.
    thanks...it was fun returning to this, more fun than I expected!

    Quote Originally Posted by loki100 View Post
    it seems as if they never went away, the combination of incompetence, malice and it, somehow, working out in their favour
    Well, they've always been here...in our hearts

    Quote Originally Posted by Murmurandus View Post
    Are those carracks named after all previous Crovans who died in the Outhouse?
    Stuy is right...it'd have to be the Caravel Fleets to fit all of them in.

    And now, another update!
    Don't expect them all to be so fast and furious, but I was thinking about this one while I wrote yesterdays and I wanted to see if I can still pull off a 'cartoon.'

  14. #994
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    Episode 105: War, off-screen

    Empress Caitilin Erlendsdottir Crovan




    In Which Caitilin Puts Her Foot In Her Mouth
    (16 January 1704 – 9 September 1706)







    “So, how did the war with Bohemia go?”







    “It could not have gone better, Your Imperial Majesty!”







    “We pounced on Bohemia first, of course, but with the Hated Brahe English, the Vile Sicilians and the Forgettable Mainzers jumping into the fray, we got to settle a lot of scores at one go.”







    “The best part of course, being when shattered Bohemia was forced to restore German Milan right in the heart of their fading Empire!”







    “Ah, excellent! And we shall set the Pal-Crovan family to rule over them.”







    “Hold up! You can’t mean those traitorous Portuguese Crovans! Those guys are assholesssszzz…” Kolbein’s outcry faded away under the withering glare of his Empress, a scion of the Portuguese family lineage.

    His hand involuntarily brushed his throat. “You know. Devil’s Advocate and all. Ha Ha. Of course it’s a great idea, Your Imperial Majesty.” He forced a weak smile.







    Stiffly and loudly, Caitilin spoke. “We grant aid to whom we choose and, I cannot be clearer here, none will dare bite this hand when it feeds them. Not the Madurai of India, whom we loaned generous quantities of Ducats to so they could suppress a revolt by their revolting peasantry and not the Portuguese Crovans, soon to be of Milan, who are my own blood kin. Is that understood?”







    “Of course, Your Imperial Majesty, as always you are correct.” Kolbein’s face was bright crimson.



    Later








































































    So Empress Caitilin helps out some rulers in need and pays the inevitable price while Skofte gets a new hat. Will he try a larger sized one? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan 2: The World Is Way Too Much!

  15. #995
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    I am veeeery glad to see this again!
    'What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty! In form and moving how express and admirable! In action how like an Angel, in apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the world! The paragon of animals! And yet to me, what is this quintessence of dust?

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  16. #996
    Field Marshal loki100's Avatar
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    even by Crovan standards, an Empress with very definite views ... & it is a dead natty hat
    Remember, whatever the question, the answer on 18 September is Yes ...

  17. #997
    Tzar of all the Soviets RGB's Avatar
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    That movie has both Louis XIII and Buckingham in it and still managed to pretend to be as heterosexual as baseball. I blame the original novels, they started the pernicious trend.

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  18. #998
    Crusader for Fun and Profit Murmurandus's Avatar
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    I blame Skofte's Hat for all those Rebelious Rebel Traitors!
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  19. #999
    Crazy Cat Person. Meow! Moderator Qorten's Avatar
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    Hat looks good to me! A steady supply of hats is absolutely necessary to keep the world economy going. The empress is obviously to blame herself for all the revolts etc. Advising against hats, thus creating a total collapse of the world economy has led people to revolt against her.


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  20. #1000
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    Should I re-read all of the previous updates to get back up to speed, or would that be hazardous to my mental health?

    Anyway, glad to see this AAR back!

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