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Thread: The Butterfly Device - A Grand Campagin

  1. #21
    Human Enewald's Avatar
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    Now that was thrilling.... you write well... I thought it must have been something else, but it was just... insanity?

    More...!

  2. #22
    Verbs!

    Enewald used verbs!

    Hehe...thanks for the comment! Yeah, the fall made Baldwin both reckless AND schizophrenic. Of course, this does not mean that there isn't something more sinister going on after all...

    By the way, for those who don't recognize them, many of the events in this story are coming from the BODOK pack (or whatever it's called...sorry, don't have it in front of me.) So, whoever made that...thanks!

    And now, onward with our tale!
    Best Character Writer of the Week - 07 AUG 08 - "The Butterfly Device"
    Best Character Writer of the Week - 02 SEP 09 - "The Butterfly Device"

    ONGOING:

    The Butterfly Device: A Grand Campaign (Tale of a single butterfly sent back to the crusades in an attempt to save the world from prophecied murderesses, and the men who love them. Also, I have a habit of turning my readers into characters in the story. So check it out!)

  3. #23
    (I am tempted to work in a metallic butterfly somehow, to get back my readers. Seriously though, constructive negative feedback...like about how much I suck, or how you don't like to read books that don't have pictures...is welcome as well. )

    Spring, 1067 - Northern France

    Drip. Drip. Drip.

    If the overwhelming solitude didn't do the trick, the sound of the leak from the ceiling would surely do the trick.

    Drip. Drip. Drip.

    For the past five months, Annelies had been locked away in the deepest, darkest part of her husband's dungeon.

    Drip. Drip. Drip.

    For the past five months, she had been fed once a week...bread and water...through the cell door. She had no visitors. She had not seen Baldwin since the night he had thrown her in here in an attack of paranoia.

    Drip. Drip. Drip.

    How long would he leave her here for? She wasn't sure how much longer she could survive. Or, for that matter, how long until she became just as crazy as her husband.

    Drip. Drip. Creeeeeeeeak...

    Wait! What was that?

    Drip. Drip. Step.

    Step. Step. Step...
    Best Character Writer of the Week - 07 AUG 08 - "The Butterfly Device"
    Best Character Writer of the Week - 02 SEP 09 - "The Butterfly Device"

    ONGOING:

    The Butterfly Device: A Grand Campaign (Tale of a single butterfly sent back to the crusades in an attempt to save the world from prophecied murderesses, and the men who love them. Also, I have a habit of turning my readers into characters in the story. So check it out!)

  4. #24
    Human Enewald's Avatar
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    uhhu.
    How cruel from the husband.
    Wouldn't killing have been easier...

    Anyways, for the feedback.
    You suck.
    That's what you asked for.

    But I still like this aar.
    So a metallic buttefly is coming to rescue the poor princess?
    How nice!

  5. #25

  6. #26
    Poor Annelies. Hopefully she'll make it out of this well.

  7. #27
    I think a metallic butterfly would destroy the mood. Very good writing and try to work in a metallic lion

  8. #28
    This is great!

    Carry on man! This is very good writing.

    I *see* the things you write in my mind when reading.

    Maybe it's good or did I just see a..

    BIG DAMN MECHANICAL BUTTERFLY!?

  9. #29
    Found this by way of your other mini-AAR. I like your writing, and wish I'd thought of the Butterfly Device first. (Clearly, this means that when I finally get off my arse and write an AAR there must be a gigantic mechanical butterfly. ...It's a sign from God, if you will.)

    I'm interested to see how things diverge, and whether you get crushed like a butterfly.

  10. #30
    Lt. General HannibalBarca's Avatar
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    You've certainly begun a fascinating story!
    <---Owner of a Red Special Cookie

  11. #31
    Damn it! I give up on this story due to lack of readers and move on to my first Vicky AAR (The Dumb As Rocks Girl and the Ahistorical Class)...only to have gained a bajillion readers in my absense?

    And then, as if that was not bad enough, discover that I cannot spell absense?

    Hehe.

    Oh well...I guess this means I'll be returning this story while continuing the Vicky one as well.

    It's okay.


    I didn't really have a life anyway.


    Best Character Writer of the Week - 07 AUG 08 - "The Butterfly Device"
    Best Character Writer of the Week - 02 SEP 09 - "The Butterfly Device"

    ONGOING:

    The Butterfly Device: A Grand Campaign (Tale of a single butterfly sent back to the crusades in an attempt to save the world from prophecied murderesses, and the men who love them. Also, I have a habit of turning my readers into characters in the story. So check it out!)

  12. #32
    Human Enewald's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Actinguy
    Damn it! I give up on this story due to lack of readers and move on to my first Vicky AAR (The Dumb As Rocks Girl and the Ahistorical Class)...only to have gained a bajillion readers in my absense?

    And then, as if that was not bad enough, discover that I cannot spell absense?

    Hehe.

    Oh well...I guess this means I'll be returning this story while continuing the Vicky one as well.

    It's okay.


    I didn't really have a life anyway.


    something something odd, but still please continue this!

  13. #33
    Comte Saint-Germain's Avatar
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    I just read what you've written so far and I've gotta say - It's really good! Keep going, please...
    Quote for the Week No. 4:
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  14. #34
    Sergeant Ragnos's Avatar
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    This is really good! Keep at it!

  15. #35
    Zealous Firebrand Snugglie's Avatar
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    Can't see how I managed to miss out on this one, but another Actinguy AAR is always enjoyable -- original ideas and a good way of writing. When you restart it, you've sure got a follower here.
    Stand up, all victims of oppression,
    For the tyrants fear your might!
    Don't cling so hard to your possessions,
    For you have nothing if you have no rights!
    Let racist ignorance be ended,
    For respect makes the empires fall!
    Freedom is merely privilege extended,
    Unless enjoyed by one and all.

  16. #36
    I'm ba-ack!

    I've actually been trying to avoid returning to this one, because people seemed to like it a lot more when I WASN'T writing it. But, I'm coming back to this one full time now.

    Hope I don't screw it up too badly.

    Best Character Writer of the Week - 07 AUG 08 - "The Butterfly Device"
    Best Character Writer of the Week - 02 SEP 09 - "The Butterfly Device"

    ONGOING:

    The Butterfly Device: A Grand Campaign (Tale of a single butterfly sent back to the crusades in an attempt to save the world from prophecied murderesses, and the men who love them. Also, I have a habit of turning my readers into characters in the story. So check it out!)

  17. #37
    Zealous Firebrand Snugglie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Actinguy
    I'm ba-ack!

    I've actually been trying to avoid returning to this one, because people seemed to like it a lot more when I WASN'T writing it. But, I'm coming back to this one full time now.

    Hope I don't screw it up too badly.

    Except for the fact that most of your AAR's tend to face violent and sudden ends, they are all very enjoyable, so don't worry. Just remember that we've gotten our hopes high now from some time of anticipation.
    Stand up, all victims of oppression,
    For the tyrants fear your might!
    Don't cling so hard to your possessions,
    For you have nothing if you have no rights!
    Let racist ignorance be ended,
    For respect makes the empires fall!
    Freedom is merely privilege extended,
    Unless enjoyed by one and all.

  18. #38
    Yeah, here's hoping this one doesn't succumb to the Curse too quickly.

  19. #39
    Crazy Cat Person. Meow! Moderator Qorten's Avatar
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    Eek! This is good! This can not, under any circumstance fall victim to the Actinguy Curse of Sudden and Violent Ended AAR's! You must continue, even if it costs you your life!!!


    When I use this color I am speaking as a Moderator.

  20. #40
    Spring, 1067 - Northern France

    Drip. Drip. Step.

    Drip. Drip. Step.

    Drip. Step. Step.

    Step. Step. Step.

    Step. Step. Drip.

    Step. Drip. Drip.

    Drip. Drip. Drip.

    The sound of footsteps had ended, just as abruptly as they had begun. Annelies collapsed on the floor, desperately aching for a human...any human. So close! And now, whoever had been in the dungeon was gone again. Why hadn't she cried out? Why hadn't she called for...

    Annelies turned towards the cell door and screamed.


    "HUSBAND! Oh! Oh how you frightened me! I did not see you standing there, watching...have you come to let me out? Oh, please, husband, please say that I have been forgiven for whatever it is that you think I have done and..."

    "What I think you have done? So you still proclaim your innocence? After all this time alone?"

    "Husband...please...I still do not know what you accuse me of. I am so very sorry for whatever it is that I did, but if I do not know, then..."

    "Do you not wonder of William?"

    "What, husband?"

    "You have been here, alone, for five months. You are no doubt aware that William is not in another cell. Do you not wonder what happened to William?"

    "Of course, in that he is the brother of my husband...but if you still say he was a traitor, then whatever you..."

    "It does not keep you awake, then? Every night? Wondering why William is not here with you?"

    "Husband...I don't...I stay awake every night wondering why YOU are not with me. Why I am not with you. Why you have locked me away in this cell. Oh, Husband...I've missed you terribly. Please...please, won't you let me out?"

    "Of course I will let you out."

    "Oh! Oh! Praise the Lord, husband! Oh how I've..."

    "On one condition."

    "Of course! Anything! Just tell me what it is that I must..."

    "I need you to confess, Annelies."

    "Confess, husband?"

    "Confess your sins. Let there be no more secrets between us."

    "...yes. Yes. I confess."

    "To what?"

    "...to what, husband?"

    "To what, Annelies. To what do you confess?"

    "...to my sins. To the things that I did to cause you to put me here. To all of my terrible, terrible sins."

    "Specifically, Annelies. Specifically."


    Annelies stared into her husband's eyes...her crazed, mad husband's eyes...searching desperately for so much as a glitter of hope.

    There was none.


    "I do not know what it is that you wish me to say, husband."

    "The truth. For once. Just tell me the truth."

    "But I..."

    "This is your last chance, Annelies. If you do not confess your sins to me now...you will never have another opportunity."


    There was no hope in his eyes...but was there a hint? A hint in there of what she must say in order to be released? She searched so desperately...and then guessed.

    It would be a terrible thing to say. A terrible thing for a wife to tell her husband that she'd had an affair with his brother. A terrible thing to reveal such a dual-betrayal.

    And even worse yet in this case...for it would not be true.


    But if this was what she must say to be released...she could not stay in this dungeon any longer. Five months...five months of isolation. Desperate for human contact...and now! Now, to be released! She need only tell this one, terrible lie, and it would all be over! Even if he didn't release her...if he instead killed her in a jealous rage...even that would be preferable to spending the rest of her life in total isolation.

    "I...I...I slept with William. Oh, husband, I am so terribly sorry, but..."

    She stopped speaking, and stared once again into those eyes...so empty...and yet...so full.

    Silence.

    And then...he spoke.



    "No. You did not."

    Praise God! Oh, praise God! Everything would be okay! He had seen the light, seen that his own wife would never...


    "Good bye, Annelies."

    "Wait...what? Good bye? But you just said..."

    "I won't be seeing you again."





    And with that, he locked her back in the dungeon cell.



    Drip.


    Drip.


    Drip...
    Best Character Writer of the Week - 07 AUG 08 - "The Butterfly Device"
    Best Character Writer of the Week - 02 SEP 09 - "The Butterfly Device"

    ONGOING:

    The Butterfly Device: A Grand Campaign (Tale of a single butterfly sent back to the crusades in an attempt to save the world from prophecied murderesses, and the men who love them. Also, I have a habit of turning my readers into characters in the story. So check it out!)

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