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Thread: The Adventures of House Eurpontid

  1. #41
    Þeoden Woody Man's Avatar
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    Excellent to see another "Adventures of" AAR, brilliantly funny so far!
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  2. #42
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    comagoosie: they do. So far, I like how they operate...it seems true to the era.

    Chief Ragusa: Thanks for the tip - the last thing Sparta needs is to anger the gods! And yes, the royal family cuts a pretty sorry scene at the helm of the armies.

    hjarg: I guess it could have been argued either way - I think I remember reading somewhere that Sparta had only 700 Citizens by this time period. And Thanks!

    Berrie: I'm glad you like it, hopefully it continues to amuse!

    Murmurandus: Hooray! Murmurandus! I am now assured of at least one comment per update!

    English Patriot: Thanks! and welcome aboard! Hopefully this is more action packed than Hawaii!

    And now, since Tuesday morning will be busy at work, I give you the Tuesday Update 10 hours early!

  3. #43
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    478 - 481. I have no idea when this is "BC"-wise.

    Archidamus Eurpontid

    King of Sparta



    Triumphs for Others, 28 November 478 AUC to 27 August 481 AUC











    Well, the conquest of Thracia is not exactly the financial bonanza I was hoping for. I can’t cut the military budget while those damn Barbarians are still running about and the Spartan Citizens, rather than being all excited that we are finally movers and shakers on the international warfare scene again, just want to whine and complain about me leaving the city defenseless. Also they really got upset that we conquered those Thracians for no reason, claiming that “because we can” doesn’t count. Oh yeah, and it turns out there are even less slaves in Thracia than there are in Sparta, so “because we needed more slaves” isn’t working as an excuse either.

    Come on people. Doesn’t anyone remember Platea? What about that time we burned Athens? Or when we burned the whole army of Argos to death inside their Sacred Grove? “Because we can” used to be a perfect rational for Spartan Violence!


    I did get some satisfaction from telling the Aeotlian League that Sparta Pays Tribute to No One! I left out the part about how paying tribute would quickly bankrupt us. It’s none of his business. Gods, I hope they don’t attack us.











    Macedon sure moves quick. The Maedian Barbarians had barely been crushed when all of a sudden Macedonians move into the neighborhood.

    I wanted that land. I hope they all die. Of course, I still offered to sell them grain from Thracia.











    Barbarians have returned to Thracia. I was going to question Apollonides’ decision to place his militia in the center, leaving the heavy infantry on the wings. Then I remembered how well my battle planning panned out and decided to save myself the embarrassment.











    See. I’m glad I kept my mouth shut.












    Wait…they can do that? Oh man. Thracia is going to get expensive.












    On the plus side: Apollonides has massacred a tribe of barbarians, bringing gold and sweet, sweet helots.

    On the negative side: Apollonides has won like 10 battles now and is far more liked than I am. It is time for me to leave this place and Apollonides is coming with me.











    I also had to throw the guy a Triumph. I tried to mumble through the part where he brilliantly converts my ignominious defeat into a thunderous victory, but I doubt anyone was fooled.










    I think “weak willed” is an excellent trait for the powerful courtiers to have.











    I am also thinking that Acrotatus The Traitor might not be the best liaison between Sparta and the gods. Seriously, that is his nickname.












    And Epirus has come seeking an alliance. Of course, I said yes. They will come in handy someday when we get to exact revenge on the hated Achaeans.

    That oh so distant day.





    Barbarians repelled! Alliances formed! Triumphs given! Kings whined! Action was everywhere and yet precious little happened. Will Archidamus continue to push for Spartan Glory or will he die of old age? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of House Eurpontid!

  4. #44
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    No money, almost out of territories to colonize and your neighbours appear to be stronger... You're doing great!
    Nothing to see here...

  5. #45
    Blasted Conniving Roman General_BT's Avatar
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    Sounds like Apollonides is holding well to the old Spartan traditions. Let's just hope the other Greek alliances don't decide to rush in to have Sparta for dinner...
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  6. #46
    Crusader for Fun and Profit Murmurandus's Avatar
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    I think it's time Macedonia declares war on the Traitors League so you can backstab them...
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  7. #47
    Þeoden Woody Man's Avatar
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    Ahh the joys of Barbarian invasions
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  8. #48
    Macedonia is not coping very well with those barbarians. Historically, they reached Delphi, sacked it and were a huge horde. They could reach Sparta. Apollonides might have to lead one final glorious battle. Then. Oh for the chance to ally with Epirus, Aetolia, Illyria and Achaea and carve up Macedonia.
    Last edited by Chief Ragusa; 22-04-2008 at 14:22.

  9. #49
    Roman LibrAARian comagoosie's Avatar
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    I find it weird that Epirus is still alive, normally they lose a province to carthage and get annexed by Rome.
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  10. #50
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    Berrie: Alfred Packer you're a genius!

    General_BT: So far, so good, but those 19 Regiments in Achaea have me constantly nervous

    Murmurandus: Oh, there is always time for Spartan Treachery!

    English Patriot: They are persistant buggers

    Cheif Ragusa: Macedonia is having serious problems this game with barbarians...having frontier territories can get really expensive

    comagoosie: thats fine with me - Since the Romans won't deal with me, I'd rather have little Epirus than another big power in Greece

  11. #51
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    481-488 Time Flies

    Archidamus Eurpontid

    King of Sparta



    Spinning Wheels and Insulting Children, 27 August 481 AUC to 31 March August 488 AUC











    We finally have enough gold to make a proper sacrifice to the gods!











    My devout five year old son Alcetus felt that the proper way to honor the gods would be to sacrifice 100 virgins. Kid, in about 15 years you will feel pretty stupid for suggesting that.

    The new Chief Priest Areus, The Not Nearly As Traitorous As His Father Acrotatus, instead insisted on a massive and elaborate ceremony with games, prizes, feasting, tons of public speeches and finally, I had to personally sacrifice 10 White Bulls to appease Zeus. It was disgusting.

    Next time, I’ll just throw the money in the ocean. Poseidon will know who it’s for.











    Our Auxiliaries think a little too highly of themselves. And apparently a little too highly of the Spartan treasury.

    They won’t be missed.











    I was talking to the Chief Priest today and he kept going on and on about what a bright young boy Alcetus is and what an asset he’d make to the priesthood.

    This all came as a surprise to me. I’d written him off as a total dunderhead after the whole “let’s sacrifice the pretty young women” thing.












    I have given myself command of the newest army of Hoplites. This is for two reasons. First – I need to redeem myself over that whole Barbarian War thing. Second – and I kid you not – the only person more qualified than me to lead the new army was Acrotatus The Traitor, the guy I fired as Chief Priest.











    Stuttering Ephron sent me some interesting information today. He claims that Bithynia used to be part of Thracia and, since we own Thracia, Bithynia should be ours.

    Of course, since the current owners of Bithynia are allied with mighty Pontus, nothing will probably come from this. Why couldn’t Achaia have been part of Thracia?











    As Alcetus shows himself to be a bigger and bigger fool and tool every day, I am starting to worry about the evil Agiad family’s interest in him. Alcetus will have to be sent away as soon as he is old enough. Maybe I’ll let him command the boat for a while.










    The Thracians are rebelling. I am starting to regret not paying any money to the soldiers for so long.











    Unsurprisingly, the army ran away. At least Xanthippus got the blame for it all. Hopefully, Stuttering Ephron can hold the city until the soldiers can be bribed back into battle.












    Well, that actually turned out pretty well.





    So Archidamus did not die, but he also did not push for Spartan Glory. He did, however, push for Spartan bankruptcy by actually paying the army. Join us next time when Eudamidas gets a new job and Stuttering Ephron gets the shaft on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of House Eurpontid!

    ----
    Unrelated Note: Next update I will begin editing pictures, rather than using the whole screen shot. My reasoning till now has been that, since Rome is a new game, people might be interested in seeing the whole screen, but really, I think I'm just being lazy.

  12. #52
    Xanthippus gained +1 popularity after that running away/crush them ploy. Sneaky. He needs watching.

  13. #53
    Crusader for Fun and Profit Murmurandus's Avatar
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    I'm wondering who is the most incompentent... There are really a lot of contenders... I also think it's time to loot some rich country...
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  14. #54
    academic outlaw Moderator safferli's Avatar
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    Yes, Alfred Packer bringing his customary CK humour and wit to Rome! Very much looking forward to this. And this is a great start:
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  15. #55
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    Empty treasury...? Alfred Packer, you're a genius!
    Nothing to see here...

  16. #56
    Zealous Firebrand Snugglie's Avatar
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    Alfie! You're supposed to tell your faithful Crovan-readers explicitly when you start a new AAR

    This also gives a very good insight into how the game mechanics work... Which is of high interest for me, since I might buy the game.

    This guy seems normal though, for a Crovan. Or wait... what was I talking about?
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  17. #57
    What happened to:

    We Spartans are the descendents of Hercules, taught never to retreat, never to surrender... ?

  18. #58
    Roman LibrAARian comagoosie's Avatar
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    "My devout five year old son Alcetus felt that the proper way to honor the gods would be to sacrifice 100 virgins. Kid, in about 15 years you will feel pretty stupid for suggesting that."

    Thank god he didn't do that. ... How could anyone do that...?
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  19. #59
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    comagoosie: I know...I don't think I could ever forgive the lad!

    Nimismies: They didn't retreat: They attacked backwards!

    Snugglie: Welcome over! I highly recommend this game - it is awesome...this afternoon when I do the Crovan update, I will add a link over here!

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    safferli: yeah, that was a good line

    Murmurandus: I'm guessing the player!

    Chief Ragusa: he is a crafty one...I think I know how to neutralize that though!

  20. #60
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    488-491

    Archidamus Eurpontid

    King of Sparta



    Gongs of War, 31 March 488 AUC to 1 January 491 AUC











    I learned a valuable lesson about under funding the army.

    That lesson was: if you under fund the army, you won’t go bankrupt. Also, if you pay them for a couple of months, they will usually be willing to fight again.











    Our good friends Macedon have gone to war with Illyria. They have also requested our support.

    Since having a big, strong country as Macedon as our ally is useful, I will of course agree.

    I won’t bother telling their envoy that Sparta’s support is just going to be moral.











    Stuttering Ephron made the interesting observation that both Pontus and our hated foe, Bithynia, home to a rich supply of delectable, juicy Helots, have gone to war with Armenia. Usually, this would not matter to us, but well, Bithynia and Thracia are far in the West. Bithynia and Pontus’ armies are marching far to the East.

    Don’t make me do the math for you.

    Hopefully Macedon supports me better in my war than I am supporting them in their war.

    Time to pay the troops!











    I hate marching through the Pass at Thermopylae. I always feel like Leonidas’ statue is glaring at me with disapproval.












    Child Kings are so easy to fool.











    So are Bithynian Kings.











    I had to sell the stockade that was serving as the Royal Palace. Believe me, finding a buyer was insanely hard, but now we can pay for the upcoming war with Bithynia, so I guess there is an upside.










    As much as I hate to admit it, Stuttering Ephron is a good general. And since I also don’t want to get blamed if we lose, I’m going to let him command my troops and let Eudamidas practice governing things in Thracia.











    And now that my whole army is across the straits and I am safely at home, it is time to conquer what is rightfully ours!

    I wonder if these guys will kill Acrotatus when he reads our declaration of war? I really had higher hopes for Thyatis.











    Well, Acrotatus was not executed, but it isn't all bad news:

    Not only did we crush Pergamom’s army, but we captured their general! This war is off to a super start.





    So Archidamus has brilliantly prepared for his latest war and even managed to not piss of the gods too much (in case you were wondering, military access with Bithynia was cancelled as soon as the army setup shop in Pergamom). But enough background, what you have come here for is the exciting teasers! What will become of Sparta’s Army? What will become of the prisoner Eumenes? Will he be killed or ransomed? What do you think? And how pissed off is Stuttering Ephron? The Governor of Thracia one minute, a junior commander under Xanthippus the next. The world of Sparta will never be the same after the next exciting episode of The Adventures of House Eurpontid!

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