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Thread: French Mod 1914 Alternate History AAR (1897- ?) Les Flammes des Ténèbres

  1. #241
    Colonel gaiasabre11's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kurt_Steiner View Post
    Poor Nemo. Another pawn in Mercier's hands.

    I'll actually be writing about Nemo in detail some other day. The next stop for this AAR will actually be in Sicily for now, and sadly I'll be introducing another pawn of Mercier

    BTW as a reminder for people, since I always post pictures with my updates, if you see that there is only text that means check back later, I'm still uploading.
    Last edited by gaiasabre11; 22-12-2008 at 10:57.
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    Les Flammes des Ténèbres: Saints et Démons - Part I completed

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  2. #242
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    Quote Originally Posted by gaiasabre11 View Post
    BTW as a reminder for people, since I always post pictures with my updates, if you see that there is only text that means check back later, I'm still uploading.
    Gosh... I knew I was forgetting something....

    We'll wait for Sicily, then.
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  3. #243
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  4. #244
    Marshal of the Empire BritishImperial's Avatar

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    i think this is now my favourite aar, closely followed by Trekaddict's latest. Yours is just so different, imaginative, and exciting compared to most out there.
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  5. #245
    Colonel gaiasabre11's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by BritishImperial View Post
    i think this is now my favourite aar, closely followed by Trekaddict's latest. Yours is just so different, imaginative, and exciting compared to most out there.
    Thanks, glad to have your support.

    .........


    Sorry, folks, I'll have to announce a delay with the update. The problem was that I was thinking of the names of the new characters that were going to appear, and unfortunately I don't have a talent in naming. That severely delayed my progress, so I'll have to post tomorrow. I will try my best to get the stuff up as soon as possible. Sorry again for the delay.
    When we created Artificial Intelligence, we also created Artificial Stupidity. - Gaia commenting on robots.
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    French Mod 1914 Alternate History AAR (1897- ?) Les Flammes des Ténèbres
    Les Flammes des Ténèbres: Saints et Démons - Part I completed

    Character WritAAR of the Week: 26/10/08, 10/04/09
    WritAAR of the Week: 04/01/09

  6. #246
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  7. #247
    Colonel gaiasabre11's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by ColossusCrusher View Post
    Go to Wikipedia and mix-and-match names from people of the appropriate country.
    That doesn't work. Naming is acutally a very important of character design. A name actually has to represent its owner in some kind of a special way to make the character stay in a reader's mind.


    .........



    Here's the update, sorry again for the delay. The Christmas Special Update is just after this one. This update is actually a big longer than usual, so please point out places you felt confusing or unclear if there are any, so that I can edit them. For this update I may have to say again viewer's discretion is advice. Aside from that, enjoy!


    .........

    Estate of mafia boss Don Luccio, Sicily, one night of 1898,


    “Please, please listen to me, Don Luccio. I have a bad feeling about this.”

    “Why are you so nervous about this, Bruno? It’s just an old musician and his performers that will be coming here. And stop calling me “Don Luccio”, I’m your brother Lucius, and you’re my most trusted second in command,” said Don Luccio to the man speaking to him.

    In his own luxurious room, Don Luccio sat in his comfy chair and listens impatiently to his brother Bruno beside him. Bruno appeared to be very nervous about something.

    “Don… no Lucius, if this please you, what I’m trying to say is that there is something wrong with that musician and his so called “performers”.”

    “What? You’re saying that Don Buccano sent someone to get me? That’s bullshit. He’ll never have done that.” Don Luccio spoke with disgust.

    “No, I’m not suggesting Don Buccano is turning against us. To say this better, I think someone is behind Don Buccano controlling him. They call him the “Maestro” or something, and it is rumoured that the recent deaths of the two Dons are by his hand.” Bruno spoke seriously to his brother.

    “Nonsense. The two Dons killed each other because of rivalry. But whatever, get some more men here if you’re so worried, Bruno.”

    “Don Luccio, our guests have arrived now.” One of the Don’s men came into the room and informed the Don.

    “Good. Tell them I’ll be with them in a moment,” said the Don as he rose from his chair and started to prepare for the reception.



    Later in the evening, in the reception room of the Don’s estate, the Don and the his men awaits the guests. Aside from the Don and his brother Bruno, there were around ten other men in the room.

    “Don Luccio, should I let them come in now?” One of Don Luccio’s man came through the door and asked the Don.

    “Yes, yes. They have been waiting for quite some time now. Let them come in.”

    The man then backed away from the door, and the first to appear after him is a man that the Don recognized as one of Don Buccano’s. Then an old gentleman looking to be in his late forties or early fifties appeared. He was then followed by three teenage girls looking to be between twelve to thirteen years old and a small girl around six to seven years old. The girls were all well dressed in pretty dresses, while the old gentleman was in a formal suit.

    Before any questions were asked, Don Buccano’s man spoke first.

    “Don Luccio, Don Buccano has appointed a new underboss, Maestro Arioso. Maestro Arioso was sent by Don Buccano today to pay you some respect and discuss some important matters.” The man, after finishing his words, left the room in a polite manner.

    “Don Luccio, my highest respect,” said the old gentleman Maestro Arioso as he took off his hat and made a short bow. Arioso’s deep green eyes looked straight into Don Luccio’s eyes as the Maestro raised his head. “Before I discuss the matters I’m here for, I’d like to present you a performance by my girls. You seee, I was once a conductor, and I had personally trained these girls in their respective instruments. Tonight I wish to let these girls perform the aria La bohème.”



    Poster for La bohème



    After hearing what the Maestro said, Bruno came to the Don’s side and whispered into the Don’s ears.

    “Lucius, the old man is up to something. I’ve a bad feeling about this,” said Bruno nervously.

    “Relax. Don Buccano just sent an old man and his little girls. Why are you so puffed up?” Don Luccio then turned to the old Arioso. “Sure, go ahead, Maestro. Let your girls perform. I’m ready to listen.”

    “Thank you, Don Luccio, for your respect for me. Tonight what I’ve prepared for you is a specially rewritten part of the aria with a solo singer and a piano accompanyment. We will need the grand piano, Don Luccio.”

    After Don Luccio gave his approvement, Arioso spoke softly to two of the girls.

    “Sordina, go play your piano. Aria, prepare to sing.”

    The girl named Sordina was a girl with short hair in a beautiful blue dress. She joyfully got to the grand piano in the reception room in a quick pace. The girl named Aria was the little girl who was the smallest of the group. She wore a pretty white one piece dress that ran down to her knees.

    “Let us begin now,” said the Maestro after the two girls were readied. “We’ll perform the part were Mimi the heroine of the story dies in the watch of her beloved one.”

    Sordina then started off by playing a prelude. A prelude that had the scent of death in it. However, it was not until Aria began to sing did all the people in the room felt the sadness of Rudolfo losing his loved one Mimi. Aria, despite of her small age, beautifully sung each and every word of the despair, the unwillingness, and the inevitable Mimi’s death caused.

    After Aria finished singing, everyone in the room remained silent. It was not until a few minutes later did Don Luccio rose from his chair and clapped. The Don clapped with satisfaction, and said happily, “Bravo, bravo.” The Don’s other men also clapped after the Don.

    After the clapping stopped, Maestro Arioso spoke in a calm manner.

    “Thank you, Don Luccio, for your applause. I now want to move on and discuss what I’m here for, if you don’t mind. It’s something fairly simple, actually. I’d like your loyalty and all your authority. Nothing more than that.” The old gentleman spoke his words with a stern face.

    “What… what are you talking about, Maestro? You’re not serious, right?” The Don said causually as if the Maestro was telling a joke.

    “It looks like the inevitable always have to happen, ” said Arioso sadly. “Rico, Amatia.” The old gentleman called two of the girls.

    A girl in glasses and a purple dress who seemed to be Rico swiftly opened her clarinet case and drew two large capacity Mauser C96 handguns. The other girl named Amatia wore a yellw dress and opened her violin case before pulling out a sawed-off Winchester Model 1897 Shotgun.



    20 round high capacity Mauser C96



    Winchester m1897, aka trench gun, Amatia uses a version with a much shorter barrel



    It was as if time almost slowed to a stop when the two girls leapt onto the table at the men’s centre and mercilessly opened fire, sending pistol and shotgun rounds into Don Luccio’s men’s bodies. Red hot body fluid burst out of the men and filled the room, just as the beatiful singing voice of Aria once did.

    “What.. what are you doing?! Go out and get them!” Don Luccio yelled to two of his surviving men behind a sofa the Don and his men were using as cover from the unforgiving bullets. The two men were beginning to draw their revolvers when suddenly the two of them both had blood streaking out of their mouth. The girl named Sordina was behind them, her hands holding two daggers that stabbed deep into the men’s spinal cords.

    “What… don’t… don’t come near me!” Don Luccio stumbled back horrified, and hit something behind him. He recognized it was his brother Bruno.

    “Bru… Bruno! We need to run …” Don Luccio said in panic before he heard a loud burst by a shotgun. Something warm and sticky splattered on him. He turned his head slowly and full of fear, then found out in horror the headless body of Bruno, the head completely blasted off, fall beside him. Behind were Bruno was was Amatia holding her powerful shotgun. Some smoke still remain by the gunbarrel, and Amatia’s dress had large stains of blood.

    “Don’t… don’t come near … Uffuuugghhh!!” Don Luccio tried to claw away from Amatia, but the girl caught him and surprisingly lifted the Don with one hand. Amatia then thrusted the tip of her shotgun’s gunbarrel into the Don’s mouth, smashing many teeth and bloodied the Don’s mouth in the process. Amatia then turned turned back and faced the Maestro.

    “Should I elimate him as we did with the last two Dons?” Amatia asked innocently at the old gentleman.

    “No, no. Put him down and withdraw your weapon from his mouth, Amatia.” Maestro Arioso said calmly to the Amatia, and the girl obediently obeyed. In the once glamorous recpetion room of the Don, all the Don’s men lay dead in each of the blood puddles that were forming under them.

    “Rico, seal the door and prevent anyone from coming in. We need some private time with the Don now.” Rico also obediently obeyed the Maestro and went to the door to guard it.

    “What… what do you want? Was… was Don Buccano behind all this?” stammered the Don.

    “Don Luccio. I think that you’re a clever men, and you should know that this is not the time to ask questions.” The Maestro said calmly. “No, Don Buccanon is just a puppet, and I’m only asking you for what I’ve just said. Your loyalty and your authority. I wish for your cooperation, not your life, and I hope you do value your own life.”

    “You… you want me to hand in what all I’ve got? Are… are you mad?”

    “It seems that we can not reach an agreement. I’m very sorry about that, Don Luccio.” Arioso then signals Amatia.

    “Wait… wait! We can still …” Before the Don can finish his words, Amatia pulled the trigger of her shotgun. A large blast came from the gun, and then the Don was as lifeless as his men.

    “Aaahhhhh!” Amatia yawned loudly. “I’m tired and I want to change now, Maestro. Our pretty dresses are ruined, too,” complained Amatiawhile looking at her blood stained clothing.

    “We can still buy new dresses, Amatia. We can afford it. A General Mercier is paying us.” The Maestro smiled as he said.

    “Really? Then will you help us pick our dresses?” Amatia asked happily.

    “Yes, yes.” The maestro then turned to Sordina. “Sordina, you put some good emotions when you’re playing, but you need to be careful of your tempo.”

    Sordina seemed a little unhappy, and responded by making some sign languages.

    “Sonia says that don’t call her Sordina, call her Sonia,” said Rico after seeing Sonia’s sign languages. Sonia smiled and nodded in response.

    “Alright, Sonia, I’ll try to remember too next time,” said the Maestro as he patted Sonia’s head. “Rico, Amatia, don’t forget your things,” reminded the Maestro. The Maestro then turned to Aria who was by his side all the time.

    “Aria, we should head back now. Are you tired?” asked Maestro Arioso caringly.

    The only girl who didn’t participate in the killings was the smallest little Aria. She looked at the Maestro with her beautiful blue eyes.

    “No, I’m not tired, Maestro,” the little girl said in a small voice. Aria then proceeded to the Maestro’s side and clings onto one of the Maestro’s hands.

    “Rest when we got back. It’s good for you,” said the old gentleman softly. “We may have to do more of this kind of work again in the future.”

    The Maestro and the girls then left the battered room, leaving only the bodies of the dead Don and his men behind.
    .........


    This is the end of the current chapter. Before I move on to the next chapter I may do a complete character analysis for you all. So the time of the next update is uncertain yet.
    Last edited by gaiasabre11; 26-12-2008 at 02:47.
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    French Mod 1914 Alternate History AAR (1897- ?) Les Flammes des Ténèbres
    Les Flammes des Ténèbres: Saints et Démons - Part I completed

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  8. #248
    Colonel gaiasabre11's Avatar

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    GAIASABRE11'S CHRISTMAS SPECIAL UPDATE



    AAR Les Flammes des Tenebres short drama


    Drama I featuring hosts: Mustafa & Ahmet (Alain) Kemal


    Mustafa: Welcome everyone. This is a short drama featuring the characters of Les Flammes des Tenebres. I’m Mustafa, and the one beside me is Alain. Alain? Alain what are you doing?

    Alain: Can’t you see I’m busy, Mustafa? (Alain appears to be marking something)

    Mustafa: What… what? What are you busy about?

    Alain: Well, I’m marking gaiasabre11’s final exam paper since I’m the Teaching Assistant assigned to mark it. Last time I did not hand his midterm exam paper back in over a month, and guess what happened? He killed me off in his AAR!

    Mustafa: Well, it looks like that you deserved it. You shouldn’t have delayed for that long. And anyways you’re dead already in his AAR, so he can’t kill you off again.

    Alain: You never know, Mustafa. Maybe he will say that I wasn’t hanged and the one who died was only someone that looks like me. Then he will kill me off again!

    Mustafa: Guess you have a point. But it was also gaiasabre11 that assigned you to host this short drama with me. If you don’t start hosting he’ll probably kill you off again.

    Alain: What?! How come I didn’t know that! (Alain then swears in the background) Alright, Mustafa. Let’s do this. But wait. What are we suppose to say?

    Mustafa: Well, let’s see… Errrrggghhhh… It seems that gaiasabre11 didn’t provide some sort of script for us over here…

    Alain: What? Then what are we suppose to do? Just sit around and make everyone think we’re some kind of dope? (Alain then swears in the background again)

    Mustafa: Wait… wait! Here is a note that says “from gaiasabre11”.

    Alain: Really? Come on and read it!

    Mustafa: Sure, sure. Let’s see… What? It says, “Think of something yourself.” What does Gaia mean by that?

    Alain: ARRRGGGHHHH!! We look like complete idiots here!!!

    Mustafa: Wait… wait. Don’t panic. I have a plan. Why don’t we just go over the things that happen since the beginning of Les Flammes des Tenebres?

    Alain: Sure thing. But we only appeared in Chapter III, it’s like that we know what happened in the other chapters…

    Mustafa: Errrr….. (Looks around) Hey! Isn’t that Major Rommel? He can do the hosting for us!

    Alain: Oh, yeah! Major Rommel, please come over here and present something. Hey! Major Rommel how come you have so many girls around you?!

    (Rommel is surrounded by Amatia, Rico, Sonia, and Aria some distance away from Mustafa and Alain. They each have a chocolate sundae in their hand.)

    Rommel: The girls wanted to have some strawberry sundae, but that was sold out. So I gave them some of my chocolate sundae. That’s why they are by my side.

    Alain: Can I have some… no, no, no. Major Rommel, can you please come over here and do this @#$%^& hosting?

    Rommel: Sorry, too busy. I still have to finish my chocolate sundae. (Takes another mouthful of chocolate sundae)

    (Alain and Mustafa swears incoherently: *beeping*, *beeping*, *beeping*)

    Aria: Strawberry sundae is better…… (takes a small bite of chocolate sundae)


    A good old Strawberry Sundae


    (Rommel frowns at Aria)

    Rommel: Chocolate sundae is better. (serious)

    (Aria frowns at Rommel)

    Aria: Strawberry sundae is better. (serious)

    (The air between Rommel and Aria seems to stiffen beyond imagination)

    Rico: Come on. Both taste good. You two stop that! (Rico tries her best to calm both Rommel and Aria down)

    Amatia: What? Aria! Chocolate sundae tastes better!

    Sonia: (gestures strawberry sundae is better)

    Rico: You two cut that out too… (realizes the hopelessness of the situation)

    Alain: Hey, hey, hey! What about this drama we are doing? Don’t you all care a bit about it? (mad)

    Rommel: Duck.

    Mustafa: What? We don’t have any ducks here!

    Rommel: Duck.

    (Suddenly a barrage of brownies hit both Mustafa and Alain. Both cry out in pain. John Browning then appears with what seems to be a brownies machine gun)

    Browning: Hey folks! Look what I’ve got here! This babe shoots an incredible three hundred pieces of brownies in a minute! (Browning proceeds to shoot more brownies from his machine gun)


    Some delicious brownies


    Alain: *beeping* Stop shooting the *beeping* out of us!

    Mustafa: Yeah! It *beeping* hurts! Wait a sec. These brownies taste awesome! Who baked these?

    (A familiar figure then appears before everyone.)

    Mercier: I baked them. Do you like them?

    (Everyone except Mercier and Browning gasps)

    Mercier: Well, it seems like that everyone likes them so much that they can't even make a word out. Monsieur Browning, please continue to fire.

    Browning: Yes, sir! (presses the trigger down again)

    Alain: Hey! Why are you only *beeping* firing on Mustafa and me!

    Browning: Well, you two seems to like the brownies the most, so I think of giving the two of you some extras.

    Alain: I *beeping* hate brownies! Owwww!! Are you aiming at my *beeping* ‘precious’? Mustafa stop eating those brownies! We’re making a run for it!

    Mustafa: (munching on a brownie) Baat Whaat bouutt dah hoostang?

    Alain: Who cares about the hosting! They are *beeping* shooting us like hell!

    (Alain then drags away Mustafa. The two disappear from the scene)

    Mercier: I thought they like brownies. Why did they run away?

    Rommel: Perhaps they want to get some chocolate sundae of their own.

    Aria: Strawberry sundae. (serious)

    (All the remaining people left. An extremely handsome (and sexy ) man then appears.)

    gaiasabre11: Hmmm, seems like everyone is gone. I hope Mustafa and Alain did a great job hosting this first drama. I actually left another note for them that contains a good script I wrote in case they just really can't think of anything to say. I wonder if they asked Rommel for it or not. Whatever, it is Christmas now. Merry Christmas to you all who are reading!

    Fine
    Last edited by gaiasabre11; 26-12-2008 at 21:46.
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  9. #249
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    Brownies ftw!
    Okey, now killing the mafia or gaining control over it?
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  10. #250
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    Yay for brownie guns!
    In Canonized's Timelines: What if Spain Failed to Control the World?, awarded 20 points for pointing out the centrifuge used at one point; identified a cell phone; detected the inspiration for a bounty hunter; inspired a Cube scene and given 30 points for a Star Wars reference.
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  11. #251
    Marshal of the Empire BritishImperial's Avatar

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    that was awesome! nice one.
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  12. #252
    Colonel gaiasabre11's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Enewald
    Brownies ftw!
    Okey, now killing the mafia or gaining control over it?
    When war with italy comes, sicily rises for you?

    We'll see, my mood is actually a big depending factor


    .........



    Thanks guys for the support. I hope you guys really like it.

    I'll be away for some days to work on a project. So there may be no updates for sometime. So before I post the next update here's something I want to ask:

    1) your grading in percentage for the christmas special update (This is the first time I wrote something like that so I want to know how well I did)

    2) character(s) that you want to have in the next short drama (I may write many more), you can suggest yourself, but then you'll have to either post or PM me something about yourself for me to write

    3) any suggestions / comments for me so far
    Last edited by gaiasabre11; 26-12-2008 at 04:16.
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  13. #253
    Human Enewald's Avatar
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    Gradin?
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  14. #254
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enewald View Post
    Gradin?
    AARs don't need grading.
    They are just after action reports.

    Errrr...... I only meant specifically grading for the christmas special update, since it is not really part of the AAR. I just want to know if it is ok or not as a reference for future short dramas
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    It was OK.

  16. #256
    Marshal of the Empire BritishImperial's Avatar

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    i'd say 9/10 for the special thing, as it was pretty damned good. sherlock holmes could be funny in certain situations in a future one. i wouldn't do them too often, is my suggestion, for fear of diluting the atmosphere of the aar. it was nice to have it at christmas as a special. i suppose my suggestion is, keep it special
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  17. #257
    Colonel gaiasabre11's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by BritishImperial View Post
    i'd say 9/10 for the special thing, as it was pretty damned good. sherlock holmes could be funny in certain situations in a future one. i wouldn't do them too often, is my suggestion, for fear of diluting the atmosphere of the aar. it was nice to have it at christmas as a special. i suppose my suggestion is, keep it special

    Taking your suggestion into account, Sherlock + special day = Sherlock's birthday, which is actually just around the corner on Jan. 6. Perhaps I'll do one on that day since if I miss it I'll have to wait another year. However I'm thinking of making a new thread to post the short dramas, or even use the blog system here (though I'm still not quite sure how to use it ). What do people suggest?

    BTW, I think I'll not be doing a character analysis yet, since some characters are still shrouded by mysteries. Perhaps I'll just wait one more chapter before doing it.
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  18. #258
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    maybe you could work Mr Holmes' drug habit into it? in a humourous way, of course.
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  19. #259
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    Quote Originally Posted by BritishImperial View Post
    maybe you could work Mr Holmes' drug habit into it? in a humourous way, of course.
    Thanks for reminding me that, I almost forgot about it since I read Sherlock Holmes pretty long ago. I just thought of something funny that can go with that, thanks again.
    When we created Artificial Intelligence, we also created Artificial Stupidity. - Gaia commenting on robots.
    Proud member of shipbucket, and my own gaiabucket

    French Mod 1914 Alternate History AAR (1897- ?) Les Flammes des Ténèbres
    Les Flammes des Ténèbres: Saints et Démons - Part I completed

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    Mmmh... may I suggest some characters?

    Paul Bäumer (Remarque's All Quiet...)
    C. A. Rotwang (from Firtz Lang's Metropolis)
    Theo Kretschmar-Schuldorff (The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp)
    Erich von Stalhein and/or James Bigglesworth (the Biggles series).

    Or formers sergeants Daniel Dravot and Peachey Carnehan (The Man Who Would Be King)
    Simon Templar (The Saint novels)
    Clifford Chatterley (Lady Chatterley's Lover) -but before being crippled, of course-
    Colonel Nicholson (The Bridge on the River Kwai)

    General Mireau (Paths of Glory)

    So many people...
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